Losers Wanted. Kalamunda town planning hiring. 

Orbea sends this chuckle worthy ad for Kalamunda trainee town planners. The ad should have its own laugh track.

Essential -Must be able to approve an Aldi in literally any location, even if they haven’t even applied.

-Be open to a MuzzBuzz in Stirk Cottage. Think about it.

– Continue the popup retail rental vacancy arts project.

– Commision a study into a parklet. There’s no businesses left solvent. Who needs that parking space anyway?

Benefits – There is literally nothing you can do to this turd of a town centre that could make it any worse. You literally could not fuck it up more. A six storey Cartridge World? Why not? Who would notice? Cartridge World moves out after 9 months leaving the building tenantless? No problem. Who would notice? Commission a study into sinking the railway.There is no railway? Sink it anyway. Add more tenant free retail space on the land.

If you are a shy nutcase with no planning experience, no qualifications, no imagination and are willing to shop in Barberry Square, this is your new home, your Belmont in the Hills. Good luck. You won’t need it. 

Late news. There is going to be an Aldi, LOL. And the word on the exquisitely shitty streetscape is that a Parklet is on its way. Stormie Mills must also surely be warming up his Sigma Wagon for a run up Kalamunda Road. 

About AHC McDonald

Comedian, artist, photographer and critic. From 2007 to 2017 ran the culture and satire site The Worst of Perth
This entry was posted in Worst suburb and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Losers Wanted. Kalamunda town planning hiring. 

  1. rottobloggo says:

    “I say when Cartridge World moves in, you’re dead” – senior planner, Cottesloe 2014.


  2. Zuben says:

    TLA please take this job and make K’munda beautiful again


  3. Must have fine appreciation of tilt up construction and experience in the design of self storage facilities.


  4. you'll get wet says:

    ‘I have numerous ideas, none of which would be done. ‘

    Learn from John Day and just focus on one. He hasn’t had an idea since he closed the railway down in 1949


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