Sucked off the planet

It’s very hard to know what to make of this. The very spot where Tim Winton had been sucked out of his sandals, now sports a discarded pair of undies. Can there be another Stargate in Nedlands? Is Lindy Rosenwax the new portal to teh rapture? This is not the first incident of “blown” undies we’ve had, but perhaps more disturbing is that WAtching, who didn’t send in the original post, happened to trawl back through Nedlands looking for…what? What was he doing? Why was he there? What was he expecting? Did he hope to be sucked off too, to some distant shoe universe? Whoa. I’m having difficulty with this one.

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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102 Responses to Sucked off the planet

  1. Shreiking Wombat says:

    “Did he hope to be sucked off too…?”

    Well that’s my working theory.

    Like

  2. Pfortner says:

    ‘Another quiet night. Millie stalled for a moment, the mesmeric blue shopfront holding her in its thrall, like a dhufish in a rip. Phwoar, she thought, Lindy Rosenwax. That really is something. How far they’d all come. She remembered how it used to be – the proud old days sweltering under the summer sun, those Nedlands children running with abandon, heedlessly fartarsing around the old grocer’s store. Chico, that had been his name. She remembered him fondly, his soft, wizened hands, the sweet scent of olives and brandy. Then, in a moment, the reverie was broken, interrupted by the shrill hiss of a GasBus hurtling past. Millie started. Something was wrong. Her ankles! She stared down at her blue undies, lying wrinkled on the filthy pavement like some dessicated bluebottle on the sand. What the – she flailed at the back of her skirt. Her bum – it was missing!’

    Like

  3. Onanist says:

    If there is a chance (no matter how small) of being sucked off, can you please post the address of this store?

    Like

  4. skink says:

    I think this is staged

    WAtching is now prowling the streets of Perth, camera in hand, pockets bulging with soiled underwear, visiting the site of old Worsts and garlanding them with grundies.

    next it will be a photo of the Arse Scratcher with knickers on his head.

    Like

  5. ellie says:

    amazing! i wonder what delightful garment will be there NEXT week!?

    Like

  6. Richarbl says:

    Methinks the panties are just a bit too convenient.

    Could this be a “staged worst?

    Just saying, thats all.

    Like

    • Pfortner says:

      even if it is fake, web randoms gathering to discard clothing at the foot of Lindy Rosenwax is a pretty fucking cool phenomenon, and one that should be encouraged.

      Like

      • Bill O'Slatter says:

        There’s nothing fake here Pforts ; it merely reflects on the dire situation facing Nedlands underwear. It appears the Sargasso sea of missing Northbridge underwear has moved location.

        Like

  7. Shreiking Wombat says:

    “Could this be a “staged worst?”

    That’s a serious charge Richrdbl and skink. I don’t think WAtching should take this lying down.

    I propose a duel.

    Like

  8. Probably just me, but this piece of “news”, with its execrable, mystifying headline, does seem obscurely connected with our mystery underwear.

    http://www.watoday.com.au/wa-news/swimming-doctor-continues-saline-love-affair-20100204-nf9x.html

    Like

  9. Ljuke says:

    Perhaps these were discarded when the owner saw a particularly nice thong in the window?

    Like

  10. my ning says:

    Dear P Nurry

    Sometime in the next few weeks, a group of adult perverts intend taking four pairs of soiled panties to a Hampton Rd shop and beating off their sticks violently enough to break the skin along the shaft of their penises.

    One of the perverts, who also likes to drive stolen cars through Allen Park, took the pants from a girlfriend of the same age. The others were onlookers.

    Last week, members of their families living in Swanborne (yes, it is a little close to home, which just adds to the poignancy of my story) told the local rag that the perverts would face payback – a surburban punishment involving the confiscation of porno DVDs, the cancellation of their subscriptions to Hustler magazine and the beating of their blow up dolls with nulla nullas.

    Several family members said the beatings would be severe enough that the perverts would probably have to go out and buy new rubber girls.

    The criminal law in Australia for many years has struggled to accommodate the concept of this kind of punishment within the panties (errr, I mean penalties) handed down by the court.

    In some cases, randy old judges with a penchant for panty sniffing have cut sentences – usually of male perverts – because of the prospect of being kept out of porno shop wanking booths by angry managers.

    But the situation facing the four perverts pushes the use of payback in a modern society over the edge of acceptability.

    Would we allow this to happen to four guys with sandal fetishes? Would we sit back and accept that their families had the right to soften their boners by removing the stimuli?

    SECTION MISSING

    So who is prepared to draw a line in the sand over these four perverts and say we won’t stand by while they are deprived of their fun?

    What of those academics and intellectuals who have much to say about the harmlessness of pantie abuse and the need not to protect them from squirts of semen? Will they stand up for these perverts?

    Yesterday I asked a heap of people what their thoughts were on perverts and panty sniffing. They included Patti Chong, Tim Winton, Mike Ward, Max Kaye, Norm Marlborough and Colin Barnett.

    Their responses will be the subject of a later article.

    Like

  11. David Cohen says:

    Hmmm. I always wondered how David Attenborough was always on the spot with a camera when an army of ants chomped through a monkey carcase or a bat shat on a cat.

    Did he, you know, help the monkey to get in the way of the ants?

    Like

  12. Caribou Bob says:

    I’m just curious if other cities seem to have the same issue with libertine undies meandering their way through the suburbs with such prolificness.

    I seem to remember than Bunbury had it’s fair share of free range underwear strewn along the pavements and in parks.

    Like

  13. Shreiking Wombat says:

    Hey shazz, OT but you live down Freo way. Do you have any theories on the continuous wandering Aboriginal street arguement?

    As far as I can make out, it has something to do with what Aunty Pam said to Aunty Helen about forty odd years ago.

    Like

    • shazza says:

      I don’t tend to pay a lot of attention SW. Some of the people I think you are referring to used to be my clients. I tend to head in another direction when i see them out and about.
      But yes it’s quite possibily a grog, fogged, family feud. Depends on whether youre referring to the older peeps, or the younger.

      Like

      • And the Dockers aren’t helping either.

        Like

        • shazza says:

          Never do LA, never do.
          Found a site called Perth Norg and this is what they had to say.

          Posted 748 days, 3 hours ago by pc
          Comments (10)
          The West Australian reported this week that Fremantle Dockers coach Mark Harvey would not tolerate the ill-discipline and dirty deeds committed by his players in previous seasons.

          The Fremantle Dockers were the most reported team in AFL in 2007 by a clear margin of more than 50% over the second most reported team (Collingwood). In 2007, 26 players were reported and 24 were found guilty. Players were suspended for a total of 17 matches and fines of $17,100 imposed.

          Like

      • Shreiking Wombat says:

        Likewise shazza. In fact these days I try and avoid going into Freo whenever possible. It’s bogan hell.

        Or I should say bogan heaven.

        Like

  14. Pingback: OK, you’re freaking me out now « The Worst of Perth

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