Spoilt for Choice

I don’t know what this means, it just seems that it should be here. Northbridge.crossing

I feel I should make it easier for people. Here are some phrases commenters can cut and paste. Why type them out yourself?

Get a life.

You obviously don’t know how to have fun.

Why shouldn’t real Australians talk about immigration?

There’s a reason people have fuck off we’re full stickers. (There’s a persistent commenter who seems affronted that he can’t air his racist rantings here.)

Head up your arse (that is a direct quote from Paul Murray)

If you time the fall of the South Tower

That’s my Dad’s__________

Not you Greg.

Yes you Greg.

I have only had one boyfriend and I don’t have big tits.

It’s not about the rooting.

Despite my obvious and major shortcomings, my activities make me superior to you.

The gun was an obvious metaphor.

My rack

I wish to promote Angus Burgers.

Ah, my Baravan appears to be on fire.

Our Nikki has the guts to…

I touched her breasts. They’re real.

You don’t have the balls.

Kahunas.

Good riddance.

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
This entry was posted in Uncategorisable Worsts and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

241 Responses to Spoilt for Choice

  1. shazza says:

    Can we not have the racist jerk comments as a Worst post LA? Then we can all rip into him.

    Like

  2. Word Salad says:

    You don’t have the Baravan superior to my balls. You obviously don’t know how to have fun, get a head up your arse (Not you Greg, fuck off we’re full). If you time the shortcomings, my activities make me appear to be on fire.

    It’s not about the kahunas. There’s a reason people have big tits, why shouldn’t real Australians? “That’s my Dad’s rack. I touched them, they’re real.” That is a direct quote from Paul Murray. Despite my obvious and major breasts, I have only had one boyfriend fall off the South Tower (Yes you Greg, good riddance) and I don’t wish to promote Angus Burgers.

    Our Nikki has the racist stickers to talk about immigration and the gun was an obvious metaphor.

    Like

  3. monkeypants says:

    i just wanted to say that i have had more than one boyfriend, often at the same time, i have big tits and despite what anyone else tells you, it is all about the rooting.

    Like

  4. Rolly says:

    I once had a sign by the front door ( given to me by one of my less than diplomatic mates ):

    Please Knock Firmly and Roundly;
    I like firm round knockers.

    The sign is long gone, but the sentiment remains.

    Like

  5. skink says:

    am I not predictable and repetitive enough to warrant my own cliche?

    huh, huh?

    I may sulk

    I was always curious what ‘real’ Australians are. Is that to differentiate them from imaginary ones?

    as an immigrant myself, I am considering marketing bumper stickers that say ‘Australian on Purpose’

    Like

  6. B.T. says:

    I have only had one boyfriend and I don’t have big tits.

    Not you Greg.

    Like

  7. B.T. says:

    You obviously don’t know how to have fun.

    Why shouldn’t real Australians talk about immigration?

    Like

  8. Bento says:

    This from WA Today.

    Drive-by shooting on Lebanese cafe
    CHLOE JOHNSON
    October 8, 2009 – 8:10AM

    A Lebanese cafe in East Victoria Park was riddled with bullets this morning in a drive-by shooting, police said.

    Police said several bullets were fired through The Prophet cafe’s window about 12.30am while female staff were closing the Albany Highway eatery.

    Police later found a burnt-out BMW four-wheel-drive, which they believe was connected to the shooting.

    “A four-wheel-drive was seen going past where the shots were fired”, a police media spokesperson said.

    No-one was hurt during the incident. Police have confirmed the gun was an obvious metaphor.

    Anyone with information should contact crime stoppers on 1800 333 000.

    Like

  9. Oh Skink, yours would be Patti Chong is a XXXXXXX XXX XXX

    Like

  10. DFOC, ummm? You Bubble Headed Booby! Your apalling spelling has besmirched my reputation. Ohh the pain, the pain of it all.

    Like

  11. Snuff says:

    Although another sign would help, I think they’re an attempt to prevent double booking.

    Like

  12. Oh I should have put in a snuff quote.
    “Like this?”
    (Insert link of Shane Bourne in drag &cetera)

    Like

  13. shazza says:

    The guy second in from the left has got the Kahunas.

    Like

  14. Mrs Nurry says:

    This is my husband’s cut and paste list….. So tell me what, “nerd or Geek” goes around our suburbs looking for unusual and strange “things” and thinks it’s so cool and funny, at someone’s else’s expense. You are a sad bunch of lonely twats!!!!!

    PS yes my husband has a funny list but he earns a F##K load more money than you will ever see in your life time!!! Not you Greg. CHEERS

    Like

  15. And back to the photo again. I think it may have something to do with Future Perthers.

    Like

  16. I notice we never get the staple of the newspaper letter writer, “My dictionary defines…”

    Like

  17. Cimbali says:

    Funniest post ever!

    My biggest problem with the Fuck off we’re full sticker is that they are purporting to speak for all of us.
    If it said “Fuck off I’m full” then I could live with it.

    My dictionary defines “Fuck off I’m full” as the correct response to the waiter with the dessert menu.

    ps: the staple of the lame wedding speech maker is – Without further ado….. and then they keep adooing all over the place.

    Like

    • Rolly says:

      “My dictionary defines “Fuck off I’m full” as the correct response to the waiter with the dessert menu.”

      Or perhaps the response to the anklebiters who want you to take them to the park to kick the footy when you’ve just returned home from a long Saturday lunch session with the lads.

      Like

  18. Slanderer says:

    Didn’t someone once say “We will decide who comes to this country, and the jokes that they can make when they come!”?

    Like

    • Bento says:

      I don’t think ‘joke’ was in Howard’s vocabulary, was it?

      Unless you count his hilarious ‘bowling a cricket ball’ sketch, which is still one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.

      Like

      • satay steve says:

        I seem to recall he also did a good ‘tripping up steps’ one. Not in the same league as the cricket ball debacle, but still funny and pleasurable (love a bit of schadenfreude) to watch.

        Like

        • satay steve says:

          Actually I was quite embarrassed by that cricket thing. He’s supposed to be Australian for fucks sake.
          It was like if the American President went out to throw the first pitch in the superbowl and, well, ended up looking like John Howard.

          Like

          • Big Ramifications says:

            I’m not sure if you’re takin’ this piss, but Obama did rock-all better than Johnny.

            “at least he didn’t bounce it” — it looked like it bounced to me

            And yes, Johnny’s bowling was an TOTAL embarrassment. I’ve read lengthy articles on Johnny being a “cricket tragic”. How school friends testify that he would be in the library with a hidden radio, listening to the cricket.

            I often wonder if this school friend[s] is just another lobbyists with his snout in the trough trying to earn some brownie points. The cricket tragic thing smells of horseshit to me.

            Like

            • satay steve says:

              Cricket tragic was my third favourite description of the lying rodent.

              Like

            • satay steve says:

              and “first pitch in the superbowl” and you’re not sure if I was taking the piss?

              Like

              • Big Ramifications says:

                OK then, I’ll bite.

                So you were aware of Obama’s sub-par effort at first pitch? But you said it was at the superbowl, which is supposed to be humorous?

                And this makes it less cringeworthy, how? Have I got this correct? I’m very confused. Please explain.

                They were both very cringeworthy to me. Bad analogy. Substituting “superbowl” for “baseball” is irrelevant in this context. Don’t be a smart ass.

                Like

                • Big Ramifications says:

                  Apart from the fact that Obama’s was cringeworthy and he looked like a total girl, and Johnny’s was very VERY cringeworthy and he looked like a total geriatric

                  Like

      • Bill O'Slatter says:

        J.Ho senile could run rings roun Jnr who isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. Monkey tricks comes to mind when thinking of Jnr. J.Ho senile could dog whistle” FOWF” while increasing immigration.

        Like

  19. Caribou Bob says:

    That’s my Dad’s Pole

    Good Lord, tried to read The Worst today. Did anyone see the worst ad on page 11? Also, apparently the EU is “plotting” to be a superstate. Someone call the Political Science faculty, they should be onto this!

    Like

    • Rolly says:

      Read that collaboration of dead dick thinking promulgated on dead trees ?

      I’m looking forward to Monday when that fluffhead Nurry gives back the morning program on 720 to Geoff, who, for all his strengths and/or weaknesses, doesn’t sound like a worn out car alternator with failing windings and a loose bearing or two.

      Like

  20. Hugh Jass says:

    I have only had one boyfriend and I don’t have big tits.

    Like

    • Rolly says:

      I’ve “had” several boyfriends who were trying to impress my daughters and left them looking like big tits.

      Like

      • ronggly says:

        Time for a Creed Bratton quote:

        “I’m not offended by homosexuality. In the 60’s, I made love to many, many women. Often outdoors… in the mud and the rain. And it’s possible a man slipped in. There would be no way of knowing.”

        Like

  21. Big Ramifications says:

    Huge work, Frank, with your various links. I dips me lid.

    “Yeah b-b-but, that example was funny.”

    “Yeah b-b-but that was at the Logies and the cultural elite were chuckling along.”

    Double standards, all the way. Even Harry Connick’s outrage seemed racist to me. Only slightly racist. But…

    “We’ve tried hard not to make blacks look like buffoons”

    That skit seemed like ya average doo wop dancing to me… just goofed up a bit. Just coz they’re black doesn’t mean I should be offended. Or should I, Harry?

    Like

  22. Big Ramifications says:

    I see Youtube has pulled Harry’s preacher “by request.”

    Oh dear.

    Like

  23. Chainge Daile says:

    and on the other hand….
    you have different fingers…
    which may or may not be black.

    Like

  24. Big Ramifications says:

    Some Brother Lee Love!

    And at the end…. a bonus Kenny Everett being racist, pretending to be a stereotypical 19th century white American.

    Hey, this taking offense thing rules! Why didn’t I get into it earlier?

    Like

  25. skink says:

    also try Little Britain ‘no more minstrels’ sketch

    Like

    • monkeypants says:

      skink, i was about to post it but it is just too wrong.
      funny but wrong. it’s on youtube if anyone wants to watch…..

      Like

    • Big Ramifications says:

      Would that be the same Little Britain that has stereotypical skits about faggots and fat people and disabled people and their carers? Actually, doesn’t the whole show rely on stereotypes?

      Say it ain’t so. Oh… but they don’t paint their face black! Oh, I get it.

      Carry on with your circle jerk then.

      *yes, I’m coming back to bed, mom!!!*

      Like

      • shazza says:

        Stereoptypical skit about “disabled people and their carers?” Hardly stereotypical BR. Your’e just waffling now.

        Like

      • Bento says:

        If you’re suggesting blackface and Little Britain are equally funny, and equally based on cringeworthy stereotypes, BR, then I wholeheartedly agree.

        Like

        • Frank Calabrese says:

          Actually Little Britain DOES have a Blackface sketch involving David Williams as an obese black woman named Desiree.

          Like

          • Big Ramifications says:

            Frank for the win!

            *crickets chirping*

            Bottom line: The Hey Hey skit WASN’T FUNNY. But it also wasn’t racist, so get ha hands off it.

            Like

            • A stupid idea on a completely shithouse show with a fuckwit for a host. Deserves all it gets.

              Like

              • curious says:

                actually, i think it deserves more than that.

                Like

                • Onanist says:

                  Comedy is in the eye of the beholder as is offensiveness.

                  Context is everything; HHIS always was and always will be a moronic show viewed by morons.

                  The only person to whom Harry Connick should direct his outrage is his manager!

                  Like

                  • Frank Calabrese says:

                    Yet he had the gall to accept and “Honorary Cast Member” certificate and then without complaint heard Somers read it in an American Accent.

                    More Double Standards

                    Like

            • Bento says:

              A substantial proportion of Frank’s video postings are greeted with mystified silence, BR.

              However, in the interest of balance:

              http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/lostinshowbiz/2009/oct/07/harry-connick-jr-blackface-jackson-jive

              http://www.nytimes.com/reuters/2009/10/07/arts/entertainment-us-australia-race.html?_r=1&scp=3&sq=connick&st=cse

              http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/10/07/AR2009100704302.html

              But, I guess you do have the fine readers of Perthnow in full agreement.

              http://www.news.com.au/perthnow/story/0,21598,26183047-948,00.html

              Apologies for the crap full length links. Snuff would’ve been far more eloquent.

              Like

              • shazza says:

                I took a few painful minutes out of my day to read some of the Perthnow comments. I did note a link between those that supported HHIS and abysmal literacy.
                Makes sense. Stupid show for stupid people. Those same peeps are always going to struggle with the complexity of isms.

                Like

                • Leaving opening here for DFOC to link my spelling to this…Oh the pain of it all..?

                  Like

                • skink says:

                  unfortunately the same stuff is being said on The Australian’s talkboards, so this level of stupidity is not related to socio-economic status

                  as Crikey said: “In the space of just a few hours, Hey Hey has become a calling card for misguided patriotism, in the same way that the flag took on an unsettling significance around the Cronulla riots, and the subsequent ban of the flag at The Big Day Out. ”

                  I am waiting to see bumper stickers that say ‘Hey, Hey, we’re full.”, or for some Indian students to get beaten up by Ossie the Ostrich

                  Like

                  • shazza says:

                    After the accusations of racism from India in recent times, it will be interesting to note how they report this given the ethnic mix of the performers.

                    Like

                    • skink says:

                      it exists everywhere, in different forms.

                      I had an Indian secretary, who had terrible in-laws who looked down on her because they were light-skinned Punjabis and she was a dark-skinned Tamil.

                      I lived in Malaysia where the Chinese looked down on the Bumi, and the Bumi looked down on the Indians.

                      I lived in the Gulf where the Filipinos looked down on the Indians, and the Indians looked down on the Africans. The English looked down on the Scots and the French looked down on everyone.

                      just because it works in different directions doesn’t make it acceptable

                      Like

                    • David Cohen says:

                      Did you look down on your own Bumi?

                      Like

                    • skink says:

                      No, I had my Head up my arse (that is a direct quote from Paul Murray)

                      Like

            • skink says:

              several news sites have published ‘a history of blackface for dummies’ that explain to blinkered insular Aussies why African-Americans consider it racist. I assume that you have read that and chosen to dismiss it.

              The Jim Crow segregation laws were named after a popular blackface caberet act.

              whilst there is a valid argument that it does not have the same power of association here as in the States, that does not stop it being racist

              Like

              • Frank Calabrese says:

                And to prove my point that Black performers also “Whiten up” may I present Dave Chappelle – see from 2.05.

                Like

                • skink says:

                  Frank:

                  I know what I am getting you for Christmas – the Spike Lee box set

                  Like

                • G'day from WA says:

                  It sucks being part of the persecuted, ridiculed majority doesn’t it

                  Like

                  • shazza says:

                    Damn right G’day. What I wouldn’t give to be a marginalised minority. They are always getting the attention. ‘Look at me, I’m oppressed’. Bloody whingers.

                    Like

                • skink says:

                  nobody is disputing that black performers have donned whiteface – you have forgotten Eddie Murphy in “white like me’ and Lenny Henry in the excruciating ‘true identity’

                  what you haven’t explained is whether you think there is a moral equivalence between whiteface and blackface

                  http://nymag.com/nymetro/arts/features/9325/

                  Like

                  • Big Ramifications says:

                    Finally we’re getting somewhere.

                    Some racism is more equal than other racism. Hypocrisy is permissible.

                    Like

                    • skink says:

                      it’s all still shit, regardless of who is taking the piss out of whom.

                      Like

                    • Bento says:

                      I know!

                      And police get to break the speed limit, and park wherever they want! Disabled people get the best parking spots, but when I want to park near the door, I get a fine! I have to take off my motorbike helmet when I go into Caltex, but those Moslem women can keep their burqas on!

                      Honestly, it’s one rule for us, and one rule for them. You couldn’t make it up. Fact.

                      Like

                    • David Cohen says:

                      Don’t get me started, Bento!

                      Librarians can talk on the phone in a library, but I can’t!

                      Pilots can make calls in a plane, but I can’t!

                      Nurses can undress people, but when I try that at Iona there’s a shitstorm!

                      many bureaucrats are barely literate, but if I split an infinitive at work I am castigated.

                      Yes – the terrorists HAVE won.

                      Like

                    • skink says:

                      the only thing that is certain is that nobody has skin the colour of flesh-coloured Band-aids

                      Like

                    • Big Ramifications says:

                      I don’t like it how when a girl accidentally touches me at work and I do that JIZZ IN MY PANTS expression I get my ass hauled up to HR.

                      So unfair.

                      Like

                    • poor lisa says:

                      Power vs not having power you dipshit.

                      Why don’t you give up failing to form a cogent argument and go and “have your say” in the west’s poll with the rest of the half brains who don’t get how it’s really fucking difficult for black people to be racist toward white people in a western developed nation.

                      And yeah blackface fucking sucks as comedy, how weak.

                      I really want to use the word ‘hegemony’ here.

                      Like

                    • skink says:

                      who is that directed at?

                      Like

                    • Big Ramifications says:

                      My mum.

                      Like

                    • Big Ramifications says:

                      I dunno, they could try yelling YOU FUCKING. WHITE. CUNT. at the top of their lungs, like what happened to me when I didn’t give an Aboriginal lady some money like she asked.

                      That’s a start.

                      Did the big bad words make you angry, poor lisa? Substitute your own word for “hypocrisy” if you like. It is what it is.

                      Like

                    • G'day from WA says:

                      Were you offended at being called white, or being called a cunt?

                      Like

                    • Big Ramifications says:

                      I wasn’t offended at all. I had a bit of a chuckle, actually. I was like “Crikey! Wasn’t expecting that.”

                      I was just replying to poor lisa’s rather strange ruling: “it’s fucking difficult for black people to be racist toward white people.”

                      Like

                    • Snuff says:

                      If you had an ounce of intelligence, BR, the fact that you weren’t expecting it would tell you something. As it is …

                      Like

                    • 30 people online, double the stats triple the comments. The mob has spken. More poles. More snark

                      Like

                    • Big Ramifications says:

                      ???

                      ps: My cat’s breath smells like cat food.

                      Like

                    • Big Ramifications says:

                      But you’re right, you know. I should expect Aboriginals to behave like animals when I don’t give them money.

                      Like

                    • G'day from WA says:

                      Gernaine Greer last night explaining why the poms are happy about the Hey Hey incident.

                      TONY JONES: Why are the Brits so happy with this?

                      GERMAINE GREER: Because they can’t play cricket, basically.

                      TONY JONES: The won the Ashes, Germaine.

                      GERMAINE GREER: They only just won the Ashes.

                      TONY JONES: All right. Okay.

                      GERMAINE GREER: Then they got thrashed in the one dayers.

                      Like

                    • skink says:

                      damn you, you made me go and look at The West

                      74% of their readers think that Hey Hey were right to broadcast it, which is spookily close to The Herd’s 77%.

                      Kamahl has now spoken out.

                      where’s that ‘Ride a White Swan’ clip?

                      Like

                    • skink says:

                      my mistake, it’s 76% in the West’s poll, which is even closer

                      Like

                    • Frank Calabrese says:

                      Apparently Kamahl has been taken out of context re the legal threat, which he said as a throwaway line at the end of the interview.

                      On the other hand Marlon Jackson has come out and said he was NOT offended by the skit at all.

                      http://www.undercover.com.au/News-Story.aspx?id=9191_Marlon_Jackson_Okay_About_Hey_Hey_Jackson_Jive

                      Like

                    • curious says:

                      go ahead, use it.

                      those with the power rarely understand what you are saying lisa.

                      Like

      • skink says:

        I didn’t say I thought it was funny
        I was just giving you a bit of help in your sanctimony

        Like

  26. Big Rammer's mum says:

    Sorry guys. He’s been drinking for the last 3 days solid. I’ve put him to bed. He started frothing at the mouth.

    He brings much shame to the Ramification family.

    Like

  27. 50, 60, 70, 150 comments? Can’t be many Perth websites getting this number of commenters. Not now that Patti’s given up. And the quality, oh mercy!

    Like

    • Rolly says:

      Enjoying all this top class material that you can plagiarise for your next stand up debacle, are you ?

      Like

      • Funny you should say that. there is going to be a second TWOP live show on Nov 12th. Unfortunately this material doesn’t have the … … … … …timing… that I need.

        Like

        • shazza says:

          Christ on a bike TLA, when you were you planning on telling us? The diary tends to fill up this time of year.

          Like

        • Rolly says:

          Right on.

          The sequencing and chronology of the postings gets all stuffed up with the replies to replies thing.

          You will need to expand the “Worst Talk” sidebar considerably if the comments keep up the pace that they have today.

          One can get left behind very quickly, which is a bit rough on the folks who actually have to do a few moments’ work during their day.

          I know that’s not what you were referring to, but it is relevant.

          It’s been a glorious Worst day.

          Like

  28. I slept for a couple of hours today and there were 3 pages of comments when I awoke. Too many. Haven’t read them myself.

    Like

  29. Richarbl says:

    Lets just face it, you useless bastards are missing me. This post has no venom, no svenkage, no vitriol, no feministical overtones.
    Just some trollop about Hey Hey its Saturday and the occasional funny comments, I thank the usuals.

    ps. skink, the rage has subsided, please feel free to continue as before
    pps snuff, get fucked as previously but only because you have had sex since I have so I suppose that must count for something

    Like

  30. Pingback: White Swan « The Worst of Perth

  31. Big Ramifications says:

    I fucking hate myself – take Aussie from my name, erase this endless shame, forever casting blame. If you don’t act the same will I destroy you. Everyone looks the same beaten black and blue.

    So I’ve had enough of these redneck pricks when fact is the only real shit that sticks. Watch as I tear the very skin from my face so no one will see my race. My deep disgrace.

    Like

  32. skink says:

    I hadn’t heard that before, it’s rather good

    some of these doof doof yoofs have something to say:

    “Captain Cook was the very first queue jumper
    It was immigrant labour that made Australia plumper”

    the spirit of Lawson lives, if not the rhyme and scansion.

    Like

  33. Big Ramifications says:

    They certainly ramp it up to 11 on the self-hate meter. Pretty sure it made the JJJ Hottest 100 one year.

    Like

  34. CB One says:

    The Herd? Quality Oz Hip Hop.

    Like

  35. Chainge Daile says:

    I apologise forthwith for the lack of wrathful banter, my sarcasm gland is suffering from a rare form of lecherous cancer which is limiting my output of verbal bile.
    Fear not, gentle readers, I am currently receiving frequent injections of hot, steaming, viscous venom, which in turn, will be violently expelled from my body as antsy persnickety comments.

    Like

  36. G'day from WA says:

    GERMAINE GREER: The thing that gets me is that wherever I look in whatever comedy department I choose to forage, everybody thinks it’s funny when men dress up as women, especially women of a certain age. They talk like idiots. They wear ridiculous hats. They have appalling attitudes and it doesn’t – it can be Monty Python. It can be anything and it’s okay. And women never get angry, they never throw anything, they never shut anything down, they never boycott anything. They just sit there and look at themselves being outrageously and offensively caricatured and they wear it. Wake up. If you can get so angry about this piece of shit, get angry about all the other stuff.

    Any other quasi-feminists choose to speak out on this?

    Like

  37. Big Ramifications says:

    I was thinking of that too. Honestly, I don’t see it much any more. The NRL Footy Show was one of the last bastions of this stupidity.

    Waiting for Frank Calabrese to produce a dozen Youtube links to prove me wrong.

    Like

  38. Pingback: Weekend Worstoff 76 « The Worst of Perth

  39. Richarbl says:

    Fourteenth best thread ever!

    Like

  40. Frank Calabrese says:

    Here are an article of the recently opened Exhibition marking 50 years of TV in WA and good news, it is on the ground floor, so your backs will be safe from hoisting me up stairs when we have out meet (HINT).

    http://watvhistory.com/2009/10/ammpts-50-years-of-television-broadcasting-in-western-australia-exhibition-at-the-fremantle-arts-centre/#comments

    Like

  41. mandible claw says:

    wow germaine greer really is a bitch.

    spending a lifetime trying to castrate the entire male population is one thing but dissing Python is just crossing the line.

    on a related note here is a picture of germaine greer upside down with her gusset saluting the world: http://chasemeladies.blogspot.com/2005/12/if-australia-had-been-colonised-by-any.html

    Like

  42. Pingback: The Best of The Worst 2009 « The Worst of Perth

  43. Ljuke says:

    Jesus, I never even saw this post. So Harry Connick Jr. is racist, or something?

    Like

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