Feathered Friends

Having a gold Torana in itself isn’t enough to get you into the worst car category. In fact the last one was voted not worst if I remember. What you need to do is to give it some testicles, and then glue feathers to the vehicular nutsack. I hope I never catch myself in the act of gluing feathers onto car testicles. Could fall into world’s worst jobs category. Might inspire some Haiku though. This was the apparition that greeted JustDazzling in Bassendean recently. There was some kind of bumpkin style hat too. And yes the sticker does say “Tongue my doogs”. Tongue my feathered doogs I assume. Just be grateful it doesn’t say “I shit on feathered nurries.”

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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53 Responses to Feathered Friends

  1. Bag O'Turnips says:

    Note the rego, for the knuckledraggers who have trouble trying to tell the difference between an LX (1976-78) (like the Not Worst gold Torana at Floreat) and LH (1974-76). Sorta like the infamous cuntkini, useful label.

    A few automotive worsts lurk in my existence: my folks had a mid-green base model ’75 LH, which by 1984 was a total rust bucket, also partially eaten by my sister (dash, visors and a red-hot go at the seats!). An unmitigated nail. In runner-up for crapulence, my old man also had an ex-Australia Post Transit van in regulation red. Thirsty, clunky and slow, he wished he’d hung onto the Bedford he had just prior to that.

    My first vehicle was a 1978 Ford Escort van, with a rorty 2 litre motor (and a number plate to match) with oversteer on speed-dial in a lairy shade of yellow, mottled with grey undercoat. At school, the sobriquet of PFT (Pygmy Fuck Truck) stuck and I learnt how to replace clutch cables every six months and rebuild the easily out-of-tune standard Weber carburettor. Rough and raw, yet made yer grin (when it worked!) and the gearshift action is amongst the best I’ve ever used (as good as my Mazda3).

    But for all its faults, at least it wasn’t a total exercise in mendacious mediocracy like the ’86 Corona I was gifted when I was experiencing hard times, to replace the similarly drearily coloured (powder blue), but tired, Dunnydore and in spite of being a little newer, it was even less reliable and thirstier, with the lacklustre 2S-C/3sp auto combo. Confirmed my dislike of Toyotas, as being whitegoods on wheels. And if these were whitegoods, they’d be Fisher & Paykel. Crap.

    So well spotted on worst for the Torrie, no doubt a hydrocarbon-sucking V8 beast, noting the twin tailpipes. Bogan hero car in excelsis. And the sticker and the feathered nads are just so classy! Reminds my of the hayseed Roller seen around the traps: I wonder if Mick Fleetwood (as per “Rumours” LP cover) is motoring incognito in Perth?http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/fb/FMacRumours.PNG


  2. Bag O'Turnips says:

    Also I might add I did indeed see two—count ’em—Absinthe Yellow LX Toranas on the Mitchell Fwy this afternoon. Scary.


  3. Natalia Fan #1 says:

    Golden Torana speaks
    Incontinence threshold, so
    Tongue my lovely doogs


  4. skink says:

    Torana shows us
    his furry pair of swingers
    you can kiss my Chongs


  5. B.T. says:

    I’d have voted “worstalicious” if there were flames coming off the testicles.

    BTW – enjoying April on my worst cars calendar, but wish March (best flames ever) was a longer month.


  6. 13th Oyster says:

    A feathered scrotum
    Eponymous number plates
    It’s not a Sunbird


    • skink says:

      “Unfortunately, quite lot of businesses closed in Old Perth Road this year and I was beginning to fear we would be left with the Library, the Bank and some boarded up shops”

      not so vibrant then

      the photo of the wheelchair in the rubble is a favourite


  7. Mez says:

    a couple of things wrong with this photo; neither tail light is broken, no ding in the bumper just above the towball where Dennis was trying to hitch up the trailer full of broken paving slabs at midnight so he could dump them on the road ouside Red Hill tip, the boot lock hasn’t been tampered with, nobody has switched the letters around to spell ROTARNA or AN RAT, both tyres have tread, there is one passenger not six.
    Obviously a Torana proud owner who thought putting testies on his car was funny.
    Not funny


  8. Perineum says:

    Holden versus Ford:
    It’s a retro-bogan thing.
    Youse can all get fucked.


  9. David Cohen says:

    While out gathering my own content at Parliament House this morning an, er, associate introduced me to TWOPper Midlandia.

    Even while out of the office this online beast cannot be escaped.


  10. Maddison-Jaxon Tyler-Mason says:

    Ragged scrotal down
    Feather-flocked pendulum swings
    Dust-blasted and vile


  11. ghostjoshu says:

    Lascivious lips
    Yearning for salt, sweat, romance
    Caress with my tongue


  12. vegan says:

    who let the doogs out?


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