Lose the old Bastard

ic1I was hoping that the new  Inside Cover would be really good, or not bad enough to write a post about. But unfortunately it’s crap. For god’s sake, why is there a picture of a grandfather peering over the newspaper, when you’ve got Daniel “Teh Hottie” Hatch on the team?

Unfortunately Rob Broadfield’s ego and sense of superiority which work perfectly well in a restaurant review, (and are just what’s required in that situation) just sound like an old man who isn’t funny but doesn’t know and won’t shut up, on IC.

The copy is embarrassing. In the first two items Broadfield claims that a “Colin” and Eric Ripper were shaking in their boots when told he was IC editor. Cobblers.  Or was it supposed to be a joke? Judging from this attempt, they were more likely scared he was about to tell them a long and rambling story without a punchline.

Rob, “quelle horreur”? For fucks sake, it just makes you sound like a plonker. Also “chortling loon”. Plonker. Also “ahem, winsome young ladies”. Plonker!  Why not quote some Goons, to make yourself look really up with teh kids? It comes across like a cross between Paul Murray and Eoin Cameron. These are not two stools you want to fall between.

Aaaaaarghhhh. Get someone quick and smart. Numerous blogs are doing this material better.

ic2

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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61 Responses to Lose the old Bastard

  1. Bento says:

    Le coq geriatrique.

    Like

  2. ljuke says:

    Ew, was he sitting across from a playground when that photo at the top was taken?

    Like

  3. And for mentioning being at a reception for the Spanish ambassador. Plonker!

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  4. skink says:

    and here he is on WorstTV:

    Like

    • That is fantastic. No quelle horreur?

      Like

    • Grrr says:

      Not only is that fantastic, but I think Mr Broadfield might get a bit of a giggle out of it. I might be wrong. He’s certainly not an awful critic although our choice of eateries and mine don’t match.

      Why doesn’t he do Mykonos? McDonald’s Balga?

      Also: assuming that is him in the strap (and not Mr Hatch in Benjamin Button make-up), hasn’t that compromised the whole “Unknown Critic” thing?

      Certainly, I know the staff at one noted, large Perth “foodie” magazine go to great pains to announce themselves for freebies.
      You’ll note I said staff.

      Like

  5. Martin says:

    Hatch was doing swell. Pity he’s been shoved aside by a baby boomer. He had such great hair!

    Like

  6. Big Ramifications says:

    Reminds me of one of Benny Hill’s sidekicks. One of those hands is fake. The real hand is grabbing some bird’s ass sitting next to him.

    [Yeah I know, it’s normally Benny with the fake hand and the look alike getting slapped.]

    Like

  7. skink says:

    and in what surely must rate as the most incompetent piece of journalism in some years, Broadfield did a titterfilarious piece about Bon Levi’s latest massage parlour, with lots of smirking into his sleeve about topless hand shandies, seemingly unaware that Levi had been arrested and charged the previous evening for stabbing someone.

    finger on the pulse, as ever

    http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/04/20/2547966.htm

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    • Did you get my email? You have so many identities Skink.

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    • Grrr says:

      If you look closely the man in that link *COULD BE* Rob Broadfield.

      Was Colin near the slashing on the weekend?

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    • Bento says:

      And did you get my email, skink?

      Hotmail appears to have bounced it for ‘policy reasons’. They are clearly more discerning than Rattler’s moderators, although there was nary a cunt nor riddance in sight.

      Like

    • Frank Calabrese says:

      But the stabbing was at 11pm – when Broadfield was safely tucked into bed, having written the column at 3pm the previous afternoon – though a postscript could’ve been added by the night chief of staff for the later editions.

      Like

  8. Brad says:

    I still think Broadfield is the best food reviewer we have in Perth, but his scoring is becoming less relevant to the copy with each new review.

    He gave Frasier’s 16/20, but then goes on to say that his steak was poor quality and overcooked and his dining partner’s chips were cold. If I could be arsed and I thought others would care, I’d go and dig up some other examples.

    Like

  9. Baby Boomer says:

    There’s nothing wrong with being a Baby Boomer. :-) This one would rather read the Inciteful Comment of young Dan, that the ramblings of Broadfield any day.

    Let’s start a Bring Back Dan movement.

    Like

  10. Baby Boomer says:

    Oops – too early in the morning – typos galore. I meant ” … the Insightful Comments of young Dan, than the ramblings …”

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  11. my ning says:

    “Two days in the job and I’m starting to feel like a leper.”

    Already??? We haven’t even started on this crap….

    Obviously he aint as tough skinned as Nuzza, who really is a leper but fails to realise it due a monster ego.

    I hate to say this, but after a few months of this blather maybe we’ll be asking for Armstrong back….

    Like

  12. skink says:

    I think someone deserves credit for christening Buswell ‘the beagle’. That was the only bit that made me smile.

    I also agree he is an entertaining restaurant reviewer, although I suspect that he was recognised at Fraser’s, hence the especially attentive service. I have been to Fraser’s twice, and once had to put my arm into the aisle to block the waiter in order to get his attention. And the food was cold.

    Like

  13. skink says:

    have you seen IC this morning?

    billed as now having “more laughs.”

    more laughs than what? being stabbed by Bon Levi?

    they have a piece about the Cabinet website that lifts comments directly from this site, and they even photoshopped Buswell’s web page in a comic style.

    why didn’t they just cut-and-paste my effort? It would have saved them at least four minutes.

    It’s a fucking outrage. I would complain to my union rep, if I was a member.

    Like

  14. skink says:

    and now that I have gathered momentum – how dare he have a go at Spare Parts.

    I took my son to see The Bum Thief on Saturday, and he laughed like a drain for an hour. They are brilliant, and although it is rare to say anything nice about anyone on this site, Spare Parts are in my top ten ‘Not Worst’ things about Perth.

    my only complaint is that they do not have the funding to put on more productions each year, so I had to endure the entire journey home with my boy asking when we could go back to see another show. (actually, I have another complaint: the cutie wearing glasses behind the front desk could smile once in a while)

    DFOC: as righteous defender of puppeteers, jugglers, and magicians, I demand that you seek justice.

    Like

    • We couldn’t go as it was sold out.

      Like

    • Snuff says:

      Looks all right to me. One thing’s for sure, there’s nothing remotely worst about Tim’s work. And for what it’s worth, albeit in translation, it’s big with the kids here in Nihon too.

      Like

    • Midlandia says:

      As a boy, I remember reading the Bugalugs Bum Thief and finding it uproariously funny. I didn’t know that they made a puppet show out of it!
      I express my amazement because out of sheer coincidence, I was thinking about the book the other day, and wondering how on earth one would attempt to translate it to a non-print form. But puppets! Spare Parts Puppets, no less! What a wonderful idea. I’m you and the little fella had a good time, Skink. If he enjoyed the show as much as I enjoyed the book, I’m sure he did.

      Like

  15. Leo Zaza says:

    Rob Broadfield – get a real job. This promotion featuring his ugly fat bald head is a complete crock. He constantly bangs on about how better the world would be if only we all thought more like he does. Self obsessed wanker – I’ve had a gutful. I’m getting a budgie in a cage and lining the bottom of the cage with the West Australian, just so it can shit on Broadfield. What a funny little town this is.

    Like

  16. That’s one way to constipate a budgie.

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  17. Did anyone notice he has different glasses on in the two pics? Is that so waiters won’t recognise the face furniture when he does a review?

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  18. Leo Zaza says:

    Plus, Rob has one good eye and the other’s a bit bung, so it looks like he’s looking over his shoulder while reading the paper. He’s not much better at driving a car either.

    Like

  19. My sphincter tightened, then loosened when I saw that IC had gone from self indulgent twaddle to what it used to be. Sort of quaint version of what TWOP does better. But it’s an improvement. No French is Tres bon bon. However, it is an improvement. Perhaps DH is winning the battle of wills?

    Like

  20. And apostrophes’s’? Why bother. It’s done here.

    Like

  21. Rolan Stein says:

    Broadfield’s reviewing peaked with the Little Cloud. I’m getting bored with his elitist bullshit. He’s still by far the best food reviewer in this pissant town, but he’s started believing in his own myth – always terminal – and is showing signs of megalomania and self-delusion (which someone at the West seems to be stoking…give him less to do, ferchrissake, not more).

    Also, I notice he’s a pal of Paul Murray. That’s a serious indictment. Tell me he’s also a pal of that narcissistic wanker Steven Scourfield (whom I was alarmed to discover fancies himself as a “writer” of – gulp – “fiction”)…or even worse, Mark Naglazas (surely the worst movie critic in mainstream media today), and I’ll give up on him entirely.

    Like

    • I don’t mind Naglazas, but yes Broadfield appeared to believe own publicity. Doesn’t Scourfield write poetry too?

      Like

    • satay steve says:

      Does Community News count as mainstream media? My kids could write better reviews than the bloke who does them for my local rag – and they’re not even born yet.

      More fool me for reading that paper in the first place…

      Like

  22. Rolan Stein says:

    I didn’t know about Scourfield and poetry – that’s a relationship that disturbs me greatly.

    Even worse than the Community Newspaper movie efforts are their restaurant reviews. The Vincent Voice has a bloke who divulged in an intro of one of his reviews that he is in the know on Indian cuisine due to a family member running an Indian restaurant. In his subsequent review, which was full of dire warnings about chillies, he waxed lyrical about a novel dish he had not heard of before – biryani!

    Like

  23. David Cohen says:

    Oy: Naggers is a fine movie critic. As well as knowledge he has a sense of humour, which is always welcome. Not Worst.

    Like

  24. skink says:

    I noted today that it is now called “Rob Broadfield’s Inside Cover, and that it now proudly boasts: “patron Patti Chong.”

    they have been giving La Chong a ribbing about the Merry’s add, and doing fake emails complete with bad accent and leather fetish references.

    They are stealing my mojo

    they are STEALING my MOJO!

    get your own fucking material you bald squinting arse-whistle.

    Like

  25. skink says:

    PS. I stole ‘arse-whistle’ from here:

    http://ifyoulikeitsomuchwhydontyougolivethere.com/

    Like

  26. ljuke says:

    Laser pointed out to me that Broadfield’s head seems to be sinking. There’s even less visible than usual in today’s IC.

    Like

  27. skink says:

    perhaps his fat bald head waxes and wanes like the moon.

    It may explain some erratic tides lately

    Like

  28. Cookster says:

    I want La Chong for a Sexpo stunt – Skink, you still got her number?

    Like

  29. The Legend 101 says:

    I dont know who this guy is but he looks like what the title saids.

    Like

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