Your memories will be used as roadbase

How sad it is that anyone, ANYONE, could bet their life that any new architecture or development proposed for Perth will be totally shithouse. Will we never reach the situation where we might be able to say “Well that could be good.”? When the Government Architect, (And can two words chill the soul more effectively?) can present seemingly wonderful sounding visions for the city centre, but you know, you know more certainly than a union rep will have yellow teeth and fingers, that the result will be a turd in a bag.

I haven’t seen the plans for Perry Lakes, but I know, as do you, that whatever it is, it will be a piece of shit. The community was widely consulted, but we all know that turd has already met bag.  I remember Perry lakes stadium best for ACC (Associated Catholic Colleges) sports meetings during the 1970s, where the call, “Marist are wankers! Clapclap – clap clap clap,” would ring out. I have wonderful memories of a classmate – who it turns out robbed houses during the night, buying cartons – even palettes of Samboy chips to distribute to us at the stadium.

HERB has sent in a few pics, along with a quotes from Alannah McTiernan on approving the project, including, “…while bricks from the original buildings will be crushed and used as road base in the redevelopment…” Perhaps she’s still waiting for the thanks from you ungrateful cunts? Hello? Roadbase! Is this thing working? Here are HERB’s pictures of chopped down trees being rejuvenated by being stuck on steel poles, no doubt with wide community consultation.

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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29 Responses to Your memories will be used as roadbase

  1. The Bartender's skills with a Manhatten says:

    I freely admit I absolutely have no idea what is going on with these tree trunks. Are they actually intended to be a permanent detail of the finished project? Will they be incoporated intoa structure, or are they to be left as free-standing “features” a la hanged corpses at the side of a 17th century London in-road?

    Re: the roadbed – you may be reassured that that sort of thing happens everywhere. In Port Ewen, from whence my past worsts on this site, a wonderful 1820s stone house, one of three such structures in the town, was recently demolished for a drive-through bank. The new bank design proudly incorporates the granite salvaged from the original facade. I should get you pics of this abomination, which has, at least, enraged the locals no end to the extent that the bank has (allegedly) temporarily disconnected its client service direct line.

    The Government Architect quoted seems quite decent and reasonable, but yes, that title sends Army Corps of Engineers-sized shivers up the spine.


  2. The Bartender's skills with a Manhatten says:

    Good lord, I just spent 15 minutes reading that newspaper website. I am reminded of why print is superior to the net. You can’t use the net to line a birdcage.


  3. skink says:

    “better designs using such things as natural light and space.”

    I hate buildings that don’t use space. It’s so hard to get through the door

    “Most buildings that push the boundaries require a lot of convincing”

    I ‘ve tried convincing several buildings to push the boundaries, and they just refused. Stubborn bastards.


  4. pete says:

    I’ve always been intrigued by the idea of a cultural centre. I can imagine the planning meeting.

    “Right. Let’s put the culture here. That way no one will accidentally bump into some art while they’re out enjoying the vibrancy.”

    Building a bridge to it does an even better job of detaining all the culture in the one spot. I’d like to propose some sort of moat.


  5. Hoppo says:

    All your roadbase are belong to us?


    • Bill O'Slatter says:

      Memories are us, as roadbase.


    • Bag O'Turnips says:

      Kinda makes me want to return to the new development to practice athletics, in the name of historical context: 100 metre sprint with a fifty cent piece, gouging the duco of assorted street-patrked premium SUVs; a 1500 metre run screaming profanities on the roads built upon roadbase crushed from those early 60s salmon-toned bricks that the now-demolished Internationalist style structures were built of; swing discus with the black roof shingles no doubt some will lid their abominable neo-classical homes with; hurdles over their hedges, followed by the triple-jump on their gravelled garden feature; shotput through their bifold glass doors after performing highjump into their alfresco, landing on their outdoor lounge; shoot hoops with a basketball into their balconies (three points if glass is smashed); and finally, practice javelin while the residents perform an impromptu steeplechase.

      Yes, TLA, I too remember ACC sports carnivals in my old Servite College days…I may not be quite as fit right now, but I’m sure I could get into condition on the motivation to run Perry Lakes once more with feeling!


  6. Jaidyn-Jaxxon says:

    What could be more sustainable than a tree that’s already dead?


  7. Critic#1 says:

    Perth doesn’t have a ‘centre’ the shit is everywhere!

    Sinking the railroad is nice idea and it has been proposed a number of times but can’t see it ever happening. A better option would be to transfer all of the Northbridge functions to the esplanade and the foreshore and revert Northbridge to housing and keep the railway as it is.

    As to the trees in the above images … I’m still trying to imagine the discussions that took place when they were proposed. I suspect they weren’t mentioned and were actually listed as ‘art’ and probably even used to count towards the 1% for art quota!


  8. Stu says:

    Hang on, hang on all of you whiners/whingers it’s all been fixed now, with this fucking brilliant idea from the Govt Architect…”just build a bridge over the shit”

    A bridge over the “black hole”! Hopefully Design Guru Woodland wasn’t referring to any of the stations occupants with that comment!!

    Maybe they could drag out that lovely limestone sculpture (link please) that once adorned the pavement in front of the station as a foundation for this bridge. Utilising of course the above mentioned wood on steel technology. My god this could be an awesome bridge. May the shit flow freely under this behemoth forever….


  9. Sholaa says:

    In this case I think they will up the ante – I can see us upgrading to a FLAMING bag of turd here. Why the hell don’t they just widen the CURRENT bridge, put a nicer roof on it, stick in some overpriced retail floorspace and call it a day?

    While they’re at it, they can turn the Wellington busport into something that doesn’t look like a recycled set from a Mad Max movie.


  10. The Legend 101 says:

    I will try guess where that is tell if im wrong Miland because it looks it looks familar.


  11. nervous twitch says:

    I suspect… and this is a guess.. that those trees could be bee poles, with little holes drilled in ’em for native bees to have babies in, and the picket bases are to stop termite attack (so the stump doesn’t turn into one large, termite infested heap). Is this at Perry Lakes?

    PS: ahhh….. plastic bags around plantings. Nothing like having green plastic planter bags around little, dry, crisp, brown twigs for the ambience.


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