Put out the light, then put out the light

Former display home on Benara Rd. An exquisitely classic Perth Worst by Orbea. I prefer it now to what it would have looked like when new. I love it. If I owned it, this is exactly how I’d want it.

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
This entry was posted in worst architecture, worst garden and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

75 Responses to Put out the light, then put out the light

  1. The Bartender's Skills with a Manhatten says:

    There’s a certain Opa Locka “Day of the Locust” mock-apocalyptic grandeur to this house.

    Like

  2. Natalia Fan #1 says:

    Stony guardians
    Defended blasted demesne
    Now rest in pieces

    Like

  3. shazza says:

    Just need to relocate next doors Cocos smack bang into the middle of the yard.

    Like

  4. Snuff says:

    Sublime, or as DFOC might say, Ballardian.

    p.s. How cool is that Ballardosphere tag cloud ?

    Like

  5. The Bartender's Skills with a Manhatten says:

    Suggestion:

    It would be wonderful to have a “Basic Perth Glossary” for international visitors. First suggested definition: “registered lawn.”

    Question: what is the Australian term for what we in the US call a “historic district” (i.e., neighbourhood of significant architecture protected by local, state or federal zoning)? I think I tripped over the piece of news that Perth has 13,000 heritage buildings, but have been unable to confirm this.

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    • Registered lawn is the strip between front fence and road which is not your property but you may be able to register it with the council to make it sort of part of your garden. Mainly this means telling people who want to park there to fuck off. The joke is that these lawns are generally strips of barren sand but owners will still stop you parking there.

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    • It would probably be called a heritage zone however Perth hasn’t got enough good old buildings left to constitute a “zone” as such. That’s the problem. Fremantle would be the closest to what you mean. It’s also full of cunts which may be a natural result of the creation of such a zone.

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      • The Bartender's Skills with a Manhatten says:

        Thanks!

        FYI, I Google-searched “Heritage area,” Perth, and found a website run by an Australian airline ticket agency with a list of “things to do in Perth.” The first suggestion was that visitors travel 525 miles away from the place to visit the Monkey Mia Resort and pet some dolphins.

        “Visit Fremantle, the place right next to the CBD,” clocked in at number 6, after other suggested destinations: Karijani (a mere 900 miles away); the Wildflower Region (370 miles); The Goldfields (“East of Perth,” where one can evidently “tour the Super Pit”); and the Margaret River Valley (“Southwest of Perth”).

        Come to exciting New York City and tour our many attractions! Niagara Falls, Cape Cod, the Adirondack Mountains and Baltimore!

        The description of Fremantle deserves to be given in full:

        “Despite having been absorbed into Perth’s urban sprawl, Fremantle, popularly known as ‘Freo’, retains its own strong identity and is a popular destination for day-trippers from Perth. Its harbour was built in 1903 by CY O’Connor, who also constructed the Goldfields pipeline before killing himself on a beach near Fremantle. A bronze statue in CY O’Connor’s honour stands in front of the Fremantle Port Authority. The harbour has been substantially revamped in recent years and is now filled with outdoor bars and restaurants and has a laid-back, arty character. In 1987 the port was the site of Australia’s unsuccessful defence of the America’s Cup yachting trophy.”

        Well, ho, shit, fuck, that’s my bags packed.

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      • vegan says:

        lazy, ya gotta look up, past the crap contemporary street level facades, when you will discover that the city and northbridge actually do have many, many fine old buildings that haven’t yet been demolished.

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    • vegan says:

      a heritage precinct or heritage protection area

      for example, mt lawley and inglewood have declared heritage protection areas within which development is fairly tightly controlled.

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      • Tightly controlled in a manner to ensure crappiness.

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        • Bento says:

          To ensure any new building is in faux heritage style.

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        • vegan says:

          actually not tla, controlled to try and prevent the worst of the crappiness.

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          • I think the exact opposite is the reality. What has been the aim of this control? Surely this isn’t how they meant it to be?

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          • Bento says:

            That’s the aim, but not the outcome.

            Have a look at some of the great modern places that are going up in the Vincent bits of Mt Lawley, which are of complementary scale and bulk to the old places, but contemporary design. Then compare it with the rubbish finial and gable shit that is going up in the Stirling sections with the ‘character guidelines’.

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            • Bag O'Turnips says:

              Agreed, Bento.

              One thing worse than crap modern design is far, far crappier not-quite reproductions of old styles…fields—especially greenfield developments in outer suburbia—are full their kind. Faux-Federation. Faux-Georgian. Faux-Art Deco. And the worst of all, Faux-Tuscan. All looking nothing like the donor designs while complete with unnecessary decoration, yet lacking the craftsmanship, detail and subtlety of the original examples, never minding that most of them are wholly unsuited to Perth’s sunny, dry and windy climate.

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              • The Bartender's skills with a Manhatten says:

                I think this is the unfortunate result of such laws in the US, Europe and elsewhere as well. Well-intentioned timidity meats opportunistic drivel. Result = pan-warmed “heritage” with a side order of fug.

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    • Bento says:

      Much if Mt Lawley and Inglewood are designated as heritage areas by the local government. Some of the houses there are as much as 50 years old.

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      • The Bartender's skills with a Manhatten says:

        I assume you have nothing against mid-century 20th century architecture: I’d be very happy to have numerous such districts in the US landmarked.

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    • Ljuke says:

      “Fire-prone neighbourhood”.

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    • B.T. says:

      heritage precinct.

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  6. Bag O'Turnips says:

    Hmm. Not sure what’s worse: either the render applied to what were, most likely, dark coloured bricks, possibly clinkers, or the cement roof tiles with fading colour coat, which will doubtlessly look even cruddier once a roof restoration—especially the one by xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx in their advertising—has been applied, for like a hair restoration job on chrome-domes, they never quite look right or natural.

    Which is why I prefer lighter clays or light coloured zincalume on a roof. Or a naturally full head of hair upon my scalp (or if bald-nuttedness should befall me, closely cropped or shaven).

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  7. Russell Woolf's Lovechild says:

    You know the old real estate adage – worst house on the best street. On Benara Road I’m not prepared to make the call on this dump. Does look Waterwise though.

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  8. shazza says:

    So Gary Shannon got the arse. Bento?

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  9. Lucy Jr. says:

    @Russell Woolf’s Lovechild:
    waterwise is all I want of my neighbours.
    If could clone this place I’d line my street.

    Like

  10. orbea says:

    gone

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  11. The Legend 101 says:

    All those statues are very strange and that is the 2nd image a waterfall?

    Like

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