Pam you all to Hell!

Alright, alright, ALRIGHT! I’m doing it. When journalists and media types (not Barra) keep asking when the next Paul Murray rant is coming, I have to oblige. The trouble with Murray is that lately he just hasn’t been bad enough. Ponderous, yes. Boring, most certainly, but unfortunately for us, he hasn’t recently taken to film reviewing or comedy, areas where he is farcically under endowed. He did use his signature phrase “first blush” this week though. Enough? Dear senior journalist, why not walk over and suggest Teh Paul reviews Benjamin Button? That should give me something to get my teeth into. He’s your own colleague!


Much more interesting West wise is that the old work horse (or is that tug boat?) Pam Casellas is finally FINALLY, leaving. She makes sure she doesn’t go without some typical dross though. What? Jeff Newman knew when to retire and did? What are you talking about woman? He was past it when bathtub racing was popular on The Swan. I don’t think you’re really in the best position to judge when someone has overstayed their welcome Pam.

I'm free!

I'm free!

And how many have asked me when I’m again going to put the boot into Inside Cover, the It’s Academic of  contemporary humour. Someone rang me at work in some kind of foaming rage to tell me that they had a police car parked in a bus bay as their highlight. What the fuck is going on down there? What happened to the IC renaissance? It’s like a boring version of The Worst of Perth where they can’t say cunt. When is Daniel Hatch going to just kill Rob Broadfield? I was given a sneak photo of Broadfield’s workflow and layout techniques, which might go a ways to explain La Hatch’s problems. Click for larger version.


About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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21 Responses to Pam you all to Hell!

  1. Snuff says:

    I should say at the outset, TLA, on first blush it seems you weren’t making this stuff up, so I won’t be needing my Despondex today.


  2. Molly Sugden’s death have also finally put paid to rumours that Pam casellas was Mrs. Slocombe in real life.


  3. skink says:

    I enjoyed all the ABC’s coverage of Molly Sugden, on both radio and TV, where they said:

    ‘She is best remembered for her role as Mrs Slocombe, and a series of jokes about her…er…pet cat.’


    • Snuff says:

      This is, of course, skink, the magic that is Africa.


    • Frank Calabrese says:

      And how they showed the footage with just the voice over and no audio of her uttering THAT phrase – bit strange considering Are You Being Servewd was the bread and buter of ABC Viewing when first screened in the 70’s.

      Oh and speaking of Jeff Newman, here is the Ch 7 Story announcing his retirement.

      Will Jeff now join Little Brother Peter on Curtin FM ?


      • Frank Calabrese says:

        And here is Jeff’s final weather Report and Farewell, and ironically his replacement is Natalia Cooper ex Ch 9 and this a full circle has turned as Jeff started his TV gig on Ch 9 in 1967.


  4. And why hasn’t Bento said good riddance to michael jackson or jeff Newman?


    • Richarbl says:

      Yes indeed TLA, I had thought to disparage the legacy of Michael Jackson myself but decided not to because of Perth’s tragic addiction to eighties music. I figured that some sad, pathetic fan would tell me how much MJ loved children and how he only wanted to share the love.
      And then I would have to tell the fan to fuck off and get a life and possibly include a threat of violence which wouldn’t be a lot of fun because belting up a MJ fan doesn’t really count for much, a bit like crushing a damp paper cup or kicking a cardboard quokka. So have decided to refrain from pointing out the perfectly obvious.
      As for Jeff Newman, ok some of you may have errr fond memories but when I came to live in this fair town I couldn’t help but laugh when I first saw JN, I truly thought he doing a skit on weatherpeople. Does the phrase “burnt out hack” ring a bell?
      ps; Thank you Krusty


  5. phreestyle says:

    The workflow and layout techniques is comedy gold.

    I take my hat of to you.


  6. To the tune of Better Man by Robbie Williams: “Coz Jeff’s doing all he can, to be a weather man..”


  7. lb says:

    have been out of the country. was hoping The West no longer existed…ie. the newspaper.


  8. Godammit. That’s twice I’ve read that as Sam Newman retiring. How does that happen? Beer?

    “OMG Sam Newman is ret… oh, wait.”


    “OMG Sam Newman is ret… oh, wait.”

    Is Jeff a flamer?

    Sorry, I mean, is Jeff – to quote a colleague of Quentin Crisp – “so”?


  9. my ning says:

    Dr P Nurry

    It was a quiet month in Allen Park, allowing me plenty of time to walk my little doggie in peace and reflect upon my battles with the potato board. Then it happened – Michael Jackson died – and it all went to pot.

    As this paper pointed out in 1988, (and again in 1989, 1990, 1991, 1992, 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000 and for the past eight years for that matter) Whacko Jacko was a nut case.

    So really, why do newspapers continue to have cover shots, and photo features, and wrap arounds featuring this hideous person? I mean am I the only columnist with a clear head about this? Is it up to me not to write blown out think pieces about this man, and what a tragedy it was?

    Should I devote even one iota of my intellectual process to raving on about the waste of Jackson’s life? Is he that important?

    No, there are bigger fishes to fry – namely Kevin Rudd, who I believe was partly, if not solely, responsible for Jacko’s death.

    Had that hypocrite Rudd cut carbon levels like he promised, Jacko wouldn’t have had to wear those silly face scarves, thus returning him to a normal life.

    If that hypocrite Rudd had fixed the health system like he promised, would Jacko have been able to get such powerful sedatives? Even if the poor boy had made it to hospital on time, would he have been able to get past all those old people piled up in the waiting room (as was highlighted by this paper when Limpwrist was the editor)?

    Furthermore, if that hypocrite Rudd had been able to moonwalk instead of dribble Chinese, couldn’t he have invited Jackson over for lunch when he was on a diplomatic mission in California to see Arnie? Maybe then he could have enticed the poor boy to visit Australia. Imagine what some good ol’ Aussie sunshine (not to mention a walk through Allen Park or being included in the search team that was looking for the Sydney) would have done for the whacky one’s state of mind.

    And what about education? If that hypocrite Rudd had put those computers in those classes like he promised, Jacko could have sent his kiddies to school knowing they would be in a learning environment.

    It’s also questionable whether Jacko, being an Afro-American and all, would have agreed with pink bats being put in people ceilings. No doubt this colour issue crossed his mind on the day he died.

    But the worst thing that hypocrite Rudd did was say sorry. As I said at the time, it was a symbolic gesture, but not for Jackson, who thought our PM was forgiving him for his bedroom indiscretions with small boys.

    By saying sorry, Rudd also indirectly forgave Jackson for his lavish lifestyle, putting Bubbles in the zoo (again – something which this paper reported), buying the remains of the Elephant Man (yes – we broke that one too) and acquiring the Beatles backlog (ditto). Furthermore, he also gave the poor man carte blanche to consume sedatives, sing in a high poofy voice, wear wigs and confess that he was friends with Liz Taylor.

    And, to make matters worse, he gave the go ahead for other indigenous people to now admit that maybe Whacko Jacko is better than ABBA. A bible of apologies will never correct this wrong.

    Rudd, it seems, is starting to lose his teflon appeal – it’s almost as if he too, right before our very eyes, will change colour and end up looking like a girl.

    (Ed’s note – Nuzza will be away on assignment next week – thank fuck for that).


  10. And why the fuck is Pam still scribbling? My sources, or should I say “My pussy” said she was leaving to kick the gong around.


  11. poor lisa says:

    I should say at the outset that he is desperate for our attention. “It’s been a quiet week in Allen Park”. Try harder.


  12. skink says:

    according to his column today, it’s not just a quite week in Allen Park, it’s dead.


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