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Sexy Salmon, what have you done?

May 11, 2010 12:01 am

Bag O Turnips, took the photo made with the commentary and even sourced a musical quote.  Hooooeee that’s diligent worsting. So, over to you Bag O’…

Sexy everywhere
Sexy up the river, where it flows among green aits and meadows
Sexy down the river, where rolls defiled among the tears of shipping and the waterside pollutions of a great and clean city
Sex in the featureless, genderless, self-frosting glass toilet doors
Sexy in the humble ground-floor keycutter’s cubicle
Sexy in PowerPoint presentation and the workflow chart and the mission statement
Sexy in the opinion and truthSexy in everything, but sex.  DC Root, from the promotional trailer to the ROOT! album, Surface Paradise.

When I was out on the weekend, I noticed this fishmonger’s van parked near the UWA boatshed carpark, selling “SEXY SALMON FILLETS”. And it got me thinking, “geez, even a weekend fishmonger flogging fillets of fish—anyone more salt of the earth and old school, one would presume—has resorted to sex to sell fuckin’ fish. Well, I s’pose if the smell of raw salmon reminds one of the pudenda, then so be it!Thanks Bag O.

Sexy

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Posted by AHC McDonald

Categories: worst advertising

Tags: ,

71 Responses to “Sexy Salmon, what have you done?”

  1. I only eat sexy seafood. Never again will I buy non-sexy seafood.
    mmm… check out the tits on that lobster. So attractive.

    Coles & Woolies can go to hell. I now buy direct from this monger.

    Like

    By Hugh Jass on May 11, 2010 at 12:51 am

    1. pardon the pun, but I just realised I could have some fun with my avatar.

      I wonder if the sexy salmon comes with a serving of greens?

      Like

      By Hugh Jass on May 11, 2010 at 12:51 am

      1. Kebab Buurger anyone?

        Like

        By WAtching on May 11, 2010 at 8:04 am

        1. Not without my baby fish cakes!

          Like

          By Bag O'Turnips on May 11, 2010 at 8:58 am

      2. Suck on a slender, sleek sea cucumber, anyone?

        Like

        By Bag O'Turnips on May 11, 2010 at 8:55 am

      3. With 10cc of Hollandaise sauce!

        Like

        By Onanist on May 11, 2010 at 9:21 am

        1. what, no jets of vinegar?

          Like

          By Jaidyn-Jaxxon on May 11, 2010 at 10:18 am

          1. Just lumpy splatters of Miracle Whip will do.

            Like

            By Bag O'Turnips on May 11, 2010 at 12:38 pm

  2. You run this and not the crab signage from the Guildford ‘monger?

    For shame.

    Like

    By David Cohen on May 11, 2010 at 8:03 am

    1. You should have put more work in. Where was your song quote?

      Like

      By The Lazy Aussie on May 11, 2010 at 8:27 am

    2. This salmon is not only terrifically sexy, it also does not have crabs.

      Like

      By Bag O'Turnips on May 11, 2010 at 9:01 am

      1. But has it been boned?

        Like

        By Shreiking Wombat on May 11, 2010 at 9:03 am

        1. TLA can we do nothing to scale back these puns? Really piscing me off

          Like

          By Jaidyn-Jaxxon on May 11, 2010 at 9:19 am

          1. I sea. You’re suggesting they serve no porpoise?

            Like

            By Shreiking Wombat on May 11, 2010 at 9:34 am

            1. We just can’t hallibut!

              Like

              By Bag O'Turnips on May 11, 2010 at 9:46 am

            2. Quite attention catching, but no need to carp on about it. No customers though, the monger must be waiting for the sign to work with baited breath. He octopus a bit more effort in.

              Like

              By I Clavdivs on May 11, 2010 at 9:49 am

              1. Fed up to the gills with these scaly puns, will salmon put a stop to it!

                Like

                By Onanist on May 11, 2010 at 10:08 am

                1. Just think, this huge collection of atrocious puns and the State Library has to just fillet away for future reference..

                  Like

                  By Jaidyn-Jaxxon on May 11, 2010 at 10:17 am

                  1. On Microfiche.

                    Like

                    By Snuff on May 11, 2010 at 12:03 pm

                    1. Really? For caching the … net?

                      Like

                      By Jaidyn-Jaxxon on May 11, 2010 at 12:08 pm

              2. Perhaps he should wear some fishnets.

                Like

                By Shreiking Wombat on May 11, 2010 at 10:15 am

                1. Oh, don’t tell me you’re already fin-ished! Or is it that you just can’t hake the plaice?

                  Like

                  By Jaidyn-Jaxxon on May 11, 2010 at 10:24 am

                  1. Are you trying to bait me? You sound like you have a chip on your shoulder.

                    Like

                    By Shreiking Wombat on May 11, 2010 at 10:46 am

                    1. Urgh that was a real lemon

                      Like

                      By Jaidyn-Jaxxon on May 11, 2010 at 10:56 am

                    2. I was just clown-fishing about.

                      Like

                      By Shreiking Wombat on May 11, 2010 at 11:35 am

                    3. well then, credit where it’s dhu.

                      Like

                      By Jaidyn-Jaxxon on May 11, 2010 at 12:01 pm

                    4. where’s my squid pro quo, perch-ance this sexy fish?

                      Like

                      By Bag O'Turnips on May 11, 2010 at 12:20 pm

                2. And some killer éels.
                  Along with a leatherjacket ala The Firm

                  Like

                  By I Clavdivs on May 11, 2010 at 10:31 am

                  1. You are all so good at whiting puns.

                    I wish i could do it too.

                    Like

                    By Tiang on May 11, 2010 at 11:20 am

                    1. I’m herring you, mullet over there is a ray of hope, fish are a rich source of omega 3 puns.

                      Like

                      By I Clavdivs on May 11, 2010 at 11:30 am

                    2. I shall not pickle your oponions.

                      Like

                      By Bag O'Turnips on May 11, 2010 at 12:30 pm

                    3. Whale, batter sea if we can scale them back then

                      Like

                      By Hutch on May 11, 2010 at 1:50 pm

                    4. Duck yeah.

                      Like

                      By Shreiking Wombat on May 11, 2010 at 2:37 pm

                  2. Let me just stick my oar in, and advise you that you’re all a mob of punts.

                    Like

                    By Shreiking Wombat on May 11, 2010 at 2:28 pm

                    1. Stick it in again you mean – you’re hooked on this aren’t you

                      Like

                      By Jaidyn-Jaxxon on May 11, 2010 at 2:35 pm

                    2. Talk like that will result in a salt and battery with a swift nemo to the cobblers.

                      Like

                      By I Clavdivs on May 11, 2010 at 3:48 pm

    3. DFOC, would you smoke a Sexy Salmon Fillet, or would you put it up the nose?

      Like

      By Cookster on May 11, 2010 at 10:28 am

      1. You would definitely put it up your bum and wait for it to dissolve.

        Like

        By Ljuke on May 11, 2010 at 11:03 am

      2. Eyedrops – straight to the optic nerve and – way hey!

        Like

        By David Cohen on May 11, 2010 at 2:33 pm

  3. What on earth is this new background TLA?

    Wembley-ware?

    Like

    By WAtching on May 11, 2010 at 8:13 am

    1. i do believe my mother had the wembley ware fish dish which can just be seen to the right of screen.

      themed background aussie? good work.

      Like

      By vegan on May 11, 2010 at 8:40 am

      1. Ceramic fishy
        Found in antiquarium
        Wembley-Ware species

        Like

        By Bag O'Turnips on May 11, 2010 at 12:34 pm

  4. Cooler on the blink
    Wafting diesel masks warm fish
    Sexy pudenda

    Like

    By Jaidyn-Jaxxon on May 11, 2010 at 9:29 am

  5. Love it; absolutely love it; especially after some silly tweeter got boned for suggesting that an underage but precocious ‘celebrity’ might get laid after the Logies.
    Sexy fish fillets feeds my social cynicism perfectly, with or without Hollandaise sauce.

    Themed background is perfect. Well done that man.

    Like

    By rolly on May 11, 2010 at 9:58 am

    1. Myteenageninjacockle, fresh from the UWA boatshed next door.

      Truly deadly seafood.

      Like

      By Bag O'Turnips on May 11, 2010 at 12:24 pm

      1. For the win!!!

        Like

        By orbea on May 11, 2010 at 2:54 pm

  6. Sexy salmon, the whiff of the sea. I would have thought this was ripe for a bit of Wintoning.

    Like

    By Shreiking Wombat on May 11, 2010 at 2:39 pm

    1. Connecting the words “sexy” and “Winton” results in a complete mental non plus ultra for me.

      Like

      By Natalia Fan #1 on May 11, 2010 at 3:18 pm

      1. And you might come up with Newton Faulkner, ugliest musician goin around.

        Like

        By The Lazy Aussie on May 11, 2010 at 3:35 pm

        1. oh good god. I had managed to forget

          Like

          By Jaidyn-Jaxxon on May 11, 2010 at 3:47 pm

    2. ‘Bugger!’ Jaidyn sagged in his chair. It was the drinking, he reckoned – hardly excessive, but still. It’d blunted his game; left him open. Prime opportunities cropping up like South Freo warehouses, and all he’d come out with was a shitty Darch duplex of puns. Unforgivable. He clenched his fist around his pen. The shame came biting back, its warm tang recumbent against the back of his mouth, the memories washing in like day-old dhuhy fillets in the drip-basket. His first time dumped in the surf, bloody lips pursed with squinting embarrassment in the penetrating sunlight. Little Becky Gibbons, pointing at his fat belly, leading the chorus of mockery. When would it ever end? He couldn’t say – his entire existence, an aqueous cycle, heartbreak spattered like ocean spume across the pages. Phwoar, that was deep, deeper than that mussel trough down near Fitzy’s shed. Those had been the days, he thought…

      Like

      By Jaidyn-Jaxxon on May 11, 2010 at 3:47 pm

      1. I bow to the master once again. Made my day – cheers!

        Like

        By Natalia Fan #1 on May 11, 2010 at 3:51 pm

        1. No worries

          Like

          By Jaidyn-Jaxxon on May 11, 2010 at 3:55 pm

        2. Wintastic, winumental, winderous winstiche..

          Like

          By I Clavdivs on May 11, 2010 at 3:55 pm

  7. There’s a lingerie shop in Lorne Victoria called Fishy Knickers… maybe these Salmon came via the Great Ocean Road.

    Like

    By Cookster on May 11, 2010 at 2:40 pm

    1. That conjures up some very interesting images Cookster. You haven’t been doing Busewells, have you?

      Like

      By Shreiking Wombat on May 11, 2010 at 2:52 pm

      1. In Freo’s fair city,
        where the hippies are clique-ey,
        I first set my eyes on boofish Adele Carles
        She first took her seat in Parlee
        We snogged in a pantry
        Crying Buswell’s cock’n’balls
        Alive alive O

        Alive alive O I’m reaching a big O
        Crying Buswell’s cock’n’balls
        Alive alive O

        She was a left lawyer
        a pleader and borer
        but preaching a tory line was something she’d learned
        She hated the sheep trade
        and lead on the rail trains
        Crying Buswell’s cock’n ball’s alive alive O

        She fucked me in Parlee
        we fucked in Albanee
        she fucked me so hard whenever we could
        we mass debated in Parlee
        we both knew twas screwey
        Crying Francois and Marg’ret
        Goodbye goodbye O

        Crying Greenies and Tories
        goodbye bye Freo.

        Like

        By orbea on May 11, 2010 at 3:11 pm

        1. molto bene orbio

          Like

          By Jaidyn-Jaxxon on May 11, 2010 at 3:15 pm

          1. That’s weird J-J – check out my almost simultaneous post.

            Like

            By Natalia Fan #1 on May 11, 2010 at 3:19 pm

            1. “Miau,” it said. “I’s in ur dreams eatin ur fear, nom nom”

              Like

              By Jaidyn-Jaxxon on May 11, 2010 at 3:25 pm

  8. That guy is clearly in cahoots with the fish guy in Guildford, he too has the Sexy Salmon sales pitch. When will they get the link between “prawn” and “pawn”?

    Like

    By bradc on May 14, 2010 at 3:11 pm

    1. Fresh local pr0ns?

      Like

      By Jaidyn-Jaxxon on May 14, 2010 at 3:18 pm

      1. Fish dinner with relief?

        Like

        By Natalia Fan #1 on May 14, 2010 at 3:29 pm

        1. Haddock with happy endings?

          Like

          By Shreiking Wombat on May 14, 2010 at 3:49 pm

          1. And maybe with some of these.

            Like

            By Natalia Fan #1 on May 14, 2010 at 4:01 pm

            1. … these.

              Like

              By Natalia Fan #1 on May 14, 2010 at 4:02 pm

              1. “Over here, it smells like fish…”

                Like

                By Bag O'Turnips on May 14, 2010 at 11:18 pm

          2. and finally…

            Like

            By Natalia Fan #1 on May 14, 2010 at 4:05 pm

            1. Fish fetish? Fishy knickers? What’s going on in Victoria?

              I’m groping for answers.

              Like

              By Shreiking Wombat on May 15, 2010 at 11:05 am

  9. I made a sexy salmon video!

    Like

    By Anonymous on September 9, 2013 at 12:53 pm

  10. We buy from the sexy salmon fish guy in Guildford. Awesome fish. We don’t go anywhere else.

    Like

    By Brad Suiter on August 4, 2015 at 9:39 am

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