Dear Oprah, Dear Ellen

If you two so called celebrities can still harden your hearts and not come to Perth after seeing this photo, then I hope you both end up in hell. Soon. And although I hate both your shows, (Ellen, you seem demented, and Oprah you appear as an overly cheerful moron,) many Perth people think you are cool and that our city would somehow be more vibrant after a visit from youse, notwithstanding how hideous you both appear me. So think about it.

Your humble servant TLA.
Photo by Chris S.

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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67 Responses to Dear Oprah, Dear Ellen

  1. Bento says:

    Ahh, the STS. From an inconveniently isolated part of the inner suburbs, to an inconveniently isolated part of the city, in just over triple the time it would take to drive. How could it possibly fail?


    • Juffy says:

      You forgot to mention the completely inconvenient timetable, never mind the circular logic that cutting services leads to falling patronage which means you might as well cut services.


  2. Ljuke says:

    She’s bringing her own audience. What does that say about her popularity if she doesn’t think she can even fill a TV studio? 50 Cent played Burswood Dome ferchrissakes.


  3. Onanist says:

    Looking at the second shot, I can almost see a bloodied Terry Malloy staggering up the jetty.


  4. Onanist says:

    Today’s Poll
    1819 votes since Sep 13 2010
    Should the State Government lobby to ensure Oprah visits WA?
    Yes 40% 730 votes
    No 60% 1089 votes


  5. klenker says:

    Count me in the NO poll above. God… all we need is to feed her EGO aswell as her backside.



  6. Bento says:

    Perhaps Colin could persuade Sally Jesse Raphael or Phil Donohue to come to Perth? Surely they’d be more our speed.


  7. Frank Calabrese says:

    Come on, don’t people remember this ??


  8. David cohen says:

    She should take her butler to Butler.


  9. David Cohen says:

    She should go rapping in Tapping.


  10. CB One says:

    She could go to the toilet Innaloo


    • B.T. says:

      No she couldn’t. Miss Oprah is a civilized and po-lite American lady. She uses the ‘restroom’, the ‘washroom’ or maybe even the ‘bathroom’, but she never goes to the ‘toilet’. She probably can’t even say the word out loud in public.


  11. vegan says:

    she could stick her hand upper swan.


  12. Natalia Fan #1 says:

    Despite The West’s inveigling, Oprah’s has obviously Madely her mind up, but of course we wish her every Success regardless.


  13. B.T. says:

    Claremont, I’m sure she’d rather Swanbourne around Cottesloe and Peppermint her Grove in Mossman Park.


  14. the evil says:

    or she can ride around Miami with Will Smith and look at 2 palms and a housing estate sign. Or go to Rockingham and…..send an email to Jerry Springer or declare the dire need for a finishing school for young ladies there


  15. orbea says:

    Get Menora upya


    • Bag O'Turnips says:

      I feel if Perth Currambined and reDoubleviewed our efforts, telling them if they should Carine our way, they needn’t Warwick about whether we’d treat them in a Kingsley manner they’re accustomed to while Karrinyup their room service, plus they’ll too have a Merriwa time over here in bringing their brand of Hillarys to us, Iluka chances of them Padbury Beldon over backwards and Woodvale themselves Two Rocks up and appear in Pearsall.

      If they don’t, it’ll Balcattastrophe when someone will pull a Trigg-er on them, the Scarborough on their souls!


  16. David cohen says:

    When she is here and she is busted jaywalking near Rockingham she can exclaim: “you warn, bro’?”


  17. ronggly says:

    She’ll be able to get anything in Hocking


  18. skink says:

    Look, Oprah has a quiz to test your knowledge of Australia:

    not one bloody question about Don Bradman, although Kalgoorlie will be pissed off that they appear in the quiz but she won’t be visiting:

    I got six out of ten, but that question about aspirin is fucking wrong


    • Natalia Fan #1 says:

      I got four. A lot of those questions are somewhat of a lucky dip. Should make this the migration test – no one would get in! (I’m having a little 6PR moment, ahem).


  19. PerthReject says:

    You shortsighted simpletons. Always erring on the side of ignorance instead of seeing how the benefits to your state outweigh your reclusive wowser comfort zone.

    Anyways your backwater state deserves to be isolated ever more. Especially if you cannot keep up with the tourism other states get. And if you are too bogan to understand how this global market works, then to hell with your smallminded city stuck in the 80s. You would only be a blight on Oprah’s timetable. Better you sink than swim. You make me embarrassed to call myself Australian, having to acknowledge you lot.


    • You’re sending out mixed messages. Are we simpletons for wanting Oprah or not wanting Oprah?


    • skink says:

      are you a lesbian?


    • WAtching says:

      I have no clue as to what you are attempting to convey, PerthReject.
      Pro or Anti Oprah?

      Besides, shouldn’t you be at the Walkleys?


    • Bill O'Slatter says:

      What a great steaming mess of illogical pottage we have here. All grammatically correct needless to say. “Blight on Oprah’s timetable”. I think Oprah may have had a few too many blights on her timetable. “Embarrassed to call myself Australian” you treacherous dog. Sir you are not fit to be in the company of great Australians like Julian Assange. And finally sir I say Fuck Oprah .


    • shazza says:

      I see what’s going on. As your name implies you were rejected by Perth and now harbour animosity towards those of us lucky enough to remain and take the piss from the inside. Fair enough, I’d be upset about Perth rejecting me too.


    • ronggly says:



      • Suspiciously absent from media checkin for Oprah at Fiddy Square. Outrage Cohen. Perhaps too busy spewing after Walkleys last night. Woman with no neck (bishop?) doing piece to camera. Was hoping to get a glimpse of cock head Kochy but also no show.


  20. The Legend 101 says:

    After the oprah concert at the opera house in sydney all the audiance where already selling the Oprah Neclaces that she gave them on Ebay for as low as $4.00 the neclace is fancy and golden (Worth $400). I can’t believe it what bad fans LOL.


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