The Worst of Perth

I tried to buy this milk,
Put it in my trolley.
Took it to the checkout:
Supreme act of folly.

Security was called,
The manager white-faced.
I said I’d pay full price
And avoid making waste.

She wrestled it from me,
Eyes dull with opiates:
“Listen to me, you cunt:
“It’s not appropriate.”

I said: “So much depends
“On the white milk selling
“To avoid the red ink.
“Here endeth the lesson.

Beat the cream until medium peaks form
Fold it firm into a heavenly curd
Some people hate those who surpass the norm
Avoid the journo who smells like a turd.
Whip the whites until they are stiff and shine
Great work is done in a chilled mixing bowl
Why do people want to take what is mine?
I’ve done heaps for my city, won the poll.
Add the juice, brandish the spoon, add the zest
Light but with a bite: doesn’t it scream Spring?!
I don’t stay in trash; in chains I’m the best
I have declared that I value my bling.
I’ve given Perth a sweet and sour tart
But they respond by ripping out my heart.