Sunday Morning Coming Down

I walked from Embleton to Claremont and back yesterday and recorded the worsts. If the future wants to know what Perth was like on a Sunday morning in 2011, then this is what it iiiiissssss. I like that the vibrancy we’re getting from sinking the railway is a sullen white woman, a suspicious asian and a bloke with a beard with some kind of safari suit on. It’s practically EXACTLY AS I EXPECTED! The sullen whitey seems to be emoting, “I didn’t sign no fucking release form!” We will be getting giant Asians as well apparently.The sossie sign and the bong and detox are from the Arrondissement, (detox suspiciously near the Freedom centre). The porno is part of the new entertainment centre precinct. The highlight of the trip was the semi matching Valiant and Kombi in Subi. The last is three full bottles of beer left at the bus stop. Some kind of extra dry shitty concoction. But full? Dudes! Can’t you read a fucking timetable? The bus is coming Skull it!

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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94 Responses to Sunday Morning Coming Down

  1. Grrr says:

    Now, that’s what I call Perth.

    (That People/Picture(?) is in surprisingly good condition given the soaking it would have gotten over the weekend.)

    Like

  2. Lucky Star says:

    If the sausage sizzle sign, bong and detox tea are all nearby one another, perhaps they’re meant to be taken one after the other… smoke the bong, get the munchies and eat from the sausage sizzle, then drink the detox tea to, well, detox from the other two.

    The old Entertainment Centre is looking very naked and exposed these days. There’s a deliciously gory view of the demolition from the buses going in and out of the back of Wellington St Bus Station.

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  3. Liam says:

    The Valiant and Kombi are a Not Worst.
    (Thought it was a Premier at first glance, that would have been even better).

    Like

    • Bag O'Turnips says:

      Yes, Holden Premiers—especially the EH, HK, HQ and the king of ’em all (in my opinion), the HZ, but any really—are very much sought after vehicles and when in top original condition, fetch a five-figure sum.

      But I rather the Valiants myself, as they are something of an underdog compared to the illustrious and more popular Holden, whereas the Falcons of that era seem to be somewhat orphaned nowadays, despite being a very popular car back in the day. Also I feel that the Vals were a more sassily stylish looking vehicle, for the people who wanted or needed a full-size family car, but wished to be a little more individual away from the Blue and Red camps…if I ever so needed something of that size these days, a diesel-engined Chrysler 300C wagon (the modern-day answer to Tonsley Park’s finest, the ones sold here built by Steyr in Austria) would suit me down to the ground, simply by sheer dint of having such an extrovert, almost thuggish, boulevard prowler perversely powered by compression ignition, with its attendant tractor clatter, rather than the more typical V8 snarl; bad attitude veneer with a thoughtful and honest heart. And I find appeal in that they appear to reference Chryslers, even Valiants, of yore, looking like a 70s Val side-on, an R series at the front and a VF from the rear.

      Mind you, I’d just keep the standard alloys, rather than the blingy oversized ones liquorice-strap rubber so enamoured by wiggaz and CUBs.

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      • Have I shared this before? This pedestrian gouging masterpiece was on the bonnet of my 1970 Valiant.

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          • Almost, but mine had round lights and obviously not the 6 cyl emblem. Maybe Teh Bag can narrow down the year.

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            • Bag O'Turnips says:

              Yes, that’d be a VG Hardtop from mid-1970 to mid-1971, the one WAtching has pointed out…yours with the round light would’ve been the VF, which surfaced in September 1969 and was superseded by the VG in August the next year. If yours was a V8 (which featured the very cool hood ornament you’ve got a picture of), then it was a 318 Fireball (5.2 L).

              So yours would have been similar to this one here.

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                • Bag O'Turnips says:

                  Dunno why, but I was under the impression that it was a hardtop. But that’d have a very groovy car to cruise the boulevards in.

                  Mind you, the fuel bill wouldn’t have been too groovy, which has me recalling when I borrowed my Dad’s 1978 HZ Statesman: that was a marvellous car to amble about in, but oh boy, the petrol consumption of that beast, which had been modified slightly with a 650 Holley carburettor and extractors, meant that I faced a petrol bill of $70 a week, instead of the $35 I had with my two-litre Escort…that was when petrol was 65 cents a litre: I couldn’t imagine how much that’d cost to run now! That experience forever put me off owning V8s.

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  4. sharon says:

    The Tim Gossage sign is a cracker TLA.

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    • Rebalehan says:

      A Gossage and a sossage in the same post, It’s poetry

      Like

    • I couldhave strung theseoutfor a week

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    • Paracleet says:

      Shall we all go? How could you pass up such an opportunity?
      Wait, What?

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      • RubyRuby says:

        Which pub? Which night? So long as it’s not part of the travesty of pub trivia that is Funky Bunch hosted nights, it might be worth a look?

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        • RubyRuby says:

          Sorry – tomorrow night then. Where? Is there a dress code?

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          • It was across the rd from the subi. I am thinking it was outside bar section of Chutney mary’s or similar if there is such a thing.

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            • The talk from the barmaids at Subi was classic. One was going on about feeling crap after big night out, and looking to hide from the manager. The other one, I tell no lie said, “You know when you’re 18 you can just go out and party? Now I’m 22, I’m really starting to feel it the next day.”

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            • vegan says:

              looks like little chutneys. they have a fairly large bar in the rear of the restaurant.

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              • sharon says:

                hello vicar.

                Like

                • Snuff says:

                  Nice one, Shaz.

                  Looks like I picked the wrong day to give up sniffing glue be too busy for TWoP. A veritable Worstorama, except for the Valiant and Kombi which are so not worst they perfectly counterweight the rest.

                  Like

                  • orbea says:

                    I want BoT here to talk about the ELB on the later model Vals

                    Like

                    • Bag O'Turnips says:

                      That Val (I too concur, alongside with a similar era VW Type 2 Kombi that I’m sure was the Chartreuse microbus of “eleven long-haired Friends of Jesus” as sung about in C.W. McCall’s “Convoy”, isn’t Worst at all) is a 1975 or 1976 VK Valiant, with the “Fuel Pacer” lights, which lit up when the engine was under high load, thus reminding the driver to ease off on the gas, situated on the leading edges of the mudguards, which doubled as indicator lights, of which also were fitted to the journo’s car of high status, the Sigma SE—resplendent with rouched-and-buttoned corduroy trim— from 1977 to 1980.

                      This Valiant, complete with vintage Kalamunda rego plates, looks to be in very original condition and is a credit to its keeper. I love the fact that it appears to have been quite well-optioned, noticing the steel sports wheels, the aforementioned pacer lights and quite possibly, a 4.3 litre (265 c.i.) Hemi six (though the 245/4.0 was no slouch either). This model, finished in red in Regal spec, was the chosen conveyance of everyone’s favourite Aussie crime fighter, Bluey Hills, a.k.a Bargearse.

                      I’d love to have a Val from that era, if only to drop my recent disavowal of personalised vanity plates and fit “BARGEY” onto it…those who fondly remember The Late Show (the D-Generation variety, not the Letterman one) will get the joke. Besides, it’s nigh on impossible to kill these Chryslers: a disproportionate amount of them still exist compared to their HJ Kingswood and (particularly) the XB Falcon contemporaries.

                      Oh yeah. The rest of the Worsts are pretty darned fine too: I don’t think it was the weekend rain that was only the downpour that caused the pages in the stickbook to warp and bind (I know most young blokes nowadays prefer the bald look, but there are still some who appreciate some verdancy in the ladygarden) and the improvised bong is a telling reminder why Barnett Rubble, “Bobby” Johnson (pun that juxtaposes his Ol’ Blighty origin and his ministerial portfolio…that’s what I’m calling him from now on) and Keystone Kop Komish Karl shouldn’t ban proper smoking implements (OK, I got on my soapbox again there).

                      I think I’d better detox with some organic fair-trade Kronic tea chomping on a free sausage washed down with three TEDs sitting with my safari suit in my vibrant Val in the Ent Cent carpark gazing at the hedges with a head full of trivia…I would need to do that if I had the cojones to do what you just did.

                      You’re either mad or a Legend (not the 101 class) TLA for abusing yourself with such a smorgasbord of Worsting. Bat on.

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                    • Thanks Bag. Yes, I’ve been called a crackpot forwalking 32 k’s. But look at the results. Future cunts will be wanking in their graves over this cultural offering. My 3000 calories and 7 hours will translate into infinity hours of cultural studies.

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                    • And to be clear, not fucken hemiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate?

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                    • The only achilles heel of these chryslers is the constant (and wilful) overheating. You can kill them by driving them 2 kilometers in January.

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                    • orbea says:

                      B to the O to the Apostophe T
                      Glad you’re back.

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                    • orbea says:

                      ELB?

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                    • Snuff says:

                      And here it is, BO’T, complete with Bargearse turbo..

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                    • Bag O'Turnips says:

                      No wukkas, Fuuuucken Hemiiiiiiiiiiiiiii maaaaate!

                      I thought I was digging the dirt when I trawled through the 1975 newspapers on microfilm a number of years ago at the Alexander Library to get right into the nitty-gritty about the year I came into existence…yeah, the Cyclone Tracy aftermath, Tasman Bridge disaster (on my very birthday), colour TV, rampant inflation, metrification, $28 000 dollar homes, West Perth and North Melbourne Premierships, AMP tallest building in Perth, Mitchell Freeway extended to Vincent Street, PNG independence, the Loans Scandal, Junie Morosi and Dr Cairns, the Dismissal, Dili massacre, etc.. This pales in comparison to what future cuntz nerdlingers like me will have access to a hundred years hence…I’m jealous already of those who’ll be around long after I’m gone.

                      Fucken future cuntz. Hope they appreciate you suffering for your art, as I would if I were in their shoes.

                      Like

                    • Bag O'Turnips says:

                      ELB is the acronym for Electronic Lean Burn, which was an early example of electronic engine management, which appeared on the very last CM Valiants (1978-81). This technology, both on the sixes and eights, slashed fuel consumption around 20-25%, which is nothing to be sneezed at, given that Vals were widely known for their thirst.

                      Like

  5. Grrr says:

    Apparently you missed the famous Burning Woman festival in Subiaco.
    Maybe next year.

    Like

  6. orbea says:

    you walked? nice day for it

    Like

  7. Rob F says:

    The Valiant is so not worst!

    Like

  8. Hugh Jass says:

    Wow, great collection of shots.

    I had the displeasure of going to the “Burswood Casino” on Saturday night, and here’s a pic I snapped of the place. It’s so vibrant, innit?

    Like

  9. David Cohen says:

    I guess Gossage is twice as good as Chanel No. 5?

    Why hasn’t TL 101 commented on these?

    Like

  10. sharon says:

    You know I worked on a Chanel no 5 gag for about 10 mins this morning and just couldnt nail it so gave up. Good for you for having a crack DFOC.

    Like

  11. BrownBook says:

    A sometime commenter here has got a bit more of the Ent Cent:
    http://www.6000times.com/2011/05/perth-perth-entertainment-center.html

    Like

  12. mengeloid says:

    Ooh la la Chanel Dix c’est l’hypercool

    Like

  13. The Legend 101 says:

    I like that shop it looks fun and colourful

    Like

  14. RubyRuby says:

    So, TWOP Trivia… would I be alone if I went for a wander down there?

    I’m a lightweight though, I might walk from the station rather than from Embleton…

    Like

  15. langhorne says:

    What’s that red thing on the wall in the photo at the bar?

    Like

  16. Taeylah Jones says:

    I live in embleton. I may be 13, but I can tell you that it is hell bad. I’ve lived in this suburb almost all my life and I can tell you that you shouldn’t go there. The crime rate may seem low, but if you’ve seen it from my perspective, it is hell on earth. My parents wanted me to take care of myself, so they put me through years of hardcore martial arts. I am master at Muay Thai, Brazillian Ju-Jitsu, Kempo Ju-Jitsu, Tae Kwon Do, Karate, Kung Fu, Sambo, Boxing, Krav Maga, Wing Chun, Capoeira, Ninjitsu, Silat and Judo. That’s How Bad Embleton Is.

    Like

  17. skink says:

    that photo in the pub reminded me of this:
    but with beer

    Like

  18. Myron Rawicki says:

    Detox tea are great because they also contain theanine which helps calm the mind.*

    Look into our very own blog site as well
    I’m a loooser.com

    Like

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