The final straw – the final solution

This perhaps goes a little beyond passive agressive and strays into the grey area of criminal menaces and dog murdering. But I guess that’s West Leederville for you. I only wish it could have been Allen Park.  8 count ’em 8 baits, each more fiendish than the last. The first creates in your shitting dog a sense of ennui and its spine will crack under the spasms of nostalgia mixed with a little sadness. The second is a powerful canine laxative…perhaps I should have thought that one through a little better –  the third pure curare. No-one will ever know the cause – apart from the sign I have written explaining that I am poisoning dogs. The fourth…
Auteured – the submission not the sign, by Councillor Matt Buckels, who, if I am any judge will be Mayor and then opposition leader within 5 years.
I’m assuming that this knobhead will be tracked down by the police within about ten minutes.

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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56 Responses to The final straw – the final solution

  1. orbea says:

    West Leederville – the lights from Scoobiaco Oval upset the circadian rythyms


  2. mrsstone says:

    I’m not sure I believe him when he expresses concern for small dogs.


  3. phildawson says:

    Sounds a bit like Chopper Reid syndrome, poison the dogs then say ooohhh sorry maaaaate – have a smacko.


  4. skink says:

    why didn’t we think of this earlier?

    I’m off to put poisoned meat pies on all the benches in Allen Park


  5. Rong1 says:

    This child should NOT be allowed to run around a park, unleashed, seeking dollops of dog dung for her fetish.


  6. janezee says:

    Oh what a fucking freak. The reasonable tone is v alarming.
    I hope the cops find all the people he’s abducted in the cages under his house.


  7. pete says:

    I like the optimism of the note. Not only is everyone is going to read the note, they will undoubtedly follow the instructions and fall into line – not call the police and not try and find and remove all of the baits.

    Can you imagine Al Qaeda types made threats by posting long winded letters on A4 paper and assuming everyone will read them.

    Dear Imperialist Western Dogs,

    We have buried several explosive devices around your city. Unless the hostages are released by midnight tonight and you announce a withdrawal of troops from out country, we will detonate these bombs, killing thousands.

    We don’t really want to hurt people, we love people, but you know, you can’t go running about our country with your tanks and things, my daughter gets quite scared. The only course of action left is to start blowing things up.

    We only hope you read this note in time, we did sticky tape it to the biggest light pole in town after all. The bold font is sure to catch your eye.


  8. bloodredninja says:

    Cry “Havoc!” and let slip the dogs of war. What? They’ve been poisoned? Oh never mind then….


  9. Responsible dog owner says:

    I would like to see how he would handle it if someone who had a disgust for the noise children make decided to cut off all of their tongues unless he kept his kid wuiet. What a terrible example of humankind this person is. Yes we would all like to make people clean up after themselves, dog waste and human waste but we cant mess with people lives like that and destroy families. What if one day his daughter had a dog and someone poisoned it, how would he feel seeing his ‘precious’ daughter in distress like the people who may lose their dog? There are better ways to handle issues like this and poison is not one of them! What an Arse!


    • MattB says:

      “I would like to see how he would handle it if someone who had a disgust for the noise children make decided to cut off all of their tongues unless he kept his kid wuiet.”

      One can only assume he’d think it was an entirely reasonable request and ask his kid to be quiet.


    • Rolly says:

      No dog belonging to a “Responsible dog owner” could possibly pick up such baits, now, could it?
      If it could, then the owner is not really a responsible one is she/he/it?
      After all, the dogs of responsible owners are always well behaved and under their owners’ total control at all times, aren’t they?
      Perhaps we should licence owners, not their dogs, with fines and demerit points for every transgression committed by the beast.
      12 demerit points and the right to own a dog is annulled.
      Transgressions whilst the licence is rescinded are met by destruction of the owner.


      • Under Scarborough rules right? You’ll be wanting light rail to bring Glendalough residents to Perth’s worst beach next.


        • Bento says:

          Don’t be so cynical. That light rail link would be very handy for people going to Osborne Park to purchase whitegoods and outdoor furniture, also.


      • Responsible dog owner says:

        I think you have missed the point. The issue was that SOME dog owners dont pick up after their dog. I do pick up after my dog and yes he is allowed to run free and have a play but I do call him back and he comes back. Where there is a nice yummy dog treat as a dstraction it might be different. Dogs are allowed to play too but owners should be picking up the poo. So I AM a responsible dog owner. You also need to consider that sometimes owners might be still in the process of training their dog to come back. We all need a little patience and the ability to be considerate.


    • Snuff says:

      They could always give Tony a call. Or enlist the poo fairy to roll them in glitter.


  10. Dog forum types not impressed.


  11. Mia Wallace says:

    It is becoming a scary neighbourhood, with a lot of adult bullying going on and not much cohesion.
    There was even two mums bullying another just yesterday at the school sports carnival.
    A mass of malicious gossip is their forte.
    Nasty terrible letter…


  12. ronggly says:

    I drove past this park yesterday afternoon around 6. There was no notice, no dog turds and no
    poisoned baits (as far as I could see). The only person there was a burly council ranger in a fluoro jacket sitting on the picnic table, who stared at me the whole time as I wandered around the place. There were a couple of yapping dogs locked in nearby garages.


  13. mrsstone says:

    I see Inside Cover ran with this today.


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