Let’s go see some stamping horses Dad!

El Caballo Blanco (Which means “The” Caballo Blanco) may stir up the remeniscing mixed with slagging off loved by TWOP readers, a-la Pizza Showtime. Apparently in1974 there was nothing to do but wait for Gough to implode or drive for miles into the country to see some premium horse stamping at El Caballo. Cookster who bafflingly keeps banging on about how we don’t have enough sunlight in cold dark Perth summers was apparently touched enough by the sun to hit ‘Blanco only a few weeks ago. For some reason he didn’t take a shot of a room, but he did get a shot of a picture of someone riding a crosseyed horse. Some dry dolphins, one of which needs to wipe its chin, and some wet mermaids.

I’m thinking of issuing a TWOP worst gathering manual. It would include not telling me about a great picture you didn’t take.  & If you come across public art, FIRST get the closeups of boozies, willies and back doors. THEN if you have time get the establishing shot. One correspondent went all the way to China and didn’t take a shot up the skirt of a bronzed woman statue. People. Think. Cookster, where are the ecu’s of the boozies and the gobbling dolphins? How were the arses of the mermaids handled? Any crack or just scales? Get closer.

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About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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81 Responses to Let’s go see some stamping horses Dad!

  1. Orbea says:

    The horse in cross-eyed because Cortez has nailed his leg to the horse. He vowed to die in the saddle.

    Like

  2. Bento says:

    Dolphins and mermaids in Woorooloo. More or less ridiculous than walruses in Morley?

    Discuss.

    Like

    • the unseated unhappy 11 says:

      waited 1.5hrs in 40 degree heat for a room that was being renovated. put into a shitty carpet stained, dusty room and apparently we should have been grateful to receive no extra charge. bugs in the spa, no change for $20 note at the bar…. a friggin donkey the highlight of the “dancing” horse show. Promised buffet dinner, however no buffet…and no table!!!!
      this event organised over a month in advance, but they still had the nerve to refuse a refund. The servo up the road offered a better feast. shame we couldn’t eat the chips, because el cabelo had “borrowed” them to feed the unseated and very unsatisfied 11…..
      SAVE YOUR TIME AND MONEY!!!

      Like

  3. David Cohen says:

    Isn’t the bloke on the horse Jim McGinty, riding out of his electorate for the last time as it seems to be turning green?

    Like

  4. Snuff says:

    Even as an undiscerning kid, when everything seems relatively normal, I found the idea of this place bizarre, and although I spent much of my childhood in Kal, wherever it was that El Caballo Blanco was located seemed like it was an epic trek away from Cott.

    We never took the EK on that trek, and yet the dolphins and mermaids come as little surprise. Somehow this strikes me as a teaser, TLA, and I suspect there is much more worst to be found there.

    Like

    • “Somehow this strikes me as a teaser, TLA, and I suspect there is much more worst to be found there.”

      That was my point. if Cookster had the Perth Guide to gathering Worsts (isdn 666666666) there would have been a far more outre post.

      Like

  5. poor lisa says:

    This is in effect a peer-reviewed blog so it’s about time for the official Worst image-gathering guide.

    Like

  6. shazza says:

    As a young girl I was besotted with the dancing Andalusions. I dreamt of being one of the ladies fortunate enough to don those brightly coloured, heavily frilled costumes, and canter around the arena. SO cant find any way to put the boot in now…..unlike Patti Chong putting the boot into TWOP today.

    Like

    • She does? I still refuse to look at her blog.

      Like

      • Grrr says:

        Allow me, sir:
        “And to Skink …
        Skink, I didn’t check my name. Someone brought it to my notice. They wouldn’t, by any chance, be the worst people in Perth, would they?”

        First comment in her ‘Yellow Peril’ comment.
        I have no idea what she refers to, and I can’t be bothered to spend the time investigating further… needless to say I think her comment piece ranges from a little to a lot wrong.

        I’d post a reply there, but I don’t want to joint the WA Today blogging community and help Fairfax make money off my work. If they want to make money off me they can pay me.

        (TWOP, on the otherhand, I do for free since I’m sure no one is making money off it).

        Of course, if I were to comment there I would assuredly refer to her acutely sensitive Chinese ears with reference to Mr Spock, who was in some ways based on an idea of the inscrutable Chinaman (as they would have said in the 1960s) and his remarkable ears and copper-infused blood.

        By that stage I would be so tangled up in metaphor that I would just note the Chinese have been accused of trying to bug Rudd’s office.

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        • skink says:

          I’ll save you the trouble:

          she quoted in her column some nasty comments about how she wasn’t a real Aussie and should be deported.

          The quotes were from an obscure racist website:

          http://australianidentity.net/index.php?topic=2653.0

          don’t look at it, you’ll only get angry.

          I suggested that the presence of a few racist nutjobs did not constitute a nationwide xenophobic conspiracy, and that she would only have discovered these grubby little scrotes if she had been googling her own name again.

          she then assumed that I was talking about this noble instrument.

          her column is quite an interesting read this week, with the moderator allowing a stream of comments suggesting that she is completely hatstand and begging the editor to get rid of her.

          Like

          • Grrr says:

            That is an obscure website. Only 135 other people (I will assume I am 138, you are 137 and Patti is 136) have read it.

            That website is likely to be Comedy Gold(TM). I think I’ll read the relationship issues forum while I eat my lunch.

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          • shazza says:

            bloody hell, you warned me not to look but of course i just couldn’t help myself. Your’e right it did piss me off.

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            • Grrr says:

              I’ll say one thing for it: it’s more rational and considered than some of the white pride websites I’ve looked at.

              Stormfront.org springs to mind.

              The problem is whenever I go to those places I get Dave Chapelle’s “White Power” war cry in my head.

              Like

          • Bento says:

            I looked too. It’s like the Gorgons.

            Angry now.

            Like

          • David Cohen says:

            This comment was on her blog this morning: I must confess I don’t get it…

            ‘Don’t bother replying to those people who say you aren’t Australian. They aren’t worth a response.

            ‘I wonder how Australian they are, or whether they’re so angry they come out with whopper lies, whatever is the truth.

            ‘It will never be the same to all beef, Patti. Special sources? Let us choose or pick some dungeons and – Open Sesame! – they’ll see they’re bums.’

            Some people have too much time on their hands.

            Like

  7. Ljuke says:

    Noun/Verb Poems:

    Horse flinches.
    Fountain empties.
    Boozies oxidise.
    Aussies laze.

    Like

  8. Cookster says:

    Twas difficult to get the worsts I wanted because the rellies were already pissed off with me for updating my facebook status to say: I can’t believe I’m going to El Caballo – pass me the moselle and flairs.

    At about 11.30pm after many wines had passed lips I got the old, ‘so, saw your facebook – didn’t you want to come?’ I was NOT in favour with the in-laws.

    So forgive me the lack of the ‘plastic flower and spider web atrium’, or the 1982 room decor complete with antique airconditioner, or the garish paintings, etc, etc, but I couldn’t poke the wasp’s nest any more.

    Like

  9. Anonymous Perthon says:

    Everybody sing

    “El Caballo Blanco, we’ll have a barrel of fun
    at El Caballo Blanco
    Come on join in the fun”

    Like

    • Groucho says:

      Always…..well sometimes, El Cabalo Blanco reminds of the song “O la paloma blanca, I´m just a bird in the sky. O la paloma blanca, over the mountains I fly. Yes, no one can take my freedom away”.

      Like

      • Frank Calabrese says:

        Well they were both one and the same with the Ad Agency giving J Bouwens who wrote the original a few exrtra dollars in Royalties for using the melody.

        And it shows how diverse The George Baker Collection were with Little Green Bag being used in a Tarantino Film and 5 Years later recording Paloma Bianca.

        Like

        • cybill says:

          Jeez Frank, I know someone has said this before but you are an effin encyclopedia – have you ever thought of ruling the world?

          Like

        • Frank Calabrese says:

          And I finally found a video of Mr Baker Performing said song:-)

          And note the message from bikeshortz.

          bikeshortz (5 days ago)
          I remember this song when i was just a toddler and here is western australia there was a place called el cabalo blanco that used used the tune for their tv ad

          Like

  10. Grrr says:

    I’m a bit disappointed there is no reference to “bring on the dancing horses… headless and all alone” in this thread, especially given the age of most people here…

    I’m also somewhat shocked to find out El Caballo Blanco is still going. I had imagined it to be in a state of decay similar to Atlantis Marine Park (a previous Worst if I am not mistaken)…. complete with headless horses (or, apparently, dolphins).

    Like

    • Bento says:

      If my information is correct, it did shut down for some years, and was reopened a few years ago as a golf & convention resort. The horses have only just been reintroduced.

      The original Andalucians (Shazza, you might want to look away now), were apparently retired to a Special Rural shithole swampland in Wattle Grove, where they foraged for scraps amongst all sorts of broken down machinery, chook sheds, and buried carcinogens. I understand the property was regularly visited by the RSPCA. I assume they have since been used by kindergartens to create papier mache sculptures.

      Like

      • shazza says:

        Thats twice today Iv’e been told not to look, couldnt help myself, looked, wished I hadnt. Surely you jest. My beautiful horsies turned to glue, and pies? Those nags arent cheap you know.

        Like

    • orbea says:

      especially after the redparrot reminiscences

      Like

  11. js says:

    andelusions?

    Like

  12. Cookster says:

    Folks, the original El Caballo Blanco opened in 1974 and was closed in 1990 in the wake of the recession. It’s Spanish Andalusian horses were sold off overseas.

    The current owner gives a poignant speech mid-arena before the show to explain why it’s not quite as spectacular as some people may remember.

    In some ways it’s as though someone threw a blanket over the place for 15 years, then whipped it off, gave it a quick dust and opened the doors again.

    Quite the perfect venue for a TWOP convention. Dress code would be 1974 casual and we could engage Tony Barber to come along and do his rendition of the theme song.

    Imagine it, the whiff of Brut 33 and horse shit over the dance floor, carafes of moselle and lemonade on every table, body shirts…

    Shall I get started at looking at costs for a group booking?

    Captain Cookster’s Crap Escapes – ‘Live the Worst!’

    Like

  13. Cookster says:

    Fuck, that it’s in line two should be its…

    Like

  14. Bento says:

    Cookster – “sold off overseas” sounds like a euphemism to me.

    Like

  15. chrissi says:

    i got a job there in 1999 it had been closed for a long time and my job was to help get it cleaned up so it could be reopened .
    the new owners were kilgrath holdings .
    after a lot of hard slog we got it cleaned it looked good but not quite the same as in its hey day
    i believe it closed down again after xxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx or so the story goes
    just thought you would like to know

    Like

  16. The Legend 101 says:

    Thats looks pretty nice to me. The fountains deserted but hey go inside and i bet its probally alright.

    Like

  17. Kat says:

    LOL, Do any of you live in the Hills? Do any of you have any understanding how much money, hard work and heartbreak went into those horses? I doubt you can even comprehend the amount of money that went into importing them in the first place. (Do you really think they’d end up starved to death somewhere?) That place was a icon for many many years and supported many locals with much needed jobs. Those that worked there years ago still hold a lot of good memories of the place. Some people even met their partners for life there. Of cause its not as flash today, things do tend to go out of fashion over a 20-30 year period, (Maybe some of you have that problem too)….I think the place could be something great under good management. And yes I do not what happened to the horses as I have one.

    Like

  18. The Legend 101 says:

    Why is the statue in the deserted pool and i find the fountain dirsturbing for some reason.

    Like

  19. Cookster says:

    Someone should be axxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx The horses xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. Maybe a new home for @ThePerthCactus?

    Like

  20. cookster says:

    No, I’m liking the cactus – maybe they can take it up to the stamping horses for a few cameo performances? Better still, build a second rate replica out of plaster and chicken wire.

    Like

  21. cookster says:

    It has its own twitter account @theperthcactus – quite the talkative succulent too.

    Like

  22. skink says:

    I for one am a big fan of the cactus, although up close it is very shiny and quite tactile and not at all prickly. To me it looks more like something created by the Chapman brothers by melting together a collection of enormous dildos. You really want to be able to flick a switch and feel it vibrate.

    no? just me then

    Like

  23. skink says:

    ooh look: Perthnow had a readers’ poll to decide a name for it. ‘Cactus’ was favourite, beating out ‘the booger’ and ‘the blob’

    ‘She-Ra’s big multi-headed dildo’ didn’t make the list.

    http://www.perthnow.com.au/news/western-australia/m-sculpture-erected-in-forrest-place/story-e6frg15c-1226116992649

    Like

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