State Election Live and Worst!

All the worst aspects of the state election will be covered live here on Saturday, from Alannah MacTiernan’s hair to Albert Jacob’s wife’s arse.

Will we see Carps cry, or Colin muse about why The West built him up then suddenly withdrew support like they did last time? Perhaps both will happen.

Remember, no language restrictions here at TWOP, and the shallowest cracks about the candidates’ appearance will be welcomed. Starting from whining about the quality of merchandise at the cake stalls as the booths open, up until the time we get sick of it and go to bed, it all happens here. Get your cameraphones charged for any candidate sightings near polling places, particulary Troy from you Vasstonians. Send pics straight to and they’ll be up in a flash.

We’ve put together a crack team of expert commentators. Johnny Scrotum from Young White Lesbians who’s been through half the opposition and all the government, on who swings and who doesn’t. Myself The Lazy Aussie of course, Paul Nurry expert columnist on “More things I know fuck all about.” (Any of the numerous Paul Murray pretenders are welcome,) and of course Journalist, blogger, Raconteur, President, WA Branch, MEAA and President, WA Journalists Association David Fucking Outrage Cohen. Start putting your comments here.

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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175 Responses to State Election Live and Worst!

  1. David Cohen says:

    it’s going to be huge. frankly, i will be using the word corflute as many times as possible. poor lisa taught me it on friday night and i love it. how many election night haiku can we churn out next weekend? possibly dozens. vote early, vote often – but be at TWOP for all your 2008 election needs on saturday september 6.


  2. Frank Calabrese says:

    Lazy Aussie,

    Check your inbox, great ALP flyer letterboxed today :-)


  3. Ljuke says:

    How exciting. I’m gonna have to dust off my copy of “Don’s Party” and pewter-mug-on-a-chain.


  4. Dear nipple addicted Perthites,
    I’m very fucking excited to be a part of the spiritually enhanced democratic one vote one shag socially conscious up ya arse election coverage here at TWOP.

    Alan Carps is a back door porn star in the making and I know for a fact that Colin Barnett wouldn’t hesitate shagging an imported one armed Russian Bride while simultaneously launching a one man attack on a small Turkish Villiage north of Gallipoli just to prove he’s the Aussiest of Aussies despite his ongoing erectile disfunctions. Colin is the man for no one and that takes guts. This election will inspire us all to attempt sexual positions we have only ever dreamed of and that’s what Democrocy is all about.



  5. Vic Demised says:

    I am also excited, in an Elliot Goblett kind of way. It’s going to be huge. Sort of.

    Last state election was on my birthday, I worked all day on a booth for the Missos Union then went to a couple of electorate parties and even got to shake Geoff Gallop’s hand at Lathlain Park members’ bar. (In retrospect, Geoff looked decidedly unmoved when I said: Congratulations, Premier.)

    Hard to top that for a night of electoral raunch, I know, but with the lineup of talent LA has at his fingertips, I just know I will be creaming all evening, no matter the result. I especially look forward to Johnny Scrotum’s deep personal insights.

    LA, have you lined up anyone who’s dyed-in-the-polyester Liberal, just so you can’t be accused of bias?


  6. Frank Calabrese says:

    Hard to top that for a night of electoral raunch, I know, but with the lineup of talent LA has at his fingertips, I just know I will be creaming all evening, no matter the result. I especially look forward to Johnny Scrotum’s deep personal insights.

    Lazy Aussie,

    You might want tor recruit Edward St John, Glen and A-C from Pollbludger for your conservative commentary :-)

    Or if you want a local angle, you could try for any spare 6PR announcers not being used on the night.


  7. David Cohen says:

    fair call Vic. we might have to get in either candidate Albert, fornmer police minister Bill Hassell, or the ghost of Sir Charles Court (communicating from the nether regions of the Weld Club).

    six days to go…


  8. Frank Calabrese says:

    We need a sitting Liberal Member in a marginal seat to go ashen faced when he loses his seat like Graham Kiereth did in 2001 :-)

    Hopefully Troy Boy himself :-)


  9. I was thinking Paul Nurry might take that role, but then change his mind.


  10. And any woman who would like to join the team is welcome too. She-Ra perhaps?


  11. skink says:

    shouldn’t the good people of Vasse be called Vassellates?

    let’s hope they do just that, and give us what is properly known as a ‘Portillo Moment’


  12. forkboy says:

    Cohen @ 1 – corflute????….WTF?


  13. poor lisa says:

    I can’t believe anyone doesn’t know what corflute is.

    Corflute is that stuff they make cheap looking temporary signs out of. Instead of pasting posters onto chipboard.

    It’s like corrugated plastic overlaid with.. plastic sheets… kind of bendy but straight. It’s perfect for putting pictures of Albert Jacob’s hair on.

    Also, and I did not know THIS, ideal for rodent cages. Hmm. Politicians’ faces & rodent shit. Not that I don’t love democracy.


  14. That doesn’t corflute.


  15. Cookster says:

    Corflute, as opposed to the Buswell trouser flute.


  16. forkboy says:

    Poor lisa @ 13 – coming from Cohen, I thought that corflute had some deeper Literary, Esoteric (possible) Intellectual meaning…………………………………but its just fucking cardboard??……


  17. The Intellectual Bogan says:

    Or possibly Vasselines.

    Graham Kierath’s live, on-screen reaction to his seat loss in 2001 is one of my all-time favourite political moments.

    I live in hope of its equal.


  18. There’s a possibility that I’ll be liveblogging for, er… one of the parties during the day, so I will link back here constantly if I do :-) If I don’t end up doing the blog, I will just comment here profusely…


  19. So you’re going to be the Family Fist correspondent Paris?


  20. Cookster says:

    Apathy will be the big winner this election. Less than 20% of the good folk who visited The Perth Files since Friday have voted in the online poll.

    Okay, some of them were there for the ‘whale spew’ and ‘tony mokbel + bashing’, but the rest were just lazy aussies.

    Carps should go further with his green stance and promise a free Balinese ‘dick bong’ for all people under 40… as long as you bother to vote.


  21. Free Beer says:

    Is my gravatar working yet? If so, he will be happy to attend.


  22. I voted Cookster.

    Do you think Carps has gone too negative Free Beer?


  23. forkboy1971 says:

    Cookster @ 20 – how about just promising “a free Balinese”


  24. forkboy says:

    how in the fuck did that 1971 get in there?????…..ghosts in the machine !!!!!


  25. skink says:

    re the Barnett profile:

    “the hunger and passion for politics never leaves you”

    except that it did – he retired and went to feed his sheep.

    and Brendan Nelson was there in the front row – when did he sneak into WA?

    did he do any campaining, or did they just take him to the launch and then back to the airport?


  26. Frank Calabrese says:

    and Brendan Nelson was there in the front row – when did he sneak into WA?

    did he do any campaining, or did they just take him to the launch and then back to the airport?

    And they didn’t let him speak at the launch either, and Julie Bishop wasn’t there either – she was stuck in Beijing.

    At least Penny Wong introduced Carps :-)


  27. TLA@19

    What gave it away?

    Am I almost as stuck up as JC?


  28. Cookster says:

    @ Forkboy – 1971, is that when you made your last stick flick?

    @ TLA – we’ll change your name to Industrious Aussie.

    ‘Family Fist’, ‘Stuck up’, ‘colon canals’? I’m not picking up the soap thank you!


  29. Rolly says:

    @13 poor lisa

    “I can’t believe anyone doesn’t know what corflute is.”
    Well, not everyone lives in a plasticised world.
    I had the idea that it might be an ancient and rowdy musical instrument; something like a cross between a cor anglais and a baroque flute :D


  30. skink says:

    you’re thinking of the pink flute


  31. skink says:

    Frank @27

    I saw Julie Bishop at the City to Surf

    even after running 12km on a humid day with an ocean breeze, her hair had not moved from its trademark rigid ‘Star Wars Stormtrooper helmet’ style


  32. Frank Calabrese says:

    even after running 12km on a humid day with an ocean breeze, her hair had not moved from its trademark rigid ‘Star Wars Stormtrooper helmet’ style

    She must be contributing to the hole in the Ozone with the amount of hairspray needed to keep her hair in place, unless it’s coated in Fibreglass.


  33. It’s not actually hair. It’s corflute.


  34. Julie Bishop worries me (apart from teh Natrass). Why is someone supposedly so smart such a complete and utter dumbarse? Every time she opens her mouth she appears to be retarded, with the extra attribute of the personality of a frying pan.


  35. Frank Calabrese says:

    I note that the ABC’s TV coverage will be curtailed by the opening ceremony of the Paralympics at 9.50pm, despite it also being simulcast on ABC2.

    If the result isn’t known by then, TWOP’ers will have to rely on ABC Radio, as the commercial channels aren’t doing ANY Election Night Coverage, bar I’m assuming some sort of News Update.

    It’s a Fucking Outrage I say !


  36. And teh interwebs of course Frank…


  37. Cookster says:

    Skink @31 – pink oboe (n).

    Penis. As in: “I have a great passion for music. Tell me, do you play the pink oboe?”


  38. skink says:

    I wish I had a camera with me – Bishop deserves her own Worts entry,

    perhaps it could be just under:

    Bishop and Nattrass…eewwgh

    it was an absolute joy to watch Julie Bishop sitting next to Germaine Greer on Q&A the other week. Neither acknowldeged the other’s existence, and whenever Bishop spoke Greer pulled her face away like Bishop had farted


  39. My Ning says:

    Interesting to see the ALP getting uppity with one of its former cronies, Ian Taylor, who reportedly has put friendship first by backing one of the biggest political losers in WA’s history – John Bowler (The Worst, pge 6, Sept 2).

    The fact Bowler is running as an independent after getting shafted by Burkie and Grill shows that he thinks the voters living in Kalgoorlie are pretty thick. And who knows – maybe he’s right (next Saturday night will be the litmus test for this).

    However, if the folk of Kal-Boulder don’t want to be accused of being desert mushrooms, they should unequiovcally dismiss Bowler as the pathetic political imbecile that he really is.

    After all, how does one explain a situation whereby a former journalist – while in charge of the resources portfolio – leaks confidential cabinet information to a couple of snakes who, for whatever inexplicable reasons, still have the power to make the Labor Party implode?

    As a journo working during the early 1990s when the whole WA Inc thing was unravelling, didn’t Bowler see what damage the lobbying duo was capable of. Didn’t it cross his mind that Gallop banned members of his cabinet team from dealing with Burke and Grill for good reasons? Honestly, what the fuck was Bowler thinking?

    Then we have Taylor, who was number 2 in the party when ol’ what’s-her-name Lawrence subjected the ALP to a damning royal commission. Hardly a stunning endorsement when it comes to leadership qualities. Really, why the hell would anyone take him seriously after all these years?

    If anything, the Bowler-Taylor affair sums up the ennui which seems to permeate WA’s political landscape. Basically the place is being run by a bunch of dimwitted pushovers who can’t seem to fathom the fact that rules and regulations are meant to be adhered to, and not ignored to suit personal agendas.

    People of Kal-Boulder – be alert! Don’t let this Labor reject get his way. Bowler should have been ditched from politics altogether after his stupidity. Now, it seems, he wants another term to pad out his pension. And the sad thing is that he just might get his way.

    Finally, to steal from a quote once uttered by Graeme Campbell: “Bowler somehow manages to make Mark McGowan look like a Rhodes Scholar”. Now that’s saying something…..


  40. Slanderer says:

    Hey, My Ning,

    The problem is that you are still taking these things far too seriously. Next you’ll be arguing that the pollies are actually running the place.


  41. Slanderer says:

    Forgot to mention that Ian Taylor’s wife was my sex ed teacher at hight school. Hopefully that gives my argument a bit more strength. Ah, those were the days!


  42. My Ning says:

    Taking things too seriously? I seem to recall laughing at the TV when I saw Bowler crying outside of parliament house – and I still think it’s a scream that Burkie can somehow destroy the Labor party not once, but twice, while trying to get his daughter pre-selection (that is, of course, if I haven’t confused the Burkes with Carpenter and Reece Whitby).

    As for pollies running the show, I like to think they do to some degree – otherwise I’d become a conspiracy theorist….


  43. MyNing, didn’t you study with Reece Whitby, and while you went to the tavern, he stayed back studying and writing notes?


  44. My Ning says:

    Yeah – and look who now owns a handful of houses…


  45. Fuck me, I’m getting a stiffy just listening to you guys. And I agree that Reece Whitby certainly looks a goer with or without the aid of a corflute up his arse.


  46. forkboy says:

    This corflute business still has me baffled. For fucks sake…it’s just fancy cardboard!!!


  47. David Cohen says:

    You’re missing the zeitgeist, forkboy. You’re not very hip. You’re not in touch with the noosphere. Corflute is the new new thing. We’re all talking about it.


  48. I was born a foamcore man and I’ll die a foamcore man.


  49. forkboy says:

    Cohen @ 49 Think I need to head to TAFE and do my Cert III in BULLSHIT!………..know any good Lecturers


  50. skink says:

    Taylor has been kicked out of the ALP for spruiking Bowler


  51. Bill O'Slatter says:

    Don’t vote foamcore , bubble wrap or even Lisa’s cor…….flute , vote cardbore cutout man : Bowler.


  52. forkboy says:

    Cohen @ 49 – I think that nooshere is slowly shifting towards my logic Cohen……meet me at the Omega point…haiku at 20 paces…..VOTE 1 CARDBOARD!


  53. Bento says:

    Forkboy – Contemporarise, man! It’s all about the corflute, baby.


  54. forkboy says:

    Bento @ 55 – Contemporise this

    / \ \ / \
    | | \ | |
    | `. | | :
    ` | | \| |
    \ | / / \\\ –__ \\ :
    \ \/ _–~~ ~–__| \ |
    \ \_-~ ~-_\ | *
    \_ \ _.——–.______\| |
    \ \______// _ ___ _ (_(__> \ |
    \ . C ___) ______ (_(____> | /
    /\ | C ____)/ \ (_____> |_/
    / /\| C_____) | (___> / \
    | ( _C_____)\______/ // _/ / \
    | \ |__ \\_________// (__/ |
    | \ \____) `—- –‘ | *
    | \_ ___\ /_ _/ |
    | / | | \ |
    | | / \ \ |
    | / / | | \ |
    | / / \__/\___/ | |
    | / / | | | |
    | | | | | |


  55. Cookster says:

    Corflute Signs can be used for just about any purpose you can think of. They are Lightweight, Vibrant, Portable & Durable. Corflute is very popular for real estate signs, portable A-Frames, small and large indoor and outdoor signs of any size, and even complete shop front signage! Corflute is an affordable and managable way to make your business stand out.


  56. forkboy says:

    well that worked well didnt it…………….


  57. Cookster says:

    Corflute™ is a hollow fluted plastic board manufactured from lightweight extruded polypropylene. It can be formed into reusable bins, boxes, trays, dividers and just about anything that requires durability and a long life span.

    Its advantages are many:

    Lightweight, strong & durable
    Custom designed to your requirements
    Reusable hundres of times over
    Waterproof ensuring longer life
    Chemical resistant
    Low tooling cost
    wide range of grades available

    “Low tooling cost” – tool me up!


  58. forkboy says:

    leave the website out of this Cookster!……..fuck you all….and your corflute….Im going home.


  59. forkboy says:



  60. Cookster says:

    Well, you had it coming big boy… would you like some images to go with that spiel?


  61. Frank Calabrese says:

    So far this has only appeared on The West’s website.

    In a surprise election move today, Labor has released polling which shows it would lose if the State Election were held now.

    Labor’s vote, according to its own research, has dropped 6 per cent in four days to 45 per cent on a two-party preferred basis.

    The Liberal two-party preferred vote of 55 per cent would see Colin Barnett record a comfortable victory.

    Senior Labor officials said they believed negative Liberal advertising which began on the weekend had had a big impact on the voting.

    They conceded that they were releasing the polling in a bid to stem a protest vote.

    The polling shows that 61 per cent of people in five marginal seats still believe that Labor would win the election, compared to just 18 per cent who believe the Liberals would win.

    Labor officials believe that people are indicating they would vote Liberal as a protest, not believing that it would cost Labor government.


  62. poor lisa says:

    forkboy you don’t GET it. It’s *plastic* cardboard. That’s special. AND it has a great name.


  63. Frank Calabrese says:

    Matt Birney reveals what we’ve alway known about The West :-)


  64. Slanderer says:

    Good one Cockster, do you think you could build a new Premier out of the stuff. Sounds perfect. Can’t wait to see the pictures either.


  65. Rolly says:

    Can anyone point me to a retailer that sells the stuff? (WNW of the city preferred)


  66. Frank Calabrese says:

    And once again I made Seven News :-)


  67. You’re becoming quite the shadowy figure Frank. The new Brian Burke?


  68. Paul Nurry says:

    Let me say at the outset that at first blush I supported Colin Barnett’s comeback. At second blush I jumped off. At third, fourth, fifth and subsequent blushes I was on and off Colin like a groom on a bridesmaid. Or to put it another way, at first blush I was hot and wet like a nun’s nightie for Colin, then subsequently dry as a camel’s cunt about his chances. Firstly methinks I was as busy as a one armed arse kicker at a lesbian wedding for Colin, but later as busy as a two handed paper hanger withour piles.
    Methinks I will at current blush launch into a half arsed review of “3 Days of The Condor”. Those were the days when Robert Redford didn’t look like I do now.


  69. Frank Calabrese says:

    Matt Birney on PM.

    DAVID WEBER: Meanwhile, a former leader, Matt Birney, has said he believed many people still didn’t know who they’d be voting for.

    MATT BIRNEY: Look, it’s been a very lacklustre election, it’s been a very sort of under the radar affair, and I think on Saturday voters are going to be genuinely confused about what they should do because there’s nothing that’s really pushing their buttons on either side at the moment.

    DAVID WEBER: Mr Birney has also commented on the election coverage of the state’s main daily newspaper.

    Mr Birney was on radio station 6PR.

    MATT BIRNEY: Oh look, I think that the Liberal Party has certainly been aided and abetted by The West Australian newspaper and more power to them, I say good on you guys, keep it up!

    RADIO HOST: So some of the reporting has been pro-Liberal do you think or specifically anti-Labor?

    MATT BIRNEY: Oh look, I think there are probably a few personality clashes going on within The West Australian newspaper and senior levels of the Labor Party and it would appear some of those personality clashes are being played out in the pages of The West Australian newspaper.

    DAVID WEBER: Mr Birney went on to say that reporters at The West Australian tended to be smarter than those at other media organisations. He said they were very good at getting stuck into people that they’ve had clashes with over time.

    In a statement, the editor of The West Australian, Paul Armstrong, said he agreed that reporters at The West were smarter than those at other media outlets.

    He said nothing about Mr Birney’s claim that the newspaper has been aiding and abetting the Liberal Party in its coverage.

    MARK COLVIN: David Weber.


  70. Vic Demised says:

    Slanderer @49… I an Taylor’s wife was MY french teacher! (I am too old for sex education). She was pretty good at it -teaching, I mean


  71. skink says:

    “Paul Armstrong, said he agreed that reporters at The West were smarter than those at other media outlets”

    ha ha, ha, ha, ha-ha

    perhaps he meant to say ‘smarter than those at fast food outlets’


  72. forkboy says:

    Driving home……all I could see was corflute…..on the walls ….in bus shelters…..outside shops….liquor stores…hardware specials….people standing in koala bear outfits advertising cheap pizza on CORFLUTE!……..HAS THE WORLD GONE CORFLUTE CRAZY???!……..the revolution has come and gone and I missed it!!!…….yesterday I was touting “not until you pry the cardboard from my cold dead hands” but today “the sleeper has awakened!” thank you TWOP………..I get it……I FINALLY GET IT!!!!


  73. Skink that statement is so patently false that a reasonable person can only conclude that Armstrong is very definitely not the full quid ( and this without reference to any of his previous shenanigans ).


  74. Slanderer says:

    Vic@74 – French and Sandy Taylor taught English too. In my circles, Ian was known as “that pollie, Sandy Taylor’s husband.”


  75. Bento says:

    Skink @ 75 – with whom was he ‘agreeing’?? Who, other than Paul Armstrong himself, would have suggested it in the first place?


  76. Cookster says:

    Slanderer @66 – Cockster huh? All that corflute talk result in a Freudian slip, or are you just calling me a dick?


  77. Bento ; Batt Mooney and Armstrong love-in :


  78. skink says:

    Inside Cover have run with this Birney thing, and try to hold their hands up and shout “biased, what, us?” by quoting a single letter to the editor complaining about bias toward the ALP because they printed a smiling picture of Carps next to a scowling picture of Barney the Dinosaur.


    they really like the line about Worst journos being smarter than the average bear. Expect to see them trotting that out for months.


  79. West journalists are indeed a lot smarter than their opposition from the other WA statewide daily paper.


  80. poor lisa says:

    Sincere apologies to David ‘FO’ Cohen but… Smarter than other Perth journalists?…. Is that something to crow about?


  81. skink says:

    you can tell how smart they are by the dozens of Walkley’s they win ever year. what?…oh


  82. Frank Calabrese says:

    Teh Paul on ALP Internal Polling being released.


  83. I clicked on it, not to read it but so that they’ll have a stat from the Worst of Perth. I can’t read teh paul. Even when I agree with him, which isn’t often, i still can’t read him.
    By the way, doesn’t Colin look tired? He looks ready to retire.


  84. Frank Calabrese says:

    From Hereford over at Pollbludger.

    FC: interesting piece at end of the piece is this:

    This entry was posted by Grace on Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008 at 8:56 am and is filed under General, Politics, Opinion, Paul Murray. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

    Follow responses to this post using the RSS 2.0 feed.

    I think Mr Murray’s wife is called Grace!

    Hmm, getting Mrs Nurray to write comments.


  85. Frank Calabrese says:

    I should clarify that the blog was posted by Grace – does that means that Mrs Nurray actually tpyes it int othe computer and posts for him – is he THAT much of a luddite ?


  86. poor lisa says:

    … steadfastly ignores the pokerporn post. Make it go away!


  87. Bill O'Slatter says:

    Frank I’m surprised you didn’t know that Murray was a transvestite.


  88. Search results today has
    “Alannah McTiernan drunk?”

    on the other hand, it also has
    “straight australian guys jack off”


  89. #90 Poor Lisa
    Suck it up baby. Whatever doesn’t make you stronger will only kill you.


  90. Bento says:

    LA – did either of those searches come from Liberal Party Headquarters?


  91. I assume only the second one. they would have seen Alannah maggoted plenty of times


  92. anonymous says:

    Alannah’s sister Diana is running for the Greens in Kingsley. She has better hair.


  93. Russell says:

    Skink at @52 – has Ian Taylor been dumped? The article has:
    “The former Deputy Premier and former leader of the Labor Party, Ian Taylor, says he is disappointed with the party’s decision to dump him for endorsing the Independent candidate for Kalgoorlie, John Bowler.

    Mr Bowler, a former Labor MP, was expelled from the party last year after a Corruption and Crime Commission investigation into his dealings with lobbyists.

    The ALP’s Assistant State Secretary, Simon Mead, says the party will investigate the Mr Taylor’s endorsement of Mr Bowler after this weekend’s State election.”

    So, are they doing the investigating after the decision to dump?


  94. Frank Calabrese says:

    The ALP’s Assistant State Secretary, Simon Mead, says the party will investigate the Mr Taylor’s endorsement of Mr Bowler after this weekend’s State election.”

    I believe that under Party Rules you cannot do internal Party stuff like hold branch meetings and expel members during an Election Campaign, so I’m assuming the formal dumping will take place after the Poll.


  95. What a fucken moron supporting that blubbering dickhead Bowler.


  96. he looks about 10 years old on tv.


  97. Frank Calabrese says:

    he looks about 10 years old on tv.

    And sounds like one as well – heck even William Bowe on the 7.30 report sounds like a whiney teen :-)


  98. Frank Calabrese says:

    From William at Pollbludger.

    On page eight, The West has a mock-up potential Liberal ad to demonstrate “how easy it would be for the Liberals to take what the Premier has said on television and distort its meaning in advertisements”. Beside a picture of Alan Carpenter:

    “You reckoned Brian Burke couldn’t influence your Ministers. What’s your latest false pledge to the people, Carps?”

    QUOTE: “Vision, stability, leadership”.

    “So, why would you dump Michelle Roberts from Cabinet if you win on Saturday, Premier?

    QUOTE: “We need certainty and stability not disunity and chaos”.


    In full colour, complete with Liberal Party logo. I swear I’m not making this up.


  99. Frank Calabrese says:

    And here is the ad in question as scanned by William.


  100. Pingback: Coming events sticky « The Worst of Perth

  101. skink says:

    surely the West mocking up Liberal ads is a serious breach of ethics – against both the Libs and the ALP?


  102. Rolly says:

    Hey, skink! Ethics in politics??? What imaginary world do you live in?
    If nothing else it exemplifies the old adage that, in politics, you believe nothing that anyone says about anyone, or anything, at anytime.
    They rely heavily on the goldfish-like memory of the average mug punter and the memory-of-convenience of the politically aware.
    How else could a society survive where it depends on mob rule (a.k.a. democracy) for its administration?


  103. poor lisa says:

    That is actually weird. What is the point of it? Any fule kno that you can take quotes out of context. The point is it wouldn’t be effective advertising because anyone can see how it’s put together. What an embarrassment the worst continues to be.


  104. My Ning says:

    Dear P Nurry

    If there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s that Premier Alan Carpenter won’t read my newspapers columns and appoint me as his head cabinet advisor to tell him how to run every department.

    Take his flip flop on P platers for example.

    If he had been reading my column instead of dropping the ball while talking on TV, no one – I repeat – no one would be killed by car accidents in this state.

    On several occassions the front page story of this newspaper has coincided with columns I’ve written on the inside pages saying exactly the same thing, except mine, quite rightly, points out that it all came from me.

    (Of course I’ve always wanted to copy sections from those front page stories of The Worst to help make up my 5000 word count, and I say so unashamedly as I source many of my word counts from other already-published stories for the simple reason that those other “front pagers” – not to mention radio transcripts – would simply not exist if I wasn’t here.)

    Anyway, I digress.

    Had Mr Carpenter listened to me about P platers, culverts, witches hats, street names, roundabouts, orange traffic lights, zebra crossings, speed cameras, gutters, passive smoking in the back seat, steering wheels, gear sticks, automatic transmissions, brake fluid, yellow jackets, car telephones, rear vision mirrors, windscreen wipers, door ashtrays, bitumen mixes and that relflective tape stuff that the main roads guys stick to those white posts, deaths on WA roads would drop to nothing.

    Yes, that’s right. NOTHING! Zero, zip, zilch, nil …. I have written authoritative columns on all of the above issues, clearing the way for death-free drives right across the state.

    But it doesn’t stop there. Had Jim McGinty listened to me about the state’s health system, our hospitals would not only have Drs, nurses and beds galore, but people would not be getting sick. Indeed, people would not be dying if they listened to me.

    Then we have transport. Had Alannah listened to me we would already had a rail line to Ellenbrook – plus a second one to Kalgoorlie as well as a six lane highway between Perth and Broome. We could have also built a major bridge across the Swan River from UWA to Applecross.

    I have also written detailed columns on all of these ideas – but to no avail.

    Education is another area in which people should heed my worldly advice. Had that wet rag McGowan listened to me we would schools everywhere and two teachers for each child. We could have also outdone Kevin Rudd and not only had three computers for every kiddie, but we could have also given them a Playstation III with the latest version of Grand Theft Auto and a Sony monitor to play it on.

    And on that subject, we finally have the arts. If whoever the fucking arts minister is had listened to me, we would never have had any of that high brow ballet or opera crap at the concert hall. And chamber music? Fuck that shit! No siree – we would be watching repeated viewings of Grease and Muriel’s Wedding in 70mm and listening to the songs of our youth. And that term “songs of our youth” would no longer have any association with that esoteric Songs of Youth crap that was written by that dead German elitist bastard Stockhausen – that would be well and truly thrown out with the Nurry education revolution.

    The trouble with this place is that no one else has any vision. As for me, I’m going to fart out another 5000 worder on the evil WA potato board and why I should be running it. At least we’ll know then that we’ll get quality mash with our bangers for our morning nosh-ups after taking our little doggies for a walk through the streets of Swanborne.

    (PS: I hope you are feeling better Mr Lazy Aussie – had you listened to me you would never have gotten that fucking cold in the first place).


  105. poor lisa says:

    Great Nurry effort today: shitting out (without digesting) the entire Family Fist road safety policy, meaning that after including 5 paras of quotes from someone else who doesn’t like speed cameras, he only had to fart out about 100 words of his own. (Mostly ‘as I said on…’ and ‘As I wrote….’)


  106. skink says:

    Rolly @107

    I know that politics has no pretence to ethics, but newspapers are at least supposed to follow the ethics of the Press Council and the Electoral Commision.

    they are also supposed to show balance and objectivity, but that ship has sailed


  107. Frank Calabrese says:

    I know that politics has no pretence to ethics, but newspapers are at least supposed to follow the ethics of the Press Council and the Electoral Commision.

    Well I’ve had a victory over the RPH ad not having any authorisation, and I asked the Electoral Commission guy about the mock Liberal ad and he said it was notg in breach because it was seen to be a “News Story”

    But The West and the RPH Clinical Staff are not so lucky, and once the Commission find out who placed the ad, they will have to publish a correction in Tomorrow’s paper :-)


  108. skink says:

    incidentally – I would actually like to know if Carps is going to dump Michelle Roberts.

    I have money on her and Quirk being the first to be boned on Monday.


  109. poor lisa says:

    Maybe if Labor wins. Then his perceived arrogance in calling the election early and insisting on his handpicked candidates (and facilitating the Left and Right in boning the New Right in the preselection process) will have paid off bigtime. And all power to the carps!

    If Labor loses, Carps will have no authority whatsoever to bone anybody. The factions will take back their rightful authority to determine the makeup of cabinet.

    He’s only had clout because he’s been premier – and remember he became premier by default – he’s never led the party to a win. If he becomes opposition leader it means he boned the party by calling the election early and nobody’s going to bow to his authority. He probably won’t even be opposition leader.

    In Tim Fischer’s wise words ‘Rooster today – featherduster tomorrow’.


  110. Cookster says:

    TPF poll update:

    Carps 37 (46%)

    Col Canal 30 (37%)

    The Greens 6 (7%)

    What election? 7 (8%)


  111. Bill O'Slatter says:

    As you say Lisa if Carps loses he’ll redefine the term “loser” , but if he wins all hail the emperor.


  112. Frank Calabrese says:

    I heard Bob Maumill respond to some wag’s email sugesting some songs for Carpenter which mention loser and or loss with “I think Carpenter will Win”, or words to that effect.


  113. Rolly says:

    @111 skink,

    “supposed to” being the operative words!


  114. Carps says:

    Should I win, my government will be transferring all advertising revenue to The Worst of Perth.


  115. Barney says:

    My government also pledges to transfer advertising revenue to the Worst of Perth. in fact mr. Carpenter has only announced it to preempt our own announcement.


  116. skink says:


    spot on – if they lose Carps will go Caesar-style in a factional bloodbath that will make the Lib’s leadership woes look like a pillow fight


  117. poor lisa says:

    No it won’t. The formal factions of the ALP mean they are less bloodbaths and more cold-hearted votes. Not saying it won’t be damaging, but unlike the libs the ALP will still be able to be in the same room with each other long enough to decide on a leader….


  118. Frank Calabrese says:

    Ocean Reef prepares for WA election battle
    Source: The World Today
    Published: Thursday, September 4, 2008 12:20 AEST
    Expires: Wednesday, December 3, 2008 12:20 AEST

    Western Australia goes to the polls this weekend, and the new electorate of Ocean Reef in Perth’s northern suburbs is shaping up as one of the hot contests. The marginal seat is being contested by two well educated and enthusiastic young candidates.


  119. Frank Calabrese says:

    I forgot to add it features our 10 yr old Liberal Candidate :-)


  120. Carps says:

    I think I can claim to be the most satire friendly premier since John Tonkin. Well done guys, you all at Worst of Perth really tickle the funnybones of everyone in cabinet. Alannah’s got shit hair? That’s just gold, comedy gold. Give yourselves a pat on the back. But hang on just a second here. As you people might say on this site,”Ixnay on the ew leadershipnay”.
    More to the point, have a think about the Liberal leadership after Mr. Barnett loses.


  121. Bill O'Slatter says:

    That’s not hair Carps that’s a life form.


  122. Barney says:

    Regarding the Labor leadership after the election. Personally I think David Parker would make an excellent deputy.


  123. skink says:


    apologies for using hyperbole for dramatic effect

    I am sure it will be a very civilized affair, with tea and sandwiches, and maybe those little cakes that Eric Ripper likes so much.

    there won’t be actual stabbing and bloodletting

    unless McGowan puts one of those smirks on his face


  124. poor lisa says:

    That’s more like it.


  125. My Ning says:

    Dear P Nurry

    There’s nothing easier than sitting on the fence when writing a 50,000 word filler on a political election. After all, it’s easy to rabbit on about how bland it all is; to rave on about how easy it is to be cynical about this blandness; and then to offer no constructive comment at the end because there is no choice.

    By making such sweeping and redundant generalisations, one is able to eschew details and policy. I mean why bother? Politics is such an easy target, so there’s no need to look at any of the fine print. That requires work and research. It would also require me to get up out of my chair – and I am far too clever for that. In addition, I would have to tinker with the story template I have perfected over the years, and I don’t to start changing stuff. It’s all well and good to start thinking outside the box, but that would also require me to get up out of my chair.

    It’s a routine I’ve fitted into quite well – writing about blandness. The trick, however, is to not be bland while doing this. Luckily my monster ego won’t allow this to happen to me. Maybe someone should rename me the blandmeister – certainly that would be an apt description for a man who likes to think that everything is bland.

    Anyway, I’m just about to start my post election Monday column about how bland the whole election was. This too will be easy and won’t require me to either get up out of my chair or click a mouse so I can Google stuff. I don’t need to know who has won or lost – that’s not important – and I don’t have to do any time consuming research. After all, I’ve got a template – all I’ve got to do is write about how bland it all was and how we had no choice and then slot it in. It’s easy – this shit really does write itself….


  126. Hughie says:

    Nice work from the past coupla days My Ning. And i can just picture you laughing at Bowler on the teeve…


  127. flynn says:

    I got my Easy Voter Card to tell me which electorate I am in. The map supplied is so useful. Some of the boundary roads are named but in writing so small even with my glasses on I cant read them. Inside the boundary, all the creeks are shown and only one or two roads. That really helps me identify things.
    So basically I am relying on the fact that this was addressed to me and the commission has hopefully sent the right Electoral District Card.


  128. skink says:

    Lisa: would it be too overdramatic to describe Iemma as “going out Caesar-style.”?


  129. Frank Calabrese says:

    The Miss Maud Coffee Bean Poll has been announced.

    Miss Maud’s Coffee Bean Poll

    * News

    David Paris

    The results from the Miss Maud’s coffee bean poll are in!

    People place a coffee bean in a jar of their preferred party.

    31465 beans were counted:
    Democrats 4.5%
    Greens 15.5%
    Labor 32.9%
    Liberal 34.3%
    National 5.5%
    Others 7.3%

    We can assume some of the vote from the not-running Democrats comes to The Greens, but either way it’s a fantastic result for us!


  130. #133. More like Mussolini.
    #134. 15%. That’s octopus smokin’ territory.

    Where’s the newspoll that I tainted with my offering Frank?


  131. Frank Calabrese says:

    Where’s the newspoll that I tainted with my offering Frank?

    Will be released tonight for the morning Weekend Oz.


  132. Bill O'Slatter says:

    Only 5.5% for the National Farmers Socialist party. I think we can call it a Labor win on these statistics.


  133. David Cohen says:

    LA, did you order the herring and octopus for tomorrow night’s live blogathon?


  134. Frank Calabrese says:

    You’ll like this doozy of a poll commissioned by 6PR from a mob who aren’t even accredited pollsters.

    To quote Winston at Pollbludger.

    Winston Says:
    September 5th, 2008 at 11:06 am

    William @ 239

    Quick Ideas don’t even appear to be a research company. They are not affiliated in any way with the Australian Market and Social Research Society, neither of their principals are members, there is no evidence that they have any history or expertise in political polling. Salt required.


  135. Haven’t been drinking all week. Have had a touch of the Barnett Belly. Maybe fit enough for some Black Sambuca tomorrow.


  136. Bento says:

    I’m going to recommend the WAEC look into the veracity of the coffee bean poll. I happened to find myself in Miss Maud’s head office on Tuesday. The receptionist said, and I quote:

    “I would have offered for you to vote in the coffee bean poll, but someone seems to have taken the jars away at the moment.”

    Clearly, Ms. Edmiston is trying to pull some Mugabe-style electoral coup, presumably on behalf of our hemp-smoking friends.


  137. David Cohen says:

    She had you pegged as a bleeding-heart namby-pamby hand-wringing vacillating nice-to-everyone blinkered mushy mawkish cloying gooey tree-hugging latte-slurping liberal, Bento.

    if you’d been wearing a big hat you wouldv’t got a bean.


  138. David Cohen says:

    Frank, the Curtin gatekeepers say that page is evil. what are they?


  139. Frank Calabrese says:

    Frank, the Curtin gatekeepers say that page is evil. what are they?

    Book Value 106% 119% 108% 107%
    Sporting Bet Bet Fair Centrebet Lasseters
    LABOR PARTY 1.33 1.3 1.27 1.25
    LIBERAL PARTY 3.2 2.4 3.4 3.75


  140. Carps says:

    That David Cohen? I didn’t expect to see you in this company David. I must have you around to discuss the journalistic impasse we seem to have arrived at in this State after the election. Surely two men of the world journalists can see a way clear? I know, the relationship with The West is permanently fucked, but what can I do? Murray’s a lazy idiot, and Armstrong’s mother won’t answer the phone. But at least we should be able to repair the relationship with The Catholic Record? What if McGinty was to raid The Quokka? All square?

    By the way I forgot to tell you how much I appreciated you not trying to swing a leg over my wife and daughters when you were around last. I am missing my copy of The Female Eunuch however. Never mind. Keep it. It’s yours.


  141. Frank Calabrese says:

    It seems Grace over at the West is a busy little blogger, even posting today’s Nesblog on how you will vote.


  142. Barney says:

    And let me say David how much I appreciated that you DID try to give the Missus one during the Dumas House briefing. She hasn’t been so pleasantly surprised and flattered since the Court days. The Charles Court days.


  143. David Cohen says:

    Ah Mr Premier! No wonder gary adshead is calling you Happy Carps!


  144. David Cohen says:

    Barney, any woman who has Labradors is alright by me. the breed of choice for the discerning.


  145. Barney says:

    Yes, it wasn’t the Westpoll that brought me back, It was the thought of having to walk them every day if I retired. As well the extra conjugals of course.


  146. Cookster says:

    @151 Barney – crikey Col, you were a bit cranky with the Woolfe boy on 720 just then!

    I know there’s hundreds of vol-ou-vants and horse’s doovers to knock up before tomorrow’s shindig. And the missus needs the labs cleaned and polished. But to get all uppity and claim that this is THE most engaged you’ve ever seen WA voters during an election campaign, is clearly the rantings of a man who has smoked way too much herring… waaayyyy too much!BTW, have you moved on to the octopus already?

    And Carps, if you play down your chances any further, you’ll be conceding and handing over the keys the the Statesman before a vote is cast in anger.

    Sheesh boys, let’s get a grip…


  147. skink says:

    to be fair on Barney the Dinosaur, it probably is the most engaged he has seen the electorate – with the Libs


  148. Frank Calabrese says:

    SeanofPerth Says:
    September 5th, 2008 at 6:22 pm

    Centrebet tightened again

    Lab now 1.30 Lib 3.25


  149. poor lisa says:

    133 yeh and a bit Buswell-styleey…. the right really ate itself in NSW…


  150. poor lisa says:

    147 thanks frank

    It’s really rich isn’t it the West Australian asking ‘Is the choice for west australians limited?’ What about our choice in daily newspapers?

    ‘Is the choice limited?’ Well of course a choice is limited, by definition. These people are supposed to have gone to university. Aaarh I’m so over them.


  151. TLA, and friends…

    for election-day commentary that will be nowhere near as fun as Worst (because I have to behave), do come visit tomorrow:


  152. Post the occasional comment here Paris with your latest news, and don’t forget the link.


  153. Will do :-) Have fun everyone…!


  154. Frank Calabrese says:

    The Jacobs Kid on Stateline at 7.30pm


  155. David Cohen says:

    Mrs Jacob’s roots were looking much better tonight. An omen for tomorrow?


  156. Frank Calabrese says:

    Mr Cohen, are you privy to Newspoll ? :-)


  157. David Cohen says:

    I can’t confirm nor deny that, Frank. If I did I would have to…have you sleep with the fishes.


  158. Cmon, after they stiffed me over Brian Burke? I did lie on the poll, so that makes me feel better.


  159. Frank Calabrese says:

    As is Westpoll.

    I think there wil be a By-Election in Cottesloe if Westpoll is replicated.


  160. Midlandia says:

    146, Carps:
    Just remember, Premier: don’t think you can go and raid the Catholic Record’s offices just because Leederville’s in a safe Labor seat. Mind you, I’d like to the get the odds on whether or not editor Peter Rosengren will refer to the debacle as a ‘fucking outrage.’


  161. BCF says:

    I feel an election Kransky coming on!


  162. rottobloggo says:

    Albert Jacob promoted to parliamentary secretary!:


  163. zenci says:

    Everything is very open with a really clear explanation of
    the challenges. It was definitely informative.
    Your website is very helpful. Thank you for sharing!


  164. Smith Johnson Harris says:

    Colin Barnett IS the Worst of Perth ! He is smart with a Masters in economics but dumb in running WA. Barnett is the wrong choice for premier definitely. Its long overdue for him to vacate or step down. Air conditioning is not a priority on his list, he says. He lives in comfort with a fat salary and does not make any attempt in trimming the fat off his comforts. With 35 degree Celcius plus summer heat and he says air conditioning is not necessary ! Our debts in WA are due to Colin Barnett. He is at the arse end of WA.


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