I wanted to put up Shazza’s other offering today, but I couldn’t take the community backlash. Let’s take one step back all the way to a different state. Queensland. They don’t have bumpkins there do they? Nice one from Monkeypants. Not much need for explanation. It should appeal to Country and city juvenile humour.
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That’s more like it, TLA. Pity he had to include the W.
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I like to think this wher they retired Herbie to stud.
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As indeed they did, CB.
WARNING : Only just SFW
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I actually just turned 20% more gay
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nope, no bumpkins here. Anyone for a pumpkin scone?
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Please explain.
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Do you remember Jo and Flo Bjelke Peterson – they still live on in the hearts and spirit and attitudes of many queenslanders shazza. At the risk of starting another us and them, they were yokels to the core. Came from peanut farm country (Kingaroy) and was the National Party Premier.
Jo, famous for his saying ‘Now don’t you worry about that!’ opposed the establishment of an Independent Commission Against Corruption in Queensland, because, obviously, he was corrupt.
Flo, his Mrs was renown for her pumpkin scone recipe.
She used to feature in Womans Day quite a lot i recall from my childhood.
Queensland is absolutely identical to WA in it’s redneckness, but the point of difference is that Brisneyland now has so many southerners living here, it has been forced to grow up into a real city. By default and often screaming all the way. It hasn’t happened over night but it has happened.
And they have one spot that is a feral free zone. Noosa. Can’t think of any back home, but let me know if that has changed. Maybe the Venetian Canals of Mandurah?
So yes, tongue out of cheek there are most definitely bumpkins, but they live on the land and in the outer suburbs. It’s a strange place but has a certain appeal noone can put their finger on.
Hope that makes sense.
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Monkeypants I absolutely remember Jo and Flo. I was taking the piss out of Pauline Hanson as another country Queenslander.
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sorry shazza, of course. forgive my ignorance.
pauline. outer suburbs brisbanite. not even real country. see what i mean?
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Joh on the media: “The greatest thing that could happen to the state and nation is when we get rid of all the media… then we could live in peace and tranquility and no one would know anything.”
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In the only defense I will ever have of the B-P’s, her fatty sugary pumpkin scone recipe does rock if you have a vegetable-phobic kid to whom to attempt to feed something more vegetabley than corn chips.
http://www.abc.net.au/queensland/stories/s1143809.htm
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poor lisa, having a youngest child who believes vegetables have deadly and evil superpowers, i thank you for this excellent idea.i have never attempted the pumpkin scone but will go the distance this weekend.
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Go for it monkeypants. If I can make it edible (indeed desirable) it must be a good recipe.
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A yummy mummy who can cook. No wonder the guys are going nuts monkeypants.
Meanwhile I appear to be relegated to playing Alexis to your Krystal
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That didn’t come out right. Sorry mp.
I was alluding to the attacks on the Inseminators 09 thread aka the country thread.
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oh and the graffiti debarcle thingo.
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Hey Shazza, those boys only want me because i wear “sex panther” and have a vocabulary like a truck driver:) i mean to say, what more could a man look for in a woman?
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A knowledge of the later villanelles of Passerat??
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DFOC, my latest readings(interpret that as a google search) show that Jean Passerat’s “Villanelle” (“J’ay
perdu ma Tourterelle”), is the one and only Renaissance example of the nineteen-line alternating-refrain form now called the villanelle. So whilst i do beaver away on J’ay perdu ma tourterelle” i find no example of any later works per se. have i been blind? Have i been lost?
Click to access FirstVillanelle.pdf
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Swoon!
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I think you should be concentrating your studies on Roger’s Profanisaurus
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Skink, i just need to tell you, “You’re so wise. You’re like a miniature Buddha, covered in hair.”
That is a wonderful gift thank you!
And by the way, ” I wanna say something. I’m gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don’t, send it right back. I want to be on you. ”
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0357413/quotes
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Well skunk?
You don’t have your friend TLA around to defend you this weekend so you don’t seem so keen to be a fucking smartarse as usual.
The way I see things is obvious…..the choice is yours
1. You and I simply leave each other alone.
2. We keep giving each other shit until the animosity becomes beyond a joke, cunt.
3. The moderator on this site calls time out.
4. We take your bullshit down to the gym where I practice kick boxing and I can use my frustration and rugby league skills to remove parts of your face. I don’t recommend you choose option 4.
Of course these are limited options but as you are a bright lad I feel sure you can come up with more options
to help calm our path.
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well 2 is ok if it amusing to other players. Straight out name calling isn’t usually in that category though, in which case 1 would be better. 4 also sounds fine, although such challenges similar to “I debate you long time with balls”, tend unfortunately not to end up happening.
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Oh yeah. I’m back. Go away for a few days and it turns into Lord of The fucking Flies. Or do I mean Rings. No wait, Dance.
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Call it what you like TLA but just keep your trained monkey away from me
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huh?
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Looks like someone got a little pishy on Grand Final day.
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I really have no idea what richarbl is going on about. I have not said anything derogatory about him all week.
preferred wordplay on my username are ‘skank’ or stink
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rugby league is a game for girls
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refer post below, 25.9.9 1.56pm. i think that was when he started getting cranky.
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that was not an insult. I actually took his advice and declined from being a snarky smartarse with shazz.
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Smartarse is fine. just name calling sans amusing smartarsery is not.
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Mmm that might mean my ode to Jesper was borderline LA. Apologies for the svenkage.
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richarbl you’re being a bit mimi.
Skink was TRYING to offend Eoin Cameron, and all victims of sexual abuse.
Skink you might need to target your offensive messages a bit better next time.
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i am an equal opportunities offender
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I keep coming back to this quote thinking how lucky we are that we live in a country where this will never be accepted behaviour on any grand scale. Thanks for posting it DFOC.
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Great. Now poor Mike’s business is going to get tagged. I hope you’re happy, monkeypants.
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always happy bento, always happy. ever seen a sad monkey? i think not.
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Mr Hunt deploys the apostrophe on his signage, but it’s a different story on his website.
Is his name Mike Hunt, or Mike Hunts?
‘With up to 170 cars in stock we are sure you can find the car you want in either of our two yards, we have sports & performance, family sedans & wagons, 4×4’s & commercials.’
I’m enjoying the vibrant yellow of the Mike Hunt world.
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I think if Mike ever had a sale it’d have to be tagged as “Mike Hunt is itching to clear the lot…’
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I wonder if he had an “Opening” sale.
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Grand opening!
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Get into Mike Hunt’s Whole…
…sale cars.
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I shudder to think what happens when his business ceases to trade…
‘Mike Hunt – Closed for business…’
Hmm the brothels will start a booming trade!
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I cant get this out of my head! It’s obviously tickled my fancy, yes that is all Mike Hunt has tickled..
Imagine:
a) being his daughter – ‘my dad owns Mike Hunt’
b) working for him – ‘Mike Hunt is my boss, or my boss is Mike Hunt’
c) marrying him – ‘Im marrying/Im married to Mike Hunt’
d) being his mum – ‘This is my son, Mike Hunt’
its almost infinite & I love it
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Or if he was redecorating – Mike Hunt’s got the painters in.
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Go Cassie!
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I see you are revelling in the joys of smartarsery, and gratuitous use of the word ‘cunt’. I suspect you will be very happy here.
I look forward to having someone other than Rolly to go to with all my regional queries.
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mike hunt – open for business since 1996.
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Yes it’s delicious! (not Mike Hunt – well maybe he is…)
Im defo a fan, thank you worst Perthites I am now searching for my soul mate, he must be named Mike Hunt =)
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Delighted that you stuck around Cassie.
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For Cassie and others that share my puerile sense of humour, the family name and its associates is a rich seam: Eric Hunt, Mike Lit, Mike Hunt-Hertz, Mike Rotch-Smelz etc.
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I know an ‘I M Short’, he is surprisingly tall however so I’m most dissapointed..
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regularly spending many wasteful hours on purile pursuits, i’d simply like to say:
your rich seam is a beautiful thing onanist:)
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Thank you, coming from an accomplished cuntophile, that is high praise indeed!
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onanist, you’ve made an old cougar happy.
being called a “cuntophile” has bought a whole new meaning to my life and if i died in my sleep tonite it would be with a big happy grin on my face and a happy space in my tiny little monkey heart. thankyou:)
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“He spilt his seed upon the ground “
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do i smell a delicate trace of sarcasm in the air?
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Absolutely not.
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Does he do cars on la-bi[a]? Hope he doesn’t go into liquidation – imagine, Mike Hunt in the hands of receivers!
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‘lai-bi’ maybe… ur imagination of Mike Hunt in the hands of receivers is seen & raised by my thoughts of Mike Hunt in liquidation!
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Mike Hunt fire sale – holesale and pubic buyers welcomed.
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hole sale lol
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I am a country member.
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Correction….bumpkin?
I’m allowed to say that though since I was born in Bunbury.
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Is that some sort of Shakespearean joke?
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Yes, it was. Carry on. If only I’d thought about it for another 30 seconds before posting.
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I take it you don’t have a Juliet balcony, Bento…
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I’ve been working on a John Donne/sucked on country pleasures/pen sucking/DFOC tie-in gag as a response, but I just can’t quite get there. If I could, I assure you, it would be as funny as a farting dog in a straw boater.
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yes, we remember.
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thank you, Curious.
Possibly Gough’s finest achievement, even if I suspect he only thought of it after the opportunity had passed.
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the gough father is always worth quoting.
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Not at all, JaneZ. As Gough told it back in 2000, “Sir Winton Turnbull, a member of the cavalleria rusticana, was raving and ranting on the adjournment and shouted: “I am a Country member”. I interjected “I remember”. He could not understand why, for the first time in all the years he had been speaking in the House, there was instant and loud applause from both sides.”
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Yes but Gough, bless him, is the only one who *ever* seems to remember it actually being said, and GW is, shall we say, a little on the egocentric side, and it’s all a little too perfect if you ask me. Still fucking hilarious.
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someone else credits Menzies for this retort – but he was never known for his wit – it is the sort of think Gough would say but maybe he wasn’t the originator – it even appears in a paper in Newfoundland
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I note an article in the Onion claiming civilisation will reach it’s Nadir this Friday.
Quote “It’s scientifically impossible for civilisation to sink any lower than it will this Friday”.
I trust TWOP will be going some way towards supporting this event TLA?
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What was it Gandhi said about western civilisation?
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“It will sink under the weight of its own graffiti.”
???
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Sorry, I gather he said “it would be a good idea”
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By the way LA, I just noticed the new(ish) banned by the west. Top work.
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Can I just say, for the record, to the apostrophe police that I know I have an inappropriate commar on its (see above). It’s a bad habit. Humble apologies.
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Comma – fuck!
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It’s neither a commar nor a comma.
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it’s an inappropriate apostrocommaphe.
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I know. I just couldn’t bare to leave another post about it. I knew some smart arse would point out the complete cretin I was.
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And in your heart of hearts, you knew that smart arse would be me.
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I thought it would be a close call between yourself, Rolly or skink. I know Snuff is away from the computer most of Thursdays so that left him out of the race.
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you know, I started typing the word ‘cretin’, and then I thought of richarbl, and how we should all try to be nice to one another, so I changed my mind and decided to post that article about Eion Cameron being buggered instead.
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skink I’d feel compassion even for Fred Nile if he came foward to reveal rape at the hands of a pedophile. (as the victim I mean)
As a mum nothing terrifies me more than pedophilia.
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I share your fear, which is why I keep them well away from the Catholic Church and the Liberal Party
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What about the Country party and its members?
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Man, I don’t know if even I would’ve gone that far.
Pfft.
Who am I kidding? I wish I’d thought of it first.
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How does get fucked sound Cock Head?
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sounds like it needs a comma.
at the very least.
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Yes you probably correct however I don’t think that detracts from the message… does it skink?
Yes you are being a cock head. After our last exchange and what Bento added I gave it some thought and decided that yes I had misjudged the overall context of this site.
But that was a direct and unwarranted attack, an apology I would never expect because it would appear humility is beyond your skill set.
I am perfectly happy to keep it cordial but perhaps you should give your caustic comments some thought before posting or save it for the one time visitors.
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Just what is it that you couldn’t bare, dear shazza??
And why “cretin” in the past tense??
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Rolly, past tense is correct I think, considering I was referring to that specific act of stupidity, not my general character. Despite it now being immortalised for all time.
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Correct Shaz, the people here demonstrate their limitations in other ways.
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did it mention what time? i’m waiting.
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Yes it did, from memory it was about 3.32pm. That’s London time I suppose so we have a little way to go yet.
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i hope i’m still awake then.
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I’m hoping to sleep through and wake up in the cultural ascent.
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Wait, there are two of you who’ve sold your naming rights now? Well, I’m nothing if not a bandwagon-jumper.
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actually, the interwebby did it for me. so i guess i’m not getting the royalties.
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i’m looking forward to first hand experience of a cultural nadir myself.
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At the risk of blaspheming against the rich tapestry of our oft discussed Perth (and Australian) used car dealers, shaz, I’d like to do my little bit to contribute to the downward spiral by posting my as yet all time favourite, Ralph Williams, and his alsatian.
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Well that certainly goes some way to identifying when the decline commenced.
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There’s York Hunt Club somewhere in Canada, I think. It’s a fox hunting club.
Probably a good time to share this:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roger_of_Wendover
Matron!
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I understand that there is a ‘York Rapper’ in the “Old Cuntry”.
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OOps! How Freudian!
“Old Country” !!!!!
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Does Michael wear a holesome ‘kini that matches his shoes?
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white of course.
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Are you proposing a cockkini orbea?
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It’s the Microsoft strategy : call your product its generic name. However this character should not be confused with the famous Michael Hunt of lovers and loppers notoriety.
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if i’ve said it once, i’ve said it a thousand times, ” you gotta love the cunt”.
And in celebration of said cunt and still my personal favourite poster ever:
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Conversely, documents are thirty four percent more boring when presented in the courier font. Fact.
Hat tip Douglas Coupland.
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This is my husbands car yard….. So tell me what, “nerd or Geek” goes around our suburbs looking for unusual and strange “things” and thinks it’s so cool and funny, at someone’s else’s expense. You are a sad bunch of lonely twats!!!!!
PS yes my husbands name is funny but he earns a F##K load more money than you will ever see in your life time!!! Not you Greg. CHEERS
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Watch out for “the firms” Mrs Hunt – they’ll be out with their spray cans and magic markers before you know it.
TLA – you are on fire my friend. Just beware of farmers, used car salesmen and Italian concreters.
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How do you introduce him at parties?
Hello, Vicar. This is Mike Hunt.
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I would have thought more,
‘Mike Hunt, this is the vicar’ BR.
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Yes, it fails on a number of fronts.
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Or perhaps:
‘Vicar, you know Mike Hunt.’
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Okay, I’ll play.
Mike Hunt. It gives me great pleasure, Vicar.
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as the actress said to the vicar.
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146 comments. Who would have thought Mike Hunt would be so popular.
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For the win!
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hahahaha.
2nd
best
thread
ever
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what was the very best PL?
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That would be this one, mp.
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that one made my tiny monkey brain ache Snuff but i fully appreciate why it was the winner.
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mp, if I may be so bold as to inquire, are you a resident of QLD?
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or enquire? Which is it? I’m terrified of becoming further immortalized as the resident TWOP illiterate.
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Monkeypants has thoughtfully provided a website to anwer your questions Shaz.
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Thanks for the typo to make me feel better Bill.
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I wouldn’t sweat this one, shaz, as there’s a little more to it than meets the eye. Most references quote the OED, and here’s a more personal perspective. The history, as often, is quite interesting. In this case, in Australia, enquire takes the honours, as does immortalised.
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yes shazza, i reside here in glamour city, brisvegas. and “go boldly” was my 2009 theme. so the bolder the better. ( BTW, “fire crotch” was my 2008 theme. Fortunately that one didn’t bear fruit!).
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I don’t know why, but my computer hates any attempt to google monkeypants. Is there a trick, or link?
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if you click on my name above the post it takes you to the site i post regular purile rudeness to.
it’s my answer to being pleasant for a living. had to slow down on the drinking now i have kids :)
may i ask that you don’t hold it against me forever after.
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wow, I just checked out the monkeypants site and she is a cougar with a big rack and a potty mouth.
I think I am smitten.
I am now feverishly awaiting the opportunity to use ‘cunt badger’ in a sentence.
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oh skink, i’m blushing! a cougar you say?
how’s a girl to resist?
reminds me of the famous aftershave from Anchorman:The Legend of Ron Burgundy -“Sex Panther”
And to quote:
Brian Fantana: [about Veronica]
I’ll give this little cookie an hour before we’re doing the no-pants dance. Time to musk up.
[opens cologne cabinet]
Ron Burgundy:
Wow. Never ceases to amaze me. What cologne you gonna go with? London Gentleman, or wait. No, no, no. Hold on. Blackbeard’s Delight.
Brian Fantana:
No, she gets a special cologne… It’s called Sex Panther by Odeon. It’s illegal in nine countries… Yep, it’s made with bits of real panther, so you know it’s good.
Ron Burgundy: It’s quite pungent.
Brian Fantana: Oh yeah.
Ron Burgundy:
It’s a formidable scent… It stings the nostrils. In a good way.
Brian Fantana: Yep.
Ron Burgundy:
Brian, I’m gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline.
Brian Fantana:
They’ve done studies, you know. 60% of the time it works, every time.
[cheesy grin]
and i certainly hope you finesse cunt badger into a worthy conversation over the weekend :) MP
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OMG, a MILF who quotes Will Ferrell movies, move over Skink, I am truly, madly, deeply in lust.
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You don’t by any chance, enjoy watching cricket and have access to free concert tickets, do you?
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And I will now dispense with the stupid sponsorship gag.
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Fiurthermore, mp …
Veronica Corningstone: My God, what is that smell? Oh.
Brian Fantana: That’s the smell of desire my lady.
Veronica Corningstone: God no, it smells like, like a used diaper… filled with… Indian food. Oh, excuse me.
Brian Fantana: You know, desire smells like that to some people.
Garth Holliday: What is that? Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair.
News Station Employee: Smells like Bigfoot’s dick.
Maybe it was Murdoch ? It could have been worse, mp. You might have recalled this.
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Oops. Two keys. Furthermore*
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bigfoots dick gets me everytime snuff!
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“……….so please bare with us as we work out the kinks from our launch.”
Another cretin who wants to go naked on the ‘net.
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Rolly when you say another cretin am I correct in assuming you mean me and another?
If so I deduce that your ongoing invective towards me is a result of seething resentment. This jealousy being born out of observation that I am able to muster the type of bilious condemnation from other posters that you can only dream of.
Yes my dear Rolly you have met your match. Concede defeat, bow to the master. And if you be a very good boy I may even share some of my antogonising skills with you.
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Antogonising ? Your cruelty knows no bounds, mistress shaz. Yes, mistress … life is a Spelling Bee.
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Numbnut? What a classic.
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shazza, I bow only to a mistress, that which is between a mister and a mattress, and which, of late, is of increasing rarity on account of my rapidly developing decrepitude and associated misanthropy/misogyny.
Resentment? No.
Admiration? Perhaps.
Tickled? Certainly.
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Tits. Hoo-hah!
Big ones, little ones.
Nipples staring right out at ya, like secret searchlights.
Mmm Legs. I don’t care if they’re Greek columns, or second-hand Steinways, but what’s between them…passport to heaven.
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And while we’re back in the 70’s, mp, I might as well complete the link to today’s post.
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Oh no what have we done, just wait until Frank sees this.
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You Rang Shazza ? :-)
Part 1:
Part 2:
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What was I thinking, shaz ? Thanks, Frank … two of your finest, and I guess the NSFW warning goes without saying. Didn’t Barry Barkla have some Perth connection, (apart from apparently having a son who had a pool table) ? Didn’t he do car ads, or was it topping and tailing Creature Features ?
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Yep, he was the original host of Clapperboard and also ran the aforementioned horror movies sponsored by Hans Merks :-)
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Thanks, Frank. Johnny Leopard used to do a good Hans, and I knew there was something horrific, apart from the obvious, about him and Barry. Now I need some propranolol, and quickly.
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Speaking of Barry Barkla, here is one of the chapters of Dr Peter Harries excellent Thesis on Perth Television, which is being republished over on the WA Television Website.
http://watvhistory.com/2009/09/chapter-4-a-history-of-commercial-television-in-perth-wa/
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Now I’m really in the twilight zone. Perthonalities from the 70’s stick around to do their PhD’s on the history of local tv?
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Sometimes you’ve just gotto go with what you know.
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You’d better believe it, poor lisa, and just over a year ago that the good doctor visited this very blog.
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And here is 30 Years of Perth Commercial TV worst in Pictures courtesy of the good Doctor :-)
http://watvhistory.com/2009/09/three-decades-of-wa-local-tv-photo-essay/
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Yes, Barrie Barkla worked for several years with STW9, as the sometimes weather presenter, original host of Clapperboard, and later of late night moves (not just horror) with regular sponsors including Hans Merks motors and El Cabalo Blanco. Barrie now lives in Adelaide, and the pool table ended it’s days backsrtage at the Hayman Theatre at Curtin University.
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Well haven’t I just outed myself as one giant ignoramus tit today. Bound to happen eventually.
I had no idea there was a function that allowed us to access blogs via pseudonyms. I shall not hold anything against you, ever, as a parent in common.
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mp I like your blog/s. Just the sort of peurile shenanigans I appreciate.
On another note I took a brief journey into ljuke territory. I’m still thinking about it. Your’e a funny bugger.
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Why thank you!
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Good news!
The Premier just saw that the Premier has announced she’s passed legislation to rename Mike Hunt(‘)s Wholesale Cars to the Joh & Flow Memorial Whole Sale Yard. It’s what the old cunt’ry patry leader would have wanted.
Not to be outdone i’m petitioning Colin to rename Connections as MacMahon’s Manor.
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(Oh hello, what just happened there?)
Good news!
Just saw that the Premier has announced she’s passed legislation to rename Mike Hunt(’)s Wholesale Cars to the Joh & Flow Memorial Whole Sale Yard. It’s what the old cunt’ry patry leader would have wanted.
Not to be outdone i’m petitioning Colin to rename Connections as MacMahon’s Manor.
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Mike Hunt: http://www.urbancinefile.com.au/images/BigSteal2.jpg
But we already KNOW this.
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I was curious what sort of ‘rugby league skills’ he might be threatening me with
hopefully not the skills used when they stand in a circle watching each other wank while taking turns to rape a barmaid
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These, more likely, skink, and I can’t say I blame him, after you posted this, pretending to be him, trying to make him look like a retarded primary school sook. He doesn’t need anybody’s help, although now I understand him asking TLA to protect him from you.
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What are you guys doing? I thought we would have hours of fun reminiscing the svenkage. There’ll be plenty of time later for cat fights.
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The unity as we faced the bumpkin menace together has ended.
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Ahhh, this used to be a regular sight when taking interstate friends through Brisbane (when I was living there). Don’t ask me why any right thinking individual would willingly go to Archerfield…
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The web site is:
http://www.mikehuntscars.com.au
“Really, mine scars too, Mrs Slocombe”
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