Town of Vincent, The Howling

Voting Closed. Bedford Crackpot the winner by about 40 votes. Fucking Outrage Cohen Second. Winners can make arrangements to pick up piss.

Skink came in third, which was a shame, because his was actually a lot better than Outrage’s. There were however issues with hanging chads and voting machines…


Into the last 24 hours of the Town of Vincent competition, and still there are amazing twists and turns! Skink took an early lead, but got all Carps on us, and a strange mixture of hubris and humility brought him undone. Cookster never really threatened, being too embarrassed to tell his friends and family his entry consisted of calling Vincent Price a cunt. (Pissweak). When Teh ‘Rage Cohen finally got his voting block into gear, it looked like he was going to run away with it easily, BUT NO! Beford Crackpot Fraternity opened up with pork from both barrels and has surged to a late lead. Can Teh ‘Rage muster up some creatures of the night over the last few hours? Will Skink swallow his conscience? Will Cookster toughen the fuck up? Will the alsorans finally find some friends? Phew! I’m looking forward to the race. This is actually more interesting than the state election night. Who will win the bottles of Howling Wolves pictured?

Glittering Prizes

Glittering Prizes

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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32 Responses to Town of Vincent, The Howling

  1. skink says:

    what is the wine doing on the keyboard?

    are you seranading it?

    altogether now:

    “red red wine…goes to my head…”


  2. Ljuke says:

    Ah fuck it, I’m gonna go buy a bottle of wine instead.


  3. Snuff says:

    We gonna romp and tromp till midnight
    We gonna fuss and fight till daylight
    We gonna pitch a wang dang doodle all night long

    I bet Chester Arthur Burnett was popular down at the Snake Pit.

    p.s. When the fish scent fill the air, there’ll be snuff juice everywhere


  4. Cookster says:

    I almost got booted off facebook for using teh cunt word. And don’t worry, Teh ‘Rage has shot his bolt… are we all done? Is that our final vote? No more RIB members? Those of you in bungalow 5 all made your mark?


  5. skink says:

    I think I should point out the irony of a competition for the Town of Vincent being decided by cronyism, voter fraud, union block voting, and media bias.

    and sour grapes (me, not the wine)

    what happened to the meritocracy?


  6. Snuff says:

    I wasn’t able to locate a clip of Dino performing “Little old wine drinker me” for you skink, but here’s one of him opening the Rat Pack show at the Sands in ’63 with “When you’re drinkin”, and here’s a cool duet with his fellow Sicilian Frances.


  7. Frank Calabrese says:

    I wasn’t able to locate a clip of Dino performing “Little old wine drinker me” for you skink

    You weren’t looking hard enough Snuff,

    Here is Dino in performing it Live in 1988.


  8. Snuff says:

    Cheers, Frank. I thought it was strange that I couldn’t locate it. I often forget that I’m searching in by default, so thanks for the reminder.


  9. Snuff says:

    Nope. You were right the first time, Frank. I should have searched under Dean Martin live, not Dean Martin Little … Doh!


  10. The Crackpots says:

    I bet young Izzi Messina pictured here
    can spot a good red when he sees one – hes got the tan and the hair going, he’s a young fella on the up and up and looks like he enjoys a drop, I say all entrants to the “Battle for the Howlin” get together and drink the piss, then send the signed empties with a link to Mr Snazzy (see newspaper article) to give him the heads up of what great snazzy ideas he’s missing out on out here in TWOPLand!


  11. Midlandia says:

    OP: “Will the alsorans finally find some friends?”

    Well, I WOULD get my friends to cast votes, if youse pricks had given me a space on the poll! But noooo, you were all ‘convenience’ this, and ‘late submission’ that. What a fuckin’ outrage.

    Then again, most of my friends wouldn’t know (or care) who Constable or D’Orazio are. Looks like I’m paying for my vino this weekend.


  12. skink says:

    is there any requirement for candidates for this competition to prove Italian heritage before being declared the winner of the vote?


  13. Bedford Crackpot Fraternity! says:

    Lets have a look at young Vincent Councillor Izzi Messina who partly instigated this whole thing.

    Hes got the tan and the hair going and obviously loves a drop of the red – looks a bit like he’s put away a few bottles before the photo shoot on the way back from Rottnest!

    I suggest all entrants of this fine competition get togeter and drink the piss, sign the bottles and send them off to youg Izz complete with links and show him what fine cunts we all are!


  14. skink says:

    I see Izzi manages his family Gelato business.

    is he aware he is a living characature?
    izzi messin’ with us?
    you couldn’t make that up, could you?

    he seems to visit the same boy band barber as young Albert Jacob

    Deputy Mayor Steed Farrell?
    did he get that name from an American daytime soap?
    (shouldn’t he be deputy mare?)

    Councillor Anka Burns?
    is that something you get when you moor the boat in a hurry?


  15. Ljuke says:

    I wonder if Steed is any relation to myself. I hope he is.


  16. David Cohen says:

    What are LA’s post-comp plans?

    I’ve advised him to send a media release to the Voice…surely he will send the results to the Town, too, urging them to act on our collective wisdom?


  17. Sorry I haven’t been involved in the final countdown comments earlier. 3gigs of TWOP photos choked my computer, so it being fixed. Not at work today, so went to library where TWOP was blocked! Blocked I tells ya! Finally found somewhere to log in.


  18. #4 Cookster. You can’t say cunt on facebook? Jeezus. Really?


  19. Midlandia says:

    Congratulations to both BCF and David Cohen! Your stacks of branches have proven to be long, girthy, and quite capable of screwing others over. In all seriousness, good work guys, your plonk is well earned.

    On a side note, I stumbled across this year’s Bankwest Quality of Life Index, which measures how livable Australia’s local government areas are.

    Vincent scores an outrageous 390th place out of 590 LGAs. Its nearest Perth-based (inferior) rival is the Shire of Bassendean. However, quite a few regional LGAs edge it out, with the nearest Perth seat to have gloating rights over Vincent being Fremantle, in 345th place.

    The best place to bunk in WA is with the chardonnay swilling toffs in Peppermint Grove, who come in 4th in the nation.


  20. skink says:

    do you know how small the ‘shire ‘ of Peppy Grove is?

    it makes no sense to have a council for an area so small

    the ALP tried to shut it down a few years back, but they were thwarted by the toffs with important friends.

    note that the City of Perth rated 560th on that list.

    LA should seek comment from She-Ra regarding such piss-poor performance.


  21. David Cohen says:

    Thank you Midlandia. If only skink could be as gracious in (utter) defeat…

    That HW shiraz is going to be mighty fine with an ice-cube or three and a dash of soda…mmmmm…I’m drooling…

    I wonder if Peter Bacich knocks back the HW in Peppy Grove?


  22. Bill O'Slatter says:

    Yes as you have pointed DFOC Skink does very good impersonations of a bad loser.However his title as most gratuitous insulter of Perth is unassailed including the honor of having his comments XXXed out on this very site.
    In summary of the many efforts in this “competition” long may plagiarism live.


  23. skink says:

    sore loser? I am incandescent with indignation at the flagrant fraud. This is the greatest travesty of democracy since the state election.

    What’s next? Cohen will be will be insisting that nuclear waste be buried in my back garden, and expecting us to redirect our taxes to fund expensive vanity projects of his own devising simply to gratify his own degenerate perversities.

    as for wishing to add ice and a dash of soda to his wine, that only confirms my preconceptions regarding the effete media elite in this town. what, no slice of lemon?

    I imagine him drinking it whilst wearing a silk dressing-gown and smoking through an ivory cigarette-holder.

    let the record show that I voted for the BCF. just once mind.


  24. The Crackpots says:

    Apologies for twin Izzi comments earlier! Hope this isnt a sign TWOP HQ has been sampling the winnings and thrown moderation out window!The Crackpot Fraternity gratiously thanks the legion of cyber pirates who voted for the porcelain challenged entry! A fantastic rollercoaster last couple of days and lots of fun! Cheers!


  25. I think Bento is best insulter, considering his good riddance to Howard Sattler’s old mum.


  26. E+T says:


    i did megan fox!!!!
    srry bout this but im freaking ecstatic
    but my true love is PONTING! ILY ponting
    i wanna rub my balls on his face



  27. Bento says:

    @25 LA – I am truly humbled. Cuntface.


  28. Snuff says:

    Next time you’re globetrotting, Bento, don’t leave home without this indispensable guide.


  29. Ljuke says:

    Wow, a fellow Cracked reader. Did you see the one about Turkish Batman(Betmen)?


  30. Snuff says:

    I did now, Ljuke. Thanks for the great tip.

    Their lack of capes is more than made up for by the Austin 1100 Betmobile !


  31. Rolly says:

    Yeh, Bill, they have crawlers too.


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