Go and catch a falling star
Get with child a mandrake root
Tell me where all past years are,
Or who cleft the devil’s foot… John Donne
Cimbali caught this extraordinary sign at the Fremantle Arts Centre. It was particularly galling to the C Bomb as she had specifically travelled all the way from Kala-fucking-munda to have her leprosy cleared up. And a goitre. I wasn’t sure between which stool this worst was falling. Either it was a garden designed for healing but they’re telling you to fuck off despite your obvious and hideous afflictions, (no tyre kickers), or is it a wanker’s way of saying the garden is under repair? I note that the history museum is closing due to lack of funding, so perhaps budget cuts are affecting the fertilising of the mandrake root and henbane patch. F.A.C. heal thyself! How about applying some of those healing herbs to your print awards, which ranged from the mediocre to complete shite this year.
The Worst of Perth 
mixing upper and lower case with such gay abandon.
Traveling from the lofty heights of Kal all the way to Freo is enough to make any-one unwell and then to be so cruelly turned away. I hope Cimbali, you died on the spot just to mess up the herbage.
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I took a similar shot there a few weeks ago.
It said – Keep Out Off Garden Please.
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Who would have thought, crackpot signage at an arts centre.
Can you register a healing garden they way you can a lawn? Obviously you can.
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What was really bad about this was that the Craft Bazaar was on so the place was all spruced up and overrun with cashed up arty types looking for Christmas presents and cash strapped arty types looking for ideas to copy. This sign was just inside the entrance and pretty much set the tone for the event.
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It’s actually a typo. It’s meant to say, “Please keep off F.A.G.”
I hate these homophobic fremantle types :P
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Yeah theys lettin the Freo teme down. Anyway plenty of stocks of soul calming balm are availible form my stall at the Freo mkts.
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What does one buy at a craft fair in Freo? Lumps of lead with googly eyes? Soaps made of toxic sludge?
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feng shui macrame balm shakra balls (organic)
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and hemp bags to carry said shakra balls in.
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Salt crystal lamps (Feng-shui approved of course), Hand beated aluminium geckos.
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Little Che Guevara peg dollies?
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little ‘no che day’ peg dollies i think.
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crocheted beanies in freo dockers colours that block out the smell of merino casinos
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‘I would rather push my Volkswagen than drive an Audi’ bumper stickers.
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a ‘how to set up your own organic craft market’ booklet
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or maybe a “wool poncho for two”?
http://handmadegonewrong.blogspot.com/2009/09/is-it-hot-in-here.html
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So wrong, mp, especially after such a promising start.
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Actually it is a very “High Class” craft market with designers showing $300.00 dresses etc and expensive one off jewellery pieces. This made the sign all the more extraordinary.
In a normal freo crafty type event the sign would have barely been noticed among the combis and rasta hats.
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yes snuff i can see why one might think they lost their way :)
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Why hasn’t Frank ranted about Adele?
He’s still probably Green with envy…
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relevance deficit?
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I’ve already outed her good friend Hsien as a pretentious little 12 yr old drama queen and I’m glad Tinley got up in Willagee – 1 Green feral in the Lower House, 2, would’ve been unbearable.
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yep
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Speaking of all things freo, has no-one noticed Colon Bayonets intervention into the new draconian dog laws in fremantle. He is a firm beleiver that dogs should be allowed in fremantle’s alfresco areas.
Credit where credit is due people.
He isn’t afaid to speak his mind on the big issues.
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Perhaps a fish percolator ?
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How did that get there ? It was a reply to Bento back here.
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I’m always discovering alive sliced-up fish in my perker, Snuff.
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Snuff, you say that like a fish percolator makes sense anywhere.
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I assumed all Svenkers took their coffee with herring, no?
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Good point, Bento, but I suspect a passive aggressive housemate might want our Jesper to clean it.
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Shades of the green coffee plunger in TWOP’s early days…Ljuke was responsible for that atrocity, if I recall correctly.
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I believe Jesper’s been pranked by a Twin Peaks fan. “Diane, never drink coffee that has been anywhere near a fish.” These things happen.
Let’s not mention my percolator atrocity, since I’m pretty sure our coffee pot hasn’t been used for about six months and has probably gone a little green around the gills, too.
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You’re sposed to wash it, not put away wet.
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the signs at the art centre in the garden are great it keeps useless parents kids and zombies from wreaking nature as it works within this historic place,but u wouldnt see this as living in a rented flat or at mummy house were your arse is still wiped what would u no about looking after anything,grow up airbags everyones got pins.
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Which are more retarded – Freo hippies, Nikki defenders, or bumkins? Discuss.
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I assumed wayne was joking.
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What was the joke?
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The obvious grammatical/spelling errors. The hyperbolic sense of outrage. I mean c’mon, zombies?
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Agreed. Zombies are completely played out. But I’m inclined to think wayne was sincere. Retarded, but sincere.
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What, pray tell, are “pins”?
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I’d initially assumed he meant ‘legs’, but given the incoherent babbling, it could just as likely be a reference to needles.
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sigh! yes I think your’e right Bento. Another loony. Well, as you know, the Arts Centre is a former mad house. Appears to rub off on anyone who spends too long in it’s vicinity.
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goodone shit break were do u work,all are u still trying too tie your shoelaces.
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I don’t know what to say wayne!
I guess my first point would be to say that you haven’t changed my opinion of people called ‘wayne’.
As for tying shoelace insults…
Do you think it is Ok to be nasty? We may be TWOPers but we DO have feelings.
And lastly i feel you could work on your random capitalisation.
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is Wayne our signWritEr?
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I doubt it flynn. But it’s hard to say. It’s more likely wayne wishes he wrote the sign…
Just to feel the unbridled power of those initials.
F.A.C.
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yep im the sign writer,its taken the public 3 years too see magic
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You don’t happen to live next to Perth Oval do you wayne? There is something familiar about your prose.
Also, can i apologise for my mis-interpretation of the initials F.A.C. I am sure you can understans how the mistake was made.I now realise that it stands for Fully Acredited Crackpot.
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no not near perth oval ,im a sharks supporter,please dont apologise,your only stating your worthless ideas ,like what u reacon fac stands for love it come vist again what do reacon off the next sign watching garden grow.
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fail
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David Thorne?
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ooooh
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I am not sure if we are playing wayne or wayne is plying us orb. There’s something fishy here.
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Are you suggesting that wayne could be one of us! A TWOP regular (or even one of the Elite) playing a gag?
Surely that person would need a split personality or other mental irregularity.
Maybe I have said too much
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dont throw stones if u carnt handle the bruises,watching, the worlds got soft harden up princess yeah im not perfect,,but im real.
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Ok I will take the bait,
ok wayne just how real are you?
I tried real once, didn’t work for me either, well not on this website anyway.
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Bullshit wayne.
You are NOT real.
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At least he wasn’t trying to bring intelligence to the conversation.
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freo weird but perth full off concete people there like sheep always up people rectum .
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I thought that was gerbals.
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how, exactly, does one ‘wreak’ nature?
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lets all go on that merry go round in perth,u get too see all perths great achievments,the dong tower,the train ,is there anythink else.
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Ordinarily I would defend first timers, y’know to them give a bit of time to get used to the errr… nature of TWOP…. but not in this (nut) case.
Where’s Rolly when you need him?
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The Dong Tower isn’t a bad turn of phrase.
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Busy ignoring trolls ;)
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whats wrng with nuts dont u carry a pair around.
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Now I know it’s a joke. Good one Wayne. You had us all going there.
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would u rather have a crap or get laid
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Y’know wayne doesn’t seem so bad, sure he can’t write properly and I believe he may have an intellectual disability but it would be kinda nice to have a pet troll.
Can we keep him TLA, please please, it would be like an early Xmas present and I promise shazza will be good pleease can we keep him.
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If we do, you have to feed and walk him.
What you should also consider is that he is cute and endearing now, but he will grow into a {your comment here}.
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{bigoted fat cunt later}
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you can only keep me if u water me,and teach me how too spell,but u must take me too your mums for sunday roast.
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dong tower
euphemism for richard court
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hot off the press new sign is in the art centre garden dedicated too ,a member off your blog.
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Is it made from tasteful coreflute like the last one or have you simply and cleverly rewritten the original?
Either way, a photo please, you can’t expect any of us to be bothered enough to wander down to have a look.
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come on your being a bit lazy if your fingers only do the talkin,the originals ,might put them in the print awards next year,all proceeds too charity,all too your blog, so people can see what crap you write..
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As a local, I shall stop in today and have a look.
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Please do shazz.
I have just got to see this.
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you looked nice yesterday,we were impressed how a intellegent human like youself used all the footpaths well done.
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seems to me like wayne has broken the golden rule and “gone the full retard”.
Never go the full retard!
http://my.spill.com/video/947994:Video:489537
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they all need lovin bro
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That’s very kind of you, mp, but it’s not like he has any choice. As Bento alludes to in his generous assessment, it’s impossible to fake that level of stupidity. Once again many have displayed a capacity to suffer fools which I lack. Of course I appreciate that there’s no harm done in stringing the moran along in the hope that one day he’ll write something vaguely amusing, but let’s face it … it’s never gonna happen.
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somewhere, deep down inside, i just know you are right snuff!
http://theincrediblyrudelogophile.blogspot.com/2009/12/i-see-dumb-people-theyre-everywhere.html
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Wayne, you’re steadily making the transition from annoying troll, to amusing nutcase, to dangerously unhinged. I am enjoying the ride, I must admit.
People who suspect I’ve invented you, like some sort of malevolent Karl Pilkington, clearly overestimate my creative capabilities.
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wayne?
Do you live on Rockingham road by any chance?
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Wayne is in your house. Right now.
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“Have you checked the children?”
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Thanks Lj. You know i am at work at 10:45am. wayne had better not be drinking my beer.
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Only your DEAD GUY ales.
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You actually made me check my fridge then… but they’re stll there.
Try the Imperial Youngers Special Bitter.
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prefer crazy mf its got a better ring to it ,nutcase is too suttle.
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Pingback: Wayning Interest « The Worst of Perth
no i dont live on rockingham road,bro not lucky enough.
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You could say that wayne is trolling for comments.
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great too see u mummy boys are still puffing the magic dragon,didnt daddy tell u drugs are for mugs ,booze is the cruise,till next year little ladies hope u have a shit christmas,and someone spews on u for newyear.
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Just got a google search result for Mandrake Root for sale Perth.
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Well, thanks to Wayne and his signs, there’s nowhere to pick it in the wild anymore.
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Has wayne said anything lately?
I really need his opinion on this…
p.s.
Cimbali: When you took this shot did you ever think it was a hundred poster?
TLA: When you posted it, did you?
wayne: {your comment here}
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I thought 500. very let down.
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You know you won’t get 500 without Chong or a bumkin tie-in.
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I think the new chong twitter line is worth twice that!
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don’t get me wrong-real or not, obviously Wayne can look after himself, but all of you quasi intellectual tossers should piss off to Melbourne or some where similar that trades in ego as it’s common currency.
TWOP self conscious insecurities are exactly what is TWOP
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So it’s about the rooting at FAC too? That’s what I’m hearing from you.
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Ruh roh. He used the Q word.
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And he failed to use a hyphen. Ungrammatical cunt.
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What are your thoughts on women John.
Feel free. This is a forum for strong views…
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Wow John why so grumpy? Wayne was enjoying himsef.
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can’t believe I missed this entire post! Wayne is genius. This myth is “Plausible”
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