Last stand of the Metrosexual

Here’s a picture that was first offered to The Worst of Perth, then snatched back Indian giver style when the Sunday Times entered a bidding war. I couldn’t compete with the chequebook journalism so had to wait to show it. I’m sure far more constructive criticism will be generated here rather than Teh Times. A metrosexual making his last stand against the Rosemount bouncers? It’s like something from Proust. Maybe even a Fin de siècle?  He may even have smart shoes on. The outcome, (which can be seen here in video) is a blow for all right thinking bumpkosexuals. Thanks Shonquice. Apparently the conversation went,

Metrocentric: Give back my Pahmina you cunt!

Bouncer: Pashminas are for girls. You were warned to stop insouciantly flicking it over your shoulder.

Metrosexual: A pashmina refers to the type of fibre. They can be worn by both sexes. It’s a simple handmade shawl…

Bouncer: Let me just get my colleague so we can discuss this further. He’s a massive pashmina fan.


About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
This entry was posted in Uncategorisable Worsts, worst of perth and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

34 Responses to Last stand of the Metrosexual

  1. rolly says:

    Amateur boxing rules vs. street fighter?

    Lightweight vs. heavyweight?

    No prizes for guessing the outcome.


    • shazza says:

      Lets hope the outcome = bouncer loses his job and gains some assault charges.

      When working at a licensed venue one would think you learn some less brutal means of dealing with the results of too much alcohol consumption.


  2. pete says:

    The next day on Channel Seven news…

    Metrocentric (From his hospital bed): It was completely unprovoked. He just attacked me for no reason. What’s Perth coming to when you can’t go out for a quiet shandy and something to eat without being attacked by thugs.


  3. David Cohen says:

    You couldn’t clinch first publication by offering a set of TWOP T-shirts??


  4. skink says:

    I know two people who have been hospitalised by bouncers in Perth, with neither incident receiving adequate attention by police, so I have a sense of humour failure with this.

    whilst the Police Commissioner can crap on about violence in Northbridge and the need for greater powers and metal detectors, the truth is that the majority of violence in Perth is either started or made worse by door staff. A shaved head and obvious steroid use should discount anyone from holding down such a job.

    But a big hello to the lovely lady who works the door at Helvetica, who is polite and welcoming, and without that sneering sense of petty authority so common with most door bitches. Everything you want from door staff, with no obvious steroid abuse. She would no doubt have no need for violence, and would simply defuse this situation with a charming compliment about the man’s pointy shoes.


  5. NVL_II says:

    Hi Skink, I went through a court case where a patron at the Scotto had his teeth knocked out, and his jaw was broken on a concrete planter box outside. I had seen the victim throughout the night, he was causing no trouble at all. He wasn’t drunk. It was a first-night over-zealous bouncer.

    Anyway, my friends and I appeared as witnesses in a court case against the bouncer. A year and a half later, the bouncer escaped all charges.

    Hence, the media may be more helpful than the police/legal system. All jokes aside, I would prefer to be bringing attention to this issue using the media, than going through another bullshit court case.

    So, yes, it is serious, but it is funny as well. TLA is doing a good thing here.


  6. CB One says:

    Metro? That guy doesn’t look like he knows the difference between a latte and a flat white. Soy or not!

    Has there been a blurring of the lines between metrosexuals and cashed up bogans? I did not receive the tweet!!!


  7. skink says:

    yes, I agree this is something that needs to be brought into greater public scrutiny.

    as to teh two incidents I know:

    one guy stepped in to break up a fight in a car park involving a friend. Bouncers from a nearby club also stepped in, king hit him from behind and put him a a neck brace for three months.

    In the other incident bouncers ejected a drunk friend from a club, and when he gave them some verbals they took him into the carpark and gave him a kicking and fractured his eye socket.

    In both instances there was police involvement and witnesses, but since the only witnesses who weren’t drunk were other bouncers, who labelled the victims as drunk and abusive, no charges were ever laid in either case.

    I may well be coming to the Brisbane, but a date and time has yet to be announced. I will be bringing richarbl as my bodyguard, what with his kung fu rugby league skills and all.

    I will be wearing pointy shoes and too much hair product, and any bouncer that doesn’t like it can kiss my chongs.


    • Paracleet says:

      I see your too much hair product and raise you excessively large, bordering on a fire risk, amounts of hair product.

      I see your pointly shoes and raise you a tight shiny lavender silk shirt.


  8. Onanist says:

    Let me just say, I do not agree with any kind of violence.
    But having said that, let me say this, I just can’t shake the feeling that any man who spends more time getting ready than his girlfriend does, requires a punch.


  9. Michael says:

    Worst for mine is whoever sold out to the Sunday Times.

    As for the content of the picture, I couldn’t care less.


  10. Hugh Jass says:

    Did anyone see Alston’s cartoon in last Saturday’s Worst? It was quite funny. Oh, I didn’t buy the paper either, my over 55 parents did, and then pointed out the cartoon to me.


  11. monkeypants says:

    hey g’day, i only leave town for a few days and i return to find you now have bolt-ons? magnificent ones i might say but slightly shocking to the unprepared:)


  12. monkeypants says:

    well unless you’ve been roiding then i guess they belong to someone of the fairer sex. very tidy – no flannel tshirt but tidy none the less…..


  13. Frank Calabrese says:

    And Rattler is attacking those who oppose the new stop and search laws.

    And he’s a lone voice in the wilderness.


    • skink says:

      are you a chardonnay socialist or a closeted intellectual, Frank?


      • Frank Calabrese says:

        well we don’t make Chardonnay nor have I Been to Uni so I don’t fit into Rattler’s cubicle. To quote Young William:

        Comments thread troublemaker Frank Calabrese has caught the attention of The West Australian’s Inside Cover.

        Which is a badge I wear with honour :-)


  14. Frank Calabrese says:

    just in, 18 Months Jail for refusing a search.

    Sattler will be pleased when little old ladies are sent to Bandyup and share lunch with Catherine Birnie.


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