The Smell of The Horror

The Worst of Perth officially starts its 4th year of production! That’s 48 000 coments, 1300 posts and 2800 uploade original images. Let’s celebrate with a story of TWOP stalwart Outrage Cohen hanging atround outside a public toilet. And we must discuss a drinking celebration to. Small bar anyone?

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
This entry was posted in worst journalist and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

131 Responses to The Smell of The Horror

  1. Pete says:

    300 000 to upgrade… how much to convert to a small bar? No kite flying allowed.

    Like

  2. vegan says:

    a small bar is the only way to worst in perth these days.

    Like

  3. orbea says:

    “drinking celebration to” what? who?
    the suspense is tolerable

    Like

  4. skink says:

    shouldn’t bully-boy DFOC be out hunting hobbits?

    Like

  5. Rolly says:

    Re. the bogs, I understood from those who express opinion on these things, that privatisation is the way to go to get things done properly.
    Seems like another ‘guru fail’.

    I’m wondering, too, if this is DFOCs only way of engaging with normal society.
    Does he spend too much time alone, interacting only with the word processor?

    Like

  6. David Cohen says:

    I hang around with cops, gossip, pester people with questions and hover outside toilets.

    And they pay me!

    I missed the last TWOP drinks because of union business and am looking forward to the next one.

    Like

    • Bag O'Turnips says:

      They do pay you, DFOC, but not nearly enough to allow you to upgrade from a Sigma to a Magna.

      If that happens, pfft goes your gerbalist cred.

      Like

  7. Bill O'Slatter says:

    So who was the clown who leased the dunny to the Indiana tea rooms ? An expose awaits : Indianagate.

    Like

  8. David Cohen says:

    As expected: hurtful negative comments from skink and Rolly on my civic-minded gerbalism.

    Later there will be positive remarks from shazza and Snuff, with the latter linking to a report from the Paris (Texas) Register on a bizarrely-shaped cistern.

    Bento could go either way.

    Like

  9. greggo says:

    The toilets are the responsibility of the idiot leasees? From this frankly hysterical Post piece of local government bashing journalism it appears to be the fault of some corrupt and incompetent councillor, hardly helped by the meek and apologetic tones of the council itself. Oh I’ve run out of bog paper, send the fucking idiots from the council around with a roll of three-ply, right fucking now! And wipe my arse while you’re at it!

    Like

  10. Peter says:

    Is why they’re bringing in the rule banning people from digging holes on the beach?

    Like

  11. Natalia Fan #1 says:

    Strikes me that the easiest way of dealing with this problem is for the local council simply to ban pissing and shitting altogether, in keeping with the other recently introduced rules.

    Like

    • Sir Crispy Chicken Caesar says:

      China has introduced by-laws for Cottesloe? Oh how the leaning left has fallen. Has he obfuscated them deep within the text of Kraken? Will we see Architeuthiswaving from the pylon?

      Like

  12. Bento says:

    Oh, and congratulations and thank you, TLA. Excellent Worsting.

    Like

  13. Paracleet says:

    What’s Perths’ Worst small bar? Do we book in there? Or are we not so committed to our core values as to feel the need to go Not Worst? Going forward. At the end of the day. Proactively.

    Like

    • Bento says:

      I want to like 399, because the staff are great, and they’re trying a few interesting things. But the booths are the Worst design I have come across in a long time – the tables are waaaay too small, so you can’t lean forward, making it difficult to have a conversation with anyone except the person you are sitting immediately next to. Just my luck I’d end up next to Rich.

      That, and I have an irrational hatred of any business that uses its street address in its name, for some reason thinking it makes them sound ‘street’ or futuristic. I’ve actually started a photo essay for TLA’s consideration, but I can’t be sure if this hatred is just one of my many petty grievances against the general public.

      Like

      • Natalia Fan #1 says:

        I have an irrational hatred of any business that uses its street address in its name…

        Hear hear – one of the reasons one40william gives me the shits. Only thing worse are businesses – usually bars and restaurants – with self-referential names: That Little Mexican Place, etc.

        Like

      • Clarendons or whatever looks a better bet. If it’s good enough for Gilly…

        Like

        • vegan says:

          bird at the perth end of william st.

          399 is a little shiny for me, although the food was good.

          where is the clarendon?

          Like

          • Bag O'Turnips says:

            Second that, Vegan.

            The Bird is a fine yet intimate venue, although somewhat popular with the hipsters. Bogan-free zone, though.

            Like

            • Natalia Fan #1 says:

              I vote Bird. Cover charge only some evenings, and never during the day. If lucky, you can catch a glimpse of the collapsed cyclone fencing in the wasteland over the back fence of the “beer garden”.

              Like

              • Bag O'Turnips says:

                Bet they don’t have that in their too-kewl-for-skewl hole-in-the-wall bars in the Melbourne CBD?

                Take that for grungy vibrancy, Bleak City :P

                Like

          • Bento says:

            Doesn’t the Bird have a cover charge? You can shove that up your Camillo, I’ll give you the tip.

            Clarence’s is on the corner of Clarence Street and The Arrondissement. Tell them Gilly sent you, and you’ll get a blank stare on the house.

            Sounds ace TLA. Now we just need the when.

            Like

            • skink says:

              but doesn’t Clarence’s have it’s street address in the title?

              it might be difficult to get a big enough table, since these small bars are, after all, small.

              also, they serve beer in those little half-pint dimpled mugs with a handle, which is a retro affectation too far

              I am impressed that only places in The Disse are being considered.

              Peter Bell’s Malt ‘Supper Club’ is due to open soon and looks like an Instant Worst

              Like

              • Bento says:

                Formerly NV (cringe). Should have been called MT, from what I saw.

                That place is like the Church Restaurant. Pure commercial poison. Possibly some sort of Indian burial ground underneath.

                Like

              • vegan says:

                no cover charge at the bird that i am aware of.

                the clarence is alright, but could do with a bit more grime.

                Like

    • WAtching says:

      How about The Stanley? Spacious small bar. Leather couches. No Cover charge. Great drinks list…

      Stumbling distance home.

      Like

      • Never heard of Bird or Stanley. Maybe that’s a plus.

        Like

        • WAtching says:

          Surely Embleton has a few small bars? If not, perhaps the Ming Dynasty?

          Like

        • skink says:

          The Stanley always feels like a fish and chip shop with a bar and couches. I think it’s the lighting.

          it is also full of western suburbs types. I counted two men with sweaters draped across their shoulders.

          The Disse has improved to the point where you can do a half decent crawl along William-Beaufort drinking at The Bird, Ezra Pound, 399, Brisbane, Luxe, Queens, Must, Clarences, and Upstairs at the Flying Scotsman

          a bit harsh on the feet, though, and the wallet

          Like

          • Bag O'Turnips says:

            Here’s one on Teh Arrondissement: The Civic, in Inglewood.

            It’s perfect in many worst ways: it’s on Route 53 (which suits the habitués of this strip fine), there never seems to be many people there at any given point and this esteemed venue has played host to world-class, vibrant, profound luminaries as Todd Johnston’s Peace, Love and All That Stuff and the usual touring roster of Aussie pop-and-rock has-beens-and-dickheads, although nowadays those usual suspects on their semi-annual cabaret tours set up to pay back record company advances for albums that didn’t sell, do seem to spoil people’s dinners at Friends restaurant.

            At least we won’t have to shout over all the trendy young things with bling who simply don’t go there to the Civic.

            Like

            • Was in tere recently. Was full of local cunts of an unattractive nature. You’d think the area, despite Chopstix could attract a better breed of local. No I think we can do better.

              Like

              • Bag O'Turnips says:

                That’s exactly why I suggested it! They were probably the patrons who frequented Chopstix back in the days of seven-digit numbers on rotary-dial ‘phones, many of the Civic’s regulars no doubt miss that haunt.

                In spite of our knowing ways, doesn’t hurt (well, too much, unless you get into an unprovoked tangle with one of the silently resentful barflies nursing their Emu Export) to occasionally get right into The Worsts and live amongst it to remind us of our (alleged, I may circumspectly add) superiority…or are we above, or too precious, for that?

                If it were socialising in my own time with people I could see eye-to-eye with, I’d hang at the hipster/arty wanker (not the yuppie/trendily aspirational ones, mark you) establishments. Which I do (fucking typical). However, in the safety of numbers being able to revel in the irony of the location more in keeping with the Essence of Worst, whilst not being too far for those of us who frequent the Beaufort strip and share in its usual sensibilities, the Civic would be ideal.

                Not unless you suggest that we take a dive into somewhere truly savage off the beaten track, like The ‘Ling, the Girrawheen Tavern or The Liniment (Lynwood) Arms Hotel, charming joints all, where Beat poetry is performed nightly just after last orders, at the carparks outside.

                Like

              • skink says:

                “full of local cunts of an unattractive nature”

                that’s my local, if you don’t mind

                not that I have actually bought a drink in there for several years, but I do frequently the drive-through

                Like

      • Bento says:

        Wembley? WEMBLEY? Do they even have tapas out there?

        Pfft.

        Like

    • Jaidyn-Jaxxon says:

      come on you clowns. Where’s the worst place you can buy alcohol in Perth? Old Shanghai, hands down!

      Like

  14. David Cohen says:

    Why won’t we be at the OBH on a Sunday??

    Like

  15. Pete says:

    There’s always here. So worst it has no details on justpubs site.

    Like

  16. shazza says:

    So far I’m with DFOC. Anything in Cottesloe suits me. The Arrondisement is a bridge too far. Isn’t there plenty of Worst small bars in Subi by now?

    Like

  17. ronggly says:

    I think you’re all being a bit pretentious, given our common mission here.
    Why not the Yokine Bowls Club ?
    Seriously. Drinks are dead cheap, and it’s only a 5 minute stagger to the Laksa joints
    at Dogswamp.

    Like

  18. Bento says:

    Typical liberals. We can’t even organise a piss-up in a small bar. What we need is a sub-committee to form a Focus Team, so we can develop an Action Item.

    Like

  19. Pete says:

    Maybe Vegan made the best suggestion

    Like

We can handle the worst

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s