Glen Jakovich is threatening to sue Adrian Barich because Barra makes Glen the butt of all his jokes. Glen contacted The Worst of Perth to vent his frustration. It’s a little hard to believe Barra was an Eagle I have to admit. The Perth Now original which sparked Glen’s call to us is HERE.
Barra quote: When Glen Jakovich sits around the house, he sits AROUND the house.
Jakovich: See this is exactly what I’m talking about. Is he’s saying I’m fat? Is he? because I don’t understand what he means here. The cunt is fatter than anyone! My kids are coming home from school saying “Dad, people say you sit AROUND the house” and I’m like, what the fuck? Is he saying I’m fat, or lazy, or I’ve got a house up my arse? What is it? What’s he saying? I’m supposed to have a house up my arse right?
Barra quote: Glen Jakovich is like a fine French Impressionist painting. He’s very lovely, but is best appreciated at a distance.
Jakovich: Look at this! For fuck sake! I’m a painting now? it just doesn’t make sense. Anyone can see I’m a human not a painting. A painting has got a frame and shit around it. I’m totally bewildered by this one. His audience should be suing him, not me. I can’t believe he gets $2000 per gig for this shit. How can I possibly be a painting? Physically not possible. Aren’t there laws of physics?
Barra quote: I used to not get on with Glen Jakovich, but over the last few months I’ve developed quite an attachment for him. It goes over his head and a strap comes down under his chin to keep his mouth shut!
Jakovich: I’m totally not getting this. He’s never come to me with any kind of attachment. It’s total lie. Show me this attachment Barra. As god is my witness, I have never worn any kind of attachment like this. Why would I?
Barra: Q. What’s the definition of mixed emotions? A. When you see Glen Jakovich backing off a cliff in your new car.
Jakovich: I can sue for this shit right? I don’t want my kids growing up thinking I’m a bad reverser. Why would I even be in the cunt’s car? Makes no sense.Give me the fucken keys and I’ll make sure you sit AROUND the car Barich.
Barra quote: Did you hear about how Woosha wanted to be buried at sea when he dies? Glen Jakovich almost drowned digging his grave.
Jakovich: This I just don’t get. Totally didn’t happen. Why would I be digging Woosha’s grave before he’s even dead? I would be honoured to dig that sea grave, but I’ll wait until I’m asked.
————————————————————-
Glen was last spotted fitting a screen door to a submarine.
The Worst of Perth 
Lordy TLA – I’m meant to be working today, but am now giggling uncontrollably while I type. Thanks for the welcome distraction.
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What would Mainy make of all this?
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I hope these gags are copyright TLA – Paul McDermott might nick them for his preamble
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Bob Hope’s dead now right?
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has Glen not tried the withering putdown:
‘that’s rather weak, I expected better from you.’
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I prefer “I know you are, what am I?”
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or, my daughter’s favourite ‘that’s what she said’.
after the twentieth iteration infanticide looks appealing.
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Magnificent.
Deserves to be xtranormaled.
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Wow! Front page news, hey!
Only in Perth.
Obviously, I don’t read Teh Sunday Slimes.
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Teh Sunday Times is only published to make people who work at Teh Worst feel better about themselves.
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All of this simply justifies my not reading newspapers nor watching ‘sport’.
“No, ball”s anyone?
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No this is one of the few times when you should.
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I particularly like when Glen suggests he is doing it to ‘protect the brand’
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Outrage may correct me, but I think Paul Lampathakis was the journo whose work sparked the Sunday Times raid, which in turn set off the immortal quote “It’s a fucking outrage.”
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No correction required.
A butterfly wings its flaps in China and…
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From Barra: For a short while in the 90s Glen and I were sharing a flat in Subi. One night, I saw Glen on his hands and knees, in the loungeroom, looking for something. I said, “What are you doing Glen?” He said, “I lost my keys outside.” I asked him, “If you lost them outside, why are you looking in here?”
“Because it’s too dark outside.”
True story.
Thanks Barra.
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I’m sure thats not what he said when he saw him on his hands and knees…
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“Jacko” denies being ghost written by Deparment of Fisheries journalists.
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Have I missed something? Should I care? I mean, I’ve been living in Perth for 29 years, and I really need to ask… who are these guys? I mean, who the fuck are they? Should they maybe be suing me for not knowing who they are? Are they that important? I don’t read the Sunday Times, I’m sorry. The only time that I might glance at it are when I need to check how soiled the pages are so that I can establish whether I’ve successfully managed to wipe my butt clean.
OMG… I’ve been cleaning my butt with Glen Jakovich and Adrian Barich for God-know-how-long and I don’t know who they are. These men’s images have become privy to my most base fundament, and I have been so selfish as to not avail myself of their particulars. I guess I’m just a piece of shit. Sorry.
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And quite possibly cleaning your but with XXXX XXXXXX too, I dare say. I hope you’re not shoving too much – The Slimes is after all printed on the cheapest paper possible.
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Butt-for wiping with the cheapest paper possible, my haemorrhoids would not be bloodied and septic. I wonder if I may at all have cause to sue News Ltd for breaching their duty of care towards butt-wipers like me, by providing only the roughest, dirtiest, most low quality material possible (nb: please read material however the f*** you want. It could apply to journalism as well as to paper. And of course, in this case, I am referring to the grade of paper that News Ltd has been supplying me with for keeping my nipsy all pink, clean, and polished).
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Bree Maddox?
Can you wipe AND shove at the same time?
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I see. I’ve gotten it wrong, all along. There really was never any point in switching to “The Economist”. I can just stick to the Sunday Times and save myself all that extra dough. It’s all about the wiping, not the type of paper you use.
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TWOP exclusive, an interview with Jacko continued :
Jacko : “an the little kiddies laughin that’s what gets me. At my son’s school on famous person dress up day one kiddie went as ‘Itler an one as me. The one dressed as me followed ‘Itler around sayin that the German people were as dumb as Jacko. Now I’m goin to see the Fartin Menace from Labia Legal about all this , an get Lorraine to channel what Mainy would say. He’ll probably say sought it out mana a mana. But with me adenoidal fatigue one side swipe of the bonce an I’m a little petal. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m havin quantity time with me daughter. “Little Princess” is on TV.”
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Quantity time. Nice.
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I use to read the paper but i stopped.
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There’s hope for you yet :)
Better quality reading can be had in the Sorbent, Quilton or Kleenex.
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Thanking You,
For sharing informative news about the painting, that will given a new looking our home and company.
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Totally.
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can i quote you?
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I see one of your testimonials is from a Morley weirdo…
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Young Dumb and full of High Wycombe
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That’s one quote I would probably paraphrase.
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Oh, seeing this in the comment thread, I didn’t realise what post it was. Must be one of my best. “Im supposed to have a car up my arse right?”
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Anal, anal, anal.
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