State Election Live and Worst It’s on!

The Quickening

The Team

New thread for the actual day. Add your voting and count experiences here. It’s neck and neck. Will it be a retirement party for Barney that no-one comes too, or will Carps be the fish in the barrel for caucus next week?

The team are Johnny Scrotum from Young White Lesbians who’s been through half the opposition and all the government, on who swings and who doesn’t. Myself The Lazy Aussie of course, Paul Nurry expert columnist on “More things I know fuck all about.” (Any of the numerous Paul Murray pretenders are welcome,) and of course Journalist, blogger, Raconteur, President, WA Branch, MEAA and President, WA Journalists Association David Fucking Outrage Cohen.

Image Gallery

Back Satan

Back Satan. is he saying we're evil?

cheap version of cake stand.

cheap version of cake stand.

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
This entry was posted in worst of perth. Bookmark the permalink.

204 Responses to State Election Live and Worst It’s on!

  1. In the first fucking outrage of the day, THERE’s NO CAKE STALL AT EMBLETON PRIMARY SCHOOL.

    Like

  2. Barney says:

    Labor cannot guarantee supply of cakes, let alone gas. Should my glamourpuss candidate Ainslie Gatt get up, she will guarantee old buffers flogging cakes at every booth. Forever. I will make sure there’s a cake canal to the gob of every Western Australian.

    Like

  3. Paul Nurry says:

    I Paul Nurry, at first blush methinks that Labor has done enough.

    Note to Grace
    [GRACE, HERE PLEASE INSERT 5000 WORDS PAP, WAFFLE, CUT & PASTE AND ASSORTED BULLSHIT and send to Armstrong’s old lady.]

    In conclusion, at second blush i think the opposition has done enough.

    Like

  4. New image added. Question. What the fuck is a christian democrat? Are they Germans? Will Germans control the upper house?

    Like

  5. Grrr says:

    Just back from voting at the Bayswater Senior Citizens. They had a hotdog stand, using gas. So thinks are looking up.

    Actually saw some election material from “glamourpuss candidate Ainslie Gatt” – so nice work there Glamourpuss. If I didn’t see you in bed in Inside Cover I’d have been befuddled by your looks.

    Saw the shadowy presence of Mr Burke in some signs. I don’t know, I don’t find a portly old man in a white panama that scary. Might just be me.

    The Greens lad people there, as did Labor – but I was stunned to find the Daylight Savings Party on the MLC ticket. I didn’t know we had one OR their position, but this being WA and there being nowt but the Greens, the Centre parties and the Right Wing Crazy Loonies – and a motley collection of independents I had not heard of before (and having got home and Googled are still little wiser about where they stand on anything – except what Poll Bludger was able to share) – I’m going to assume they are the NO Daylight Savings party.

    Thanks be to The West who are on the spot with the Miss Maud’sTM Coffee Bean Poll which is tipping a win for Retirement Colin and his chair-sniffin’ chums.

    Like

  6. Grrr says:

    @LA – Are you seriously telling me you’re not experienced the joy of the Christian Democrats before?

    They have a lot of money – they’re always able to advertise, and the add tells you what you need to know.

    What I can’t tell you is whether they are closer to Hillsong or the Exclusive Brethren in policy.

    Like

  7. Is that better than Germans?

    Like

  8. I wish you’d got me a shot of the hotdog stand.

    Like

  9. Googling
    election booth opening times perth

    The worst of perth comes up number one.
    I hope I still have my google ranking for Perth’s worst anal.

    Like

  10. Cookster says:

    I’m yet to cast my vote in the conservative black hole that is Floreat. I believe the ALP candidate is 14 and will be attending the polling station after his soccer final.

    Does anyone know how Col got on with his wife’s labs yesterday? I know they enjoy a stiff wire brush-down during the malting season. Probably the mating season too.

    Also, any news on how the poms up north are leaning at this stage? This election may well be decided by a bunch of moaning ex Brits on the daylight saving issue.

    Like

  11. Cake stall photos cookster.

    Like

  12. Frank Calabrese says:

    Went to vote at Herne Hill Primary School.

    Nice big ALP Banner across the trees at the front saying Vote Labor and This School will be upgraded, along with a similar banner mentioning the New Midland Hospital.

    Saw a Hotdog stand – and managed to get a sign advertising a viewing to discuss a development application for a Farmers Market removed because it had no authorisation on it :-)

    I’ll be doing 12 noon to 5.30pm at Upper swan Primary School – which is a Liberal Booth.

    Like

  13. Paracleet says:

    CDP. If Lillee don’t get ya, Thommo will…

    Like

  14. Cookster says:

    Where’s Teh Fucking Outrage? Manning the Kingston Barracks booth no doubt?

    Just linked to the TWOP election action on The Perth Files TLA, so expect huge traffic inflow over the next 24 hours…

    Like

  15. Grrr says:

    @LA #8 – I could have, because certainly slow-boiled offal would qualify as The Worst of anywhere, but I couldn’t have taken one of the old dear selling the remnants of the Bayswater Senior Citizens’ food stocks because I can’t find it in my heart to describe volunteering as The Worst of Perth.

    Now, if she were shilling for one of the crackpot parties, I’d have at crack.

    Like

  16. Frank Calabrese says:

    And The West are still talking up Barnett.

    I’m surprised The West haven’t run a Vote Liberal and Win a Car Competition.

    http://www.thewest.com.au/default.aspx?MenuID=2&ContentID=96400

    Like

  17. Frank Calabrese says:

    I’m going to assume they are the NO Daylight Savings party.

    Actually they are PRO Daylight Saving.

    Like

  18. Rolly says:

    Jeezussssssss,

    33 (Yes that’s thirty three!) hopefuls on the pink slip for North Metropolitan, most of whom I’ve now heard of for the first time.
    It really is democracy in blissful ignorance.
    LA, christian democracy is all about being free to vote exactly as your religion dictates and really is quite a broad church (if you’ll pardon the pun.)
    It’s the usual case of “Be reasonable, do it our way”.
    May god preserve me from religion.

    Like

  19. First reports from the polling booth workers say the swing is on.

    It wasn’t made entirely clear, but I’m assuming that they weren’t talking about the dubious looking character from the CDP ads…

    http://wa.greens.org.au/blog/istheswingon

    Like

  20. Grrr says:

    @ 17 – Mien Gott! A pro-anything party in WA?

    I might have to sit down with a nice cup of tea and a Milk Arrowroot to digest that one.

    Like

  21. Leo says:

    What the hell is the Say No to Speed Cameras (aka Family First) Party? Aren’t they a good thing? I’m confused [sob].

    Like

  22. David Cohen says:

    Lavish sausage sizzle at Guildford PS. Pics being sent to LA.

    Anti-abortion ALP sitting member Michelle Roberts unlikely to be troubled by Lib wombat lookalike Peter McDowell.

    Brian Burke ringtone blared out while I was fumbling with my forms, waking up the two seniors next to me who had fallen asleep mid-vote.

    Like

  23. Vic Demised says:

    The Osborne Community Centre (formerly the Adam Spagnolo Community Centre) was decked out in lots of ALP posters late last night, and the ALP booth captain slept in his car parked right alongside (there are several worsts in this area, LA, including worst seats and worst gate). Not a fucking cake or a sizzling sausage in sight! I almost headed off to Tuart Hill Primary to vote, knowing their P&C to be active, then I recalled that the school had its sports carnival yesterday, and no-one can run a stall two days running. (Son of Vic achieved athletic greatness yesterday -champion boy. So proud, so proud.)

    Like

  24. Cookster says:

    Still haven’t voted, but the missus reported no cake stall / sausage sizzle action at Floreat Primary School, so fuck them, I’m going to try Wembley.

    Like

  25. Fboy says:

    No cake store or sausage sizzle at the Wembley Uniting Church.. Liz Constable appeared to have a Liberals booth worker… and Sinisa Krstic’s dad was handing out how to vote cards for the ALP…

    Anyway I split my vote between the Greens and Robert Mugabe, ZANU PF..

    Like

  26. New pic added of Midland Sossie sizzle. Sausage sizzles are fucking outrages. Just a cheap crap version of a cake stall.

    Like

  27. Grrr says:

    So:
    When do we start drinking?
    When we can see the red’s of Kerry’s eyes?
    When Green pulls up his first computer graphic?

    Each and every time “Troy” pops up on screen?

    There really should be a drinking game for this sort of experience. I have a bottle of Coke Zero in the fridge all ready….

    Like

  28. Paracleet says:

    I was interested to see that Greypower still exists. What was their platform exactly? $250 extra for pensioners?

    No cake stall at Lake Monger Primary either btw.

    Like

  29. Cookster says:

    Word in from the Sunday Times is that if you had money on Carps, start drinking and throwing about the phrase, ‘Oh, well, change is as good as a holiday… we can always develop the foreshore in 2020…’

    Like

  30. Cookster says:

    @Fboy and Parcleet – thanks for the heads-up. I’ll try Churchlands Primary.

    Like

  31. David Cohen says:

    Cookster! You let the missus make up her own mind when it comes to voting??

    Sources tell me there’s a gravy train outside Trigg PS, in the electorate of Carine…

    Four hours to go!

    Like

  32. Vic Demised says:

    Grrr @ 27 -I have started drinking. Am expecting to be a dehydrated, disillusioned, disappointed, rootless wreck by the time Kerry says: That’s it from the tally room. (But I’m used to it)

    Like

  33. Carps says:

    I’ve fucked it haven’t I?

    Like

  34. Carps says:

    No, seriously, i’ve fucked it right?

    Like

  35. CK says:

    Who are the people in that photo? Vice-queens? Why are they wearing those black bars on their heads? Reminds me of The Truth newspaper.

    Like

  36. They’re types too lazy to bake a fucking cake.

    Like

  37. the end is nigh says:

    time to start shooting the alsatians, carps.

    Like

  38. Carps says:

    Is someone going to tell me I haven’t fucked it?

    Like

  39. CK says:

    No mate. She’ll be right.

    Like

  40. David Cohen says:

    Carps: chill. take solace from the day’s first haiku:

    WA votes
    In the first week of the spring:
    Willagee is safe.

    Like

  41. Paul Nurry says:

    Open letter to Alan Carpenter
    Dear Mr soon to be ex premier.
    When at first blush you…

    Note to Grace:
    [GRACE: ADD SOME SHIT ABOUT HOW RIGHT I AM ALL THE TIME. I’M TOO LAZY TO LOG IN. SEND IT FOR ME.]

    …and that is where you got it wrong.

    Like

  42. CK says:

    WTF is Dwight Randall attempting to imply with that strange sexual finger-motion whatnot?

    I fuck puppies?

    Signed
    Confused.

    Like

  43. Carps says:

    CK, David. I’d sell my soul for you two to be right, if I hadn’t already promised it to Julian Grill.

    Like

  44. CK says:

    Well look, mate, I’m open to offers. What’s the reserve?

    Oh, and no need to worry about Juian (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).

    Like

  45. Carps says:

    Julian is fantastic if you have timber decking. He’s got this oily smarmy slime constantly oozing from his pores. If you’ve got any teak work just ask Julian to shake hands with it and it comes up a treat.

    Like

  46. Vic Demised says:

    Yeah, Carps, you’ve fucked it. You’ve fucked us all.

    Like

  47. David Cohen says:

    Everything is political, Carps. Did you see this profile of Chief Justice Robert French in The Oz yesterday? I blogged about it just now as it mentions politics, Willagee, a Beazley and Rotto…

    One involves his doomed tilt against Kim Beazley Sr in the federal seat of Fremantle when he was president of the Liberal Society at the University of Western Australia.

    French describes that time as “a lot of fun”. He even took a band, Time Peace, on the hustings to support his campaign slogan – pop politics in the swinging seat.

    “The high point of the campaign in 69 was when we went over to Rottnest Island,” he says.

    “We were on the back of a truck outside the Rottnest pub, the band was playing and there was a crowd of about 500. While the band was playing the crowd was rapt.

    “They would stop and I would stand up and give a short burst and the crowd would move forward and start rocking the truck.

    “We got the band to start playing again.”

    He never fell victim to a rotten tomato but remembers that “a dog in Willagee bit my trousers. I think it was an ALP dog”.

    Like

  48. CK says:

    Must…resist…urge…to…go…to…bottlo.

    Damn.

    Like

  49. Grab a case of Howlin Wolves. But eat first.

    Like

  50. Barney says:

    You’re gone Carps. My scrutineers at so called “bong” shops report that shelves are empty ahead of a ban by my government on these items, (as well as orange juice containers and garden hoses). Hugal and Hoile dropped 40 points yesterday. Everything has been sold out as the people realise that your freebasing days are over. These shops have sold more bongs in one day than they would have in 5 years. Victory is mine. The bongs have spoken. Check and mate.

    Like

  51. cimbali says:

    Nothing good happening at Kala High – maybe the fact that both the libs and labour have promised 5 mil to fix up the school meant that they didn’t have to bother with a cake stall. I have had to go home and whip up a cake of my own for father’s day rather than the stale, lopsided, no icing, no cream, full of oats and dates and all manner of bowel moving things cake substitute that we otherwise would have bought from a cake stall.

    Like

  52. David Cohen says:

    oh shit. Fathers Day.

    what is your policy on fathers, Carps and Barney??

    Like

  53. Carps says:

    Arseholes

    Like

  54. Barney says:

    Staunch fellows.

    Like

  55. I don’t know that I could post this on teh other blog… An 89 year old woman phoned the office here looking for a lift down to the polling station.

    Given that TWOP has great appeal to the nonogenarian set, I’d like to just let Rosa know that phone numbers have 8 digits in them nowadays, so we can’t find you, so we can’t breach about five different sections of the electoral act to come get you.

    sorry.

    Like

  56. CK says:

    Back from bottlo! Hooray!

    liuw fhperhgtw0inr ‘nsdf ad WTF.

    Like

  57. David Cohen says:

    Carpenter and Barnett are such boring names. It was better 100+ years ago, when we had Cornthwaite Rason as our Premier.

    Like

  58. Cookster says:

    @ Teh Outrage – I got the son to spy on Mrs Cookster’s ballot markings and he informs me she toed the party line. Fat fuckin’ lotta good it’ll do in this electorate though.

    Still waiting for my chance to vote though…

    @ Carps – I hope you voted for yourself on The Perth Files? If you promise me a slab I’ll let you be President.

    Like

  59. Grrr says:

    This image probably isn’t going to display, but it was the first thing that came to mind after reading #56.

    It’s been that kind of uninspiring choice that led me to vote third party.

    Like

  60. Grrr says:

    Damn it:

    Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn

    Like

  61. CK says:

    f;kjsh9p8n 34toiuy 87y 3j[p9[un

    Ha! Ha! Ha!

    No, really.

    Like

  62. Word from Frank Calabrese in the booths. A tattooed gentlemen asked which party was going to support V8 Supercars. Apparently it’s the Libs.
    Carps, what were you thinking?

    Like

  63. CK says:

    Curse Carpenter and his emo latte-sipping moped policy!

    Like

  64. Bedfords Crackpot Fraternity says:

    No kranskies or cake at the Bedford Booth, only a small pile of sand being fashioned into a castle with mote extension by a few disinterested kids, canal style – maybe a sign! My gut feeling from those in the line was we’re about to see a great game of footy between Swans and South this afternoon.

    Like

  65. Grrr says:

    Oddly, about an hour ago I received a call from a particularly aggressive lad from Morgan Gallop seeking my voting intentions State and Commonwealth. I didn’t press him to see if he knew there was a State election on in WA, but I can’t help wondering if there’s going to be a poll for The Oz on Monday (assuming a Carps loss – please, dear God – a one seat majority is all we need) to save Perth from more Belltowers and Convention Centres.

    Like

  66. Bento says:

    Negative on the cake stand at Mt Lawley Tafe.

    I did see a barefoot man in the Maylands Coles, wearing a Liberal t-shirt. I think that is what Marx referred to as ‘false consciousness’, wasn’t it?

    Like

  67. David Cohen says:

    @64: BCF, I forgot to relay my sign…the power went out in Guildford when a transformer exploded on James Street. for two hours the booth at the PS was in darkness…a harbinger of things to come?
    (Swans travelling to Joondalup next week).

    Like

  68. Téa B says:

    Good ta see you bout here, ‘the-paris-site’. Ps. tother sites CSS has fucked up and its buggin :)

    In Darlington there was a cake stall AND a sausage sizzle, thanks to the uber-organised DPS P&C. I ated 2 hotdogs and had a can of Coke. Nothing says voting like sugar and grease at 10am. yum.

    Me knackered, about to get nibblies ready to watch the ABC coverage, forgoing parties because I have a chest infection, but not forgoing the alchomohol. It just ain’t election night without a bottle of wine, snacks and Kerry O’Brien.

    Like

  69. Rachel says:

    Very satisfactory sausage sizzle, cake stall etc at North Perth Primary – we voted last week (postal) but went just for the edible goodies.

    There were however some slimey cheap-suited individuals that put me off my cake.

    Like

  70. I’m actually too sick to drink. i might even have to go to bed before Carps concedes.

    Like

  71. Carps says:

    You can’t stay up until 7:30 Lazy Aussie? heh heh.

    Like

  72. David Cohen says:

    can i have your booze LA?? after all, you’re not using it.

    Like

  73. You can prise my black sambuca from my cold sweaty hands. And my alcohol.

    Like

  74. Téa B says:

    oh no LA, you have dreaded flu that is making even toughies like me drop? I had it last week and am drinking wine in defiance of my body tonight.

    Wish me luck! And get well soon.

    Like

  75. I haven’t drunk for a week. A whole week!

    Like

  76. David Cohen says:

    Fuck you. 50 minutes to go before I can crack the first (of many) beers while getting my first glimpse of Kerry…if I run out, the wife has plenty of vino.

    Like

  77. Grrr says:

    I just poured myself a neat Scotch. It may be the last good thing that happens in this election.

    Like

  78. miz says:

    Big Johnny D’O, running all independent in Morley, has the CDP marked as 1 on his how to vote card – upper house section.

    Like

  79. Barney says:

    #57
    Hector “Corn-hole” Rason was a mining man through and through and fucked up the resources industry in a similar fashion to myself.

    In fact I had the sobriquet “Cornhole” myself for a while after Exstrata gang banged me over that Vanadium deal.

    Like

  80. Cookster says:

    Sweet jeezus… the fat is in the fire and the wild dogs are circling.

    I just voted at Churchlands Primary and I fear for the worst. No sausage sizzle, no cakes, no fucking nothing.

    I couldn’t go in, so I opted to lob the ACROD sticker on the dash and use the drive-thru polling booth, but the fuckers were on to me in a flash. I waved my bandaged carpal tunnel wrist at them, but they thought I was being aggressive and called in the cops.

    I did a lap of the block and came in through the back way, only to be confronted by a Liberal Democrat who had his pants belted up just under his nipples.

    I flinched when he offered me the how to vote slip and caught my forehead on the shoulder of a Liz Constable spruiker wearing a pink cardie. I had the fear.

    Got my vote in without further incident, but I feel a need to get pissed to the gills as quickly as possible. TLA, you’re not sick, the cunts at The West have poisoned you – get the fuck out of your house and relocate to the Fireclacker right now!!!

    Like

  81. The news is already writing off Reece Whitby

    Like

  82. CK says:

    “did see a barefoot man in the Maylands Coles, wearing a Liberal t-shirt. I think that is what Marx referred to as ‘false consciousness’, wasn’t it?”

    I believe the correct Stalinist term is ‘Useful Idiot’.

    OMGWTF! It’s Sarah Palin! http://mudflats.wordpress.com/

    Like

  83. “did see a barefoot man in the Maylands Coles, wearing a Liberal t-shirt. I think that is what Marx referred to as ‘false consciousness’, wasn’t it?”

    He might be a “Cash Nexus”. How many levels of hegemony did he have?

    Like

  84. David Cohen says:

    C’mon people: predictions. With 15 minutes until Kerry, who do you think is gunna win, and by how much?

    I say: ALP by six seats.

    Like

  85. Paul Nurry says:

    Let me say at the outset, that whoever wins, I will have been right.

    Like

  86. Barney says:

    Me by 4

    Like

  87. David Cohen says:

    Cookster: Sit down man, find your neutral space. You have done something to your brain. You have made it high, by not having a cake. If I lay a Liberal majority on you, you will do something else to your brain, you will make it low. Why trust one party rather than the other. That politics ain’t it.

    Like

  88. Bento says:

    The dialectical materialism of his jeans was looking a little thin around the arse, too.

    Like

  89. Carps says:

    I have failed to paint it black.

    Like

  90. Fuck it, I’m going to buy a small bottle of black label. be back in a minute.

    Like

  91. Bento says:

    Might want to make it gin, LA.

    Like

  92. Téa B says:

    I think that the primary vote for the ALP will be dismal, but I think the Green Vote will be a wildcard win for the ALP.

    The sentiment that I have gotten is that the Greens have won a hell of a lot of ground with those that are sick of both the majors.

    I think the Green Vote will be surprising in many seats.

    I of course will be watching the Upper House results as well, which should be really interesting.

    Like

  93. Bento says:

    DC @87 – Perhaps a Camberwell Carrot will see him right?

    Like

  94. Bento says:

    Or Camberwell Carrot Cake?

    Like

  95. David Cohen says:

    I fear Cookster’s got nothing for his pot.

    Yadda yadda Tea: you’re saying ALP? By how many?

    Like

  96. Kerry looks like he’s been at the Camberwell carrot cake. He’s bright orange. Or is that my fever?

    Like

  97. Blubbering Bowler is leading in Kal.

    Like

  98. David Cohen says:

    Graphics complaint: why can’t Aunty make the candidate heads the same size?? Eric Ripper looked like a shrunken noggin next to the other bloke.

    Like

  99. Vic Demised says:

    Maybe it’s your telly, LA. What’s going on? Antony Green’s software has the score at 5 – 1 to Labor. If Rebecca Carmody ever wants a safe seat, my face is vacant.

    Like

  100. Grrr says:

    OMG! Ripper looks to have won the Virgin Airport Terminal booth!

    100th post?

    Like

  101. Fuck me,
    I was so ripped off me tits and buried in poonani that I forgot to vote. What happens now? Will I be deported? Who won? What day is it? Or is this just a fucking awful dream?

    Like

  102. Bento says:

    Nat James’s hat isn’t halfway big enough to win Kalgoorlie.

    Like

  103. David Cohen says:

    Smith and Bishop: is immobile hair a pre-requisite of being in WA politics? Young Albert Jacob is certainly an acolyte of that school…

    Based on what we’ve seen so far, mebbe ALP will have more than six…

    Like

  104. Cookster says:

    Christ Cohen, my wrist is on fire and I have a bright red rash on my chest – what have you given me you swine?

    Like

  105. Vic Demised says:

    Awful dream, J’Scro. But real.

    Like

  106. David Cohen says:

    Extra strength herring, Cookster. The Fishermman’s Friend of Smoked Herring. Enjoy.

    Like

  107. I can’t watch Bishop. She’s such a moron.

    Like

  108. Vic Demised says:

    Did I hear Reece Whitby call Morley “a great seat” and “a wonderful area”? C’mon, Reece! I grew up there. Nothing “great” or “wonderful” about Morley.

    Like

  109. As long as Thatcher doesn’t win I’m happy. Did Kinnock run or just Gorbachev?

    Like

  110. Now Vic, some of the best porn I’ve made has come out of the Morley area.

    Like

  111. David Cohen says:

    Yeh but he’s not moving there Vic! Hell would freeze over (or Peel would have to win the flag) before Reece ‘Six Pads’ Whitby gets a 4×2 opposite the Galleria.

    Like

  112. Carps says:

    Am I rooted? I can’t watch.

    Like

  113. Carps is fucked. It’s all over people. When I said I would blow Barnett if they won the election………

    Like

  114. Reece Whitby for opposition leader?

    Like

  115. Grrr says:

    I have seen Whitby and McGinty AND Smith effectively wave the white flag. I can’t watch. I’m going outside to ensure my yard isn’t pegged for uranium mining (or a canal easement).

    Like

  116. David Cohen says:

    We just saw Louise Durack wave the white flag. WHERE’S ALBERT?

    Like

  117. There’s a bong shop still open near the casino. Get out there now.

    Like

  118. David Cohen says:

    If you are holding onto a rising economy you are presented with a difficult political decision – let go while you’ve still got the chance or hold onto the rope and continue getting higher. That’s politics man. We are at the end of an age. The greatest decade in the history of WA is nearly over. They’re selling chippy rigs in Bunnings. It is 91 days to the end of the year and as LA here has so consistently pointed out, we have failed to paint it black.

    Like

  119. Grrr says:

    Smith has just acknowledged Libs have 10 seats.

    Like

  120. Bedfords Crackpot Fraternity says:

    The sky is begining to bruise! We must make haste or we shall be forced to camp!!

    Like

  121. Vic Demised says:

    LA, I have to agree with you about Nattrass’s mattress. My mute button is working overtime.

    J’Scro, was that you in “Galleria Gaggers”?

    Like

  122. David Cohen says:

    McGinty might be GONE! the man who wouldn’t give shield laws for journalists…the AG is AG (almost gone)…

    Like

  123. David Cohen says:

    and this still on The Oz site:

    Labor tipped to return in west

    Like

  124. Grrr says:

    Wooo! Red Kerry is melting down!

    Like

  125. David Cohen says:

    he got very shirty with Antony, didn’t he…

    anyway. I hope we’re all raising a glass to Louise Swain tonight. 138 years ago on this day she was the first woman in the US to legally vote in a national election (after 1807). from Wikipedia:

    Louisa Swain rose early, put on her apron, shawl and bonnet, and walked downtown with a tin pail in order to purchase yeast from a merchant. She walked by the polling place and concluded she would vote while she was there. The polling place had not yet officially opened, but election officials asked her to come in and cast her ballot. She was described by a Laramie newspaper as “a gentle white-haired housewife, Quakerish in appearance.” Laramie Daily Sentinel, September 7, 1870. She was 69 years old when she cast the first ballot by any woman in the United States in a general election.

    Like

  126. Now they’re saying Reece rooted again. Hold on to your opposition leader predictions.

    But do buy those bongs.

    Like

  127. Carps says:

    I should have gone more negative.

    Like

  128. Cookster says:

    I have to go before I’m not nice. Fucking Perth people, you know not what you do. You shall rue the day fuckers!!!

    Like

  129. Grrr says:

    So, after 130 comments we have decided that the people of Perth are The Worst of Perth.

    Fantastic.

    Like

  130. David Cohen says:

    Reece gone, D’Orazio gone, the Lib winning…

    Albert a shoe-in…

    LA: will the Libs be offering you the post of Arts Supremo Grand Poobah Bureaucrat??

    Like

  131. We’re taking Freo you bahstid McGinty

    Like

  132. I’d be more blaming Carps. Cookster.
    My uranium shares are looking up.
    Swan island looking iffy.
    So there are plusses.

    Like

  133. CK says:

    “I have seen Whitby and McGinty AND Smith effectively wave the white flag. I can’t watch. I’m going outside to ensure my yard isn’t pegged for uranium mining (or a canal easement).”

    Oh fuck. Why is Peter Costello perving in my window?

    Who is that chimpanzee he has leashed to him?

    Like

  134. David Cohen says:

    Election haiku:

    A major fuck-up:
    Alan, is it your fault?
    Or was it just time?

    Like

  135. David Cohen says:

    Election haiku:

    A major fuck-up:
    Alan, is it your big bad?
    Or was it just time?

    Like

  136. Poor Kerry O’brien, now I would blow him if that would help the cause but it’s not going to so fuck it. Stephen Smith – what an inspiring man – I’d like to put a cock ring on him. Back to the dark ages people. I’m dusting off my beta video recorder. There’s bound to be a plethora off of ‘Fuck off we’re full’ stickers on Audi’s and Beamers in Claremont tonight.

    Like

  137. Vic Demised says:

    Did Brendon Gryllth thay he would conthider forming a coalition with Carpth? Now that would make things interesting! No result tonight… weeks of negothiathionth to come.

    Like

  138. Nah it’s all over mate,
    looks like I’m going to have to blow myself.

    Like

  139. White lesbians has consistently been in the top 5 searches on this site, so don’t despair about the people of perth too much.

    Like

  140. Bofaney says:

    Weak negothiathionth to come…

    Like

  141. Bofaney says:

    Hoho! Comment from our Kez: “This breaks Kevin Rudd’s ring…”

    Like

  142. David Cohen says:

    Where’s poor lisa? We need her insights on how and when Carps is going to be eviscerated by the disappointed…no doubt she’s strangling herslef with corflute in either Ocean Reef or Kingsley…

    Like

  143. Bedfords Crackpot Fraternity says:

    Rudds New Federalism just got a flat tyre – J’Scro you might get that blow job after all mate!

    Like

  144. Grrr says:

    Betamax? That might be the only porn you get in WA after today. We’ll be seeing the Great Firewall of Perth soon.

    (Gas tax? Does Julie Bishop really think that was an issue?)

    Like

  145. 2BarRiff says:

    I can report that the Maida Vale Netball HQ had no cake stall but a thick smell of cooking grease in the air, which drove the kids mad with chip-lust.

    Looks like a victory for the forces of light and righteousness against the evil, godless commies. Now my smug prick friends in the Liberal Party will be completely intolerable.

    Like

  146. 2BarRiff says:

    Not that they weren’t before, I might add.

    Like

  147. thewinchester says:

    @BFC: Yes, with no spare at the back of Bourke.

    It’s been brill just watching some of the commentary here tonight. Truckload of good laughs.

    Meanwhile, did anyone catch the ad planes flying up and down the coast and along the swan spruking the Libs?

    Like

  148. Grrr says:

    Big Kim is talking about a potential Labor/National coalition.

    Clearly, I have fallen through the rabbit hole.

    Like

  149. I’m looking forward to the new dawn. I think it’s going to be good.

    Like

  150. CK says:

    When I grow up I want to be Julia Zamiroz’s underwear.

    Like

  151. Grrr says:

    @ LA – you’re not quitting in the face of a hung parliament?

    150th post?

    Like

  152. Bofaney says:

    *Prays that BG has the kahonas to fob orf the libs…*

    Like

  153. 2BarRiff says:

    Bofaney, I’d imagine that Carps is getting ready to give BG a good fobbing…

    Like

  154. Bofaney says:

    Haw haw haw

    Like

  155. Rolly says:

    We live in interesting times.

    Like

  156. David Cohen says:

    we had the plane flying around…we thought the Libs were out of cash, and were surprised they could afford it…perhaps it was Albert Jacob in the cockpit…

    my goodness. who would have thought it?

    it’s been a crackerjack year for elections. they kicked off in the first week of January with the Georgian elections (where they also voted for President) and will possibly close with the Pitcairn Islands general election on December 24.

    but this has been the most exciting.

    Barry Court is on 720, so I have to go now before I self-combust.

    Like

  157. skib says:

    Every time julie bishop came on I thought she was the grim reaper come to take carps away.

    Maybe she’s a relly?

    Like

  158. Cookster says:

    Cunts…

    Yeah. Pass the bong Cohen. G’night all.

    Like

  159. CK says:

    What? Is there a swing on?

    Oh look. It’s Sarah Palin:

    http://mudflats.wordpress.com/

    All hail our new cunt overlords.

    Well done Carps. Great job.

    Like

  160. Bofaney says:

    Somebody hold me

    Like

  161. Frank Calabrese says:

    Come back from the Midland Bash, no long faces, just confused ones – this is a good result in a pervese way, Brendan has either Carps or Colin by the balls – who ever fucks over Brendan will result in Brendan takinghis tractor home.

    I hope the Kath & Kims have learnt their lesson – Don’t fuck with the vote.

    Like

  162. The Other Paul Nurries says:

    Memo to Deidre:

    As I have aforementioned on many previous beforehand many occasions:

    [10,000 pieces of balderdash (English optional) on clutching Bofaney between my generously welcoming cheeks]

    The end.

    Oh. Bugger me if it isn’t Slutty Christian Adulterer Bad Parent Our New President Overlord Sarah Palin:

    http://mudflats.wordpress.com/

    Like

  163. Midlandia says:

    Also back from the Midland bash. Amongst many things, I’ve discovered that Frank’s pretty handy with large television aerials.
    Originally started off drinking water (and was served by Michelle Roberts’ adorable youngest daughter), but as the evening wore on, alcohol became highly desirable.

    Bloody southern suburbs. You can lead a horse to water…

    Like

  164. Frank Calabrese says:

    Also back from the Midland bash. Amongst many things, I’ve discovered that Frank’s pretty handy with large television aerials.
    Originally started off drinking water (and was served by Michelle Roberts’ adorable youngest daughter), but as the evening wore on, alcohol became highly desirable.

    You missed Michelle’s speech, I think Murder on The Dancefloor is the best way to describe her comments about the result.

    Like

  165. Carps says:

    Buck it!

    Like

  166. ljuke says:

    Heh. Well, that was shit.

    Like

  167. Bento says:

    Great. The fucking farmers are running the show. This is going to be embarrassing.

    Like

  168. You have to admit the best comedy team won the day.

    Like

  169. Rolly says:

    167 Bento

    “Great. The fucking farmers are running the show. This is going to be embarrassing.”

    Only embarrassing to metrocentric twats whose heads are so far up their arses that they wouldn’t recognise the reality that sustains them even if it was stuffed down their gullets with a 10 kilowatt gastroscope.

    The urbanites have been giving in the arse to the rural sectors for far, far to long.

    Time for the “Revenge of the Rustics”.

    “Forza Contadini”, as Frank might say.

    Like

  170. Yeah Rolly I look forward to the National Farmers Socialist party on the move. More stickers ” You owe your lives to farmers : all bow down” , ” City slickers ; fuck you” Comedy gold I tells ya.

    Like

  171. Bento says:

    Rolly @ 169 (sock puppet?) – you’re right, I now see the error of my ways.

    LA – I vote you change this blog to ‘The Best of Wagin’, in recognition of our new alien overlords.

    Like

  172. Well I am from the wheatbelt originally, so I will definitely be putting my hand out for some roots funding.

    Like

  173. poor lisa says:

    Hey, what I want to know is, who’s Narelle? In his pink-faced speech Barney thanked his family (I might be wrong but I don’t believe he mentioned Lyn by name) then staff etc, then he singled out ‘Narelle’ for special mention, in fact he was embarrassingly effusive in his praise…. ‘She kept me very relaxed. In fact too relaxed some might say’.
    His PA? or one of the labs?

    Like

  174. poor lisa says:

    Just listened to it again. He thanked COS and staff, then Narelle got about 20 seconds of praise, then ‘my sons, and my family, and I’d like to thank Lynn. Thanks darl.’ Hmm if I were Lynn, I would think that was all in reverse order…

    Like

  175. John Ryan says:

    I think the Labour party needs not to be in power in WA, because the time has come for a good clean out. Any minister who was in the last ministry should resign from the parliament,the whole bloody lot of them.
    A more utterly useless bunch I have yet to observe(thought I think the joke that will come to power with the Libs might surpass it),the union influence to has to either be removed or toned down,the CMFEU in WA are not regarded with any great affection,the Branches must be given more say,think I might go a bit further than just ex ministers I think if you have been in the Parliament for 12yrs you should retire,or at least face preselection or prove you are doing something to warrant keeping you there,to many time servers,also if your in parliament your wife should not be,or the other way round,it just looks plain greedy,also you should have a paid job not as a union Sec or some other job where its you scratch my back I will scratch yours,you should have a real job where you meet real people not a bunch of political wannabes.
    Don’t know if anyone agrees or disagrees, but after watching the farce that was the last Labour Govt in this backwoods state where it would be forever 1959 if this Liberal lot had there way,something drastic has to be done

    Like

  176. Rolly says:

    @171 Bento

    “Rolly @ 169 (sock puppet?)”….

    No, Mate, I’m strictly apolitical.
    But I’ve traveled a lot and at length and maybe see things from a different perspective.
    I just tell it like I see it.

    Like

  177. skink says:

    I missed all the live bogging – so here’s my belated summary of a very dull day

    sausage sizzle at the booth at Inglewood Primary School, but no sign of cakes

    whilst approaching the gate, I was able to identify the party leafleteers at 50 paces simply by their choice of hats, therefore there is no need in future to waste money on party T-shirts:

    1. greying man in late fourties with beer gut wearing a fishing cap

    2. young woman with frizzled hair wearing floppy green gardening hat

    3. woman, early fifties, wearing broad straw summer hat and pearls.

    I have never experienced such an atmosphere of complete ennui whilst voting

    Like

  178. My Ning says:

    Dea P Nurry

    Just before I convinced Carpenter to have a snap poll (which I knew would provide me with plenty of other reporters’ copy to plunder), I phoned Barnett and suggested he run as leader. He agreed straight away, pulling from his pocket as we spoke an article I had written on the potato board from four years ago. Hopefully both the Barnster and yours truly can now vary our fish and chippies when we go down to the OBH for an ale or two.

    It reminds me of a similar incident almost two years ago when I phoned Barrack Obama and suggsted he run for US Prez. The same thing happened – while we talked he pulled from his pocket an article I had written in which I pulled off some brilliant satire by pretending to be a nig nog third world African dicatator as a response to my editor being snubbed by Condie Rice. Obama though it was a great joke, and congratulated me on my insight.

    As has Kevin Rudd, who wouldn’t be the PM if it wasn’t for me. Just before Beazley got turfed, I phoned the uppity smurf and suggested he run. He agreed immediately, pulling from his pocket a piece I had just done on what a twerp Joe Spagnolo from The Sunday Times is for reporting that Alannah McTiernan had suggested a nuclear power plant be built in my home suburb of Swanborne. Having walked my little doggie around the place on a number of occassions I knew it wasn’t true. I just wish other reporters like that had integrity – like me. Oddly enough, thats exactly what Rudd said – that if the Canberra press corp was right all the time, like me, we wouldn’t need the likes of Brian Toohey and Howard Sattler.

    Now we have a hung parliament. This morning I phoned Brendan Grylls and suggested the Nats join the Libs. He agreed immediately, pulling from his pocket as we spoke an article I had written back in 1975 about what a bunch of stupid cunts Western Australians really are. Grylls couldn’t stop agreeing with me, saying it was because of me that he was now being labelled a kingmaker.

    He said it with a wink and a nudge, an acknowledgement that there is really only one kingmaker here in WA – me!

    Like

  179. You got that right MyNing/Nurry

    Like

  180. forkboy says:

    does Bunbury count as regional?

    Like

  181. poor lisa says:

    So Rolly you enjoy living in Dumbleyung then?

    Like

  182. skink says:

    ‘regional’ begins at Grand Promenade to the north, at the river to the south, and at the airport slip road to the east.

    Bunbury is classified as ‘over the horizon’

    Like

  183. David Cohen says:

    oh skink. you loathe universal sufferage, and you think anyone not within five minutes Segwaying of Soto is a hick?

    Like

  184. I’m over the Mason Dixon line myself too, but he’s right, the Hillbillies, banjos and albinos Do begin past Grand prom.

    Like

  185. forkboy says:

    Hillbillies and Albinos in the north…………..zombies and werewolves in the south……….what a movie that could make!

    Like

  186. forkboy says:

    dont forget the Vampires in the middle (city)……..

    Like

  187. Rolly says:

    A Diploma in Urban Studies has the pre-requisite of a post graduate degree in Parasitology.

    Like

  188. Rolly did you briefly have a caravan as a gravatar?

    Like

  189. Rolly says:

    @181 poor lisa

    “So Rolly you enjoy living in Dumbleyung then?”

    I don’t, but I might, and I’m sure as hell sick of living amongst your average narrow minded, naval gazing, suburbanites.

    Like

  190. skink says:

    look, if the Libs and the Nats get in, ‘regional’ will begin at Thomas Street and Cottesloe will count as pastoral.

    simply dividing this great state into ‘Perth’ and ‘the rest’ just does not give us a wide enough range of stereotypes. We are far more diverse than simply ‘latte-sipping limpwrists’ and ‘rednecks’

    in particular the suburban areas of the so-called mortgage belt should be considered an entirely different region, if not a separate state, especially since it is the aspirationally effluent nimby flip-flop selfish myopic cunts of Jooondalup, Jandakot and Wannaroo that have put us in this fucking mess.

    barricade the freeway, tear up the train tracks, and don’t let the bastards into the city. Lock them all into Booragoon and Karrinyup Malls and gas them like badgers.

    Like

  191. poor lisa says:

    It’s strategic AND violent. I love it skink! But don’t leave out Ocean Reef.

    Now what to do about Dumbleyung?

    Like

  192. forkboy says:

    Skink @ 190 – Does this mean check points and passport control at the borders?………..perhaps something more like the Berlin blockade style?……where will the landing strip be to get the supplies in skink?….Im in Mt Hawthorn Skink and would like my beers to be delivered cold please…………

    Like

  193. skink says:

    these hideous patio-dwellers build themselves a McMansion in some godforsaken sandpit miles from nowhere and then bitch that the taxpayers have to build them a new railway line so they can leave the Shire of Erehwon and commute back to civilization

    or they want a new freeway so that they can sit in traffic for an hour listening to Sattler telling them that they are not being properly served by their government and really need a new hospital and school in their dormitory purgatory

    Like

  194. Rolly says:

    @188 The Lazy Aussie

    “Rolly did you briefly have a caravan as a gravatar?”

    Yeh. I put it into the system yesterday, but it seems to have got lost again.
    A bit like me really.

    Like

  195. Cookster says:

    At a father’s day breakfast yesterday, the Nedlands-based mother-in-law was telling me how exciting the election coverage was.

    But she was also the person quoted in IC last week saying how biased the West’s coverage of the Libs has been.

    Go figure.

    Like

  196. Cookster says:

    Against the Libs that is.

    Like

  197. forkboy says:

    cookster @ 195 – glad you said “mother in -law”…..these things are genetic you know

    Like

  198. Cookster! You’re alive!

    Like

  199. David Cohen says:

    Cookster is alive, and he’s looking at Brendon slouching towards Bethlehem to be born after 20 centuries of stony sleep, and he’s shouting:

    “Look! It’s moving. It’s alive. It’s alive… It’s alive, it’s moving, it’s alive, it’s alive, it’s alive, it’s alive, IT’S ALIVE!”

    Like

  200. David Cohen says:

    apologies to WB Yeats…

    Turning and turning in an early gyre
    The Premier cannot hear the punters;
    Things fall apart; Labor’s Right cannot hold;
    A hung Parly is loosed upon the world,
    The one-vote, one-value tide is loosed, and everywhere
    The ceremony of bongs is drowned;
    The best lack all conviction, while the worst
    Put up sites about Troy Buswell.
    Surely some revolution is at hand;
    Surely the Farmer Coming is at hand.
    The Farmer Coming! Hardly are those words out
    When a vast image out of Spiritus Boondi
    Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the Wheatbelt
    A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
    A lisp blank and pitiless as the sun,
    Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
    Reel shadows of the indignant metro birds.
    The darkness drops again; but now I know
    That seven years of Labor luvvies
    Were vexed to nightmare by a Carping cradle,
    And what yellowcaked beast, its hour come round at last,
    Slouches towards West Perth to be born?

    Like

  201. FDB says:

    Apologies?

    Yeats would be proud.

    Like

  202. FDB says:

    Fucking outraged of course, but nonetheless proud.

    Like

  203. Pingback: Moral Uplift « The Worst of Perth

  204. Pingback: Metropiss. State Election Preview | The Worst of Perth

We can handle the worst

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s