This superb Perth worst from Ms H, deserved to be saved up, but it’s so topical, it needs to be like nowsville daddyos. Ms H says…
I went to the opening of the northbridge “piazza” tonight. it was billed as an “exciting” event. It was really very tedious – choir of little kids singing, lady on stilts blowing bubbles, people rolling around in those giant inflatable ball things. Look at the photo – even She-Ra looks bored! She was about to be interviewed by the weather lady. She can barely contain her excitement.
Actually Ms H, Lisa She-Ra Scaffidi is having an orgasm. Only long experience of Council intriuging, (and a leopard skin bag) allow her to conceal it. Stilts? I hope they were genuine Freo stilt union members.
I like your “” around the words piazza and exciting Ms H. Couldn’t have “” better myself. Why is this spot the answer to Melbourne’s ultra crappy Fed Square, when we’ve got the derelict Cultural Centre a few moments walk away? Why would you want to compare it to Fed Square anyway? They’ll be evoking Venice again in a minute. You can follow Northbridge Piazza on twitter too if you wish.
The Worst of Perth 
the bloke behind them is arriving with a big cone to put some vibrancy into the event
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I had a big cone before I went and it didn’t help much vibrancy wise.
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And judging by the background, you can watch Channel Nine live on the big screen as you walk down James Street.
Who said this was Dullsville?
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Vibrancy fail and Natalia appears to have farted!
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Onee! You got yer gravatar!
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Yes thank you, I am feeling myself now.
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is she-ra wearing a wig?
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Yes, the same one that Natalia has on.
One of the attendees overdosed on vibrancy and ended up a little worse for wear.
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It’s hard to tell from the blurriness but I suspect its Barney after one of his Northbridge inspections went wrong.
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At least She-Ra stands out from all the plastic. Subiaco, look out. Reckon she’s got you in her sights for a CoP expansion down to Rokeby.
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Where’s the microbrewery? I won’t be attracted to go and be vibrant there if there’s no microbrewery. We were promised a microbrewery.
Commentary from ladies’ corner unrelated to vibrancy issues:
you’d think someone who spends as much money buying clothes in order to fulfill their elected duties as she-ra does could afford to pay an adviser to advise her to look in the mirror before leaving home & take off one thing. In this case that necklace, but she could also turn down the cuffs which clash horribly with leopardskin.
The mayor’s dressed like a weathergirl and the weathergirl’s dressed like a mayor.
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Monorail?
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has the weather girl had her rack enhanced?
a blustery front coming in from the west?
she seems to be having difficulty getting close to the microphone
is that what she was up to in London?
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You people make me sick! A weather girl is just trying to enhance the busts of the city and you losers just sit at your computers and criticise. get a life! When is the last time YOU enhanced a rack? I know this won’t be published.
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I agree PL. She Ra, less is more lovey.
The news reader looks as if she’s holding a penis between her breasts aka pearl necklace.
Sorry to bitch girls, but you both look so manequin like to me.
Do mayors ever do casual? They should.
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I’m almost there. Can you please provide a bit of a description of She-Ra and the weather girl kissing? That should do it.
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I reckon the ladies have got it right. She-Ra’s pissed ‘coz tv bimbo makes her look like overdressed frump.
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there’s a reason she looks like an overdressed frump.
did she promise you ‘a beautiful story’?
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Hoo-ee! Is it just me or is it getting hot in here? I’m tugging on my collar like a fat vicar.
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It would make my week if one of Perth’s A list fashionistas came on to tell us how wrong we are about the mayor’s ensemble.
Not La Chong though, I couldn’t give a fuck what she has to say. She’s so like, last month.
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it does look like a suitable subject for a caption contest, similar to Inside Cover, but with swearing
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I’d like to think She-Ra is wishing she was at home, in ugg boots and pj’s, swigging a shiraz. Or at least that the reefer is going to make it’s way round to her at some stage
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And at least bento didn’t send in the photo.
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Northbridge stars come out:
Bring your cones and big balls for
A summer of bling.
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The top picture – what the fuck is emerging from She-Ra’s dress??
Something left up there from the PCC toy library?
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the body language says it all.
She-Ra’s BL: WTF am i doin here ? One of my eyeballs is goin to disown the other. Where’s LA so I can have a fondle?
Weather person: Oh this is heaven, mind you my idea of heaven is the opening of a shoe box.
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I didn’t notice that the guy seems to have an ivory dildo.
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Is that why the first photo is called shewide?
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and the second photo is missing the last two letters of its title.
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nice
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thank you. it made me laugh.
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To throw in a little bit of positivity about la grand opening, the pyro juggernaut organ show was awesome.
PL, I think the micro-brewery wasn’t able to get a liquor license so they canned it in favour of a cafe/alfresco diner, which is still being built. However, I could be wrong about this.
I quite like the ololo artwork too – possibly a slight nod in the direction of “Vlamingh scared by duck”.
Comparisons to Fed Square are null and void until I see Big Fev parading around the piazza with an inflatable penis. Vibrancy for sure!
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Ditto YouTube star Pogo with his Alice etc – awesome. Unfortunately, both were on too late. Most of the kiddies had gone home to bed by then. Hopefully the programming will be more family-friendly in future and not leave the good stuff until everyone has buggered off.
The kids loved the bubble-making stiltwalkers and the “membranes” (people seemingly sewn into giant gold condoms) – I couldn’t help thinking that for all the millions spent on buildings and technology, the big hit was the simple stuff.
I’m totally stoked about the big screen, although it does tend to pressure us VJs into going outdoors in the daytime, which I’m not too happy about.
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How is the visibility of the screen in the daytime?
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ololo??
I Woogled:
‘ololo is 3 like-minded friends ( hurben / shensing / griv ) operating as an art production group since 2001.
‘ololo is also an extended family of delightful people who help out ololo in a variety of endeavours.
‘ololo believe there is an overwhelming need for innovation and original thought in today’s cultural and artistic landscape.
‘ololo are sincere and possess a genuine enthusiasm for furthering the exposure of visual arts within the global community.
‘ololo breathe in Perth, Western Australia.’
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They stopped short of vibrancy I see.
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haha. Well, I’m not too concerned about artistry philosophy wank, I just like the painting.
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‘ololo breathe in Perth, Western Australia’??
Is that all they do? Do they not paint, or sculpt or anything?
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Speaking of wheelie bins.
I seem to remember the local Aborigines quite rightfully asking “when are we gonna get our piazza?” [because this one is dedicated to our Mediterranean friends, is that right?]
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I seem to recall that if they’re not delivered within 30 minutes, they’re free.
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This one has been on the go for at least the last year.
I’m just glad I might now be able walk down my street to the shops without falling into a hole or be shouted at by a bogan wearing an orange vest.
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You could actually hear the cogs grinding in my brane[TM] as I tried to work out that quip. Good doogs!
……They’ve got half of freaken Kings Park dedicated to the Aborigines. But that’s not good enough, obviously.
They need something with a bit less bush and native fauna, and something more *ahem* traditional *coff* with more lights shiny baubles, like, gee, I dunno, smack bang in the middle of the nightclub district.
Yeah, that’s the ticket!
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Who’s their legal team ? Chong ? Everybody knows all you need to do is have the bogans classified as fauna, rendering the place terra nullius, and you can have the whole country for free.
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And check the motherfucken GRIP on “the weather lady.” Yikes.
I’m guessing her Spanish is extremely good. Nudge nudge wink wink.
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Bah, I see shazza beat me too it.
Although not nearly as subtle as I. Penis, indeed. Less is more, shazza. When will you ever learn?
ps: shazza beat me. Oh, I say!
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I leave the humourous slang to the funny people BR.
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I reckon She-Ra is thinking:
“look at Little Missy Prissy Knickers doing her girl-next-door routine, like butter wouldn’t melt in her fucking mouth.
Geoff Newman tells me she bangs like a shithouse door and she only got the job because she can suck an egg through a garden hose.
If she asks me about ‘vibrancy’ I’m going to deck the cunt”
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skink, priceless! rofl
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How else xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx x xxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx?
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I absolutely do not believe it…
I go away for two days and something actually happens.
A vibrancy offensive… dirty talk about She-ra and the weather girl. Crap. My fault i guess for not WAtching…
The Piazza…
To be honest i am worried that it is not in keeping with the states heritage values and that some changes are required.
I feel that the addition of a few “no drinking” signs would help. And a Teflon coating a la the Cottesloe pylon…
The Launch?
What a waste of time. The real inauguration occurs tonight when the first chick in a tiara and tutu throws up on it…
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It’s not really a piazza until refugees gather there to sell small electrical items, art prints and counterfeit designer bags.
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Been to Italy recently, haven’t we ? ;D
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Who needs to – the Telegiornale on RAI International brings into our loungeroom in living colour :-)
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Indeed, Frank, but it’s not the same as trying to negotiate with a Ghanain vendor in broken Italian, with his replies in even more fractured language, then reverting to English after we discover that it is our actual ‘Madralingua’ :D
Anyway, we don’t yet have TV with “Smellorama” and that is a critical component of the ‘Italian experience’, as anyone who recalls the smells of fresh bread etc. emanating from the “forno” in almost every street, will testify.
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now you’re talking rolly, and the pesto and proscuitto and freshly pressed olive oil and salsicce and fresh pasta and wine and Carpaccio di Vitello e Porcini.
squisito :)
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How long before the late night denizens of Northbridge lob an EB stubby through that you-beaut widescreen, tag the bejeezus out of those glow-seats or kick the fark out of all the nice chrome work? 3.. 2.. 1..
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Last weekend teh big screen was showing the ABC news. That’ll get the families back into Northbridge – a two metre high Karina Carvalho with the sound down.
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Hopefully from March 1st 2010 they will be showing WTV Perth – the new Community station supoorted by the City of Perth :-)
http://www.wtvperth.com.au/
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g’day, mrs g’day and i passed by sunday morning and there was not a single solitary soul disturbing the majestic beauty of the plaza, and nor was there any images on the screen, karina or otherwise.
it’s almost enough to make you cry out for a smith sculpture.
almost.
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Oh and Dr Kark’s latest party trick of releasing te crime log of Northbridge on a typical weekend backfried nicely on him if te figures and info here illustrate.
http://www.police.wa.gov.au/LinkClick.aspx?fileticket=kBK5qRXDKvU%3d&tabid=1489&mid=1983
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Mmmm, backfried crime logs. Nom nom nom.
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Bugger – that shold be BackFIRED – bloody laptop keyboard.
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bloody marvellous, Frank
clearly police need extra powers of stop and search, and perhaps an armoured car, to find all the cannabis that nobody is carrying and perhaps find the screwdriver that caused that small stab wound to somebody’s arm.
public urinating is clearly the most serious problem affecting Northbridge.
unusual that no juveniles or mentally ill people were tasered or detained for laying hands on a public officer, although the guy with the machete is probably lucky that he didn’t get backfried.
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Funny that in the 1990s the public urinating problem in London’s Soho was solved by, um, installing public urinals.
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And today’s featured Stupid Credulous Hacks are Ben Spencer and Gabrielle Knowles. Are we just taking the police’s word for things these days, or is there some possibility the Worst will at least try to do some independent investigation?
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‘these days’
was there some day in the dim distant past when the West didn’t just parrot whatever the police media department said?
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There has been some criticism of the dumbarse laws.
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yes, Mr Parker did a piece, and Belle “Cheese” Taylor researched a piece on Northbridge by getting loaded and walking home, but they then reverted to the ‘it’s a war zone out there’ line
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You got to admit it does get messy after the clock strikes 12.00pm. I can’t abide the place.
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Hang on should that be am? Or is it just shite all the time in Northbridge.
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i can never work that 12 am/pm thing out.
i actually like northbridge, although after midnight i’m happy to leave it to the young folk. yes, it’s messy, but it’s not a war zone.
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Agreed, a long way from Afghanistan et al.
But isn’t hyperbole creative license to flog copy to the bogans and ignorami?
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2 moles I absolutely can’t stand in one photo and both looking as fake as I’d expect.
pfffffftt
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Moles? Wow. That’s one I haven’t heard since…
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hahahaha…..can’t believe I uttered such an oldie!
Actually, it wasn’t the 1st thing that popped to mind…but no point going into it!
I see the cunt was on tv last night diatribing the usual “no pain no gain” cunt-dribble. She wouldn’t know coz she’s not a real worker who has to frequent the cunthole that perth is – like the emerg workers and buses and trucks and cabs. Nope…she sips munted caffeine beans and waffles about being a “destination”
Perth had a lot more life even back in the 80s when the shops shut at 12.
Some things I fondly remember that drew many different groups in were the “bog lap” incl No3a car-park; Bernies (not sure how that was spelt – Burnies maybe); real and actual cinemas and lots of them; grungy pubs like Alberts and Foxy Lady; clubs and pizza bars on Murray St (east and West); bikers (not bikies) all parked up displaying their wares on Murray st central before the mall killed it; roller-skating rinks and pin-ball parlours; Coles cafe.
Yes, I know….we’ve “moved on” to further spew out a left-wing-scaffidiism” BUT all of this grit made the city enjoyable and suburbanly global rather than a fake fuckhole for scaffidi-loving coffee sippers. Someone kill the cunt please!
Of course, I probably just wasted nearly 8 weeks composing this rant – I had to learn how to spell swear words ‘n shit.
And now that the author of this site is in love with she-ra coz she gushed in IC – I’m even further up against it. But please oh free speechists of this shiteholecuntriddenexcuseforacity – please let my rant be published!
Coz I care
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All I know is xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxx xxxx x xxxxxxxxxxxxxhas seen the narrowing (hence extreme artificial congestion) of the whole “town”. Xxxxxxx. Xxxxxxxxxxxxx. X. Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx!
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Hmmm. Easy big fella!
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