The Columnist

How long since we’ve had a house or garden wall? Too long my friends, too long. Perth’s built environment which used to be a staple of TWOP has descended, nay degenerated into a cess pit of hegemony and ruraltards, built on the rotting carcass of our left leaning ivory towers of universities and their metrocentric camp followers the Future Perthers.  How nice then to see this one from Gregg (sorry Gregg, I’ve had this for months, I know) where a demolished what aqueduct? has been tied together to form a garden wall in Hammy Hill. Reminds me fondly of the seashell encrusted monstrosity in Maylands that still refuses to fall. Almost, but not quite as ridiculous as the famously pathetic “People’s Wall” behind Parliament House. And speaking of columns, from many leagues North BK sent a picture of what he claimed as the dumbest house in Mullaloo. Perhaps concerned at the effect of the columns they had chosen, the owners then decided to disguise them with disco mirror squares.

And all you hegemony smoking metrocentrals can stick that in your fancy city bongs and smoke it.


About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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37 Responses to The Columnist

  1. shazza says:

    Very glad to see this Hammy Hill house make it onto TWOP.

    Mr Shazza and I took some shots months ago but I was unhappy with the quality and had intended to return. (Thanks Gregg for sparing me)

    There is some appalling tile/mosaic work around the house perimeter that also defies good taste or logic.

    An abomination.


  2. Cimbali says:

    At least the seashell encrusted wall had some structural integrity. What on earth is keeping this one erect?


  3. Snuff says:

    That fence is fantastic, TLA, and I bet the McMonstrosity has an elevator.


  4. monkeypants says:

    are we missing the master plan…perhaps they are saving up to mirror more of the mullalloo house? isnt it a design
    rule to make features in sets of uneven numbers? so maybe the letterbox is next?


  5. And I do like how I was accused of defaming the shitty people’s wall. I had forgotten that.


  6. Hugh Jass says:

    I know this is extremely off topic, but I happened to be ‘flicking’ through some of Perth’s worst radio stations today and noticed Rob Broadfield sitting in for Simon Beaumont. What has this world come to?

    Couldn’t they get hold of Paul Nurry at such short notice? C’mon 6PR.


    • Leo says:

      Rob Broadfield is such a howling shit and just a bit elitist for this little mining town. Also, why do they keep force feeding him?


      • shazza says:


        you have only to cast your eye over the Inseminators 09 thread the realise us city folk have our elitist heads so far up our ungreatful arses that we wouldn’t know a hard days work if we ate one.


        • Leo says:

          Well perhaps, but I wouldn’t include sitting on his fat crack for 4 hours “commenting” about articles in the West Australian or providing unsolicited opinions about restaurants in which he’s run up a huge tab, hard work or even a job really. Besides, it’s only 6PR and Perth. I prefer to listen to the vast selection of podcasts or internet radio stations from other countries rather than tune into 6PR – far too hokey for me these days. To offer a local alternative, I suggest 100.9FM Noongar radio, which plays mainly country music (I think) and is great for the weekends in the garden. Just an alternative. My dislike of Rob Broadfield is made more so due to the photo of him hiding behind a newspaper for Inside Cover. So very lame. Haven’t we had enough of ugly people (like Fred Bottica) hiding behind pieces of cardboard in their promotional photos? I mean, we know they’re not attractive already – that’s why they’re on radio and not TV, right? So very common.


  7. shazza says:

    ooops, ‘the’ should read ‘to’.


  8. Rolly says:

    The first one, at least, has a solar hot water system.

    I wonder what a comparative ‘per capita’ audit of energy usage would discover.

    The carbon foot print of the construction of the Mullaloo monstrosity would be something to behold.
    Perhaps the mirrors are a vain and misguided attempt to reflect some of the sun’s energy back into space.

    Kryste orlmity, s’no wonder ‘Rollyism’ is affecting at least one other of the commentators to this blog.

    Misanthropy rools: OK ?!?!


  9. Michael says:

    Imagine what the second one would be like without the mirrors.


  10. Cookster says:

    Is that a bird bath / dog kennel multipurpose feature near the front door?

    And WTF gives with the shabby chic letterbox – completely at odds with the rest of the ‘design’.


  11. Turf says:

    I live right near that place with the horrible fence.
    I can’t believe I hadn’t sent in photos myself.
    Part of that crappy fence is a gate, and some of those heavy sections swing out.


    • Leo says:

      I also live close by and recall often seeing the owner out the front constructing it. It’s made mostly of concrete slabs and lots of cement and could possibly be one of the mechanical masterpieces from last century, but it sure is ugly.


  12. Claire says:

    I always think of taking a photo pf this place every time I drive past it! The best bit is they have now sub-divided and built next door, and I thought surely the fence would go. No no, it has extended to go in front of the new place, complete with bright orange/sky blue gate. It’s a doozy.


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