And get with child a mandrake root…

Go and catch a falling star
Get with child a mandrake root
Tell me where all past years are,
Or who cleft the devil’s foot… John Donne

Cimbali caught this extraordinary sign at the Fremantle Arts Centre. It was particularly galling to the C Bomb as she had specifically travelled all the way from Kala-fucking-munda to have her leprosy cleared up. And a goitre. I wasn’t sure between which stool this worst was falling. Either it was a garden designed for healing but they’re telling you to fuck off despite your obvious and hideous afflictions, (no tyre kickers), or is it a wanker’s way of saying the garden is under repair? I note that the history museum is closing due to lack of funding, so perhaps budget cuts are affecting the fertilising of the mandrake root and henbane patch. F.A.C. heal thyself! How about applying some of those healing herbs to your print awards, which ranged from the mediocre to complete shite this year.

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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109 Responses to And get with child a mandrake root…

  1. flynn says:

    mixing upper and lower case with such gay abandon.
    Traveling from the lofty heights of Kal all the way to Freo is enough to make any-one unwell and then to be so cruelly turned away. I hope Cimbali, you died on the spot just to mess up the herbage.

    Like

  2. shazza says:

    I took a similar shot there a few weeks ago.
    It said – Keep Out Off Garden Please.

    Like

  3. WAtching says:

    Who would have thought, crackpot signage at an arts centre.
    Can you register a healing garden they way you can a lawn? Obviously you can.

    Like

    • Cimbali says:

      What was really bad about this was that the Craft Bazaar was on so the place was all spruced up and overrun with cashed up arty types looking for Christmas presents and cash strapped arty types looking for ideas to copy. This sign was just inside the entrance and pretty much set the tone for the event.

      Like

  4. Rex says:

    It’s actually a typo. It’s meant to say, “Please keep off F.A.G.”
    I hate these homophobic fremantle types :P

    Like

  5. soularion says:

    Yeah theys lettin the Freo teme down. Anyway plenty of stocks of soul calming balm are availible form my stall at the Freo mkts.

    Like

  6. Bento says:

    What does one buy at a craft fair in Freo? Lumps of lead with googly eyes? Soaps made of toxic sludge?

    Like

  7. margeryx says:

    You’re sposed to wash it, not put away wet.

    Like

  8. wayne says:

    the signs at the art centre in the garden are great it keeps useless parents kids and zombies from wreaking nature as it works within this historic place,but u wouldnt see this as living in a rented flat or at mummy house were your arse is still wiped what would u no about looking after anything,grow up airbags everyones got pins.

    Like

  9. wayne says:

    lets all go on that merry go round in perth,u get too see all perths great achievments,the dong tower,the train ,is there anythink else.

    Like

  10. wayne says:

    you can only keep me if u water me,and teach me how too spell,but u must take me too your mums for sunday roast.

    Like

  11. orbea says:

    dong tower

    euphemism for richard court

    Like

  12. wayne says:

    hot off the press new sign is in the art centre garden dedicated too ,a member off your blog.

    Like

  13. Pingback: Wayning Interest « The Worst of Perth

  14. wayne says:

    no i dont live on rockingham road,bro not lucky enough.

    Like

  15. wayne says:

    great too see u mummy boys are still puffing the magic dragon,didnt daddy tell u drugs are for mugs ,booze is the cruise,till next year little ladies hope u have a shit christmas,and someone spews on u for newyear.

    Like

  16. Just got a google search result for Mandrake Root for sale Perth.

    Like

  17. john says:

    don’t get me wrong-real or not, obviously Wayne can look after himself, but all of you quasi intellectual tossers should piss off to Melbourne or some where similar that trades in ego as it’s common currency.

    TWOP self conscious insecurities are exactly what is TWOP

    Like

  18. mez says:

    can’t believe I missed this entire post! Wayne is genius. This myth is “Plausible”

    Like

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