The Knock Shop of Broken Dreams

Worst Brothel Conversion

Long time Perth residents will remember this building on the corner of Guilford and Garrett road Bayswater as one of Perth’s most famous brothels, The Happy Haven . Obviously some of us will remember the inside, others just the outside, but it was always a dismal and dispiriting looking place, certainly neither happy, nor haven like. How surprising then that it should look more depressing after being converted to a hire car joint.

Please note: The cars have a strict no kissing policy.

happy haven

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About AHC McDonald

Comedian, artist, photographer and critic. From 2007 to 2017 ran the culture and satire site The Worst of Perth
This entry was posted in worst architecture, worst brothel, worst of perth and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

35 Responses to The Knock Shop of Broken Dreams

  1. Rolly says:

    What used to amuse me most about it was the signage that said “Rear Entrance”


    • Raymond Conder says:

      late nite bloke at casino asks taxi driver what brothels are open. Driver answers only Happy Haven. Bloke replies drive me home then.


  2. lazyaussie says:

    Yeah, “side door’ wouldn’t have have cut it.


  3. Andrew says:

    Definitely no birds in there now


  4. not for prophet says:

    Maybe the girls were included in the sale – permanent fixtures or something like that.
    Still, nobody wants to hire a car from a surly prossie.


  5. lazyaussie says:

    Andrew #3. Damn, I forgot “No Birds”. Thanks.


  6. lazyaussie says:

    Surly is the new “pouty”.


  7. not for prophet says:

    Really? What is the new surly?


  8. lazyaussie says:

    Prophet #8 Slutty


  9. Name (required) says:

    On its busier nights, the divan base at the front could be lowered
    into its current position by the use of the cables visible in the picture. I’m curious as to why the new owners chose to leave it
    in this “open air ” position and not folded neatly against the wall but at least the mattress has been removed. Said to be the largest foam bed in the Southern
    Hemisphere and also the stickiest, it was affectionately known
    as Bed Zepp due to the Stairway to Heaven approach in order to access it. Would- be lovers leapt the two and a half metres down to what was often a multi-couple situation and cracks were not only visble from the other side of the road but also audible as nose and cheek fractures were commonplace. Interestingly, a few years ago, two American jetfighters flew into and destroyed a cable car and its cable during low flying manoeuvres in Europe. This very same cable was used to hold
    “Bed Zepp”. I think the pilots must have just hit a weak spot.


  10. lazyaussie says:

    #10. Let me read this again tomorrow.


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  12. uridium says:

    Your missing the best gag! Bayswater hire cars uses the slogan
    “No Birds!” .. and the moment everyone noticed it empty for a short period of time someone painted in yellow across the front “No Birds!” It was king!


  13. skink says:

    sadly this building is now demolished
    perhaps the car rental place was tired of people asking:

    “am I gonna get screwed for mileage?”


  14. Went past it 2 days ago. Really gone!?? The small shops next door have gone. I think the rest still there.


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  16. The Legend 101 says:

    All the cars from this place say No Birds on the side. I dont think you noticed that but you say people driving them all the time and on the back they say Bayswater Car Rental so this is where there coming from.


  17. Bill O'Slatter says:

    Thanks for bringing this little gem again to the collective attention TL101.Once the cheapest establishment in Perth, it had a room called the the “Pamper Parlour” aka the “Poodle Parlour”. The disappearance of the old establishments is one of the untold mysteries of new policing.


  18. poiyter says:

    just to clear up the “no birds” chat,the bloke who owns the car hire company used that slogan as a pun ie we dont need birds(females) to help hire cars out the ads featured slender legs etc,nothing to do with the ex knocker shop,good cross reference but… cigar


  19. Rolly says:

    I regularly drove through that intersection to and from my work at the airport.
    Parking was at the back of the “parlour” and the sign advised “Rear Entrance”.


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  21. - --ẠbracadaveЯ-- - says:

    I used to live on Garratt Rd. Passed that place practically every day. Always had such a desolate air to it. I’m finding it incredibly weird that this photo is making me nostalgic. Wtf brain? o_0


  22. Stuart says:

    never ever did go inside but drove past a lot on my travels as a brickie – somewhere in my mind i remember it being lavender or pinky in colour or was that somewhere else


  23. Anonymous says:

    I went inside many times, especially Sunday mornings after a heavy night on the drink. That was 1979 and the price $20. I lived at Sherwood Heights Maylands so all I had to do was cross Guildford road near Pizza Hut and walk up. Staff were friendly, good value for money.


  24. It wasn’t modern policing that killed the old style estabilishment, it were the Internet.


  25. never again says:

    I worked at the Haven. I was only 21 and the youngest by a decade. The thought of the place makes my skin crawl. Xxx the Madam was a ruthless piece of work. Isolating and toxic. One staff in particular Susie, was just lovely. The rest would stab you in the back at any given moment and so would the workers. To my knowledge it only remained open because of the $30 service. If you can afford a case of beer you could afford a quickie which in the eyes of the law kept the rape/assult incidents at a low. I’ll never forget the woman who stole some bed sheets from there. Ugh. No showers, just ice cream containers. It was third world to say the least. There was a barber shop attached to the side on Garrett Road. The men would go in for a hair cut but also slip through a joining door to the brothel. Wouldn’t spit on the place if it was on fire.


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