Rivers of Gold

Paid parking begins at stations tomorrow. I don’t entirely disagree with the concept. Walk to the station you lazy pricks. The $2 coins will be rolling in.

Speaking of rivers of gold, there’s a new afternoon paper literally mooted for Perth. It’s hard to know who Sean “Mooner” Mooney was reading in The West when his backside literally burst asunder under the weight of the dross. Was it Paul “knobhead” Nurry, Zoltan “corpse-like” Kovacs or Griffin “Pam Casellas”Longley? Mooner’s neuvo Daily News will be unfortunately modelled on Melbourne’s mX (aka mostly Xite), which is like a shitty version of Xpress magazine with the point of difference being that someone will actually hand the rag to you – at first a smiling skimpy, then by gradually less attractive minions as the days go by. Nice that Mooner has been getting printing quotes. I hear the Fairfax presses may have some spare capacity.



About AHC McDonald

Comedian, artist, photographer and critic. From 2007 to 2017 ran the culture and satire site The Worst of Perth
This entry was posted in worst journalist, worst newspaper and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

37 Responses to Rivers of Gold

  1. Snuff says:

    Heath dead ? How long has this been going on ?

    p.s. Inb4 Platform Pizza.


  2. Sir Bill International says:

    It’l die a death, being old school print media, cept more quickly than the Worst Astrayian. Meantime in the real world, Rolf’s three legged defense, a stupid variant of Chewbacca, has failed.


    • vegan says:

      and more charges to come possibly.

      why is the concept of not sexually assaulting people so difficult to grasp for so many?


      • Plonka says:

        I can’t agree more with you. Just had bad and creepy experience with a house mate. Explained this to new potential house mate, he proceeded to be even creepier than last house mate and this was all in the interview. Now have safe un creepy female studying to be a doctor house mate. No offense to the boys out there, love a rude joke as much as the next person. Just finding a lot of creepy, sex maniac misogynists out there at the moment. Rolf Harris has unleashed a beast.


  3. Russell Woolf's Lovechild says:

    “… who has worked as a freelance journalist in the past …”? I always thought you described yourself as a freelance journalist when you were unemployed but still having problems dealing with it.

    If they get the deadlines right Zoltan should be able to bang out a column on the decline of the semi colon between his morning and afternoon naps. I’m excited.


  4. NF#1 says:

    mX is a thoroughgoing blight: filled with the worst kind of tabloid dross, celebrity gossip, astrology, sports “news,” etc. What’s worse, by 7pm there’s several hundred of the fuckers littering each train carriage and station. I’m sure mX doesn’t foot the clean-up bill. Ironically enough, it’s occurred to me in past times to provide a worthy mX substitute before someone inevitably had the idea to impose an mX-type paper on Perth commuters; you know, some gently agitpropping rag with poetry and some actual news. Bettet get in quick, I guess.


  5. NF#1 says:

    mX = mind extraction, I’m sure.


  6. GivDBird says:

    Please include a ‘Whats Twiggy Bin Up To’ column by Burrell. Yous all need to know what our revered hole digger’s been doin huh?


  7. Plonka says:

    And……. Paid parking, meh. Couldn’t care less for my own sake. I can’t even afford the train in the first place so it’s just another turn in the screw to me. Single mum, with an “unrecognised” disability. Trying to study and not physically able to work. Major back and ankle injury. All of this on $480 per fortnight. Put on Newstart when son turned 8 because apparently he can look after himself while I go out to work full time. Yep, it’s all just more misery to me. It stops mattering after a while. I say fuck yous too. I’ll just keep studying and doing what I can. Bring it on!


  8. Plonka says:

    Didn’t mean fuck yous TWOP people…….. I meant the powers that be. Please excuse rant. Have an appointment tomorrow to justify my existence. Feeling snarky.


  9. Rong1 says:

    Distribution of flyers and leaflets

    The PTA does not allow the distribution of flyers or leaflets by third parties on PTA property.


  10. Plonka says:

    Well maybe…….


  11. Plonka says:

    No way, you guys make me laugh and laugh.


  12. Plonka says:

    Don’t wish to alienate anyone, there’s only so much Master Class in Oil Painting with Ken Harris a person can watch at 2pm. I’d be bored stiff without TWOP. Wonder if he’s related to Rolf?


  13. platformnews says:

    I’m actually devastated that I missed this post – by almost a year! I’ve just come across it and thought I’d throw my two-cents in…

    First of all, I’m known as Moondogg rather than ‘Mooner’ ;)

    The intention to imitate the mX model in it’s approach to was meant more from a distribution perspective in that we’ll be targeting the public transport system, rather than producing content in the same vein.

    Please have a look at some of the content we’re suggesting on our Facebook feed. We’re really not looking to become another NewsCorp trash mag! We truly want to encourage a sensible, serious and reformed news agenda.

    That being said, mX has just been discontinued and so I hope it goes without saying that we won’t be emulate that business model entirely!

    Not only have I got quotes on printing, but also a subscription to AAP newswire to bolster our news offering on places we can’t afford to have journalists.

    Ultimately the central focus for Platform News is reader engagement. This will drive content, our ambition to inform and influence the advertising we include – you know, like a newspaper is suppose to do!

    Sir Bill International: our focus purely isn’t the print edition. I’ve read widely on the challenges facing print media around the world and the only direction possible is to broadcast online effectively too. The issue we’re facing is that advertising revenues through that medium are considerably less, so we’re also planning to develop a strong video offering (with ads before they start) to attract more lethargic followers who aren’t interested in the long-form journalism we will also produce. (Worst Astrayian, brilliant! Can we perhaps pinch that to use as a hash tag?)

    Russell Woolfe’s Lovechild: certainly not unemployed and proud never have been! Just never employed as a journalist… This is a side project, a hobby if you like, driven by a genuine belief that an improvement in public discourse is essential in Perth. After finishing a journalism degree I couldn’t get a start anywhere, so this was also borne partly from that frustration. And yes I’m still dealing with it ;)

    NF#1: I think I covered your concerns on our content above, and this will also include creative writing, photography and, as a cornerstone, actual investigative, quality news.

    Snuff: you’re correct, we need journalism. We have more mediums to “print” it on now certainly, only one of them will be the print newspaper itself (online, video, podcast and a Platform News smartphone app).

    Rong1: I’ve contacted the Public Transport Authority and they have confirmed your suspicions – no material can be given out on their property. We’re hoping to circumvent this by NOT going onto their property (i.e. just outside it) and then also utilising existing the supply chains of Jifi Vans and delis (TBC) to target the non-CBD workforce as well.

    The Lazy Aussie: journalism about ethics – our point entirely.

    Anonymous: The Western Suburbs Weekly, thanks to Rupert Murdoch’s NewsCorp empire!

    I think I might’ve rambled on a bit here, hopefully not too much that I bored you but enough for you to know we’re serious. Work on this hasn’t stopped and, while I’m a long way off, the last eighteen months has seen some really positive steps.

    Please check out the website http://www.platformnews.com.au for more about us if you’re interested, and get in touch if you’ve got any questions on platformnews@outlook.com.

    Also you might want to check out this from February this year: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mvVkmXrj38k



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