Get Tuscany out of my pussy

Andrew was uncertain whether Catherine Deveney really meant to write being raped by beauty, but since she repeats it in the rest of her article, then she must have. Surely she meant “I’m being sodomised by Europe”? which would fit her crazy eye stare a little better. And if she’s really being raped by beauty, shouldn’t the title be “Get Tuscany out of my Pussy” (RIP MRS Slocomb)? Thanks Andrew for that. No thanks for reminding me about that other plonker with the glasses. I thought those other losers would have been given the arse by now. Or at least raped by beauty.

Raped by Europe

Raped by Europe

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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16 Responses to Get Tuscany out of my pussy

  1. orbea says:

    Howard Sattler must surely be contender for his valuable contribution to Perth worst ‘journalism’ today.

    in his picture he looks like he is being sodomised by Europe

    Like

  2. CB One says:

    That Chris Thomson article is a worst in it’s own right. I had the misfortune of reading it yesterday and it was crap, to say the least.

    Like

  3. shazza says:

    Do people actuallly pay her to write this shit?

    Like

  4. Richard James says:

    Hang on, didn’t Cousins get raked over the coals for using “raped” when Richmond copped a flogging?

    At least Cousin’s raping was indeed an act of non-consent.

    Catherine Deveny: bringing back the “no means yes” since 2009.

    Like

  5. Sir Mull Potty says:

    Get me out of Margaret River ( WA’s Tuscany) ; where the romantic dream is built.
    Prof. Emeritus (Murdoch) Sir John Hartigan writing in the distinguished organ (albeit Rupertian) “the Strain” commented perceptively on the blog scum dwellers needing to be saved from error by the direction of old media types such as myself and Chew Chew Sow Pong, and thus I was lead to pen this correctional upbraiding.

    Things have not been going all that well here at Swanbourne. Me an Gracie have been in our cups , well plastic glasses really since we used up all the cups throwing them at each other in a drunken brawl. Muttsie’s been wiping his arse on the lounge room carpet (“retto pruriginoso”). It is the profundity of my nature to consider issues in the abstract : this naturally leads me to the question of the total global implications of dog de-worming, and resultantly I studied the matter thoroughly. I’m now the world’s leading expert on global worming . I sure quite a few of your members Maccas need a good worming, as they seem like they too have “retto pruriginoso”, so just ring up WAN and ask for Mooner the wormer and I can give youse some good advice.

    Well Pam Slocum’s out the door and thank Christ for that. If that Mallard cunt can get $6 mill why can’t I. Slocum aint got the negotiating skills like I got. Sucker ………. And after all I have served a life sentence in this WAN shithole, and lately I’ve even had to pull me head in and keep a low profile.

    You’ll be pleased that plans are proceeding apace on shateux “Baissez vouz” down at Margaret river. The vines are coming up well. We’ve got the ponies , the Olympic size swimming pool , the boxing ring,the Mock Tudor dungeon , the moat and the boat (“The Barralytic”) and the chopper pad. We’re also introducing a special species of genetically modified fire-fly. I’ve got the mega-lites of water for the moat from the King of Margaret River dirt cheap.

    I got the dusky, darkie, nig-nog crew on 457 visas, the male half of whom pranged their taxi and are one step ahead of the AFP, but these no-hopers can still hop enough to be bell hops. There’ll be no 6% AMWU deals with these suckers. I’m training the lubras up to sing lullabies at bedtime for me and Gracie. They’ll have to watch out for my little intoxicated beauty but.

    We’ve been clinically trialling “Red Eye Opener” on Muttsie. So far he’s entered a totally confused an legless state where he fell in “love” with a chair leg and the neighbour’s arse. Boy is this little drop going to be a crowd pleaser what with our specially concocted feral moans , sulfur dioxides and preservatives . The prosecco will be something and no need for wiping.(If you can remember).

    See yas and gotta run , I’m on assignment. ( Believe it or not).
    Oh an Barney status update: Less active than Jacko.
    ” The Obama-esque green-esque Ruddian forces of anti-capitalist darkness and Islamo-facism are even now garnering strength , this is a narrative of absurdity ……….” I think that’ll do it for the next column.

    Like

    • I…am lost for words.

      Like

      • Richarbl says:

        I thought Catherine Deveny looked and sounded like Ayn Rand. With her wide eyed quasi-intellectual stare into an as yet undiscovered distance and that slight overbite balancing the unkempt raven hair and excessive Max Factor.
        Her opening sentence, with references to being raped by an impossible tranquility and politicised by a contextualized Europe bound together by an impossible romantic breeziness, is pure Rand.
        But her name is hilariously similar to Delvene Delany, the hottie from the long lost Paul Hogan Show.
        Surely Devene is trying to fill the narrow gap between these two great philosophers from the last century.

        Like

  6. Snuff says:

    Tuscany is actually pretty impressive given that the Guinness World Record is a mere 14 kilos.

    Like

  7. my ning says:

    ” The Obama-esque green-esque Ruddian forces of anti-capitalist darkness and Islamo-facism are even now garnering strength , this is a narrative of absurdity ….”

    We’ve already had enough of this – I wanna see full columns devoted entirely to both Gracie and Muttsie

    Like

  8. shazza says:

    Dear Sir Mull Potty,

    I was pleased to read your column highlighting the serious issue of Global Worming today. Since the hippies and Greenies hijacked the term to promote their crazy anti-progress agenda this issue has been largely ignored by right thinking people.

    Quite frankly I am far more concerned about canine faeces on my shag pile than I am about planet warming. Being a summer person I persoanally don’t see what all the fuss is about.

    thanks again and keep up the good work.

    Like

  9. shazza says:

    Re. above Typo, I have recently seen Bruno, so clearly a Freudian slip has occurred. Apologies to all homophobes.

    Like

  10. Bill O'Slatter says:

    A timely contribution Sir Potty . Rupert’s hacks have now find themselves in a spot of bother.

    Like

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