I only depart from my original photo policy for the exceptional. This house in Applecross for sale qualifies. By Adam G. Jesus if she’s not in the mood by the time you got her to the top of these stairs, it isn’t going to happen. Enough to make your eyes water. Original link.The rails would be the Italian influence at a guess.
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The Worst of Perth 
Wait until you see the fountain.
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Certainly worth a departure from policy.
The house certainly has a touch of the Prix d’Amours about it, although I doubt Lang’s flaccid old member would have meet the Australian Standards for railing heights any time after the 70s.
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Oh my.
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Woah.
The stairway goes all the way up to Soith Hedland, I see.
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The internet is over. Everyone go home.
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It’s not going to happen. Jesus, this qualifies as a completely tasteless crap mock Italian typical Applecross Worst. It’s shite.
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I think the whole house needs a woman’s touch.
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That would be wrought iron flanges too?
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There are some ripper worsts in Majestic Cl. The one on the very end was for sale a few years back. No less a castle than this fine, fine effort.
Worthy of bumping the original policy.
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I believe the correct architectural term for this type of residence, according to Reyner Banham’s nomenclature, is ‘Wogatorium’
I’ve heard of people having taste in their arse, but this is something else entirely.
just missing one thing:
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I think it’s just rich ugly. It is kind of cool in its ridiculousness. I’d live there, but might replace the railings with something a bit more flange compliant.
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no, not cool. Not even in an ironic way.
why do these places always look uninhabited? you may as well live in a hotel foyer
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The more you say it, the more I like it. I’m going to buy it just to spite you.
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Then skink will have to polish your dolphin.
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If I see verdigris one, he’ll have to start over.
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I’ll only do it if you give me that end table that resembles a pile of giant airport novels.
I found the book motif interesting since the occupants do not appear to own any books.
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What’s happening with the ceiling in that pic?
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As Bento mentioned, South Hedland.
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It won’t get you on the A list.
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A colleague asks me to tell you the word is balustrade.
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Technically, cock&ballustrade.
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OK, I geddit. Standing in corner now.
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Are they mentally defective?
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wogged up mcmansion is one i quite like.
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Late 20th Century Immigrant Look At The Size Of My Fucking House, You Peasants, I believe the style is called.
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And yet it’s on the wrong side of the river, looking across to where, if things had gone a little better, they should be living.
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Also that chair is pretty fucking foul.
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OK. I’ve just visited Majestic Close Applecross on Google Maps. I’m calling in an airstrike.
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It’s cocks all the way up on the ” Stairway to Heaven”,
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androgens ahoy
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The MacBook’s a little incongruous. He strikes me as more an Acer man.
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Phallustrade.
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Keep one hand on the phallustrade at all times.
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Give it a tick if the owner is Italian or Greek. Big c0ck artwork it traditional: Priapus. (Safe for work.)
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zorzi?
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Gallo e ballustrade
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Holy lingam, Batman!
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THERE ARE DOLPHINS OUT THE FRONT!
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“A view unparalleled in Perth, especially on a Saturday afternoon when the local yacht squadrons hold their regattas, or polish the dolphins or just enjoy a sunset.”
Grammar par excellence. Shame that in place of the sunset is an unobstructed view of the McMansion next door.
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“Polish the dolphin”. Is that a euphemism?
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syphon the python
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I think it’s supposed to be “polish the lighthouse”. I’ve gone and done a Sir Joh.
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“…polish the dolphins…” is a euphemism right? Dogging for people who live near the river.
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Meat and two veg.
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I wonder if the original owners realised what a dick the ironworker was making of him/her/it.
It’s the sort of thing that might well escape the focus of a wealth ensnared mentality.
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Applecross used to be so great, now it’s under the extremely busy northern path flightpath for the flights going up to Karratha, Bali etc. Now it’s a noisy shit bowl.
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Stop whinging. Just pretend you are in Sydney.
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Perish the thought.
Sydney in the ’70s was shit, and I have it on incontrovertible authority that it has been going downhill ever since; drowning in its own ooshta and fundamental vibrancy.
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I think lying in the pool watching FIFOs fly off to Port Hedland would be an extra selling point. I’d raise an ironic mojito to each and every flight.
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FIFO: you could make a bumper sticker with that.
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Its started
http://au.news.yahoo.com/thewest/a/-/wa/12340325/nw-mum-sticks-it-to-negative-fifo-workers/
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Is Newman as much of a shit hole as, say, Moranbah ?
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I’m not making money out of Newman or Hedland or Karratha, but they are still holes of the highest ordure.
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She’s flogging the stickers @ $5 and not making a profit on each item?
Answer: outsource
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I think the consensus was that Mackay was Qld’s crapiest.
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I’d say Moranbah and Newman are on a par, but if you really want Queensland’s shittiest, you can’t go past Mount Morgan
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Worst/Best Evers!
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Great party house. Maddington swingers could only dream of such an inspiring venue.
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Late twentieth century immigrant genitalia
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love it.
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Nice one.
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Genitalian.
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The winner.
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The Prime Minister is still looking for a temporary residence while they rejuvenate the Lodge …
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While the balustrade detailing is horrific and also looks like a plastic imitation of itself up close, it’s the floorplan of the second photograph that really has me flabbergasted.
What is the point of opening up a hallway that size to a stairwell you can’t access? Is this the “Vertigo ending” feature? Is the Italian referenced actually Dario Agento? Are the penises an homage to Hitch-cock?
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If so …
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Common for horrible poorly thought out mansions to be found in Perth
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I clicked on the original link and realized that the hallway “opens onto” the stairwell from both sides. A kind of double-your pleasure suicide run.
Also interesting that they cited Addison Mizner as the inspiration for this thing. Mizner is probably the greatest American architect with the worst posthumous legacy, as every “Mediterranean inspired” horror in Florida is laid in homage at his feet. Didn’t know his (completely degraded) reputation made it as far as Perth.
For some fun reading here’s what happened to Mizner’s “La Ronda” a couple years ago:
http://myowntimemachine.wordpress.com/2009/09/03/not-for-the-faint-of-heart-la-ronda-after/
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Jesus Christ, they even tore down a beautiful colonial building to build this Applecross thing!
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Replacing something good, or even bad, with something worse, is the lifeblood of Perth style. It’s like a big, rich, sandy Port Ewen.
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Is this the “Vertigo ending” feature? Is the Italian referenced actually Dario Agento? Are the penises an homage to Hitch-cock?
One of the best comments of 2011 on one of the top ten worsts of 2011. I for one suggest looking at the above photos while listening to this. Makes perfect sense that this is the house of one of the Three Mothers, fuck Mother of Tears.
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This.
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Heh! My original comment included “does the doorbell to this place play the theme to Suspiria?”
But I actually think the Mothers’ houses were pretty architecturally significant, if I remember them correctly.
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wow, nice house!
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This is like one of those seeing eye pictures. it’s just some stairs. Bit of wrought iron. Ok not my taste but hardly a crime. what’s the point of this post? Maybe I’ll just keep looking at it and see if I get why it is funny.
Keep looking
Keep looking
Holy crap there are cock’s everywhere. I can see nothing but cock. I’m now trying to see stairs and a ballustrade in a house that is not to my taste, but no, I can just see cocks.
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You were slow to the Duewburner party too.
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I was a bit quicker here. It’s not like I’ve been looking for days.
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You’re really opening yourself up to a joke about sitting in the Vincent Council Chambers, you know. But I won’t be the one to make it.
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Couldn’t see the woodies for the trees?
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Hang on a minute. This isn’t Malcolm Days house isit?
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Looks like a porn set, Bree’s xxx starring role? – Secret Paris, filmed on location in dolphin polisher heaven. Applecross.
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