Let me go out of town for a moment. Adelaide. If having a restaurant called The Snooty Fox isn’t bad enough, conditions may apply to your free corkage! Fucking Outrage! If a man gives me his bond that his corkage is free, I don’t want to have to bring in a commercial lawyer to have the $3 charge waived? Good day Adelaide. Good day Old Adelaide Inn, Good day Snooty Fox. I SAID GOOD DAY! Jesus, Snooty Fox? Really? Sounds a bit like it would be full of arseholes. Arseholes suddenly enraged at having the corkage they fully and sincerely believed was free, snatched away due to some jiggery pokery with the fine print. Maybe people only went because of the free corkage…”Dear, what’s that restaurant that has a name like only a cunt would go there..? Umm, The Wanky Dog..? The Bleached Ringhole..? The New Age Pussy..? The Uppity Garden Bed..? You know, the one where we never have to pay for corkage..?”
“Under what conditions is corkage charged madam? On the condition of shut the fuck up.” Well I guess that’s fair. By Meccano.
- There are no – repeat few charges on corkage
The Worst of Perth 
I reckon it’s the name of the house band.
LikeLike
Free Corkage the main band, supported by Conditions Apply?
LikeLike
Just one band. They originally formed as Free Corkage and the Applicable Conditions but the record company made them change it to ‘The Corks’ because they felt it was more commercial.
Anyway, there were issues with drugs and arguments about the direction the band was heading in; and the record company eventually dropped them and they broke up.
Then a couple of years ago they reformed with the original line up, sans the base player who died of an overdose, under the name Free Corkage. Conditions Apply.
LikeLike
Right. Wasn’t Conditions Apply the album?
LikeLike
A lot of people make that mistake. It was actually a self titled album with just a blank, turquoise cover but, as a marketing gimmick, the album came with a free cork. Of course, for the sake of practicality, the free cork was conditional on you sending your proof of purchase and a small fee to cover postage to the band and they would mail out your free cork.
They got in some trouble with the ACCC and were forced to add a sticker ‘Conditions Apply” to the record, confusing a lot of people into thinking the album was titled Conditions Apply.
LikeLike
I like your blog link by the way.
LikeLike
I saw Wine List at the-then WAIT in the early 80s.
Or was it at the Shenton Park Hotel?
Anyway, blah blah live music bore bore no drink driving laws etc etc…
LikeLike
No mention of corkage at Red Castle. https://theworstofperth.com/2010/11/09/wine-list-red-castle/
LikeLike
This Wine List?
LikeLike
And weren’t they Teh Corks for a while before The Four Corksoakers?
LikeLike
Imagine a double bill with The Clamps, gygt.
LikeLike
We’ve been Conditions Apply and you’ve been a great audience. Before we welcome on stage our very good friends Free Corkage, we’d like to go out with a mash up of Loui Louie and Wild Thing.
LikeLike
*Management reserves the right to stuff patrons’ mutiliated corpses into barrels.
LikeLike
I originally wrote the piece as more barrel-centric, but figured a commenter would make that connection. It’s wonderful that SA is mainly known for its barrels.
LikeLike
Don’t forget Lord Downer, the idiot son of the Adelaide aristocracy and Don Dunstan, the father of the pastel Stubbies.
Actually, do forget them.
LikeLike
What a corker!
LikeLike
Maybe it’s free if it’s a screw top and there’s only a charge if there’s an actual cork?
LikeLike
Perhaps it should be known as toppage?
I learnt a new word this week when one of my students used dunnage in his draft story.
LikeLike
From the hotel website: “Offering delicious meals in a memorable atmosphere, you will surely be impressed.
“The intimate Cocktail Lounge is the ideal place to meet, to relax and have a pre-meal beverage with friends. Offering LCD TV with Foxtel channels, you will enjoy the stylish surrounds of this bar.”
Nothing about conditions on the wine list.
LikeLike
Stylish surrounds – conditions apply.
LikeLike
Style may not completely surround customer.
LikeLike
Intimacy of Cocktail lounge subject to availability.
LikeLike
Enjoyment not guaranteed.
LikeLike
Somewhere to go after a long hard day building an inlet.
LikeLike
Adelaide!
LikeLike