Apart from a pint of beer that cost $10, there was another worst in Claremont as I waited for my Chinese calligraphy class. This metrocentric bath. Or at least I think it is a bath. So this is how the Claremont crack is cleansed? Amazing. I would love to see the Claremont take on bucket bongs. I believe these are also all the rage in Corrigin. 
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The Worst of Perth 
For some reason this didn’t publish last night. It is an extraordinary glimpse into the world of the Claremontonian.
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Mr Shazza and I were in this very store but a few weeks ago. I boggled at the design also. Most uncomfortable I suspect.
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we too visited that shop when renovating
there was a bath carved from a solid block of marble.
I asked the price, and when told I reflexively yelled “get the fuck outta here”, Eddie Murphy-style.
even a soap dish was more than a hundred bucks.
this bath appears to have no taps, nor a plug hole.
that’s the problem with wank design, they forget the basics.
where would you put the soap? don’t answer that.
I can picture my kids treating this object as an indoor wet and wild skateboard ramp, with most of the water ending up on the floor
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the tap is clearly visible to the right, as a separate item. i believe the holes across the bottom are for drainage.
i like it, although i can imagine a claremontonian reclining in it whilst reading tim winton…
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I’d like it if it was something other than a bath. As a bath it looks useless. As a cow feeding trough it might be ok
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oh i just want to look at it!
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i will confess to being a design wankeur on occasion.
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I did not spot the tap.
it’s in an odd position, close to where the occupant’s head might be.
are you sure it’s not some sort of chardonnay feeding tube?
how does one was one’s hair?
if you slide forward to duck your head under water, then your arse would be so exposed you’d be expecting a prostate exam.
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I’m sure I don’t have to describe the possibilities that could create.
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it apears to have some sort of kitty litter in the bottom
do Claremont people shit in the bath?
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They are pebbles skink. Mini shazza was continually berated for playing with them.
As someone who has a bath, installed by the previous wanker owner, that would be at home in this shop, I assure readers they are fucking impossible to lie back and relax in.
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I could see you cold get your crack clean, but feet and rack would be left high and dry.
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The rack would probably float on the surface, giving them a false pertness, but your’e spot on about the tootsies.
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one would imagine of course that the bath is sold with some of this:
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What sort of cunt uses that stuff?
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Only those with plaque between their teeth. I believe we saw a sculpture of one a week or two ago.
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hey nice tee :)
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This is why you will never be a pencil-sucking gerbalist.
You hint around the story, trying to be arty and evocative, instead of telling us the facts, like:
Which store?
How much?
Who charged $10 for a beer?
Where are the calligraphy classes and how much do they cost?
God is in the details.
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Shop. Cant remember. On Stirling Hwy near Bay View. Didn’t have price tag viewable from window. I’d guess expensive. Why are you going to run a Post Story. “Decadent bath riles “real Aussies.”?
The pub at the other end of Bay View chargen $10.
Calligraphy, UWA extension via Confucius Institute. $199 including materials. Held at Lovely old building that used to be part of Edith Cowan. Also houses Taylor College.
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Surely the real story is eastern suburbs yokels are allowed to drink and paint in our leafy civilised bathing suburbs?
Did you have to get a visa on your driver’s license when you emerged from Polly’s Pipe?
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Claremont was as dead as a nun’s nightie.
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Not even Captain Claremont around to enforce FOWF and make sure you left town?
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I thought you were joking about the calligraphy class – that really does make you seem like a metrocentric twat of the first order.
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Why so?
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lookout its a newb.. I was thinking along the same lines as margeryx.. ya cant go on a spiel about the pretension of Claremont and then hint at your cultural superiority to everyone else through an advertisement of your interest in Chinese calligraphy. If only I could be as refined as you. I’d probably write ‘you’ instead of ‘ya’ for starters and use proper grammar instead of ellipsis…
Is this blog some info-age attempt at an Ern Malley type literary hoax? I can’t find anything about said Perth comedian ‘Andrew Mcdonald’ anywhere. Yes I took the Fakes, Frauds and Fictions unit at Curtin in case you were wondering.
Finally, why the fuck are you trying to flog ‘worst in Perth’ t shirts through this site? The policy clearly says this site has no commercial interests.
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Hear hear pangy: you’ll note he talks his Clare connections up – but doesn’t admit he lives about 25 suburbs east of Mount Lawley!
I reckon he is as refined as white sugar.
And I agree re the T-shirts: he should be like the ABC and have to not sell anything and instead bleed us hardworking taxpayers white.
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I second DFOC’s assessment – Pangy is bang on the money. It is essential these matters are addressed immediately, if this blog and TLA are to retain any credibility.
1. All hobbies, cultural activities, and interests must immediately be abandoned by TLA. It is hypocritical to lampoon pretension, and then go and read books yourself.
2. Immediate action to be taken by TLA to obtain Certified Practicing Comedian endorsement. Additional actions to increase Google ranking advised, also.
3. TLA to address obvious hypocrisy in commercial activities. This must inevitably involve resigning from any paid employment (however paltry the remuneration) and burning all merchandise.
I look forward to the new look TWOP – it sounds like it will be scintillating stuff.
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Every now and then, a comment left by one of you guys makes me lose my shit while I sit at my desk, attracting stares from everyone in the office. Today, “It is hypocritical to lampoon pretension, and then go and read books yourself” has done it.
Champagne commenting.
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Jeez, I’m invisible t Woogle search, but Perth’s worst anal comes straight here. What a world.
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Could you add some smiley faces and LOL’s next time if you are trying to be funny pangy?
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lol free zone here shazz.
if people can’t communicate humour through words without emoticons and lols then they can fuck off.
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So you get my drift curious.
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indeed i do young shazz.
i am committed to a life of lol eradication.
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Aahh young shazza, I woz once….
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hungry jacks, coca cola, mcdonalds, nike, wesfarmers. worst in perth t shirts. lol. rofl. :) >.<
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now what is funny is that even with lol and rofl, it’s still not funny.
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I’ve never typed L followed by O followed by L. Strange, as I’m completely teh compliant.
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Hey big news on the shirt front TLA. The ‘Perth, Bunbury of the North’ copped a mention on 720 radio and hour or so ago!!
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Really? By someone I’ve slagged off? Too early for Russell.
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Mid-afternoon 720. Must be one of the interchangeable Western suburbs hens the ABC employs to talk endlessly about mental health issues.
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Ahh, Bearnadette Young – the ex Yoof” presenter from Triple J.
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It was with Geoff Hutchinson. They were talking future Perth stuff, and Bunbury was mentioned. Then the guest (I think) made reference to the fact there was “..a t-shirt getting around that says welcome to Peth, Bunbury of the North”. To which they chuckled.
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Peth being the new Perth of course.
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ouch. that one killed em at the ‘why capitalism is to blame’ meeting I went to though. it’s hard to make a socialist laugh too.
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tell me something funny and i’ll laugh.
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Vibe on dued. I too am a new undercover lurker to the Vibraphone. Perhaps we can work thru this matter together. It all doesn’t make much grammatical sneese to me at the moment, but once a few of the LOLI have been arrested and the clear up rate improves ( and hence vibrancy) everything will be better. I think you may be able to find “Andrew McDonald” on Poogle.
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You know how to poogle, don’t you, Steve ?
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Next person who tries to charge me $10 for a pint of local beer, I’m glassing the cunt.
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Be careful NVLII, the hotel may try and sue you for interfering with the safety and enjoyment of other patrons, loss of reputation and costs associated with investigating the matter.
http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,25197,26293211-12377,00.html
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I bought a pint at the Brisbane and it was $9.90, which prompted a discussion as to whether they had made a conscious decision not to break through the ten buck wanker threshold.
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Any pub that returns your change on a little plate automatically qualifies for wanker status, regardless of pint pricing structure.
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yes, i much prefer my change being returned on a large plate.
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there is indeed nothing quite so pathetic as a little plate with a 10c coin on it.
I told the waitress to keep it and buy herself something nice. It was hardly worth her walk.
for two hours on the weekend, before the Glory play, The Brisbane casts aside its wanker status and embraces bilious oaf status.
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it’s a big decision skink. to wank or not to wank, that is the question.
This one is for Onanist too:
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/wanking_disasters/
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Love your work mp.
(can you believe, I have never been busted mid bishop bash?)
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that’s the sign of a true professional:)
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Was at the Windsor the other day (it’s near my work) and some poor bastard was charged $10.30 for a pint.
Not only have they broken the ten dollar threshold but you have to add at least two coins to the mix or get handed a pile of change.
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I’d definately slip some asian coinage or a canadian moosehead or perhaps, pay entirely in small change.
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hey g’day, not feeling the ooshta this afternoon?
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Not until you find me that T-shirt.
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leave it with me:)
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right, try this on for size:
[IMG]http://i966.photobucket.com/albums/ae150/munkipants/ooshtate1-1.jpg[/IMG]
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ok that didn’t work. try this one:
ooshta te tshirt
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Ooshtate of excitement, mp.
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love it, livin’ it! will make new one tomorrow. supposed to be working :)
not feeling the gods of self discipline hanging around tonite unfortunately.
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here you go. check this out for size:
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aaah fuck it. try again:
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Thanks, mp. As usual your commitment to worst goes above and beyond.
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I always thought that “State of Excrement” was more fitting.
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i’m sure you would have little trouble gathering an enthusiastic group to support your sentiment rolly:)
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I don’t know MP. I susscribe to the Love it or Leave it school of thought. If Rolly hates WA so much he should FIFO.
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Subscribe.
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very noice shazza!
i think he was half joking too!
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There was also a no cameras sign. Apparently serial killers claimed it was a breach of privacy.
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My boss lives on Victoria Avenue in Claremont and his family bathes in this manner:
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Speaking of which, who has read this?
WORD OF WARNING: the above story is not for the faint of heart. Since reading it, I feel as if my brain has been irrevocably changed. Once you have read that story, you cannot unread it. In fact, if you haven’t read it, I strongly suggest you don’t.
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What’s going on? Eh? Eh?
Ljuke with TLAs avatar !!!!!!
Has the comedian been teasing us with an alter ego all this time???????
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No. If I was to have an alter ego, I would drop in random comments on old posts suggesting get a life, to rack up some more hits. Office computers shared by several people is the answer, along with gravatar unreliability.
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…or am I?
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I read it. I couldn’t hold my breath for that long! Had to scoll to the end once I hit about the half way mark.
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In case that was a real question and not just a lure: me. It was in his novel Haunted. Not one of his best but it sure had its moments, of which that was one.
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He’s pretty hit and miss. Whenever I mention that story to people who have read it, they get a look of extreme pain and fatigue on their faces.
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Maybe this idea will sto $10 beers.
http://www.news.com.au/perthnow/story/0,21598,26296984-5005369,00.html
When Northbridge has a throbbing microbrewery scene, beer will go up to $21 a pint, with VBT (Vibrant Beer Tax).
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OT: ooshta tax
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it would be improved if the lower area housed a few gold fish or a couple of pet pythons instead.
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Vibrant Access Grants are also in place in these breweries, to allow those from underprivelleged suburbs the chance to experience the throb.
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All this talk of ten-dollar thresholds makes me feel a lot better about being charged 21 dollars for three pints, at the Wembley Downs Golf Complex.
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