Mocatta

Kenny Calendar has recently moved from Perth to Melbourne, but he has found a little piece of Balcata in Rye Victoria. Actually it shits on balcatta. It’s what Balcatta dreams of being. Closer to Alexander the Great than teh ‘Catta. Feeding PavarottiFeeding Pavarotti

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
This entry was posted in *Worst of Australia, worst house and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

36 Responses to Mocatta

  1. shazza says:

    Is that a slice of bacon on Pavarotti’s head? And what make of car is that?

    Like

  2. Bento says:

    A house is not a home without a picture of Dom DeLuise.

    Like

  3. Snuff says:

    Worst. Ever. Worst.

    And then there’s Santo and Luciano.

    Like

  4. The Legend 101 says:

    is santo a chef? and thats a wired house. Anyone got the Micheal Hill Calender, last year it had Anzac Day on August 25th and Austrailia day on May 15th.

    Like

  5. Kenny Calendar says:

    You cant actually see it from the photo’s but there is a fair bit of astro turf going on at that joint.

    Like

  6. perthluckystar says:

    I note that Pavarotti is grabbing on to Santo’s arm for dear life. Perhaps he’s excited by the idea Santo will cook for him, and is hanging on in case he changes his mind.

    “Santo, did you say steak? You’ll cook me a steak?! With pasta carbonara? Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! Take me to the kitchen with you..NOW!”

    Like

  7. WAtching says:

    S P E E C H L E S S

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  8. Bento says:

    What’s the genre called again? Late 20th Century Immigrant Nostalgia? Beautiful.

    Like

  9. Bag O'Turnips says:

    I’ve grown up in Balcatta and Tuart Hill, and also lived in Hamilton Hill, yet I haven’t seen anything quite this outlandishly ostentatious…and second-generation Italo-Australians are past masters of the art of chintzy adornment to advertise their newfound wealth through enterprise and hard graft (or some would accuse, more like hard grift).

    Mind you, for all their tacky delights which may bring a cheap laugh, there is a sincerity and warmth present in those case-di-cemento that most nouveau riche McMansions could never impart, even if they were built by whomever is the name builder du jour (won’t mention builders by name for fear of xxxxs, but I think you’ll all know they may be). Whether those newly-moneyed types have built in Dalkeith or, as most NaBs or CUBs have along the Northern Coastal suburbs, all those faux-Georgean and Tuscanstrosity styled pillars of pillockdom are palaces of paint-by numbers poor taste and me-too easy-money blingy ostentation that even would make the owner (who has most likely worked pretty hard to get there) of the above palazzo puke in a pink pail.

    Like

    • perthluckystar says:

      Since you’ve grown up around the Balcatta and Tuart Hill areas Bo’T, maybe you know the story behind a large house on Wanneroo Road. Or maybe someone else on here does. It’s located on the hill between Royal St and Cape St in Tuart Hill, just before you come down to Wanneroo Road to the car wash and The Mighty Quinn. It looks like it’s two storeys, with a rambling overgrown garden, and always looks in a state of disrepair. For example, after the hail storm hit last year, it had broken windows for nearly a month before anything was done. It has what looks like a balcony at the front, which would have an excellent view of the city skyline. I know there’s some big places around the Tuart Hill / Yokine area, especially those owned by our Italian-Australian residents, but this is probably one of the biggest I’ve seen. I’ve passed it most days on my way to work, and always wondered what the deal is there.

      Like

      • Bag O'Turnips says:

        I know of That House. It is a clear Worst, but in a rather more sinister way. Always been creeped out by it ever since I was a kid, as my Dad would fill up and get the Torana serviced at the Golden Fleece servo that was once on the carwash site almost across the road.

        Only the brave or stupid cold canvasser would dare venture to the door to knock. And I also have a problem trying to date the build era of that grim edifice—and I’m usually excellent at picking what year a building went up just by a gaze upon its exterior.

        Like

        • perthluckystar says:

          It’s still just as creepy. I’m sure there’s some sort of Norman Bates-style character lurking in there in there behind the dark windows.

          No way in hell I’d want to go in there as a cold canvasser or metre reader either. Would run the risk of ending up buried in the backyard or something. I’ve been trying to guess at the age, too, but to no avail.

          Like

    • vegan says:

      the case-di-cemento were built with affection i think bot, whilst the neo-federation turds and faux fediterraneans were built with an eye on keeping up with the joneses and resale value.

      Like

      • Bag O'Turnips says:

        And they most likely built it by themselves with some mates and paid for it with cash…no forty year loans there, or any other abode like that!

        Like

  10. Bag O'Turnips says:

    Oh yeah…afterthought upon closer examination of the photo: I doubt any CUB or nouveau riche ponce would ever dare grow tomatoes in their front yard! Might upset the amenity of the area, or some other lamearsed excuse like that.

    Like

    • RubyRuby says:

      More likely that grandmother has come for a visit that has extended for a few years…

      Like

      • Bag O'Turnips says:

        No, probably grown for themselves either for the restaurant or to make sauce. I see beauty in the utility of veggie and herb patches proudly gracing front gardens, as if to quietly yet proudly proclaim one’s self-sufficiency.

        Quite common to see first and second generation Italo-Australians to grow a heap of roma tomatoes in the front yard, particularly around certain suburbs.

        Like

        • perthluckystar says:

          That’s exactly what my neighbours at the front do. They’re Italian-Australian, and the husband is semi-retired. He grows tomatoes, basil, garlic and various other vegetables in the front garden and along our driveway. Some he keeps for he and this wife, the tomatoes and basil he gives to his son who runs a mobile pizza business. They’re awesome people. Couldn’t ask for better neighbours.

          You’d never see anything like that up the street outside the V8 ute driving, bintang shirt wearing CUBs place. They barely even have a living lawn, let alone a garden.

          Like

  11. The Bartender's skills with a Manhatten says:

    He must be popular with the neighbors.

    Like

  12. Rob says:

    I am ex-Melbourne. Have eaten at Santos restaurant (in Carlton) nice Food. He has pictures like that in his restaurant with all the celebrities he has met.

    Like

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