OK, so Rising Water right. Essentially the play was a boring rambling bunch of nothing with a side order of stupid.Let’s call it “An aquatic Don’s Party 2”.Positives. The set was great. The play not so. A spirit child rowing a boat around for no reason, ridiculously reeling in a fish which turns into a kite. Groan. Lines like, “You’ve got to open the hatch to your heart and wait for a breeze.” Risible. Unexplained was why a red headed (supposed) lezzo is so interested in fat old bastard Baxter. Why are we concentrating on old bastard when there’s a water borne lesbian on hand? How is the topic of rooting underaged lactating schoolgirls rendered boring so easily?Why does the English backpacker spends most of the play lying on the deck wasted and wasted as a character. I can’t see any chance of it touring over east or anywhere, not just because of all the Perth references, but because it’s so fucking boring. 80s WA inc Perth references! London can’t wait.Ditch the play, keep the set. Strip out the Winton and drop in Titarse Andronicus and now you’ve got something.
But, whatever, now get this. Before it started, Tim was wandering around talking to Luke Longley and Woosha etc, looking of course like a slob in jeans, tshirt and sneakers. But when he comes out for the bow at the end, he’s got no fucking shoes on! At what point does he decide that the shoes have to come off? It was a fucking outrage and total posing. I’m wearing a hand tied bow tie and the cunt comes out in bare feet? Yes, I have already informed Occ Health and Safety. I was forced to delete some of my photos, so those I have left are not of good quality, but there is this blurry shot of Winton with shoes on.
Some of my predictions came true too except John Howard not Kelso was the manatee..
The play is just devoid of anything actually interesting. Geoff(I’m still alive) Kelso’s character Col (Of course he’s called Col) has a few ok lines, but it’s such cliched larrikinism, that who cares?
Items of note: Woosha, Eric Ripper, Luc Longley, Max Kay. AC/DC shirt, Gday from WA shirt. Only set designers should see this play.
The Worst of Perth 
Barefoot RU SERIOUS? Sounds awesome man
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No just barefoot, but barefoot after actually having shoes on previously.
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Incredible! Just incredible!
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sorry to disappoint- Tim’s shoes were off because the hi gloss floor on the set would have scuffed otherwise.
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He seemed to be the only one without shoes.
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JH has just confirmed that no one walks on set with shoes?? you’ve been made a fool!!!
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Looser.
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Yes you think that don’t you. More fool you.
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I’m not exactly sure what JH confirmed. He may have been in touch with his spirit dugong at the time of commenting.
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I pity the fool…
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Phwoar, he thought, me own play. Will have to make a speech after, take a bow. Might take me shoes off. More comfortable that way, with the familiar feel of wood – high gloss or not – underfoot. More like stepping onto a spray-whipped Dunsborough jetty than into the harsh limelight. And even if that imagined jetty turned out to be a gangplank, he had the balmy surge of his audience’s adulation to fall into…
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dear NF#1 yet another jealous anonymous comment…from your missive I can tell that you have a way with words…bravo…I enjoyed your invective…but perhaps it betrays a touch of the green eyed monster…No…? Why don’t you write 20 odd novels and , more to the point, get them published.
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Yeah, i double dare ya
oh, and get a life etc…
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Hey John, enjoyed your autobiography thoroughly…better than Peter’s memoirs !
20 novels? any of them good?
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I get the feeling I’ll never be disappointed by Tim. Unlike the baking hot Christmas days when the magpies chiaked behind the oleanders and we had to pretend to like the gifts of polyester blend underwear…
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I call the black tshirt, jeans and no shoes as total posing. It’s about as authentic as wearing a monocle with plain glass in it.
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I call bullshit on that, converse soles would scratch high gloss? His toenails and heel barnacles would have scratched the floor more than the cons
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And greasy footprints are fine? Smacks of a desperate pr cover for superfluous posing.
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maybe someone was sick on his shoes and they didn’t want vomit on the set.
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Well the hi gloss does explain why he was sans stilts. Theyre a bitch to manage on any wooden floor if you’re not vigilant with your rubber end upkeep.
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Sounds like bullshit to me too.
Stagehands electricians carpenters painters etc not allowed to wear shoes on the stage? MEAA and Worksafe might have a view on that.
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Por Lisa…the floor is a mirror…noone wears shoes on it…noone…love john Howard aka “Baxter” in the play…
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So one person says the floor is hi gloss (whatever that means). Another says it’s a mirror (meaning glass?). One says only Tim wore no shoes. Another says everybody on stage wore no shoes, including people whose job should require them to wear enclosed shoes. Nothing about this play adds up. Like that poor little bugger Gary Grubsome who never had his neck washed or his clothes ironed, and sat scratching his nits up the back of old Bumless Bishop’s apple-stinking hot maths class through the torpid Leederville afternoons, rising with resignation to get the cane across his palm, grimed like the courses of rivers dried in the heat of too many quintessentially west australian summers….
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Sometimes the truth is hard to handle…you can write…write a play as good as Tim”s and I’ll gladly come and act it. Or am I too old?
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I gotta a play bout dogs called “Dogs ate lemmons”. THeres a part for an old one.
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old tart?
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Hi gloss – an attempt to polish a turd?
Seriously – amazing set, wonderful lighting, sound great, actors fantabulous.
But as a playwright, Winton makes a competent novelist…
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Yes, it was total bullshit. can you imagine david Williamson agreeing to take his shoes off. or Arthur Miller? Or anyone? Tim jumped at the chance to lose the clogs, admit it hi gloss. He absolutely got off on it. Scuff the stage. pfft You lie. You totally lie.
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It’s a Tim thing. MInchin does the same.
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Frankly he’s just as bad
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But the Minchin seems to wash his hair and groom himself. He also has some variety in his compositions, both in style and subject matter. Calling Not Worst on the Minchin.
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Yeah he seems pretty funny the few bits of his I’ve seen.
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Massive fan of Minchin.
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You must have a very high boredom threshold, Shazz.
I find him to be monotonously repetitive.
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Ever seen him live Rolly?
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He’s no John Waters. I think we’ve had this discussion on here before. I think the result was 80% thought he was great.
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“Tim’s shoes were off because the hi gloss floor on the set would have scuffed otherwise.”
I live six billion miles away, never heard of this idiot and even I know that’s bullshit.
Is he also wearing one of those rancid little ponytails?
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Ohhhh yes. Ponytail greased up like the cold chips at the bottom of the cup on those bright winter days when we would huddle at the bus stop…
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Why would a set have a hi-gloss floor?
Wouldn’t the actors already have scuffed it during the performance? Were they all barefoot too?
What the hell kind of idiot defends a clear act of wankery from a truly world-class wanker on an anonymous satirical message board?
The sort of idiot who Google-searches his own name the day after his play opens, opens like the Western Australian Eastern horizon, cascadant with sunlight, shot through with the fruity bark of the kookaburra and the clanging and the twanging and the jangling of the surf and the soft thud-thud of the drop bear?
That kind of idiot?
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No the floor was the “water”, so they didn’t walk on it during the performance. But the barefootery was totally unnecessary.
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Truly amazing set, Barkeep, multi level, multi layered, just like the metaphors and similes of the dialogue were meant to be.
As TLA says, set designers should really go and have a look. Maybe take an iPod to listen to something good as they see the crazy effects of the light off the hi gloss lower level “water” create its own magic. Truly a visual extravaganza, if only His Timness had been less self-conscious about being “literary” and a “living National Treasure” with it all.
Tim – loosen up, mate. Cut the hair, put on some shoes and maybe a shirt and tie. Go wild, try wearing a suit. NOT A BAG OF FRUIT, a suit. Live a little. Maybe get a job in a bank. Or as a penpusher in the public service. Take some of the pressure off yourself.
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You know you actually could produce Tightarse Andronicus on that set. Severed heads, rapings, tongues being torn out. I can see it working.
I’m thinking Cherry Orchard, Dolls House, Godot. All would work. Oh Calcutta. Even Eqqus (with dolphins as the horses). They’d all work better than rising water.
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‘soft thudthud of the drop bears’ Classic work bartender.
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dab of vegemite, a light smear behind the ears, drop bears stay away
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An idiot who didn’t understand the set…the floor is glass…nobody walks on it with shoes on… it’s a mirror surface… even I can’t walk on it with shoes on…John Howard…Baxter in the play…why don’t you guys think before you sound off…do you imagine we don’t anticipate these production problems…?
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Then why not anticipate the post-performance problems and realize: “Hey…the playwright is going to do a bow after the final curtain and will look like a wankstain if he does it barefoot–let’s have him wear slippers or suggest that he acknowledge the reason why he’s taken his shoes off.”
Assuming you are who you say you are then this is not your responsibility. But please. Post-production press doesn’t write itself.
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Oh….and if you really are who you say, then you also are the sort of idiot who Google-searches his own name the day after his play opens, etc.
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I think it’s quite normal to search for reviews after opening night, but the horror of seeing The Worst of Perth review at the top of most searches would be a little difficult ti swallow.
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A professional stage actor I know once told me that the going rule is never to read the reviews until the play has closed – and that he personally never read reviews of his current play until he’d secured a role in the next one.
Which, for the purposes of securing both your professional distance from the press and your own peace of mind on and off stage seems like good advice.
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Can you make a good whiskey sour? If you can I am your lover.
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The Worst of Perth is a “Mojito only” site.
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Shit, shucks and damn.
Here I had my julip glasses chilling on ice.
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i reckon you’re in there Barkeep
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With JH, it is about the rooting
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the entire cast were barefoot?
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Grow up buddy, you have seriously talked about this barefoot topic for a couple of hundred comments, why dont you focus on the pros and cons of the play itself??
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this is a very clever and entertaining play well done ……..
shoes or no shoes who cares………
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It’s AAAAAAAALLLLLLLL about the shoes. The whole thing turns on the shoes.
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True of The Wizard of Oz; true here.
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It’s always about the shoes
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Where do you come down on stilts?
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Speaking for myself, wherever I tried to go up them and that just about immediately.
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I saw the play not long ago. I found myself falling asleep listening to the back and forth one liners, some ok but mainly pathetic jokes and the accent and speech of the English backbacker was literally painful.
On another note, how can you guys discuss the issue of Tim not wearing shoes for many hundreds of comments -_-Its not a big issue, grow up. (THE LAZY AUSSIE MAINLY!!!!!)
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Dude, it ALLLLLLLLLLLL about the shoes. The whole thing turns on the shoes. Without the shoes it’s just an aquatic Don’s Party 2.
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Hey Marsh, nice to see your considered criticisms here.
Point about the accent of the English backpacker – it was painful, that’s how they talk in Finsbury Park. Winton’s chosen something that is intrinsically not beautiful to further hammer through some uncomfortable home truths.
Unfortunately it was the totally spot on accent work that made the character of the pisshead girl so successful… So, why waste her lying on a deck for so long?
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720 Geoff is wanking himself into a stupor over this right now 11.30am
fap fap fap
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Yeah I listened to that, words like Wintonesque, phrases like “the boat was rebuilt like a Claremont Soccer Mum” What the fuck does that mean?
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rebuilt like an Arts Australia grant application
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PerthNow review seems to agree that the set was the best thing about it, and was similarly nonplussed by the kid in the rowboat.
quotes for the poster: ‘left me cold…not totally convincing…teeters on the brink of falling flat…didn’t gel…rescued by the interval’
http://www.perthnow.com.au/entertainment/perth-confidential/above-the-water-line/story-e6frg30l-1226084766606
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‘Rising Water has quality oozing from every porthole’
What kind of quality isn’t specified.
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Bilge for sure
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Naglazas bagged it in Teh West this morning
‘not watertight…leaks a little.’
similarly says that the set is the best thing about it
is theatre in this town so marginal that they have to send the movie critic?
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Shit, Ben Elton was there too. As was my optometrist.
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I thought the kid in the row boat was going to collect farts in a jar.
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Yes. Exactly. Perfect description.
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Lotterywest refused my grant application for a culturally embedded street art homeopathic fart art installation, the farts from Perthonalities were to diluted down to 20x and linked to graffiti caricatures, a small dose of perthonality would “sssssp” from a pressurised system as you walked past.
The caricatures weren’t required to be recognisable, the essence of the perthonality would be reinforced by sensory stimulation.
“Who the fuck is that?” “sssssp” -breathe in-
“Oh Dixie, yeah I get it know.”
Respirational.
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Inspired. I hope you had a grant to create that grant application. It is a work of art in itself.
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“You’ve got to open the hatch to your heart and wait for a breeze”? Is that real?
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That was the climax. Then demonstrated physically. Baxter pulls up his shirt to try and let a breeze into his heart. The End.
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oh fuck what a pile of wank
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No anonymous orbea , parliament is a pile of wank…we are just a little steaming turd on the side of Subi oval.
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Patersons now and located in the shithole that is subi, dont be so hard on yourself supposed JH, I thought your leaking of the 1978 budget to Laurie Oakes was your best work
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That was your opportunity to take your shot.
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Is it just me, or does that metaphor not work at any level whatsoever.
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I’m not a doctor, but wouldn’t the breeze cause some sort of embolism or something?
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At least some drying out.
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Whaaaaaaaat
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I wish you could have been there.
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But don’t you see? He’d been accused of being a “shirt lifter” and and and… did you notice that NONE OF THE BOATS had RUDDERS? So, condemned to drift? Kinda like… something else?
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No, you’re confusing shirt lifting with kiddie rooting. One is legal.
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Sorry. Maybe I tried to stretch that symbolic gesture a little too far, then.
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‘you’ve got to drop your daks and let rip with the righteous wind of indifference’
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right on RubyRuby but some people don’t have eyes.
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saw a g’day from wa t-shirt being worn in the supermarket the other day. must be making a comeback.
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I see someone is selling them http://www.redbubble.com/people/jimmyraynes/t-shirts/2795713-gday-from-wa. They’re not the same as the originals though? More Ken Done style.
I remember someone telling me at the Jesus and Mary Chain gig at Canterbury Court in the late 80’s that among the goths there was a genuine rebel wearing a contemporaneous Gday from WA windcheater.
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the one i saw was real.
g’day from wa, who hasn’t been here for a while, has an authentic t-shirt which he occasionally wears.
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My mum made me wear it. In brighter news- I still have a poster from that gig.
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More importantly do you still have the windcheater?
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Trying to decide if “flabbergasted” or “aghast” is the right word…
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I thought you also liked the Bintang singlet? The lighting at the back of the stage was a bit glorious, and I really liked the effects of the drowning scene, but the voiceover of the girl’s thoughts was naff and irrelevant to anything else. And then, somehow, she wasn’t dead? Wired. And possibly gaint.
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Oh yes, Bintang. That random stranger dude was pretty wasted too.
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To be fair, I get disappointed whenever I don’t get to see Halusz’s torso. There was a moment where he was charging around wearing a flag cape, so I got my fix.
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‘Rising Water’ will transfer to Melbourne after the Perth run:
http://www.mtc.com.au/tickets/production.aspx?performanceNumber=3233
it says in small print that Shane Bourne was to have starred in it, but pulled out. Possibly after reading the script.
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Shane Bourne would have made a good boat anchor. Or perhaps a jetty.
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I can confirm Jason Bourne has signed on to play me in a biopic of my life, 10 Outrages That Shook The World.
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Now you’re someone that Shane Bourne could play.
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Shane Jacobsen
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Possibly Susan Sarandon.
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Seriously, Alec Guiness could have pulled off Outrage.
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or Daniel Auteil
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pulled off , fnar fnar
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I always imagined Christopher Walken doing DFOC.
more cowbell
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No, too deep.
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Deefock’s arse?
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I thought Walken could provide the gravitas that DFOC lacks
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He dances as well as me.
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You mean Shane Bourne right?
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Shit can you delete this TLA, I missed your earlier ref to Shane. Apologies.
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Fuck not this, or that other, the first ref to Shane. Fuck. And now the other and this.
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Will be interesting to see what Melbourne audiences make of it, and whether any extremely parochial gems are changed for it.
Found this on the MTC site:
“To read Winton is to hear in your head those lithe, chiacking Australian tones that brought him four Miles Franklin Literary Awards and two Booker Prize short-listings.”
How is our own TWOP Wintoning stacking up against that? Surely we are collectively as lithe as Winton…?
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Ohh, another highlight. English backpacker screams, “You’re the type of cunt wot gives cunts a bad name.” which is similar to my prediction here
“…forced by the staccato bark of her relentless “Wake up Aussie cunts! You want to hole up? Hole THIS up!” Actually mine is a little stronger.
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And as predicted she did go on about convict heritage.
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Yours would also be more original. Possibly even more vibrant.
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he got an offer of more money.
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Hand tied bow tie, I am impressed.
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… hand tied bow tie …. tosseur? Moi?
PS Who would not be wearing a hand-tied bow tie anyway. How gauche.
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Outrage has an elastic version.
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Elastic bow tie is a sin worse than barefoot.
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What about tux t-shirt?
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Barefoot? Maybe wearing shoes was giving him blisters, after all he’d be used to stilts.
Have to admit interviews about the premise of the play Ive read previously have shat me to tears. Was it as anti yacht club as it seemed in the previews?
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Two losers, one lezzo escape their demons by living on boats. Except their demons not particularly interesting.Lezzo had some special friend at school that committed suicide. One loser was accused of rooting lactating schoolgirl but didn’t really. Other loser was a WAinc accountant.
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lezzo not a loser
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was this lesbian young and white?
probably a ruse to get government funding for the play.
I believe the play is set to open this weekend in Melbourne
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Where IS JScro nowadays?
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Anti yacht club? previews? Sounds like the rooster shaz.
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sure was Pete.
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hmm, despite the motor(boat)ists it is still called Freo Sailing/ club. Also despite the number of live in/on’s that apparently were the maestro’s muse… Twas sailors made the rescue last week. See you out there tomorrow?
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backstory?
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Valmadre Cup Orbs.
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Perhaps Pete.
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Whats with you and Lezzo People? T.L.A youve been making fun of them alot lately and thats probally why you put this article here.
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not at school today TL101?
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Yeah not today We all get colds and headaches in April and June, Im feeling a little better for tomorow Rebalehan.
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April is the cruellest month, TL 101: don’t you agree?
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Hope so, it’ll be July tomorrow
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what part of Lesbia are you from?
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Les Boss?
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Sorry, Dont be so stupid Orbea im not Lezzo im a male not a female also i thought You where band by now whats going on with that!
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Maybe you’re just a lesbian trapped in a boy/man/troll’s body?
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Or like most trolls a twelve year old boy trapped in a man’s body, in this case pretending to be a twelve year old boy.
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Les Paul Goldtop?
with screwdrivers under the bridge
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More like a Les Paul Junior, for those for whom the Standard is a little beyond their grasp.
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Leswegian.
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I keep getting that wrong
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he wants to be one. known as Loretta.
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Are they Converse?
I’ll head down to Lindy Rosenwax: bet you they’re there…
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Suspiciously CLEAN Converse. Either he’s put extra white out on the side or they were new for the night. Which could explain the later bare feet – his new shoes were killing him?
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http://hiphopstyler.com/tips/how-to-spot-fake-converse-shoes/
converse are made in chinese sweatshops, the fakes are too, no escape, Tim is walking in the shoes of Li Peng
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Not totally sure they were converse.
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They don’t look like Etikos
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They look like the Commodores or Beachcombers that we used to wear in high school on those cool autumn afternoons when westerly breeze would gently spread the pong of the sheep ships up the hill to John Curtin SHS…
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Avoiding the kids in the DBs for fear of getting a dunny flush.
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Exactly.
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Russell Crowe is writing songs for a movie of Dirt Music:
http://au.news.yahoo.com/thewest/a/-/breaking/9756522/stars-line-up-to-make-winton-movies/
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Oh dear God ….
I’m not sure the universe can take that much worstness.
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Was Our Patti there?
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No. No She-Ra either.
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c-list
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Shazza?
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NO, not enough beautiful people.
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just andrew then.
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I believe I was thew best dressed male there. Woosha had a tie on at least.
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don’y you mean ‘most overdressed’ ?
a bow tie? really? in the twenty-first century? did you have a waistcoat and a fob watch? you really shouldn’t believe what you hear on Doctor Who.
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If you’re not man enough to be able to wear a pink ruffled shirt and a bow tie, then don’t blame me for your discomfort with your sexuality. By all means continue with your turn up jeans wearing.
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The curse of sedentary middle age, legs stop growing, waist and arse don’t. Too cheap to learn to sew.
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And noone is going to mention the turnups?
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I believe Tim donated those pants to the State Library
that was a turn-up for the books
boom-tish etc.
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Yes, a nice cloth edition.
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Jeez i reread that comment several times because i didn’t understand. I thought you had misspelt turnips and was trying to comprehend how they would fit into the story line. Ahhh, anyhoo, carry on.
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720 this morning there’s a facebook group trying to get Atlantis restarted, and anonymous employee said the ex-atlantis dolphins died at Hillarys cos they were poisoned
Then Mark McGowan phoned up and said he heard nothing about getting Atlantis in Rockingham. Weird.
Well shit Mark, get your mates and a ute and dig up the sculptures and bring the vibrancy
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So the dolphins were murdered. Who’s that tool saying they weren’t?
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Rockingham is bidding for Pet Heaven don’t forget.
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Brilliant. Rockingham has capacity for many more imaginary places, not just Atlantis and Pet Heaven. Expect McGowan to announce bids for Narnia, Neverland, Midian, Darch, Brigadoon, and Valhalla in the coming weeks.
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Kwinarnia?
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oh god I laughed so hard. I’ve lived there all my life, and I can’t believe I never thought of that. It is, in many ways, a magical town full of mythological creatures and incredible vibrancy…
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Don’t forget Martin
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I think your best work yet LA.
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Maybe I should do a Winton live show.
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Yes. We could have a haiku slam! And prizes for people who can Winton live the longest. JJ/NF#1 could skewer more paperbacks.
Why do I have to dream up all the good ideas?
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Winton feestylin’ rockin’ the mike, in da house, and so forth.
barefoot natch
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I do believe it was I who coined the term “Wintoff” with such an event in mind, Coco.
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Improv WIntoning is harder than a (x) on one of them golden (y), but Winton readings where you do the voice…?
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And the gut?
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multiple chins
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The nose. I’m so out of contention if the nose is a pre-req.
I would be afraid to begin improv spoken Wintoning, as I have been afeared to try my hand at the written form – I fear not being able to stop once I have so begun…
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The Winton nose has a lot of the Dick Tracey about it.
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Lexcen-esque?
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Yes.
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Or…
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@Snuff – LOL
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I think I love you…in a cybernetic kinda way.
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Hmm. From my count, that was a response directed to me?
I think I’m flattered… in a cybernetic kinda way.
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Here’s a moment for you, IF you are the REAL JH – Have just watched ep 4 of Season 1 of SeaChange.
Pool comp. Hubba hubba…. *drool*
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I think real. Wasn’t he in the club or Dons Party? Something williamson.
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Have never seen a single ep of sea change or packed to rafters. They both looked terrible. JH was a surgeon or similar in nuevo young doctors aka all saints.
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Soz TLA please scrap that last, and consider this
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Why scrap it? That looked pretty good.
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i tried
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Phwoar. Sigrid… *sigh*
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Am I wrong in thinking that the really mammoth threads always seem to be Winton threads? Is it the case that everyone’s got a bone to pick, like that old heeler used to lie around in the shade from Len’s trailer on one of them tawny April arvoes when the sun-swept dust just used to hang there like sputum on the sands and we’d sit and wait and watch the children down where the surface meets the sea as they’d straggle and squeal in those untempered Antarctic currents we’d all get back then on them days like those and after days and days and what seemed like years of dry dirt and drought we’d be grateful just for little moments exactly such as this, when everything seemed like it’d seemed that way forever and always would?
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nah, you’d be right mate.
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and some of us from the tablelands (of NSW) would count the wasps that kill the white moths . and wait for the frost that kills our lambs…some of us don’t live in a poetic world…but we live,,,
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Ive read all your comments now John and have to say I have no fucking idea what you are on about but assume you were pissed at the time of writing. Either that or you are just a complete plonker.
PS. thanks for the explanantion re. the floor.
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Awesome comments. The white moth especially.
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You mean you understand them? They dont seem rambling and incoherent to you? Perhaps I had a stroke overnight and have lost comprehension skills.
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Absolute clarity. Wonderful if faux Howard. Sublime if real.
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Agreed if faux Howard, which was my first thought.
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And yet it has a certain verisimliililitude no?
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If you mean in relation to literature, no. In relation to science, perhaps.
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You got that right.
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Normally would recommend a dignified silence as the best response from a cast member in these circumstances, especially as the review concentrates on the shoe wearing of the playwright, and it’s a satirical site, but I have to say, a response like “…would count the wasps that kill the white moths . and wait for the frost that kills our lambs…” could make me change that reccomendation.
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What the fuck are you trying to do? ‘Dignified silence’ doesn’t get you 700 comments. Where would this blog be without the tragi-comic results of self-goggling? We’d have no Chong, no Dr Harries PhD, no Henk Firepower, the list goes on. Dignified silence indeed.
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I mean that’s what they should be doing. I’m pleased that they don’t. I think Duke Nukem Buckles has been the only one to come out on top.or at least break even.
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Let the fickle finger of fate do what it may, TLA.
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The big ones used to be how shit the West, Paul Murray and the media in general was. Now noone cares about those tools.
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and Chong. I think she still holds the record. A gift that keeps giving.
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I think the Inseminators was the highest comment count. What a classic post.
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I had to go back and read Inseminators again, it’s just as good (or better) second time around. However, I’m still not sure if it’s about the rooting or not
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Inseminators – 759 comments
Rising Water – 184.
Got a way to go yet
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I had forgotten there were so many. 759. Wow.
Well if the cast is going to get (unwisely) involved, there may be a chance for RW post to run. And google has indexed it up a storm, so all searches are putting it at or near the top.
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I’m all for the cast getting involved, unwise or otherwise.
If only Tim had access to the inter webby thingy,…
Chong and You – 413
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yes yes yes
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Winton’s play has received mixed reviews in the local press as DFOC can attest. A thumbs down from the Success Libertard ” set sail for fail”, but a thumbs up from the Mirrabooka Looker and the Darch Examiner. Nothing but banjos has been heard from the offices of the Armadale Yodeler.
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Any scrivening tool knows that you should never write a play with the words ‘rising’ and ‘water’ in the title. What are the reviewers gonna say, even if it IS good (and I’m sure that it ain’t.) What reviewer could go past the obvious ‘Rising Water Sinks Like a Stone’? Or, the beautifully cliched, ‘Rising Water Leaks Like a Sieve’? Or – ‘Water always Rises before the Flush is Finished’ or some such shite.
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Jezza, How can you say that ” I’m sure that it ain’t” if you haven’t seen it? I’m in it and I’ve been in a shitload of plays in my 30 odd years of acting…and I reckon it’s a very good play. please explain to me why you don’t.
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Really? A “shitload?” Well hell’s bells, that inspires confidence in your taste.
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Goddamn Bill O’Slatter that’s funny.
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Incorrect, the only sound coming from the Armahole Self-Exminer is the bubble from the bong
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Russell Crowe is The Darch Examiner. Based on the popular website, “Rate my Poo”.
Quick, someone get scrivening!
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What is wrong with you people? Why do you bash local artists who can bring more cred to Perth and WA ? Don’t you realise that everyone of you who gains international recognition brings more attention on your city and on all artists from the city…don’t you realise that rhe world already knows about you …that the world is already interested…ask anyone in serious IT…design, art, performance, painting, you name it…dance…for f#ks sake get on with it…stop carping…you are already part of the world culture…just do it…
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We will decide which out of state artists grace our stages, and the manner of their entree.
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And that includes John Waters doing Glass Onion.
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touche…if a little cliche…
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Some of the people genuinely interested in culture and art would seriously challenge the concept of ‘world recognition’. it most generally means a pale imitation of something imported from elsewhere.
Originality and creativity must be eked out in small doses to people, otherwise cultural reflux occurs, spewing the products of our greater minds before the feet of rampant commercialism and petty parochialism.
So, if you ever come up with something seriously original, you have to administer it in small spoonsful to the cultural scene; winging it so dangerously low under the radar of imitative mediocrity that you are in danger of colliding with the tiny towers of critique that pass for informed review.
“Cast ye not Pearls before Swine”
Especially those who always have their ‘snouts in the trough’.
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I think every other review has agreed with me. Nice set, shame about the play.
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And the cast made the play much more enjoyable than it really deserved to be…
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Dude, some of us just think Tim Winton’s writing is overhyped, cliched and deeply embarrassing.
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Don’t wanna admit it’s shitty, so instead I’ll keep hintin’,
The whole world’s heard of Perth now, and it’s all down to Winton
You probably think I’m mad, but I’ll repeat my claim,
His brand of vapid horseshit is our town’s ticket to fame
I don’t know why I’m starring in a Winton
I’m clutching at straws, defendin’ Winton
If I’ve been typecast as an old fart, well you won’t hear me complain
My career’s depended on the public’s appetite for lame
It’s so easy to embrace such cheap parochiality
Once you’ve mingled with the very best of Perth’s literati
I don’t know why I’m starring in a Winton
I’m plumbing new depths in service of Winton
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All together now,
I don’t know why I’m starring in a Winton
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(swoon)…
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swoon song?
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Ace JJ
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Pingback: Outrage Sunday Nein | The Worst of Perth
Sorry ‘WORST OF PERTH’ loved the play, laughed a lot at the Perth ‘jibes’ so funny especially to a Perth born & bred girl. Stage design spectacular – acting superb and all held within the opulantly understated Heath Ledger Theatre – a real treat! Well done Tim Winton, cast & crew – thoroughly enjoyed!
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The theatre was nice. Very small, but nice. Jokes were consisteently lame.
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Sorry guys, I haven’t read through the thread so far. Just one question: who was that fat old git with the scruffy hair who played that pedophile principal guy? It’s bad enough security didn’t stop that burnt-out old drugged-out hippie from clambering up on stage at the end – he wasn’t even wearing any shoes for crying out loud, some people have no respect – but seriously, I thought someone’s senile grandpa had gotten lost and was sleazing onto the lead actress.
Won’t somebody please think of the children?
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Nice set though.
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Very.
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Game and match, I should say.
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Would have thought the bad accents and spotless dungarees of Cloudstreet were warning enough for the sane.
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You’ve been watching it? Any other comments on it?
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Happy Birthday Tim Winton
Love ya work
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I’m worried that this will peter out at only 250 comments. Perhaps management has said to JH “Ixnay on the antingray. You’re just giving these haters oxygen.” (or perhaps methane.).
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It’s actually amazing how much negative energy you all put into slagging off Tim Winton. If you didn’t like the play then no worries. Be critical, that’s fine, that’s what happens. But the childish and vicious personal attacks are just embarrassing. It is so easy is to sit there and hound someone who is putting their energy into being creative. Tim has stepped out of his comfort zone and written a play. What have you put your time and energy into? Following all his works and proceeding to tear it to shreds with your online accomplices? Wow. What a fucking amazing ambition. You all deserve a medal. It’s sad to think that while you’re trying to be creative or artistic and make something your own, there are groups of people like yourselves who willingly avoid just being constructive or critical. It’s about making sure that everyone knows that you hate him and that they should too. To the point where you have a “Wintoning Project”? And the way you all high-five each other while doing it is beyond me. How messed up is is that? And all because of what? You had to study his books in school? Or because you don’t like his ponytail? Because he didn’t dress as well as you did on the opening night? Grow a pair. You sound like bored teenagers. And you might be, it’s hard to tell with bloggers. Also, why did you see the play? I’d be surprised if you went because you thought you might enjoy it. I imagine it was so that you could add to your “Wintoning” collection. The fact that people spent most of this topic bitching about how he didn’t wear shoes on stage, or thinking up new ways to poke fun at Tim makes you look so immature and desperate. It’s comforting to think that this site is only really made up of a few bitter people that seem to have nothing else to do. I think you knew that this was the case when you created it though. Thank god I don’t know you people in real life. This place really is the worst of Perth.
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I would quite like a medal.
What can we strike for ourselves?
The Sunny Vibrant KPI?
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H – Is Tim a wanker for wearing shoes and then taking them off when on stage? Or not?
H – how do you ‘know’ you don’t know the TWOP ppl IRL?
H – Can my medal be made of the metal from the inside lid of a 1kg milo tin please, and dont worry about engraving it, I only need a pen and an audience, just like you.
The SV KPI Liberation Army Front of Darch
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Gold.
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See TLA, this gift will keep on giving long after you think its done with. I say 300 plus by the end of July.
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You forgot to say ‘loosers’ and ‘get a life’, but you did do the standard riff on ‘you are the worst of Perth’ and ‘you don’t create anything, you just criticise’, so I’ll give you an 8.7. Good work, but I’ve read better.
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well, at least it’s well written and spelt, but it lacks originality.
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I’d give an extra .5 for no spelling mistakes and appropriate apostrophication.
However I would say if you love Tim that much, why don’t you marry him?
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could have used some paragraph breaks, and I can’t abide people who start a sentence with a conjunction.
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not to mention
“It’s sad to think that while you’re trying to be creative or artistic and make something your own, there are groups of people like yourselves who willingly avoid just being constructive or critical.”
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And it does have the requisite “sit there”.
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Hang on, I found a spelling mistake. God has a capital letter.
Give back that other 1/2 a point
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You mean grow a pair of shoes?
These are always so heartfelt aren’t they?
“Also, why did you see the play? I’d be surprised if you went because you thought you might enjoy it. I imagine it was so that you could add to your “Wintoning” collection.” Dude, seriously. Low blow.
“Thank god I don’t know you people in real life.” Dream on sweetie.
“Tim has stepped out of his comfort zone and written a play.” No I think it was the same comfort zone he’s always been in.
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andrew, how prescient of you to create this site for us few, bitter and twisted folk who have nothing better to do.
i can’t thank you enough.
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And I think we’re lovely.
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In a smart arse kind of way, yes we are.
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you are what you drink
and I’m a bitter man
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Lucky he didn’t see this one.
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I’ve read Clodstreet four times
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“And all because of what?”
Because I loved him once, and he broke my heart.
What, just the fact that he’s a terrible writer isn’t enough for you?
Also, your mum is truly the worst of Perth.
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‘comfort zone’ ? ‘grow a pair’ ?
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yeah yeah, yeah, We’ve heard it all before, as in:
“This is my husbands truck….. So tell me what, “nerd or Geek” goes around our city looking for unusual and strange “things” and thinks it’s so cool and funny, at someone’s else’s expense. You are a sad bunch of lonely twats!!!!!
PS yes my husbands truck is poor but he earns a F##K load more money than you will ever see in your life time!!! Not you Greg. CHEERS”
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As I don’t live in Perth can I be the Worst of East 39th Street?
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H. You weren’t in the play by any chance? This has the mixture of ego and inadequacy you’d expect from a board treading thespian.
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…and it’s cracked 250
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271
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Lazy you’re an absolute wanker. Tim is a champion and could have walked out there in a bluey and boardies for all i care. His contribution to environmental causes alone earns him that right. I went last night and saw it and was impresssed. Sure the dialogue was a bit much at times but it’s his first go.
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Hahahahaha aaahhhhh hahahahah or ROFL as the kids say. Fantastic.
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Bluey and boardies.
Now why didn’t I think of that, he mused as he jammed his toes into the converse knockoffs he’d found on a stall in the station markets, where once he and Beccy’d wandered palm in sweaty palm, eating greasy noodles from the old Chinaman’s stall in heady anticipation of …
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If I was establishing a dugong sanctuary in Hyde Park, I’d still wear shoes. There is no environmental or charity activity that would offset that ponytail.
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Yes Lazy: you’re a champion wanker. Your contribution to kerning causes means you can never wear Dolce & Gabbana singlets again. I am not impressed with your first-go mojitos as you sure put too much mint in. Have a good hard look at yourself – cheers.
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Surely my contribution to Wintoning and Ben Eltonism entitles me?
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yeah Lazy you wanker, its Tim’s first go at getting his writing in front of an audience, cut him some slack
Mike – do you theatre much? and not just Fest of Perth Shakespeare gone wife-beater Bollywood
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I am actually going to be speaking at the Tim Winton lecture theatre today. Wearing shoes.
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In much the same way Tim was in the Heath Ledger Theatre, breathing.
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I noted the ambiguity there, but didn’t know whether I should try to chase him down… he’s a slippery customer, that TLA.
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Will you be talking about seniors recreating on marathons while wearing Jedi Knight robes after a big night out on a Coles train?
Or something else?
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Stretching your student dollar. How buying homebrand rum is a false economy.
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How to grow hydroponic mint?
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How the Milk Crate and Goon Bag revolutionised student interior design – A History.
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Thought the play was brilliant.
What’s the problem with shoes, or lack thereof? I won’t be bothering to come near this website again – tedious.
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Liar.
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Does anyone here remember good old Lynn?
When she said we would meet again, some sunny day…
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I was born a Dunlop Volley man …
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If you don’t deal with the shoes, you’re left with nothing. See you tomorrow.
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I wonder how you work out if you are near or far from websites on the internet Lynn?
You say tedious, I say pompous.
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With the indexing on this site, it’s probably like rats in urban areas – you might not be able to see them, but there’s always one just a few feet away at any time…
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Quote. “Al the other reviews were pretty much the sam as TWOP, except they didn’t use the word cunt.”
Very true.
They all mssed the shoe issue too.
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Someone in teh wets 16/7 correctly observed of their day in Freo that ‘no whiney Tim Wintons’ were to be seen. I believe the Freo council should be notified immediately of this lack of artistic amenity in the windy city. I am outraged etc,
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Someone wrote that? Who?
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May have been Broadfield, in the ever thinning puff piece in the middle.
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If I recall correctly it was Broadfield.
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Yes: he went to Sandrino’s after feeling squeamish at the vibrancy (fingerprints on a menu) at another place.
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Yes. Pasta, crap. Pizza, perfect.
Never been there myself.
Speaking of vibrant, I took a drive though Perth city on the weekend. There was ooshta up the yin yang. I barely recognised the place. Parked and walked up King St. Then drove past the busting at the seams and very groovy Garden Restaurant, then parked at the Art Gallery had a quick walk around. Really liked what’s been done with the water feature next to the gallery. Also copped a quick glimpse at the Heath Ledger theatre. Have to say my little town is growing up.
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Yes, it is changing. Pity those future cunts will be the main ones to benefit.
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and its changing one blog post at a time
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And Broaders was on the radio with Cammo this morning, in a piece of 720 GOLD, chuckling over how he was waiting to hear from Timbo’s lawyer about the description… The up side of this aural shite is that I can’t wait to get out of the house and head to work… even on a Monday morning.
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maybe you could just turn the radio off and have a sickie.
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I have much to learn from you, Oh Great One.
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I think opens in melb this week. Hope to see a review that calls it “An aquatic Don’s Party 2”.
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Unless I’m one of the high flyers, no mention of me. Outrage! No mention of shoes either.
http://www.perthnow.com.au/man-overboard-tim-winton/story-fn6cmyjj-1226101518373
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The literary terrorists have won.
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“I look back over the work for 30 years and I think, ‘God, where are they getting the idea that I’m safe?”
We didn’t say “safe”. We said “predictable”.
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He “fessed up” and subsequently declared that marine parks are “massively overdue”.
What ever happened to the English language?
He is neither an Adirondack hillbilly nor does tardiness have any weight to it.
I didn’t do any more nit-picking as I had to rush to the bog to vomit.
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An embarrassment of riches.
Our camus in tshirt and thongs.
Earthy.
Bittersweet. etc.
Really, he had to “move up to” “the city” from Freo? I’ll grant Freo’s another planet, but it’s still just a half hour drive or train ride away.
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Did it say he had a “ruttish smell”? can’t remember.
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He crossed the bent boards of the front verandah, faded and salt-cracked from 102 summers in the baking Fremantle heat and fullon blasts from the doctor. Before he descended the steps he stopped and gazed back at the brine-marinated weatherboards, Tibetan prayer flags batting at his face like a swarm of flies in a layby on the Great Northern when you feasted on your sweaty polony sangers and warm bottle of Weaver & Lock after dad stopped the HJ after one too many “Dad are we there yet?”s. I’ll there yet you, he’d grunted affectionately and stopped the car and got out the igloo from the creaking boot.
Phwoar, this is it, he told himself. If I can make it there I’ll make it anywhere. It’s goodbye to old smalltown Freo with its 500 funky cafes, gourmet burger restaurants, working port, 10 microbreweries, nightclubs, converted warehouse apartments, Domes, university, cinema complex, Myer store, Library, homeopathy clinics, nascent small bar scene, football oval, homewares shops, four star hotels and major teaching hospital. Going to the big city up the line, way inland where the briny winds didn’t reach, choked by uncaring crowds of big city slickers, his soul would cry out every restless night he spent in a serviced apartment for his sleepy unpretentious hometown so far away, but he’d have to grit his teeth and stick it out in Perth for a couple of weeks in order not to commute for an hour a fucking day like thousands of others manage to do. For becky’s sake.
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Waxed and polished like a beautiful cold pint of milk, PL. Fantastic.
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Excellent PL. You were barefoot when you wrote this, I can just tell.
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hats off, pants off, cons off [applause]
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“…commute for an hour a fucking day like thousands of others manage to do.”
Love the passion here.
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I would have thought he’d travel on one of those stand up surfboards with paddles.
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Yeah. get well dog.
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Feel much better now thanks but still weak.
I was greatly provoked by the article’s combination of traditional Freo style parochialism, which has always shitted me to tears, with continued tending of the Winton image … an unpretentious smalltown humble boy.. not used to the big city… concrete jungle… bright lights etc… It played when his hometown was shitholes like Cervantes or Lancelin, but Freo. It’s a suburb of Perth. Full of million dollar houses. I used to commute there for work for fuck’s sake.
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Pert NOW? what about the qantas link I sent. harumph. Good day sir! I say Good Day!
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Was it as good? I didn’t see why. Did I read wrong thing?
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Whatever happened to Weaver and Lock?
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I think the factory on Scarb Beach rd has been featured here somewhere.
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There was some discussion in this thread.
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Lock became a weaver and weaver drowned in a loch.
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Don’t practice your creative writing skills on us.
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Has it opened Melbourne yet? Haven’t seen a review. The searches are annoyingly clogged with my own posts.
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Is Dylan Moran worth seeing ?
http://www.heraldsun.com.au/entertainment/arts/a-voice-that-demands-attention/story-fn7eul6a-1226106562991
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Saw Rising Tide at a preview in Melbourne last night. Cloudstreet is just about The Great Australian Novel. But this play wouldn’t have got the funding for it’s magnificent set if it didn’t have the Tim Winton name attached. It played like a writing excercise for someone’s first effort at a play.
Drop the Kid, or have him do/say something usefully related to the story. Maybe work out what it is you’re trying to say. Is it something about Australia Day, or about the marginal people who inhabit marina caravan parks? About lives flittered away as you get older? The floating Lesbian is a bit of titallation or easy cliche? If the former then have her get her kit off.
And I agree, Tim needs to be a candidate for a makeover in Queer Eye for a Straight Guy.
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“The floating Lesbian is a bit of titallation or easy cliche? If the former then have her get her kit off.”
Exactly. Water borne lesbian wasted.
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preferably wrestling with a mermaid (or dugong)
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Ironic that Tim Winton is accused of posing – and then I read these comments, many from people who haven’t seen the play, interested in nothing other than ‘Aren’t I clever’. Even a statement from one of the actors can’t burst the bubble.
Ironic that people say they fell asleep/nearly fell asleep and then complain it didn’t make sense.
Here’s a clue or three – go to see a play if you’re going to contribute to ‘reviews’. Stay awake with an engaged brain if you want to go beyond the superficial. If you’re mainly interested in looking at the playwright’s feet, stay home.
I didn’t think it was perfect and in particular thought the boy and boat unnecessary but otherwise the play had a lot more to offer than is suggested here. The audience on the night I saw it agreed.
If you haven’t read any Tim Winton, don’t start with Breath which has a limited target audience. I realise it’s short so if you can’t read a big book like Cloudstreet, maybe start with ‘That Eye the Sky’. Don’t read him at all if you’re so cool and picky you can’t manage Magic Realism and just want to know about his footwear. Don’t read him at all if you have some inexplicable need to dislike him.
Like John Howard, presumably, I reached here looking for reviews. Although I called it inexplicable, through all the words what I see is ‘green eyes’, ‘Tall Poppy’ and a void where ideas and genuine thought should be. I see Tim Winton barefoot all the time in Fremantle and would rather read about the play than his feet, so now I’m off to look for a real one and some fresh ideas rather than the stereotyped posing here.
I can see why this is called The Worst of Perth’. I couldn’t agree more.
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“I see Tim Winton barefoot all the time in Fremantle and would rather read about the play than his feet…”
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The review is accurate. You don’t need to find others, because they all say the same. Set great, actors fine, play…meh. What are you talking about, I was awake and engaged for the whole thing, despite the lameness. I’ve read Cloudstreet, that’s the basis of my antipathy. I was led to expect great literature from a national treasure, and instead got wall to wall cheese and WA cliche. I’m sure old shoeless Tim will thank you for unreccommending Breathe.(Why does everyone who comes here to defend him end up sticking the knife in as well?
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I live in Fremantle. Ive never seen Tim walking about with no shoes. Be sure if I do TLA my camera will be charged and at the ready.
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He has been seen , however , in a stupid Kombi van or was it a look-alike. Who cares ? And Mark I*d rate your post as 9/10 on the gratuitous lesbian scale.
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Wait, is this a pisstake? By law you have to tell me.
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If he can’t afford shoes, he must not be a very good writer.
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No, to be able to afford shoes, but eschew them, that’s where it is.
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No – wearing one shoe is what all the Beaufort Street hipsters are up to.
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I think two actors wrote in. I have been told that this one by H is also from one of the actors.I’m not sure it is wise to include John Howard in your argument. He may have been astral travelling during some of his comments.
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Ahh, this blog is the ‘worst’ of Perth. I see what you did there. Nice one.
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Dear Jeremy,
Go fuck yourself.
Signed:
Someone who has never seen Tim Winton, barefoot or not.
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A Yale man!
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I note the cover art for Pearl Jam’s 1992 single Jeremy features more than one bare foot.
Coincidence? I think not…
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Melbourne Age review is in:
“struggling to stay afloat.’ and lots of other Wintonesque nautical motifs
“It’s a sinker, and you can only wish that it went down, as one character quips, ”like a bag of cats”.
http://www.theage.com.au/entertainment/about-town/struggling-to-stay-afloat-20110810-1imlu.html
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Wait, that review is harsher than mine! Can I say “Grow a pair” “your negative energy” “tall poppy syndrome” to reviewer cameron Woodhead?
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More like brown eyes than green.
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I think he read your review and copied it. Same basic idea about ‘Nice set, shame about the text.’ Poor characterization, clunky dialogue, hackneyed colloquialisms,
I particularly liked ‘metaphor-crowded sentiment’, which is the very essence of Wintoning
all so green-eyed. Bet that Mr. Woodhead couldn’t write a play
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And the shoes, will noone think of the shoes? Was Tim at the Melb opening?
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Near-hysterical lesbians?
Now I regret not seeing it. When is it out on video?
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Ads by Google: Obituary Notices Online
lol
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Pingback: Outrage Sunday 15 Modern Manners | The Worst of Perth
crikey says ‘The set is brilliant, the acting top-notch and the script is hilarious, writes Suzannah Marshall Macbeth.’
http://blogs.crikey.com.au/curtaincall/2011/08/15/review-rising-water-playhouse-melbourne/
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She lived just up the road from the freo sailing club. There’s your problem.
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The set is brilliant – yet she totally overlooks the technical mastery that went into it, focussing only on the mettyfors.
Philistine.
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Returning to normal, non-dogging programming, here is another review of the Melbourne run:
http://www.artshub.com.au/au/news-article/reviews/performing-arts/rising-water-185167?sc=1
TLA suddenly looks quite generous in his appraisals.
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And I see that Mr Howard has commented on that review in his usual lucid manner, also.
I wish he’d come back… he was Good Value here.
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Ouch: the actors are allegedly “denser than a mud cake”…or was that a bit of clumsy writing?
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Why do these always have “We all love Tim Winton’s books…” Isn’t it obvious that this is not true?
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Thanks to this mindset amongst those who set high school curriculum texts in this country, we are blessed with a generation of youngsters who have been instilled with loathing for Wintoning…
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Could be snide in this case. We all used to love ..etc
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Clumsy ? It’s all a bit like Waiting for Godot – but not.
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Spot on. We left Melbourne performance at interval but would have left earlier had we not been stuck in middle of row next to someone who had fallen asleep.
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another review:
‘Where the play runs aground is its tendency to interrupt itself with heavily sentimental stage gestures and monologues.’
‘Pray, Mr. Winton, what precisely is the “sound of green”? Or even the “smell of sunlight”? Why, I put it to you, Sir, that this is nothing but rhetorical synesthesia gone mad!’
http://www.au.timeout.com/melbourne/theatre/events/444/rising-water
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Is it Tim Winton walking on water perhaps?
I saw the play last night and I like this review. I guess I say that because I agree with most of what it has to say. Judging from the lacklustre applause at the end the audience last night would also have agreed. I’ve had more interesting round robin conversations and family gatherings. And I don’t like speeches that dish the dirty out on white Anglo Saxon types. I’ve heard them before, they’re almost cliche, except that they are old and tired and not true. Sorry for the actors who were terrific.
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This is up for a Best New Play gong: I bet it will win and you will be exposed as a looser TLA…
http://equityguild.org.au/about-us/2011-awards/equity-guild-awards-nominations-2011
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More like ‘dreckquity’ guild am I right ha ha ha
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http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/tim-tams-ugg-boots-and-kangaroos-gifts-to-us-first-family-from-pm-julia-gillard/story-e6frf7jo-1226197850087
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We gave the First Family a book that features a character who’s heavily into the old strangle-shag, then? Sure that’d be a good bed time story for the girls… Do you reckon anyone in Canberra has read these books, or did they just see the gold sticker on the cover? Hmm…
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Excuse me I’m going to vomit. Sickofants all of them
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My sources tell me that Le Winton was at Black Swan’s production of Hilary Bell’s The White Divers of Broome on Friday night. My sources have been suitably reprimanded for not taking note of (presence/absence of) footware.
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I was at first night for this play ! It was the only live theatre performance on which I ever walked out before the interval . So I missed the author s bare feet but saw them next day in the news . It wasn’t v convincing .
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Although the set was beautifully done. But wasted on this.
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