Hold the front page, we’ve got nothing!

Stop the presses, we’ve got someone who didn’t see anything!. Jeezus, I did say I wasn’t going to do any more West Stories, but come one, two dishonest loads of bollocks on the front page of Saturday’s West was too much. Vote rigging scandal in the mayoral (ie clitoral) election! My god no! Up to six (count’em) six  votes might have been bogus! I pity the cat still up a tree that was bumped for this shite. Look, everyone knows that Lisa She-Ra Princess of Power Scaffidi is a little bit of a crackpot, albeit one that actually seems to care a lot about the city, but there’s certainly no story in 6 stray votes, when her rival’s platform rested on underground rubbish chutes. Underground as in troglodyte underworld  waste disposal. Remember when Iron man had to investigate the skyscrapers sucked underground by the Green Whatsit? Or was that Spiderman? Like that anyway. Sean Cowan must have thrown a party on getting this dross onto the front page. But the “Inside story” of the shark attack teaser was shitty even for the West. An extensive interview with a man who admits he saw nothing because he was swimming in the opposite direction? The same nothing that other beachgoers saw on the day and which was reported – ie “We saw nothing.” How can it be an inside story when he was swimming the other way and saw no action? Two non stories, with one dishonestly slanted to sell a few more pages of airconditioner ads. A few dozen more pages of airconditioner ads.

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
This entry was posted in worst journalist, worst newspaper and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

123 Responses to Hold the front page, we’ve got nothing!

  1. The Legend 101 says:

    I saw this Yesterday, I bet theese guys are gay judging by how they look at each other.


  2. Russell Wolfe's Lovechild says:

    A double page spread of ads on pages 2 and 3 shows that nobody at Teh Worst even gives a shit anymore.

    Publishing that dross – why would you?


  3. I swam at death beach yesterday. I also saw nothing. I’ve had to take the phone off the hook. Too many requests for interviews.


  4. capwatch says:

    I saw nothing from here.


    Lannie McT is mayor of Vincenze. Lannie McT off to a “planning meeting” with She-Ra. Here’s the seen aria,
    “One more little couple of tea won’t hurt She-Ra, Jeez what’s that burning smell ? Oh noes SH-ra ‘s fallen out of her chair. I always win these competitions. I’ll just step over Luke on my way out. “


  6. Actually I think it’s pretty classy of Bryn Martin to step forward and share his perspective, and frankly it’s quite nice having smiling faces on the front page for a change. A healthy reminder that for every person snatched in a shark tragedy there are literally dozens of people able to go on with their lives as if nothing had ever happened.


  7. skink says:

    there was a pissweak feature in Teh West colour supplement entitled ‘the start of three West Australian dynasties’

    apart from beginning with an error – ‘Western Australian’, fuckwits – the three ‘dynasties’ consisted of two people who owned a shop that employed their offspring (one of whom, Rick Hart, no longer owns that shop), and a footballer.

    clearly a ‘dynasty’ in Western Australia consists of a moderately successful family whose children have not completely pissed it up the wall (see Wyllie, Rinehart). Has a dynasty in WA ever stretched to more than two generations?

    PS I didn’t see who shot JFK. In fact, I wasn’t born. Do they want an interview?


  8. Rolly says:

    No comment!


  9. Pete says:

    The reporting of things that go bump in the ocean seems to be quite common. too soon?


  10. Pete says:

    No less ephemeral than ‘my head was in the water, consequently I was unable to see anything’

    Where are the truthers? Holt fanatics? CHOGM conspiracists? Surely someone will chime in with some genuine madness, instead of tehwests long lunch Friday rubbish.


  11. Hugh Jass says:

    Hold the front page!


    • Snuff says:

      Is he blind ? What about those shelves ? Then again, as Guru Adrian famously said, Nothing is real. Nothing is free. Nothing means something to me.


  12. Bartender's Skills with a Manhatten says:

    I have never heard of this newspaper. Which leads me to assume, based on the above, that I somehow work for it.


  13. BrownBook says:

    I hope you didn’t actually buy that copy of the West.


  14. skink says:

    and speaking of She-Ra – who the fuck is dressing her these days?

    I thought that as part of Fashion Week that Perth’s leading designer’s were supposed to be making her over.

    This is what Doris Day would look like if she’d been kidnapped in 1958, kept hostage in a dark cave for 53 years, eating nothing but Coco Pops and Fanta, and then ransomed live on air for Telethon.

    is that real fur FFS?



  15. Russell Wolfe's Lovechild says:

    Good God. She needs to talk to Barry Humphries couturier. Quick smart.

    I like the fur though.


  16. skink says:

    great story on the front page of The Voice
    a local Liberal busybody placed an anonymous ad in The Voice just before the election criticizing Lannie McT and supporting Sally Lake. Three days later, after the election, he gets a knock on the door and finds two heavies from the Council there to investigate an ‘anonymous’ complaint that he is running an unauthorized business from his address.
    He is claiming a conspiracy, with Lannie running a goon squad of heavies dropping in on innocent ratepayers from black helicopters, or something.
    Councillor Lake calls the man’s claims ‘hard to believe’
    Alannah calls the man a ‘mad cunt’ (I paraphrase)
    The photo accompanying the story shows a frustrated man wearing sandals sat on his own couch next to a vacuum cleaner. Difficult to understand why he would choose to wear sandals in public, and not move the hoover when he saw the camera. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx



  17. Frank Calabrese says:

    Congratulations to former TWOP almni Midlandia on his election to the City of Swan in the Midland Ward. I believe he is the firtst TWOP’er to be elected to Public office without being the subject of a worst post :-)


  18. skink says:

    I came across an article stating that Lannie McT had been granted her liquor licence back in August. Karlo had objected, but the forces of common sense prevailed

    quote: “The bar purports to be a unique, nostalgic, refined, intimate, elegant, accessible, old-style, local, European venue.”


  19. skink says:

    indeed. I knew who he was. It’s funnier when you know he’s worth millions. I reckon he still considers himself the engine room of the economy, even though as a geo who found a deposit and then sold it to a multinational, the only people to get rich are him and his venture capitalists. With the military background I’ll bet he likes the ‘self-made man’ label

    I xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. The confraternity needs men like this.

    I saw Lannie in the paper wearing her mayoral chain. She-Ra seems to have some sort of throne. Does Lannie have a throne? I think she needs a throne.


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