Stop the presses, we’ve got someone who didn’t see anything!. Jeezus, I did say I wasn’t going to do any more West Stories, but come one, two dishonest loads of bollocks on the front page of Saturday’s West was too much. Vote rigging scandal in the mayoral (ie clitoral) election! My god no! Up to six (count’em) six votes might have been bogus! I pity the cat still up a tree that was bumped for this shite. Look, everyone knows that Lisa She-Ra Princess of Power Scaffidi is a little bit of a crackpot, albeit one that actually seems to care a lot about the city, but there’s certainly no story in 6 stray votes, when her rival’s platform rested on underground rubbish chutes. Underground as in troglodyte underworld waste disposal. Remember when Iron man had to investigate the skyscrapers sucked underground by the Green Whatsit? Or was that Spiderman? Like that anyway. Sean Cowan must have thrown a party on getting this dross onto the front page. But the “Inside story” of the shark attack teaser was shitty even for the West. An extensive interview with a man who admits he saw nothing because he was swimming in the opposite direction? The same nothing that other beachgoers saw on the day and which was reported – ie “We saw nothing.” How can it be an inside story when he was swimming the other way and saw no action? Two non stories, with one dishonestly slanted to sell a few more pages of airconditioner ads. A few dozen more pages of airconditioner ads.
Worst Talk
Anonymous on Alexander The Great’s… Anonymous on Alexander The Great’s… AHC McDonald on The Montegiallo School of… Anonymous on The Montegiallo School of… Anonymous on The Knock Shop of Broken … Anonymous on The Knock Shop of Broken … 
The Definitive Ranki… on Kalamunda, Australia’s u… AHC McDonald on The Montegiallo School of… Anonymous on Alexander The Great’s… Anonymous on Mr Fist Anonymous on The Montegiallo School of… Blood on Review: “The Montegiallo Schoo… Anonymous on Alexander The Great’s… Anonymous on Alexander The Great’s… Anonymous on Alexander The Great’s… Online Now
The Asia Beat- Museum of Winds Opens
- Vagina Steaming to go on despite diarrhea outbreak.
- Dog movie “racist”.
- Liquid food blogger enrages Sing. Chef
- Sushi Train Wreck
- Snake of the year spat turns nasty
- Aussie icon may cure sick
- Singapore admits, “National Service all about shooting Malaysians.”
- Asian firm sparks “wife beater” brawl.
- Actors protest over MH370 delay
The Worst of Perth 
I saw this Yesterday, I bet theese guys are gay judging by how they look at each other.
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But not German I hope.
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If you want their phone number call the reporter.
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no thankyou orbea
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A double page spread of ads on pages 2 and 3 shows that nobody at Teh Worst even gives a shit anymore.
Publishing that dross – why would you?
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I swam at death beach yesterday. I also saw nothing. I’ve had to take the phone off the hook. Too many requests for interviews.
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“…as told by the man that swam there a week later.”
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I havent been there since the attack so figure that means I’ve seen even less. I’ll not be telling my side of the story for anything less than a princely sum and free meal at Rockpool.
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Waves even at Cottesloe were big and scary. I think people were breaking bones up the road at Floreat. – As told by the man that wasn’t there of course.
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But what didn’t you see??
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What didn’t I not, not see? Answer that and you’ve got yourself a local Walkley.
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“There are unseen sights; there are things we know we saw,” Mr McDonald (55), said.
“We have also seen there are seen unseens; that is to say we haven’t seen some things we could see.
“But there are also unseen things to not see – the ones we haven’t seen twice.”
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And the ones we haven’t seen twice can cover a 2 page spread.
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There’s also the known Bonobos,that is Bonobos we already know and the unknown Bonobos that is…
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I saw nothing from here.
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STOP THE PRESSES ! STOP THE PRESSES !
Lannie McT is mayor of Vincenze. Lannie McT off to a “planning meeting” with She-Ra. Here’s the seen aria,
“One more little couple of tea won’t hurt She-Ra, Jeez what’s that burning smell ? Oh noes SH-ra ‘s fallen out of her chair. I always win these competitions. I’ll just step over Luke on my way out. “
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Fairly much hilarious photo of out-of-focus Frumptempo, with She-Ra in focus, looking on, looking glam and laughing her head off.
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Dude, she wasn’t out of focus, just a bit dishevelled after returning from the underworld with a trailer load and a tip pass.
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Actually I think it’s pretty classy of Bryn Martin to step forward and share his perspective, and frankly it’s quite nice having smiling faces on the front page for a change. A healthy reminder that for every person snatched in a shark tragedy there are literally dozens of people able to go on with their lives as if nothing had ever happened.
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there was a pissweak feature in Teh West colour supplement entitled ‘the start of three West Australian dynasties’
apart from beginning with an error – ‘Western Australian’, fuckwits – the three ‘dynasties’ consisted of two people who owned a shop that employed their offspring (one of whom, Rick Hart, no longer owns that shop), and a footballer.
clearly a ‘dynasty’ in Western Australia consists of a moderately successful family whose children have not completely pissed it up the wall (see Wyllie, Rinehart). Has a dynasty in WA ever stretched to more than two generations?
PS I didn’t see who shot JFK. In fact, I wasn’t born. Do they want an interview?
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Court?
McCusker?
Dawkins?
Beazley?
Chong?
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Casley?
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Any of these still around?
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There’s even a Cuntacio link with the Lee-Steeres.
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I worked at my brother-in-law’s traffic control company for a few months, before
getting the sackseeking other opportunities. Little did I realise I was in fact part of a dynasty.Last time I was at Cottesloe (or any beach) would be at least 3 years ago. I will be responding to all media enquiries with “I do not recall”.
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Not enough midgets with trays of cocaine on the coast for you?
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I hate getting sand in my panini.
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How do you know my ex-supervisor??
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The vest didn’t match the cardie.
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the most surprising thing about that statement is that there is someone in WA that undertakes traffic control
you mean that shit is PLANNED?
had your brother-in-law been standing at the junction of Roe and Tonkin Highways at 8.19am this morning I would have run him over. Very slowly.
that’s my own personal favourite Worst Designed Traffic Intersection in WA
yes, I have a list
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You are traffic.
The Main Roads Department have plans for this intersection to go to full cloverleaf. I’ve seen the plans. They wont start unless the Feds kick in $800million.
The Feds have promised $480m.
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‘you are traffic’
I was returning to Perth after being away over the school hols. I find it very annoying that when I am travelling to and from my country estate the roads are clogged with sad suburban cunts commuting from their sand-pit dormitory hutches to their wage-slave cubicles in the city. Really, there should be a separate fast lane for those of us who are not commuters. Those cunts buy houses out in soulless lego townships over the horizon and then clog up the roads with their sole-occupancy four-wheel drives. Surely these bastards should be charged rates in inverse proportion to the distance they live from the city to pay for special lanes so that us inner-city dwellers can bypass them. If they don’t like it they can move to high density battery-chicken tower blocks which should be built somewhere horrid like Subiaco.
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^This.
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Word
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I always thought a dynasty was a group of people living in 1980s Denver who were better off avoided.
Actually, rather suprised there isn’t a superglamorous soap set in Perth a la “Dallas”, that other resource-rich center of occasionally questionable taste.
Perhaps the opening plotline could concern a wealthy Perth dynasty who didn’t see who shot JR.
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There is.
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Ship to Shore?
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Clodstreet?
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Chariots of The Gods?
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Really?
What’s the title?
I would watch it.
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Actually no. I thought you meant the characters. here’s plenty of locals who would fit such a show.
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Madam Joan Collins has now cancelled her Perth tour – I hope you people are satisfied! Oh fuck it, I can’t keep up a rant – how do those people who can rant at length get so irate?
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No comment!
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The reporting of things that go bump in the ocean seems to be quite common. too soon?
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At least The Post can find someone who at least saw a fucking shadow.
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No less ephemeral than ‘my head was in the water, consequently I was unable to see anything’
Where are the truthers? Holt fanatics? CHOGM conspiracists? Surely someone will chime in with some genuine madness, instead of tehwests long lunch Friday rubbish.
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No, I think a shadow on a different day in a slightly different spot is a step up from I saw nothing on the right day at the right spot.
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Hold the front page!
http://bit.ly/oKHJAa
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Is he blind ? What about those shelves ? Then again, as Guru Adrian famously said, Nothing is real. Nothing is free. Nothing means something to me.
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I have never heard of this newspaper. Which leads me to assume, based on the above, that I somehow work for it.
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I hope you didn’t actually buy that copy of the West.
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I pulled it out of the bin. True story.
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The copy I read was provided by a cafe where the protagonist may have supped his tea once, I saw nothing.
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I hope you then made it useful, either as a layer of sand suppressing garden material, or possibly at the base of a bird cage. It needs to have some positive outcome in this incarnation, surely?
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Sadly RR, the serving folk seemed quite attached to it for some reason. Unlike the copy of the Post, which is now underneath a chicken.
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Because we all buy chicen.
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I’d prefer it if we’d all buy limes – I’ve still got a bag full here in crow town.
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Shut up shut up.
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I often nick off from the cafe in the building down stairs at work with a copy of Teh Strayan.
Sometimes the Strayan Financial Review
Then I take it up stairs and wipe my bum with it.
True story bro.
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At least you won’t be getting scurvy.
Good to know that one of the TWOP crew won’t have bleeding gums this week…
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And it’s not even fit to use as bog wipe…I prefer to get toilet rolls; besides not smearing your jacksie with newsprint, I think you might get more useful information from a bog-standard bog roll every morning.
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The IQ of the The West increases when re-used as bog roll.
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yes, but they don’t print Gary Adshead’s face on toilet roll. I always use him for the first swipe.
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Ouch.
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and speaking of She-Ra – who the fuck is dressing her these days?
I thought that as part of Fashion Week that Perth’s leading designer’s were supposed to be making her over.
This is what Doris Day would look like if she’d been kidnapped in 1958, kept hostage in a dark cave for 53 years, eating nothing but Coco Pops and Fanta, and then ransomed live on air for Telethon.
is that real fur FFS?
http://www.watoday.com.au/wa-news/scaffidis-dream-to-put-perth-on-the-global-stage-20111016-1lr9b.html
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mmmmm Doris Day….
and who is the leprechaun next to her in that pci?
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God help us all!
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WAToady or She-ra?
Ms Scaffidi said her ideas would be considered by the newly elected council when it held a strategic planning session in the next couple of months. Don’t rush things.
Students will learn to love Perth. Or?
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I’ll double that ransom. Great heels.
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Good God. She needs to talk to Barry Humphries couturier. Quick smart.
I like the fur though.
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great story on the front page of The Voice
a local Liberal busybody placed an anonymous ad in The Voice just before the election criticizing Lannie McT and supporting Sally Lake. Three days later, after the election, he gets a knock on the door and finds two heavies from the Council there to investigate an ‘anonymous’ complaint that he is running an unauthorized business from his address.
He is claiming a conspiracy, with Lannie running a goon squad of heavies dropping in on innocent ratepayers from black helicopters, or something.
Councillor Lake calls the man’s claims ‘hard to believe’
Alannah calls the man a ‘mad cunt’ (I paraphrase)
The photo accompanying the story shows a frustrated man wearing sandals sat on his own couch next to a vacuum cleaner. Difficult to understand why he would choose to wear sandals in public, and not move the hoover when he saw the camera. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
http://www.perthvoice.com/
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I laughed and laughed. What are those books on the shelf I would like to know. That’s another one fromDavid “Jezza” Bell.
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The Voice need your skillz skink
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on second look I noticed the laundry strewn across the kitchen behind him. Really, he could have tidied up a bit of he knew he was going to be in the paper; maybe have put some trousers on.
He looks like one of those pathetic small-businessmen who consider themselves the engine room of the economy and therefore the natural supporters of the Liberal Party and enemies of socialism. I bet that even though he works from home and has no employees he calls himself an entrepreneur.
I rather like the idea of Alannah taking control of Vincent before the election is even called, directing her minions from her secret lair inside a hollowed-out volcano somewhere in Dog Swamp, sending them out to harass every petty-minded little Tory wanker in the electorate. The next person that writes a nasty letter to the editor of the
Voice will get a visit from a team of ninjas who will abseil down their chimney and rescind their resident’s parking permit.
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A tank of sharks taunted by infrequent drops of menstrual blood – somehow hidden beneath the council star chamber. As you apply for a subdivision of less than 260 sqm, the floor drops out from under you.
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I’m sure one of the books on the shelf is:
‘Civil Disobedience for Tossers’
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Mad Cuntz was the originally proposed name for Swallow, but the dumb cuntz on council knocked it back.
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He also appears to have a cassette player, or ‘ghetto blaster’ as he probably calls it.
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Jim’s all dubstep, but I feel for his cat.
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So we’ve got Bayswater’s Terry ‘Baby Doc’ Kenyon ruthlessly oppressing the proletariat, and the Vincentistas purging the bourgeoisie. Can we look forward to blockades? An ICBM launched from West Parade could totally reach The Rise.
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Funny story indeed. I thought I’d taught you guys how to use Google though? Not quite rsvp.com but http://www.phosphateaustralia.com.au/corporate/directors/
Also dull fact… story ran the edition b4 the election not after it. Anyway it’s all cuddles in the kitchen and up up and away at Vincent Town. watch this space for ooshta up to the yingyang!
new photo yesterday, may leave the old one for posterity.
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Phosphates (half) built the Oswals a mansion in Peppy Grove, but this cunt can’t even afford shoes, an ipod, or $20 an hour for a cleaner?
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Is that really the same guy? If you cant make a decent quid as a Geologist in WA then… well I don’t know what, but something.
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an Arctic Monkeys quote from 2006?
hip to the kids.
no wonder you got the yoof vote
do they vote?
did anyone vote?
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I’m not up for reelection for 2 years so I’ve got some time to brush up on Richard Wilkins’ hot tips for the summer of ’13.
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here’s She-Ra on her throne:
I like to imagine that it’s mounted on some sort of sedan chair, and she is carried into the chamber by burly shirtless eunuchs.
http://au.news.yahoo.com/thewest/a/-/wa/10486616/perth-about-to-enter-new-era-says-mayor/
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Congratulations to former TWOP almni Midlandia on his election to the City of Swan in the Midland Ward. I believe he is the firtst TWOP’er to be elected to Public office without being the subject of a worst post :-)
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We’re slipping, folks!
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Happy to be the inspiration. Must have taken my sound advice.
#1 self administered hair cut
#2 rowboat
#3 latte
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Mark Elliott
http://www.swan.wa.gov.au/Council/Your_Councillors/Midland_Ward
a google search “Mark Elliott” reveals Barracks Arch to be in the Schitty of Schwan, also an election campaign based on keeping rates low, doing more with less, and rabbits pulled from hats, all while administering own hair cuts at catholic schools
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I’m confused. This person was Midlandia? I hope he didn’t make any rash TWOP comments.
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Yes one and the same see your 2008 Election night post where we both commented about meeting each other at the ALP bash for Swan Hills and Midland :-)
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I came across an article stating that Lannie McT had been granted her liquor licence back in August. Karlo had objected, but the forces of common sense prevailed
quote: “The bar purports to be a unique, nostalgic, refined, intimate, elegant, accessible, old-style, local, European venue.”
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Maybe that’s when the original name “Mad Cuntz” was dropped?
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No way!
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No vibrancy? None? At all?
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so maylands really is in europe.
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If by in Europe, you mean a fucking long way from anywhere except other places purporting to be Europe. And Mount Lawley.
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a fine hausmannian addition to the streetscape.
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But wouldn’t you get all those old style Europeans sitting outside with their greasy glasses of retsina? Not cool.
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In their singlets.
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i have seen tla in that hood in gym clothes.
the standard has been set.
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You have? In Maylands?
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chapels.
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I’m still baffled.
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There was an Andrew McDonald in the Perth Magistrate’s Court this morning: he looked baffled too.
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I thought the original name to be quite appropriate – but then I thought the liquor licence was for Lannie personally, not a fixed venue.
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indeed. I knew who he was. It’s funnier when you know he’s worth millions. I reckon he still considers himself the engine room of the economy, even though as a geo who found a deposit and then sold it to a multinational, the only people to get rich are him and his venture capitalists. With the military background I’ll bet he likes the ‘self-made man’ label
I xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. The confraternity needs men like this.
I saw Lannie in the paper wearing her mayoral chain. She-Ra seems to have some sort of throne. Does Lannie have a throne? I think she needs a throne.
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Who needs a throne when you have a bar?
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………with ‘thrones’ for each gender.
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that’s what she said
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oi, that’s what i said.
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actually, scratch that, I’m not sure he is worth millions. He floated his company at 20c trying to raise $10m in capital to do further drilling, when his company only had cash of $187k. His current share price is 6c. Cue bitterness.
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he does all his drilling with body lotion?
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wow – two goes at censoring that. I can understand that calling him a xxxxxx is a no-no, but not sure why calling him a xxxxxxxx is a problem.
can I still call L101 a cunt? If L101 were rich, a trained killer, and had a lawyer, would you sensor any insults directed at him?
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Sensor? Dude.
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ya start talking about L101, yer spelling goes ta shit (no offence)
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I see youve found a new project to replace Chong.
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there will only ever be one Patti-Patti
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Can you be a trained killer without actually killing anyone? or do you have to go through training to kill, kill, get it verified, get your license/trades certificate, TAFE recognition for prior killing etc and work in an environment designed to allow access to killing.
Cos killing TAFEcuntz would be soo kewl, and you wouldnt have to leave campus
Prior attempt by mining companies who do a pretty good side trade in industrial manslaughter
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Isn’t that minehole a small (gay) bar now?
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No (pink) ticket no start, members only
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I thought this was the small bar catering to the mining community. No?
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