Weekend Worstoff 81

Sorry this post has been a little cunctatious this morning. Melbourne is really making a laughing stock of itself with these world class facility barriers. We’ve already had a world class bucket, someone else (sorry I can’t find your email) sent one of a world class broken button, and now Hokusan sends in a world class crashed taxi that has run over people on the footpath. Hokusan also wants to make sure you see this website, Hot Chicks with Douchebags,  which is fantastic. Also, don’t forget that the Dennis Lillee Queen sized matress is up for grabs. Owner wants to upgrade to a Merv Hughes. Anyone interested and I will pass it on.week81taxiAnd Chris asks why can’t it be Tour OF Perth. Tour De Perth makes us sound like plonkers. Yes it does. Who is going to say Tour DE Perth without some shameful mumbling. Perthaps we can have L ‘Art Gellery De WA as well to add some vibrant ooshta. week81deperthAnd bento saw the most vibrancy deficient house in Perth, where everything even the taps and hose fittings are painted the same drab colour.

Bento Says..Everything on this house is the one colour – chimney, doors, door locks, window boards, window frames, fence…  Even the fucken tap is painted the same colour.  Maybe they painted it with a cropduster. Never before have I gazed on such blandness.  Apparently it is the oldest free-standing house in Mt Lawley.  On Walcott Street, corner Gerald Street. week81whitehouseweek81whitetapAnd a lovely if poorly focused worst from Teh Cookster on Rottnest of what could easily be the worsterest cup ever seen by man or beast. Are those strings dishwasher safe? Or is it a jug? In any case, fucking horrible. Thanks Cookster.week81quokkaWorst well everyone.

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
This entry was posted in weekend worstoff, worst car, worst house, worst objects, worst sign and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

44 Responses to Weekend Worstoff 81

  1. WAtching says:

    Well it’s about time.

    I woke up for my morning worstoff… and nothing.
    All of a sudden… a world class taxi. A five star worst.
    But what pisses me off is that Melbourne has an edgy post-modern approach to worsting while we are still struggling with string legged quokkas.

    Oh, and here’s a little something for Richarbl and Snuff…


    • Richarbl says:

      Don’t you think that was a bit provocative given the circumstances WA?

      This bullshit between myself and snuff goes back a long way and it is time we sorted it one way or another, preferably without your assistance.

      In the meantime I hate the White House, how about you?


      • WAtching says:

        Oh please Richarbl.
        The whole world is not against you.
        Was i not merely re-focussing on the real butt of our mirth?
        Which brings me to my next point- sincerity.
        You are forcing me to speak sincerely, which as i have mentioned before is just unseemly.

        At least Snuff said nothing sincere about it.


    • Snuff says:

      Nice one, WAtching. Unfortunately, yes. They do have to live somewhere, I guess.

      Thanks also to Hokusan for the HCDB site.

      The key to the Dennis The Mattress sale might be marketing, TLA. As pointed at by Councillor Matt Buckels, perhaps.



  2. curious says:

    i think the owners used one of onanist’s blow pens to paint it for sale.

    it’s crap.


  3. phreestyle says:

    I’m trying to work out which is more kitch- the quokka or the tour de perth. The pendulum is swinging towards the t-d-p.


  4. Michael says:

    The best bit about the Tour is that stages one and two each consist of ten ~9km laps of a specific circuit, while ‘The Decider’ is a 5km time trial. So, if you ride in the tour, you see a sum total of 22.3km of Perth roadways. Except that you don’t because it turns out that part of ‘The Decider’ covers the same territory as stage two.

    What a grand tour.


  5. Cookster says:

    Ahem, WAtching… what’s not cutting-fucking-edge about a string-legged Quokka cup?

    I lived in Melbourne for 10 years and I never, NEVER came across anything as close to this cutting edge quokka kitsch in the Swanston St souvenir shops. Even the Vic Markets gave me nothing.

    Crashed taxis? Dime-a-fuckin dozen. However, the ‘world class facilties’ sign is worst of gold. We don’t have much call for those signs in Perth.


  6. shazza says:

    The worst for mine, is the shocking fact that the Lillee mattress hasn’t sold.


  7. Sandy Balls says:

    I’m sure in due course TLA will be commenting on Lord Mayor Scaffolding’s official opening of the Perth Christmas Lights last evening – but I thought I’d get in early for a shot at the symmetrical relationship she has going with the Ch7 weather girl.

    I’m convinced Lisa and Natalia have a lot more going on than sharing the same hair stylist. The bouffants were clearly identical, and that was not for the first time either (evidence the Nothbridge Piazza opening). Keen observers too will have noticed how they stand together – very close and cosy – ooooh yeaah baby…

    Whilst I just compose myself… what was with the two chicks doing Jackson-esque robo-moves in the background? Not exactly ‘Christmasy’. Were the glitterballs on their heads and fluro work vests with huge shoulder pads representative of a futuristic vision for Perth’s parking inspectors?


  8. David Cohen says:

    Why don’t we have a Tour de Rotto?



  9. PR Lab says:

    Worst is the quokka cup. Just. Beats Tour De Perth by a wheel rim.


  10. Jen says:

    If spending a year at uni learning french has taught me anything its that the art gallery would actually be called Gallerie d’Art de WA, thank you very much!


  11. WAtching says:

    TLA: Fuck the Brisbane.
    Can we not get the Civic Theatre Restaurant?
    Far more appropriate for a million worsts…

    TLA will be appearing as {your smartarse comment here}

    Shazza as :{you smartarse comment here}

    Bento as: {your smartarse comment here}

    Snuff will be appearing as {your smartarse comment here}

    Richarbl as: {your smartarse comment here}

    Patii Chong as:{your smartarse comment here}


  12. WAtching says:

    If i may get the ball rolling…

    Shazza will be appearing as: {Soccer Mom}


  13. Brad says:

    Re the fugly house on Walcott St – I can confirm that my fiance witnessed it being painted with a spraygun. The most ridiculous thing is what they are asking for it, but then again I hope they get every cent.

    This may or may not have anything to do with the fact our house is also on Walcott Street.


  14. itchii says:

    RE the “White House”, I live in the block of units across the road which could also take a prize for Worst of Perth!

    I’ve no idea who’d want to buy the old house as I’ve been informed that its most likely going to be on the heritage list anyway so it can’t be knocked down. As for its renovation – its an old squat and its reno is only skin deep. The Filthy Gods of Renovation gave the place a facial and moved on…

    Such a shame that it couldn’t have gotten a proper complete restoration.


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