Gone to the cloud

Sad news. Henk’s Jesus and Dino themed Internet cafe shell has finally moved to the cloud. And been replaced with yet another arrondissement massage centre. I’m no fan of Jesus, but I prefer Henk’s to this. Never has one road serviced so many knotted shoulders and sore necks. What is wrong with Inglewood postures that requires more massage centres than Mt Lawley has Mexican restaurants? Is the artis-anal brick paving uneven? Rubbing salt into Jesus’ wounds is a music shop next door and another fucking wanky barbers. The whole street will be pomade and massage oil soon! Although I think I saw the words Artis-anal Crafts going up nearby. Just up from those eight massage places. You know the ones right? Past that shutdown knock shop.

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About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
This entry was posted in Uncategorisable Worsts and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to Gone to the cloud

  1. Russell Wolfe's Lovechild says:

    Rubbing. It’s all about the rubbing.

    Like

  2. Sir Bill International says:

    Artis-anal up the yin yang. It calls for a revival by the Strolling Arrondisement Shakespeare Players of Samuel Beckett’s classic “Muppetry of the Anus”, either that or his other classic “The Internetz killz the Knox Shp”.

    Like

  3. NF#1 says:

    Can we be sure that Henk isn’t the proprietor? Still waiting anyway for Abs to set up shop with his Free Therapeutic Massage For Women deal.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Rolly says:

    It’s all for the poseurs and ..”dedicated followers of fashion.”
    Metrocentric twattery and metrosexual air-headedness.
    Sad. So very sad.

    Like

  5. GivDBird says:

    404, not found

    Like

  6. Slanderer says:

    I saw Henk in Yokine about a year or so ago. Has anyone seen him since?

    Like

  7. Russell Woolf's Lovechild says:

    Strummers and hummers.

    Like

  8. you'll get wet says:

    Lazy et al I now concur with your meanspirited and unfair excoriation of Murray. I concede he belongs in the national treasure of worstology. His opening gambit in today’s op piece challenges dictionary definitions of worst.

    ‘Margaret Mead rose to prominence studying the savages of the South Sea Islands.’
    I suppose the spatially challenged Murray is referring to Polynesia, Melanesia and perhaps a wee bit of Micronesia and Amnesia. Lotta savages there Paul.

    Wait, he has more. ‘Mead’s still controversial work in the 1920s on the mating habits of the Samoans among others…’
    Did he mean courtship, love and marriage? Let’s be generous and imagine he was watching an Attenborough doco, not porn, while tapping this out for single paper city.

    And what to do with the editor who let this crap pass? He should go back to his school holiday job grain sampling at Nyabing siding, if it still exists.

    Taim bilong Masta Paul yumipela olgeta bushkanaka tru. Yu pinat Murray.

    Like

    • Wha? At first blush that sounds bad. Maybe he cut and pasted it?

      Like

    • Sir Bill International says:

      Its all in Nurries’ opus “Carry on up the Sepik : My Voyage into the Heart of Darkness ( and savages) 1970-1970”, Artis-Anal books (2007).
      From the blurb “From the finder of the wreck of the Sydney , this is a rollicking tale from his early career xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, drunk at Innumerous parties , to his career as a patrol officer in New Guinea, and thence onto resident xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx at various media organisations. Always the life and centre of the party, he puts his competitor ,Errol Flynn, in the shade.”

      Golly Sir Bill! You’re keeping us on our toes! Outrage xxx

      Like

  9. you'll get wet says:

    Nope, the Errol Flynn of the West’s op page is in an underclass of his own. A 30 second advanced search of the dark web turned up only one possible pastable reference ie the 1929 opus ‘The Sexual Life of Savages in NW Melanesia,’ coinciding with the rising popularity of eugenics in proto Facist Europe.

    If handled [in]correctly this could become a storm in a Kava bowl and force Murray into an embarrassing International apology. He could even have his own Sorry Day.

    Like

  10. you'll get wet says:

    Dear Mr Murray
    From one ‘savage’ to another, can I say that just because somebody in 1929 called me a ‘savage’ doesn’t mean you have to take their word for it. 1929 wasn’t an brilliant year in world history, they were lynching blacks in the US, young Adolf was plotting in Bavarian beerhalls and us South Sea Islanders were labelled ‘savages.’ From that enlightened period you claim to have discovered a sexual link with contemporary alcohol inspired violence across Australasia.
    Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxcxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx whole of Pacifica. Until you tender a formal apology to Pacifica and pulp all copies of the West dated 11/3/15 it wouldn’t surprise me if you have to wear an I’m not Paul Murray mask at rugby matches.
    Yours in ‘Savagery’
    Prank Bainimarama

    Like

  11. you'll get wet says:

    Dear Mr Lazy
    I find the xxxxxxxxx of your reply obsessively accurate and have consequently imposed an additional travel ban on Mr Murray to the Pilbara Torres Strait Far NQ and parts of Sydney. Your sparkling new F.M Jewellie Pushup has told me I’m officially no longer a ‘savage’ and I have thanked her with a container of South Sea Island xxxxxxxxs [shhhh]. I also advised her strongly to forget sanctions, go to Tehran flog your wheat and purchase some Basra and Kish Island xxxxxxxs [shhhh]. If you come across any information about the sexual practices of pre Colonial Easter Island could you please scan and fwd to me Prank.B somewhere in the South Pacific xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
    Prank.B

    Like

  12. you'll get wet says:

    Dear Mr Lazy
    I believe this is what you are looking for. Auckland barbabes sin city pubcrawl enroute to xxxxxxxx. Don’t be fooled by the dark shades, though xxxxxx did swap shirts with the man in purple after midnight.
    http://www.barbabes.co.nz/pub-crawls/auckland-pub-crawl/#!
    Yours in [ex] savagery Prank.B

    Like

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