OK, you’ve snorted some pure ooshta and jacked half a deck of primo vibrancy in some of Perth’s most secret small bars. You’ve eaten in tiny Tapas joints, so hole in the wall, that you’re not sure whether to insert your cock, or pick up your order of Pintxos a la San Sebastian. You may even have brawled with fellow beret wearers at Ellingtons Jazz Club, flatting fifths with one hand while administering ninja death chops with the other. Undoubtedly you will have then kicked on in the most irony soaked fashion to the Carlisle Swingers Club, (corkage $100, no outside whips) where you blag your way in even though you don’t have the compulsory woman to share around which is the usual entry fee. And despite being sated by a (literal) convoy of Lathlain housefraus, the watery absinthe they’ve had on tap has you wondering whether to murder the taxi driver (who disturbingly looks like an Egyptian Rob Broadfield) or tip in a ridiculously over the top fashion after the trip home. You choose the latter as he has not objected to driving you around the cobbled laneways of Nuevo East Perth yelling out “Cunt!” and howling like a wolf. For 40 minutes. Sound familiar? Yes, I know, all very same ole, same ole, ultra boring and sooooooooooo very Perth.
But what does the Perth hipster do for ooshta AFTER he gets back home to the Juliet balconeyed Highgate fuckpad? Of course he listens to old vinyl on a deliciously retro 80’s, or better still 70’s turntable. Some Frank S, a lot of Dean M, some Herb A, Johnny C and hideous 60’s compilations he wouldn’t dream of soiling his ipod with.
I managed to join that elite group when I got an old Onkyo for zero dollars from a Fremantle antique shop yesterday. (it seemed to not be working, but the belt had just slipped off.) It’s so outre, it doesn’t even have a cassette player! If you haven’t got into the old vinyl/turntable scene already, you may be too late, as both are skyrocketing in price. Yes, $5 for Cocktail International is a skyrocketing price.
“Herb Alpert looks like a Latin, but isn’t…” begin the liner notes. Which may explain his painfully pedestrian blowing of Hello Dolly. And a Cocktail International track may segue obscenely from Stranger in the Night to a few bars of Monday Monday before plunging insanely into The Sun aint Gonna Shine Anymore. But no matter, the sound is rich, fat, superb and the circle of vibrancy goes on… And the SF indicator? I’ve no idea. It flashes purple sometimes.
The Worst of Perth 
Oh-wee, that is some sweet ooshta. Trés hip. Like you says, people hand over good money for a radiogram from the 60s or 70s. All you need to complete it is either a reel-to-reel TEAC tape recorder or a top-loading cassette deck by Sony or Akai. I too have some vintage hi-fi from the 70s myself: a Pioneer amp and turntable, Kenwood tuner and a Sanyo top-load cassette recorder, without Dolby! And it all still works.
And TLA, is that purple indicator for quadrophonic sound? If that is, then you’ve snared yourself a fine bargain! In any case, with the groovin’ walnut finish, you’ve done well.
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Yes it has 4 speakers. You’ve got to have top loading cassette deck. Otherwise how will you manage to fill it with dust and crap?
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I threw out a 70s Onkyo about nine months ago during a house move. The turntable motor was fucked. Kinda regret it now, though I am happy with my Sony component system. Even with a pair of cheap Philips speakers it’s as loud as hell with good definition.
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And while you’re at it, you may want to add some of these fine platters to your collection (http://www.coverbrowser.com/covers/worst-album-covers). Guaranteed to get the set the mood for a little lovin’.
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And remember: the Onga Pump Shop for all your vinyl needs…
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Herb Alpert’s theme to Casino Royale will be played at my funeral
that is all
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ooh, I just noticed the lamp with the radiocative rack.
classy
all you need now is some black silk sheets and it’s “hello ladies.”
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I’ve got some ex Carlisle Swingers Club black sheets.
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I don’t think they would still be completely black would they?
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Really?
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Really. Will come a time when you’ll be kicking yourself for not spending $350 on an 80’s Akai when you had the chance.
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So now we’ve seen your backyard, and your lounge room. I underestimated you – your dedication to domestic ooshta is admirable.
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is that a statue of mao after a stroke?
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That’s my tape version of “Deff Geoff” Gallop, previously featured here and inside cover.
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very nice.
come back geoff…
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Awesome.
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It’s a Sci-Fi indicator but probably obsolete these days… I’d say the bulk of the ooshta’s to be found in that awesome tuner
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You know who I really hate? Kerry Armstrong. Gushy bitch.
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something in particular bring this on?
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Brigitte Duclos really gets my goat.
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Well, since we’re having a whinge let me complain about that putrid pile of fish-wrappings, The Waste.
Red Bull Air Race:
1) International sporting event in Perth? Check.
2) Aussie contender with links to Perth? Check.
3) Estimated attendance 140,000 people? Check.
4) Lots of colour and movement? Check.
And the best that rag can do in covering the event is a feed from AAP.
Ooshta cunts.
http://au.news.yahoo.com/thewest/sport/a/-/other/7076688/aussie-hall-beaten-in-red-bull-air-race/
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yeah, but they are all over the important stories, like that fat chick off the telly, and Michael Sutherland begging for a tea set
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Not to mention Shelley Archer’s bowel problems:
“Ms Archer, who described the condition as like being constipated but 10 times worse…”
Too much information Shelley.
http://au.news.yahoo.com/thewest/a/-/wa/7077881/health-wakeup-call-for-archer/
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She has a nice rack, but it doesn’t glow.
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this comment is directly after the shelley archer comment by SW
the image of her going to the CCC was 100% nanna bra
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Why won’t she just go away?
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“…100% nanna bra”.
Now nicely complemented by 100% nanna bowel.
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does the bag sizzle after a curry? Must ask Kevvie next time I’m slumming at the Raffles
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i think the valve just melts.
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‘I hugged myself, I laughed until I cried, I ooshta’d till I had to change my dress for something less floral’. Momentary perusal of a book review induces ruptured bile gland in Perth man, 25. OOoooossshhhttaaaaa, as they say.
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The SF indicator measures the room’s sang froid, of course!
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Sang froid? The psychiatrist?
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No, that’s his brother.
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The SF indicator on my stereo flashes whenever I put Jefferson Airplane or the Dead Kennedys on.
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a So-Frenchy indicator for detecting proto-ooshta included on later models
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Don’t get me started. Does the light also flash to warn the judicious of impending Cafe del Mar and Ministry of Sound muzak?
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Don’t forget fuckin Putomayo
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Or those World Party compilations.
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Buddha Bar ($75 for some music that you can hear in Cino)
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Looks good on the Billy next to the PPs! :)
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TEmpted to say :P which is the kind of thing that people who buy PP’s for their billys probably do online.
I maintain that buying billys & PP’s is an economically sensible decision but buddha bar is not.
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More aesthetically sensible, too.
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well, lookee here
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World Party? Pfft. My local overpriced gift-shop-with-a-pretentious-name stocks “Third World Party” compilations. Free trade & organic CDs.
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oooh, an SF indicator. You don’t wanna be in the room if that sucker lights up.
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Freo antique shoppe saw you coming, LA. I always wondered about the potential sound-stopping power of those 70s wooden trellis work speaker covers. Lift them away and you will be amazed at the improvement. Alternatively, if the speakers sound worse without them, poke holes in the cones with a pencil and listen to Link Ray.
Your search for a decent vinyl player won’t stop however, until you get a genuine Snow White’s Coffin. If only to have Dieter Rams himself explain to your quizzical house guests the thinking behind the design. It’s the 50s iPod: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncw3f4jgNP4
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It sounds wonderful. It’s changed my opinion of Cher’s Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves.
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Thrown in were the original Onkyo headphones.
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Omen of menopause
Ovulation slows, desists-
So what now? Better things:
Hats, pashminas,
Turquoise beads.
Aum shakhti. Celebrate You.
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Occidental conception;
Orotund & ostentatious
Such is the way.
Have you gobbled enough
Tapas?
Are you a Big Fish?
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Top of the food chain
Gathers for Sunday Session,
Jeans and brains
Slung low sweet Iscariot,
But not a sell out.
Pint and pizza for a piece of silver:
“Game on, moles”,
Shrieked through
A mouthful of metal,
Slamming down a Coopers,
Mutters, “Where’d ya get ya tat?”
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Oh, no crowd like a cuntry-
Out back the men drink water
So what’s the difference?
How can we possibly judge
The proud, noble
Aussie bogan
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No vinyl collection is complete without Tijuana Brass.
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You know what Ljuke, I think I have it.
I possess my grandmothers old record player and records(1950s vintage I think)
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The Viva mexico album shown is a tijuana Brass. “Not Latin” Herb’s band.
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A friend of mine has “Tijuana Brass Play Lennon/McCartney” Beautiful stuff. As TLA referenced before, I own a copy of Toto’s first album on vinyl (and it is fucking glorious).
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i got my copy from my grandad, but not his huge timber veneer stereo cabinet unfortunately.
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Not to forget Mantovani or Carlini’s World of Strings.
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This comment disappeared somewhere. This Onkyo WON’T be playing Men at Work or Toto, whose albums clog the second hand vinyl market. Will be biased heavily towards the Dean Martin end of the market. Saw some tasty Demis Roussos I might get too.
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Got to have some Honky Tonk.
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Nana Mouskouri without doubt.
We had joy we had fun with our plywood headphones on…..
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… but the headphones we found, had no SCC surround.
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Hm Demis Roussos, takes me back to my parents’ dinner parties. They would’ve also had Roberta Flack and Harry Chapin on heavy rotation.
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My friend the wind…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTESymlm9F0
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I’ve often wondered; “If that’s Demi Roussos, what”s a full roussos look like? Does it sound twice as bad and dress twice as ridiculously and have twice as many aesthetically challenged fans?”
The bastard makes me wince in pain at the very memory of the one and only performance of his that I ever attended.
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You attended? Concert Hall? Maybe Nookemburrah?
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personal view in the baravan?
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I had you pegged as a Shirley Bassey man Rolly.
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Same region, different worlds, shazza.
I’m afraid that I have an acute sense of pitch and timbre which prevents me from enjoying a lot of what passes for ‘music’.
Pop and Grand Opera included.
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Just looking at that thing makes me think of Michael Franks and Blossom Dearie. And I shudder.
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Sooo Bento. Anything to say about Carl Williams..?
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Absolutely nothing whatsoever.
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You’re sounding like a broken record, LA.
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More like making the transition from mono to STEREO.
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I CAN HARDLY WAIT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN HE TRANSITS TO DOLBY.
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or [[[SURROUND]]]
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How come the radio is not tuned to 882 AM? What’s wrong with you…..??
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Who listens to the radio?
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That’s what I’d like to know..
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The radio, radio is dead now.
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Umm, I do. I like 720am Brekky with Geoff.
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I never do but I’d be prepared to try Drive with Russ
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What about this monster?
http://www.abc.net.au/perth/programs/720_drive/
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Yes I like Russel too.
I admit, some time ago, I reached a point where I could not find a single station to satisfy my musical requirements. Or if they played Ok tunes, I couldn’t abide the commentary. So it’s CD’s or 720 for this old chook.
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No. It’s just too frightening for words. It’s Where The Wild Things Are in hideous human form. What about the children?
http://blogs.abc.net.au/wa/2010/04/on-the-buses.html?site=perth&program=720_drive
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It can’t be coincidence that Russell was giving away a Tijuana Brass record for the quiz this afternoon, can it? More TWOP worlds colliding.
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I’m a right pretentious wanker: my radio tends to be Araldited to ABC Radio National (810 AM). The only talkback there is Australia Talks, which is even more pink than Bob Maumill was (well, in relation to 6PRattler, he was certainly a Commie!).
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Douchebags
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Cunts.
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LA, that is a truly beautiful thing you have there – congratulations.
I’m thinking the next addition may be this little number for the bedroom –
perfect for a swinging night in with the little missus.
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I wonder if the Maddington Swingers Club is aware of the potential offered by these fine suggestions.
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hello SW, i’ve missed you.
do swingers use a bed? i’ve always imagined it to be much more exciting –
but i perhaps have it all wrong?
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Sex stools? I am so not going there.
http://www.google.com.sg/search?hl=en&q=shitting+sex&meta=&aq=f&aqi=&aql=&oq=&gs_rfai=
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That’s a load of crap, SW
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I’ve got that HA whipped cream album, Onanist would love it
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I also have that album!
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I suspect Onnie might prefer this one, orbea.
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Does that contain Herb’s noodling or is it an instruction manual?
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Great to have you back, and in swingin’ form as always, mp, although I think TLA might prefer the more traditional tv and four poster arrangement.
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Ouch.
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Many thanks Snuffmeister – quite loving the 4 poster number – ouch indeed NF1 –
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I was born a 5 poster man…
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Always a pleasure, mp. Very cute doggy style.
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Fart jokes gotta love ’em – you can take the man out of oz, but you can’t take the oz out of the man!
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Oh nice lovely, mp.
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And TLA, is that purple indicator for quadrophonic sound? If that is, then you’ve snared yourself a fine bargain! In any case, with the groovin’ walnut finish, you’ve done well.
G’day peeps. Isn’t surround sound just a sneaky way of re-packaging the ill-fated quadrophonic sound for the 2000’s? Just a thought.
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What is ‘ooshta’? I ruminated over this question for many hours last night. It’s such an elusive word, essentially meaning nothing in our language, but connoting oh so much. Is it still a mellifluous evocation of the Zoroastrian Way? I doubt it – or perhaps it is, only inasmuch as the Perth way is so deeply opposite – but no, it seems to be indicative of everything crass, fake, un-Zen. It is I think equivalent to one particular word, one word very familiar to the esteemed luminaries of this site. Ooshta. Ooooosshhtaa. It can only mean one thing – ‘worst’ itself.
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It is explained somewhere. Something about rooting camels on Hay Street. Or Roe street.
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Here you go, M-JT-M.
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To be misconstrued
Is Ooshta, ‘the worst’, itself
Trod it many times
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Voiceless fricative
Admonition to silence
Add to word for “sit””
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Seventeen to one
Hell of an explication
Cryptic haiku trumps
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Obscurantist turn
Nothing new for this old dog
As your good self knows
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Yes the Onkyo, Donkyo, Monkyo, Toke-eyo. An invention bringing high fidelity to the masses for the first time, similar in ramifications to other mass inventiones : the Volkies for the Australian mass transportation ( I can still hear the heils and jawohls ringing in my ears) and the barb wire concentration camp of Frauleiter Howard ( a policy continued by later transvestities.).
Who of my generation did not wack Led Zepp 4 on their Onkyo.
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Would be nice to find the year of Teh Onkyo, then I could stock up on it’s natural foodstuff.
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Technics SL-1200, Marantz amp, B & O speakers, if you don’t mind, Bill.
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Fucking fabulous OP btw TLA
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Well I’m glad SOMEBODY noticed. Absinthe on tap! That’s gold fuckers.
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Looks like it’s a 1968 job according to this pic. Awesome! Could be too much good stuff from that year. Have to get a 1968 album list to track down.
“1968 The slogan “four amplifiers” scores a big hit.
The MC2200 multi-channel stereo is announced in the midst of a multi-channel stereo boom in Japan.”
http://www.us.onkyo.com/company_history.cfm
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Whooooooeee, if it was only restricted to albums of 1968 it would still be awesome.
2 Monkees, several Johny Cash, Elvis, Stones, Tiny Tim, not to mention The Cheerful Insanity of Giles, Giles and Fripp.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:1968_albums
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Not to mention “Odetta Sings the Blues”.
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Odetta is absolutely fantastic.
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Cauldron by 50 ft Hose sounds good.
Cork Marcheschi (b. 1945) grew up in Burlingame, California. In his teens he performed with the Ethix, who played R&B music in clubs around San Francisco and in Las Vegas, and released one experimental and wildly atonal single, “Bad Trip”, in 1966 – the intention being that the record could be played at any speed.
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Look no further. Widely regarded as one of the worst (Worst) albums of all time.
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I thought that honour went to this one…
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One of my favourite worst albums of all time. The reviewer states, “I think it might very well be the most tasteless and horrible record ever made”. Has to be heard to be believed.
Anything by Heino is good worst too.
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I’ve quite enjoyed Metal Machine Music with the right
drugsmood, Watching. Contractual obligation albums occasionally produce some interesting results.LikeLike
Have you ever tried these…ahem… moods?
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Electric Ladyland , say no more.
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not to mention ‘We’re only in it for the money”.
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Couldn’t you have picked another year, TLA ? We’ll be here for ages. Anyway, off the top of my head here’s 5, in no particular order. White album, Beggar’s Banquet, Folsom Prison, In person at the Whisky a Go Go, NBC TV Special.
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This blog is unsafe at any speed.
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Indeed, D”FO”C, it does seem to have a problem maintaining track, no matter what.
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SF: Spectral Flux
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spectral_flux
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You’ve come to the right place.
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Pingback: Weekend Worstoff 127 | The Worst of Perth
1968 Onkyo has died, but NEW OLD ONKYO MIRACULOUSLY FOUND AT GARAGE SALE! A few models younger, and perfect condition.
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Pingback: Weekend Worstoff 232 | The Worst of Perth
Could you tell me what is the Onkyo model depicted here ? My parents had the exact same one…
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Bump
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