Registered Wankers

Another in the essence of Perth summed up by worstness. Orbea sends in two “lawn shots”. I always want to do burnouts on the patches of land that have registered lawn written on them. Also conduct wet Tshirt competitions on them. Even evoke metaphors. The only other way to improve a lawn like this is a plastic drink container full of water to attract dogs to piss on it.

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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24 Responses to Registered Wankers

  1. monkeypants says:

    and what variety of lawn is that exactly? interesting texture.


    • Bento says:

      That is the ultimate in low-maintenance, waterwise verge treatment, mp. By the looks of that sand, any water pointed in its direction goes straight to the aquifer without the hindrance of any root system whatsoever.


  2. Onanist says:

    Oh thank God, I thought I was up for some registration fees!


  3. Paracleet says:

    Where is that last one, it looks vaugley familiar.


    • Bento says:

      Ah Paracleet – nice to hear from you. My memory of the latter stages of last Saturday is a little, how you say, blank. I hope I didn’t skip out on a round or anything.


      • I vaguely remember the last hour. Paracleet was shouting something.


        • WAtching says:

          I believe Mr P was shouting snigger.

          As for the lawn…
          Am i to assume a lawn expert has inspected both these lawns, nodded knowingly, then registered them.
          If so, what are the criteria?
          I’m guessing gnarled tree… tick.
          Crackpot sign… tick.
          Lawn… oh fuck it… tick.


      • Paracleet says:

        Never – I have an savant like ability to remember whose round it is. Most particually in carryover situtations. And that is irrespective of how drunk I was in the first instance.


    • Orbea says:

      both lawns are from the meat packing district of north perth, between the barrio and the tenderloin


  4. flynn says:

    where is the lawn registry office?
    What an aspiring career: “hey mum, I’ve just got a job as a Lawn Officer, Second Examiner Registrar”


  5. dana says:

    makes me want to register the meadow of weeds on my front verge as ‘registered fire hazard”


  6. B.T. says:

    Registered lawn? WTF? And you wonder why this town has no vibrancy.

    In Texas, all it takes is a shotgun to keep people off your lawn.


  7. Pravda says:

    As a former resident of this street in North Perth (Claverton St, though I could be wrong) I can guarantee there is a better worst directly across the street.

    A bogan’s crackden with a whole wall collapsing, I’ll dig the photos I took of the hellhole out of my archive and send them through post haste.


  8. Orbea says:

    p>Claverton St Spot On. I was following a particular peeve of registered lawns.


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