In the light of the blackface controversy which (not surprisingly for TWOP) erupted on a post about two poles in Northbridge, I scoured my garden for a concrete aborigine to contribute. I could only find this from my private worst collection. Although it could have been a black swan in whiteface. One day I might have the only two concrete swan planters left out of the tens of thousands that used to exist. At least no-one will be able to say “That’s my Dad’s Swan!” Except for young Master Worst, but he can’t write yet. 
Worst Talk
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The Worst of Perth 
Oy, first post! And may i say, the self-evident white supremacy of this phallic visual violence is just further incitement against the marginalised in the city. You know who i mean, the bumkins, the Blackfaced, the Nurry Lovers and Jesper (although is no longer of Perth residence, no wonder!)
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There is a ripper concrete aboriginal proudly displayed in the front garden of a house on Milton St in Glendaloug.
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Hang on, why did Perth have white swan planters when we have only black swans here? Get Harry C, or at least Frank C on the case.
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Not Worst!
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Bedford Crackpot who unfortunately was seduced away from TWOP to a dumbarse facebook app called bumpkinville or farmville, had to drive the two swans and two lions back from Busselton where I found them, severely straining the axle of a 1966 valiant ute.
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Cue Frank with a link to Kamal doing Ride a White Swan on Telethon 1977.
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What is that magnificent thing growing out of the back of the beast, TLA?
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I don’t know what that plant is called, but like TWOP at the moment, it is going off.
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It’s got things eating into it and despoiling it’s true and beautiful nature.
A bit like TWOP with Leo and the B&S defenders.
(That sounds like a name for a ’60s pop group)
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I need more details LA. Does it flower, and if so what colour are they?
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I have one of those things in my yard. i don’t know what it is called, but it is related to a flapjack.
it flowered this year, shooting upwards and sending out a big vertical spike that had little flowers on it – can’t recall the colour since they shrivelled up immediately in the summer heat. the leaves then turned red, like this one, and it appears to be dying. Have been meaning to chuck it out for weeks, as it is manky and starting to smell.
avoid it, get something pretty and sweet smelling instead, that will brighten your day rather than leaving you feeling slightly sordid.
the plant is an obvious metaphor
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It is in fact a beautiful succulent, well suited to our Perth climate in the right possie. This one is clearly enjoying it’s situ.
skink, could they have been yellow flowers?
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Fuck! its with out the goddam ‘.
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This one is rampant, as it gets soaked by the bore sprinkler. (Hey why isn’t my swan brown?!) Yes it sent up a spike with little yellow flowers that opened from black pods. I don’t know what ate through it, as the leaves are like pieces of angus burger. It would need a snail with the kahunas of Patti Chong to eat through it.
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I believe they were yellow, but they are gone and only the black pods remain.
we had a yucca that flowered and died, and I assumed this one would do the same.
ours is riddled with the same bullet holes. I assumed that this was the result of a drive-by shooting by a Lebanese snail gang.
where is Sabrina Hahn when you need her?
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skink’s right we need Sabrina, I am stumped.
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Kalanchoe thyrsiflora
http://www.plantzafrica.com/plantklm/kalanthyrs.htm
“It is possible to grow these plants vegetatively as well as sexually”
make of that as you will
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When I was a little un we had both black and white concrete swans on or front verandah. I guess I never realised how progressive my parents really where for the 70’s.
I’m with Shazza, it’s a not worst
However the lack of facial features does give it a slightly demonic feel
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Both my swans had the traditional broken nexk with just the reinforcing wire holding on the heads. I bogged them up with concrete.
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if you look hard enough you will see there is an eye-slit.
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The White Swan was first introduced to Northam in the early 1900’s by a Russian Settler. It is now the only natural breeding place for white swans in Australia.
Is this the reason we have concrete swans? Were they celebrating the success of the new arrivals?
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Russians? Then the swan survival would have been a “political struggle”?
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And Northam is the only natural “inbreeding place” in WA.
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Thanks so much for that, mp. I’ve enjoyed exploring Northam-on Avon, and its former Mayor, Oscar L. Bernard, after whom Bernard Park is named. The white swan colony was clearly his work, although it’s only in your link, and this one, that his Russian roots are stated. The colony is attributed elsewhere simply to settlers, which is fair enough, yet here to early British colonists.
Anyway, it’s Friday afternoon. Time to crank up the T Rex.
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Interesting quote on the Northam -on-Avon site:
Freedom knows no race, nor color, nor gender.
It stands naked in the light of truth.
**petra michelle**
Thanks for the links snuff, and LA, my granma was born and raised in Northam. I have gone back there a few times based on that information but have found it to be “poke your eyes out” depressing. That’s just driving through too.
Kinda understandable why the locals might do anything they can to keep themselves occupied….
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As was mine ,mp. Small world. However , I don’t find Northam depressing. It’s quite interesting but whether I could live there for a period of time is another question.
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I’m sure Bill that i haven’t really given it a chance.
I usually come thru from York, which has a certain appeal and it seems to pale in the comparison.
plus, i secretly live in fear that i might have to live in the country. 5k’s away from the cbd or the beach is my maximum before i start to panic on the inside. dreadful i know, but true.
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Your symptoms sound quite mild, mp. I seem to recall skink takes his espresso machine when work calls him beyond the CBD, the Bentomobile has ridiculously low kms due to never going beyond the Beaufort Street Arrondissement, and Shazza’s rack rarely misses the sun setting over Rottnest.
Relax, you’re among friends here.
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Thankyou for your reassurance Bento, it is very comforting!
I would hate to have looked like a complete cunt because i don’t fully appreciate the cunt-ry-side :)
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espresso?
what kind of metrocentric twat do you take me for?
I never travel without Twinings Lady Grey
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Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
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that’s the way I roll, motherfucker
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Hey, I’m a modern guy. You want to teabag Lady Grey in the privacy of your own hotel room, it’s none of my business.
I just don’t like having Earl Grey shoved down my throat, is all.
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Despite my obvious and major shortcomings, my beverages make me superior to you.
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I like a cup of Dave Gray myself.
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I’m an Earl Spencer girl .
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No Dick Parks in Northam? Bertnard? Pity it wasn’t Berner, so Dick Berner Park could have been in play.
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Hey, thanks for the link. One of these days I will leave the desert and return to the greatest city in the world. Sometimes a settlement bigger than Hedland, Newman or the Alice is needed.
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I saw a black swan on the river with a T-shirt that said
“No more white swans. We’re full. fuck off back to Northam.”
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White swans. Fit in or fuck off.
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When last in Northam I saw a swan wearing a shirt that –
“I’m a white swan and I vote”
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The pitch: Harry C Jr hosts a reality show in which Somers is forced to coat a white swan in vegemite. Red will bring his gong. Pluck-a-duck will watch from the bushes.
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I’m a long-time aficionado of the concrete swan. Amazingly, there’s one in its natural front-verandah habitat up the street from me, bearing a faintly tragic dracaena.
What I haven’t seen for years and years is a tyre swan. Anyone have a sighting?
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I’m sure one has done the rounds here Jane Z.
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midland is always a good bet when looking for garden objects made from tyres.
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Jane,
Now you can make your own
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Phreestyle – just try and stop me. Those are excellent instructions, I love how they contemplate the likelihood of failure at every step.
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They’re disappearing, but out there somewhere, JaneZ.
I like this one from a fantastic front yard in Jeparit, and apparently this is on a letterbox in Mandurah. I think bloomfield and george need your neck fixing expertise, by the way, TLA, and I love your King V King.
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And I’m still looking for the “UP” flamingo to match my down one. (the vine in the bg is a Solandra btw).
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Wonderful Yokohama is thick with them, TLA, albeit electric ones, so I’ll try to get you some shots next evening I’m there.
Many years ago a dear friend, (Hi Jeff), as we staggered home along Mary Street, Highgate, expressed his longstanding interest in a pink concrete “UP” flamingo in a front yard there. So, I, ahem, another friend, liberated it for him, complete with hellishly difficult to extract metre long metal spikes. We made a racket fit to wake the dead, but got away with it. I doubt Jeff would part with it at any price.
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No hurry. next time you’re hittin’ a Pagina.
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If we can’t decapitate our concrete planter white swans, then the terrorists have won.
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The same issues as “two poles in Northbridge” were covered in a similar manner on Q & A. Remarkably Janet Albrechtsen looked sane for a short period of time. This time the bland nameless Liberal backbencher played the role of nutter and the ad guy did a good job on him.
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and how short would that have been bill?
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about 5 minutes Curious which is pretty good going for her. I was completing other tasks when I did hear her barking at ad guy.
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I thought Janet Albrechtsen did a pretty good imitation of sane, helped by the reflection of the maddie sitting next to her. Maybe I was distracted by her weird black rubber choker.
I’ll have to check the transcript but I am sure at some stage she virtually said something which translates to “I have to publicly deny climate change or else my constituency will lynch me.”
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I enjoyed the audience laughing when she suggested that teenagers should get off MyFace and go out with each other for a nice cup of hot chocolate.
the choker was hiding a nasty chinese burn she got when I tried to throttle her.
thankfully they put her at the far end of the table away from Greer. Last time Germaine was on they sat her next to Julie Bishop, and she spent the whole show leaning away from La Fou as if she was contagious.
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I misheard that and thought she wanted teenagers to get out with each other for a nice cup AND Hot Chocolate, presumably that nice dance combo from the 70s.
But I think Janet’s first words of the night were “I agree with Germaine…” or maybe I was halucinating there too.
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Swan needs googly eyes.
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My, My, My, you all seem to have disassociated with “Swanee-ee, how I luv ya, how I luv ya, my dear old Swanee…..”
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