Fancy bongs biggest victims in Liberal resurgence!
Thanks to everyone who participated in last night’s livebolg liveblog of the election. Was fantastic. Thousands of views, many, many great comments. This morning the result still isn’t finalised, but it loooks likely that Colin “The Bucket” Barnett will be the next Premier unless The Nationals bizarrely decide to team with Labor. The consensus was, “Carps, you fucked it.” You will now be tagged worst politician.
Colin’s anti bong campaign resonated with the voters, and unless Julian Grylls of The Nats uses his new leverage to get Colin to temper his bong hatred (for the benefit of country constituents), you don’t have much time to get one shaped like a giant donger.
Hookahs also be right out.
The Worst of Perth 
Lordy. I’m taking my hangover into the new WA: we have a social engagement in Alfred Cove.
LA, Cookster: if I’m not back in one piece by sundown, fear the worst. Send in a crack team of bloggers to try and exfiltrate me.
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I accept that the people of Western Australia wanted bongs to be made of orange juice containers and garden hoses and not to be in the shape of skulls, erections, Hummers, pistols, tigers, elephants with extended trunks, copulating pigs or Buddha. This governments bong standards have obviously run ahead of community expectations.
That’s politics. No matter what dreams of new bongs we had for the people of Western Australia, it all comes down to the vote on the day.
I believe that Caucus are already sharpening their erection bongs to be used to tear me several new ones. I accept that, and expect to be heavily penetrated by these items before the liberal government crackdown.
It’s what democracy is all about.
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Teh evil bolg ?
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I feel pretty good about the election. Sure it would have been pretty funny to see Colin lose, but if Carps had won with a reasonable majority, I think I would have thought, “Meh. More Carps.” Now it’s going to be a shambles for everyone. Colin was such a disaster as resources minister in The Court Government, that there’s going to be heaps of fun and games there. Troy. Hayseeds rampant. The West wondering what to whinge about. Paul Murray is going to be fantastic.
And I really did hate that Dubai on the river stuff.
I think it’s going to be great.
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Will be very interesting to see if Labor are more willing to partake in the Nat’s “Royalties for Rednecks” scheme than the Liberals are…
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Well Brendan hasn’t been returning Colin’s phone calls, and is in deep with Carps as we speak :-)
Plus the fact that Barnett didn’t mention the Nats by name in his speech and his earlier cancellation on a meeting on the matter on August 11 says a lot.
I reckon Brendan is pissed off with the Libs BIG time.
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But Frank surely we’re not getting Carps again? I’m over it. I actually don’t really want him back now after his performance.
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I still want to know who Narelle is…
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The Worst of Perth is officially going anti Carps.
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@ 9 The Lazy Aussie
“The Worst of Perth is officially going anti Carps.”
Yeh, they always muddy the water and don’t cook up half as good as barra.
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So I did a bit of researching on my new local MP, the ‘local businessman’ Ian Britza.
http://www.wa.liberal.org.au/ianbritza/
Turns out he’s, errr, an accomplished author:
A book warning against betrayal, hmm. Sounds like just the man the state government needs.
At the very least he’ll be a great sidekick for Troy speaking on the floor:
mms://stream.kcmmedia.org/emicod/mbr_video/e20061018-715pm-m.wmv
Thanks, Mr D’Orazio. If there’s one thing certain from yesterday it is no one’s ever going to call you an ethnic branch stacker again. Well, at least not the ‘worst’ one.
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From the Amazon description
“…this book will take them to a deeper level in understanding how God wants leadership teams to function for the success of His kingdom…”
Jeez, and I thought Whitby and D’orazio were fucking plonkers.
How God wants his leadership teams???
I’m a teapot, I’m a teapot.
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Was pot an election issue?
Really?
We may not get Dubai on the Swan, but we will get uranium-fired, coal-burning business to replace our trains, maybe Segways, and the world’s largest Belltower.
You wait.
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Not pot. Implements. Barney vowed to stop the sale of bongs.
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LA, Pot was also included in the ban as well as the Bongs.
http://www.wa.liberal.org.au/index.php?option=com_docman&task=doc_download&gid=33&Itemid=141
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That’s right, the laws were to be tightened too.
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Hide those plants – the Mull Squad will be knocking on your door :-)
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Well Carps AND Barney can fuck off.
God wants The Worst of Perth to rule over his leadership teams.
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Safely back. I know you were all worried.
Welcome to the bongless, cashed-up bush, Godly leadership teamed WA.
Albert Jacob and wife are Christians too…
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I hope the Bogan at Upper Swan Primary School who voted for the libs because of the V8 Supercars gets busted for smoking his bong in his hoonmobile :-)
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“Albert Jacob and wife are Christians too…”
Now that really is something that we should be concerned about.
We will never progress as a society while our legislators are under the influence of reactionary and authoritarian faith based institutions.
Separation of State and religion should be absolute.
(You might have gathered from that little outburst that secularism is one of my most favoured and beloved ‘hobbyhorses’)
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I’m more worried about the Cookster the you Teh ‘rage.
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Eh?
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The Cookster was babbling late last night, “cunts”, “overlords”, “liberals”, “death from above”, Manchurian candidate”, “3 days of The Condor”, were just some of the things he was saying.
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I thought we’d established that was just the Camberwell Carrot Cake talking.
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Hmmm… there’s a few too many of these fucking ‘pastors’ entering parliament thanks to the Libs. The new MPs for Morley and Southern River were both preaching BS before their move into politics.
Maybe I’ll just stay in HK
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I woke up this morning and realized that I am rather pissed of with both Carps and Barney for running such piss poor campaigns that the balance of power now rests with Jamie Oliver.
how did that lisping schoolboy get to choose who governs?
I only watched a few minutes of the coverage, every time I turned over I saw Julie Bishop and my testicles shrivelled.
basically I agree with the concensus here that Carps fucked it up: called it too early; lost Swan Hills, Kal, Mount Lawley, and nearly lost Morley due to playing ‘highest up the wall’ with popular local candidates; and then tried to spend his way out of trouble with trains, schools and hospitals that he should have started building a year ago.
Barney ran an equally uninspiring campaign built solely on the basis of: “I’ll do exactly what Carps will do, but will be feeding Troy Buswell a diet of uranium and genetically modified pies until he turns into a middle-aged mutant ninja turtle.”
the voters said they didn’t want either, and would rather have the balance of power held by John Bowler.
and that right there is a great argument against universal suffrage.
I did however see Jamie Oliver being interviewed, and when asked about Karlene Maywald, who is a National sitting in the ALP cabinet in South Australia, he said “she ith my role model and I will be phoning her shortly to discuth my optionth”
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Holy Carps Batman!
Did I see that or dream it?
The Nationals pounce?
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“….. every time I turned over I saw Julie Bishop and my testicles shrivelled.”
Spare a thought for Peter Nattrass then skink
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‘scuse me skink, but your reactionary attitudes are showing.
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Looks like Dan Sullivan (FFWA) and possibly a CDP from the agricultural region might squeak into the upper house.
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Here’s the link (now gone from the CDP main site) to the possibly-elected dude:
http://209.85.141.104/search?q=cache:qnt4f38fNs0J:www.cdpwa.org.au/internal.php%3Fcontent_id%3D32+%22mac+forsyth%22&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=1
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Mr Cohen, it seemed the Transformer failure at Guildford Primary School favoured the Wombat :-(
http://www.waec.wa.gov.au/elections/state_elections/election_results/2008_State_General_Election/District_of_Midland/polling_place_results.php
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Rolly: the barricades go up at 12 noon tomorrow, at which point we declare the People’s Republic of Perth. The city state will retain all mineral royaties, and the suburban dwellers can have the sheep and wheat.
Carps, Barney and Grylls will be put against a wall at Parliament house and shot through with arrows
the bells will be removed from the Bell Tower, and Murray and Sattler will be hung there instead. Citizens will be welcome to go down there, pull on the bell ropes and make the bastards dance.
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I’m back. Still a little sore from where they attached the electrodes to my nuts and unable to get the smell of scorched pubic hair from my nostrils. But I’m back.
You thought Bishop was bad on TV, you should see her when she’s sucking in the gas aka Blue Velvet’s Frank and screaming, ‘Mommy wants her fucking bourbon cunt cunt!’
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But that’s not the worst of it. The Jacobs boy got jealous. Thought I was trying it on with ‘his Julie’…
“Don’t be a good neighbor anymore to her. I’ll have to send you a love letter! Straight from my northern suburbs heart, fucker! You know what a love letter is? It’s a bullet from a fucking gun, fucker! You receive a love letter from Joondalup, and you’re fucked forever! You understand, fuck? I’ll send you straight to hell, fucker! That’s Kwinana fucker!… In dreams… I walk with you. In dreams… I talk to you. In dreams, you’re mine… all the time. Forever.”
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Cookster, have you seen the film Telefon?
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Skink, me darlin’, I said reactionary, *not* revolutionary.
That said, I’m rather attracted to the arrows and belltower ideas.
The prospect of Perth become a mediaeval styled walled city-state is rather appealing too.
Just imagine the fun to be had putting up a siege and starving all the vapid metrowankers to death and chucking in a dozen or so botulism infected beef carcasses just to be sure.
Oh! the glee at depriving the powdered and perfumed urban masses of the barley and hops from which the amber fluids on which their sense of self worth depends are made.
Might as well cut off the water supply too for, without the aforesaid agricultural products, no-one would want to drink the stuff.
Oh! Joy of Joys.
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Rolly – You appear to be under the mistaken impression we metrocentric twats (TM) would condescend to drink domestic beer. You can deprive us of Emu and Swan all you like – we’ll be airlifting our Asahi and Corona straight into the city via Runway 1 (currently known as Grand Promenade).
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@ TLA – no, not that I can recall… got me curious now. I do like my films. I once succesfull guessed ‘Zabriske Point’ (I think that’s the name) in a game of charades. First guess. The arty prick who thought no one could possibly get it was quite beside himself. You have to be on the herring though…
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Bento, It’s “metrocentric twats©” and don’t you forget it at the peril of being caused to spend the rest of your life paying the bills accrued from engaging professional parasites from the legal fraternity to defend your position in a copywrite (Hee!Hee!) action.
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Or should that have been “copy/paste” action?
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sorry Rolly
I am not a reactionary in terms of restoring the monarchy – since it has yet to be removed.
I am however in favour of voting rights being removed for those north of Grand Prom, south of the river, and in any suburb that dares to use the adjective ‘leafy’
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Courtesy of Young William at PollBludger here is a transcript of what Matt Birney said on 6PR on election night re The West’s coverage of the Election.
http://www.pollbludger.com/941
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Will Barnett be trying to ban Grant Woodhams?
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#44 and that’s where a good editor should be stepping in and making sure they didn’t let it get the better of their stories. Instead he has made it worse. (Or his mother, whoever is calling the shots there).
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I’m with Skink @ 43.
One tooth, one value. It’s the only fair system.
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I’m sure Brendan Grylls is really Dave Hughes, of Rove Live fame.
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I must say – I have always thought Birney was a supercilious part, but he seems to have mellowed a bit since leaving office.
“teenage rampage at the West Australian” is pure gold
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@47 Bento
“I’m with Skink @ 43.
One tooth, one value. It’s the only fair system.”
And raise the voting age to 55: That’ll cut down the time required to count all the votes.
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The West today used a “parliament of whores’ headline and has come down hard on Jamie Oliver, saying that if we metrocentric twats (TM) have to give our money to the cockies, we may not be able to afford a nice new stadium.
I got all excited that teh West might be channelling PJ O’Rourke, and might actually be attempting satire, and even trying to pull off the difficult trick of being both right-wing and funny, but after the bravado headline they pulled their punches and didn’t actually call Grylls and Bowler whores.
I had hoped they would have used a few good lines from O’Rourke, but it just confirms my suspicion that the teenagers at the West don’t read, and were probably not even aware that they had plagiarized their headline.
“Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. ”
“Liberals are the party that says government doesn’t work, and they get elected and prove it. ”
“Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there. ”
“Whenever I’m in the middle of conformity, surrounded by oneness of mine with people oozing concurrence on every side, I get scared. And when I find myself agreeing with everybody, too, I get terrified. “
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Democracy doesn’t just give us freedom – its existence also seems to thrive on stupidity.
How else can one explain the outcome of Saturday’s election, when a party that had no policies and, up until the last grasp of breath no leader, received a massive swing in its favour.
The fact Carp’s popularity was such a factor in all of this shows that elections in the free world are nothing more than high school popularity contests.
However, what was frightening about the outcome of the weekend’s poll sham was the fact that people flocked to a politician who who is far worse than grumblebum and who’s shadow cabinet was made up of untested, uninteresting and untalented riff raff.
The biggest insult, though, was the fact that an idiot like John “Blubberer” Bowler is now a power broker. Maybe we should have made John D’Orazio one as well – that would have coloured things up a bit (not to mention pissed Reece Whitby off even more).
Carps and his crew might have been arrogant, but there were a few of them who weren’t complete fuckwits. Unfortunately we won’t be able to say the same about the conservative coalition that looks as if it’s getting ready to take over the reigns.
Still, if Labor does fall, maybe getting Mark McGowan out of the cabinet would have made the whole exercise worth it….
Old people always go on about the sacrifice their generation made during the world wars to protect democracy. If they actually sat down and looked at what democracy has become, they’d propbably keep their cakeholes shut. The whole thing really is pitiful.
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Good on you, My Ning.
I just heard our old friend Whitby on Hutchinson’s radio show alledge that he is facing a brave new world now that he is unemployed for the first time since he was a cadet journo aged 18. Welcome to the world, Reece.
And did you see the election night interview with him where Rebecca Carmody forced him to admit that if he did win, he wouldn’t take the kids out of their school or move in amongst you grungy Bedfordians?
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But if Labor hangs on My Ning, it could be McGowan for Premier.
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52 and 53
At the risk of talking seriously about the election – I’ll get over it i hope.
Yawn, so easy to say ‘democracy doesn’t work because some absolute fuckwits who nominated got elected and both sides are as bad as each other and it’s frightening that stupid voters get to vote for complete bastards and I am so much cleverer because I follow politics and don’t vote on the basis of personal grudges or popularity’. That gets said every day in the letters page of the worst and on talkback… .
1. Would you still be writing on this post if you’d been tucked up in bed with Barnett or Carps for premier by 8.30 on saturday night? At least it continues to be an interesting election and the outcome is engaging many people more than usual to think about the government (not that I personally wouldn’t have been happy with a comfortable labor win).
2. Why don’t you go ahead and run if you’re not a complete bastard and you have some better ideas about how to run the show? (Making a big assumption that you didn’t). The Libs will preselect anyone with a pulse and labor will preselect anyone who’s never spoken to Brian Burke (again assuming you haven’t!).
3. How would you make our democracy not thrive on stupidity? what’s the alternative to the current system?
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from the Australian:
“but there was growing speculation that Education Minister Mark McGowan or Planning Minister Alannah MacTiernan are mustering factional support to challenge”
McGowan?
be afraid, be very afraid
go Lannie.
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mmm salient points poor lisa. much sense you speak.
at the risk of making My Ning, skink et al rent their clothes even more…they’ll love this in the Washington Post:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/09/05/AR2008090502666_pf.html
5 Myths About Those Civic-Minded, Deeply Informed Voters
By Rick Shenkman
Sunday, September 7, 2008; B05
One thing both Democrats and Republicans agreed about in their vastly different conventions: The American voter will not only decide but decide wisely. But does the electorate really know what it’s talking about? Plenty of things are hurting American democracy — gridlock, negative campaigning, special interests — but one factor lies at the root of all the others, and nobody dares to discuss it. American voters, who are hiring the people who’ll run a superpower democracy, are grossly ignorant. Here are a few particularly bogus claims about their supposed savvy.
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@ 52 My Ning
“Democracy doesn’t just give us freedom – its existence also seems to thrive on stupidity.”
“….all of this shows that elections in the free world are nothing more than high school popularity contests.”
Jeezus, mate,
You’ve just made me feel a lot less lonely.
I’ve been crowing this line for over half a century.
Almost to the point of proposing selective euthanasia.
But I love people; individually, and in small doses: En masse they’re a danger to the survival of the very planet they live on.
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I’m getting a bit pissed off with my comments not showing up. Wassappning?
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For some reason the spam eater has taken a dislike to you. And in the spam queue you have a cartoon caravan as your pic.
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@ 55 poor lisa
“2. Why don’t you go ahead and run if you’re not a complete bastard and you have some better ideas about how to run the show?”
Simply because, if one is not a devious, weasle-worded, lying, duplicitous, hypocritical sleazebag and tell it like it really is, nobody will want to vote for you.
The last thing that you want to hear is that the responsibility for a well organised civil society lies directly and solely in you hands.
No, we all want someone else to blame, so we accept the promises of the impossible and contentedly blame the promisors for failing to deliver.
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Sorry to be serious rolly and ning, but what an insult to people in countries less free than ours (where you certainly can’t call their MP’s the things we’re calling them, not even anonymously on the internet) who die for the right to vote.
All you black South Africans – you’re so stupid queuing up foro 2 days to cast your first free vote in an en masse election. Nice.
You can carry on crowing for another 50 years rolly, but it won’t get you an alternative electoral system or selective euthenasia! Put your hand up and run if you’re so fucking clever. Talk about metrocentric elitism.
I quite like MacGowan.
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Kill the spam eating monster. NOW.
There’s another posting in the system.
And give me my Rolly Home.
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Some voters are stupid, therefore democracy doesn’t work. Very clever argument.
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cohen@57
nice article, but nothing in it is a surprise.
I used to rent my clothes, but one time I got behind on the payments and my trousers were repossessed, so now I prefer to buy them.
I’m here all week.
as I get older, I start to think that concensus government may be better, and we should move to proportional representation and get rid of this stupid adversarial system. That might prevent the situation where both parties are calling Grylls a fool on Friday, and then want to be his bessie mate on Saturday.
The voters are ill-informed because that’s the way the parties want them. A significant portion of Americans still believe Obama is moslem.
conversation I had on a bus in Seattle:
“you’re from Australia? That’s near Zurich, right?”
“no, that’s Austria.”
“yeah, Australia. Kangaroos. I got a friend in Zurich. You speak American very well.”
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MacGowan for Premier, Papalia for Deputy: The Trains Will Run on Time.
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I have no idea why it has taken a dislike to you Rolly. Just have to fish you out of the cistern manually.
McGowan is a very slimy weasel. Alannah should be new overlord.
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65 Have you SEEN the ACT parliament?
Or the average Upper House?
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@ 62 poor lisa
“Sorry to be serious rolly and ning, but what an insult to people in countries less free than ours (where you certainly can’t call their MP’s the things we’re calling them, not even anonymously on the internet) who die for the right to vote.”
Bullshit, p l.
That was neither said nor implied.
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MacGowan and Papalia in Patrol Boat costumes. The Women’s vote sown up.
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Granted it wasn’t directly said, but ‘Democracy’s existence thrives on stupidity’.
My mistake for thinking this might imply ‘people who die for the right to live in a democracy are supporting something stupid and not worth supporting’.
‘Simply because, if one is not a devious, weasle-worded, lying, duplicitous, hypocritical sleazebag and tell it like it really is, nobody will want to vote for you.’
Gawd that is a hunk of cliche’d talkback radio crap. Unless you believe that Nelson Mandela is a devious, weasle worded, lying, duplicitous, hypocritical sleazebag, in which case you’re entitled to your opinion because we live in a free country.
Attacks on democracy will be tolerated but give up the talkback radio shite.
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I didn’t mean PR like the LC, or the Senate
a system that allows Ruth Weber and Steven Fielding into Parliament is not what I had in mind
I mean something sensible and stable. Like the Italians.
just not first past the post winner take all. Not “I have a clear mandate to fuck up this country however I see fit and if I want to introduce AWA’s without putting it to the electorate first, then nobody can stop me because I have an absolute majority even if I only got less than 40% of the primary vote.”
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Poor lisa @ 62 & 64
If we were to shun sweeping generalisations, rampant elitism, insular insensitivity, and general metrocentric twattery, TWOP would look as barren as Sookie’s blog.
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72 fair enuf then, I agree with that. Even maybe Italy at least they have nice-looking pollys.
Although I WOULD support ‘I have an absolute majority even if only 40% of the primary vote and my first act as Premier is to start a state-owned newspaper with Lazy as editor and introduce a bill to outlaw The West Australian forever.’
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@ 72 skink
“I mean something sensible and stable. Like the Italians.”
Surely, you jest.
Italy has the most unstable and corrupt political system in the civilised world.
It makes Mugabe et al look like rank amateurs.
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73 shun shun
Yeh i got serious for a minute. It’s because I spent the past 4 weeks working to get good candidates elected instead of sitting with my head up my arse generalising about how fucked democracy is. OK I’m over it.
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Rolly you mustave left your jest detector in your caravan when it got flushed to Dumbleyung.
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Poor Lisa
“I am so much cleverer because I follow politics and don’t vote on the basis of personal grudges or popularity’. That gets said every day in the letters page of the worst and on talkback…”
There’s a little truth there – I gave the daylight saving people the number two tick on my upper house ballot in the hope it would mean Labor would get the preference. Yet I hate daylight saving. It had nothing to do with personalities – nobody came to my door during the campaign, nor did I get any fridge stickers from anyone, so I wouldn’t have a clue who was running.
“1. Would you still be writing on this post if you’d been tucked up in bed with Barnett or Carps for premier by 8.30 on saturday night?”
Well, yeah – complaining is fun. And why not whine about these plonkers? I mean what are we going to do – shut our mouths when having to choose between someone who thinks banning bongs is a major policy platform and another who can’t even rustle up enough teachers for WA’s primary school kiddies during a once-in-a-lifetime resources boom?
“At least it continues to be an interesting election and the outcome is engaging many people more than usual to think about the government”
Are people really thinking about government here, or is it all just more theatre to fill in our time as we look for something to read on the bus ride home? Furthermore, there’s a very good chance that no one will care by the end of the week anyway when they realise nothing has changed. Kind of like the Varanus Island crisis that never was – lots of promise, but ending with a whimper rather than a bang.
2. Why don’t you go ahead and run if you’re not a complete bastard and you have some better ideas about how to run the show? (Making a big assumption that you didn’t). The Libs will preselect anyone with a pulse and labor will preselect anyone who’s never spoken to Brian Burke (again assuming you haven’t!).”
It would be pointless for me to run – not enough of a model citizen, I’m afraid (plus a complete bastard, if the truth be known). And joining the Liberal Party might be tricky – my moustache isn’t black or thick enough, my hair part is in the wrong place, I don’t like pretending I go to church, I’m uncomfortable wearing a suit and, from what I’ve read, I think the 1950s kind of sucked. Plus I don’t have too many issues with gay marriages and lenient pot laws. Labor might be an easier prospect, but if I had the chance to talk to Burkie I would take it. It would be a hoot – imagine the stories you’d hear if you could get a few drinks into him (I bet Peter Dowding would find it interesting to be a fly on the wall at a Burke backyard BBQ) . As for running the show, all we would really have to do is watch how decisions are currently made and then act to the contrary. It wouldn’t be hard.
“3. How would you make our democracy not thrive on stupidity? what’s the alternative to the current system?”
Bring back the class war, re-introduce the breadlines – make the whole thing the political struggle that it should really be….
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the Italy comment was a joke.
but I would accept a dictatorship if Armstrong was first against the wall.
I’m with LA that McGowan is a slimy weasel. I worked a booth in Rockingham at the Fed election last year, and he came sniffing around pretending like he owned the place.
I didn’t actually know who he was, and he expected me to know. he was wearing shorts and sandals as if he was just an ordinary guy, but his legs looked as if they had never seen daylight before. he didn’t introduce himself, so there was this very awkward conversation. For the first few minutes I thought he was one of those chatty nutters who sit down next to you on the bus and start telling you all about themselves. Eventually the penny dropped and I realized he might be a party representative, but by then it was too late to ask him who the fuck he was.
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Fair comments esp about the class war and the breadlines, but I think it’s nice to live in a country where you vote every couple of years, have a bit of theatre for a week if it’s close, and the rest of the time if you want, you can choose to think about nothing except your Chrysler Wanker payments, So You Think You can Dance, the statues in someone else’s front yard, your next root, your next beer, the shape of your bong, and you don’t have to turn your mind to the government because they mostly get out of your face, until you get the next fridge magnet thru the mailbox.
However if you didn’t even get a fridge magnet you must live in a very safe seat. That’s a little insulting.
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My Ning, didn’t you write to Stephen Smith saying “Cunt, where’s my fridge magnet?”
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If Ning did, Stephen would come around personally and attach his 2008 ‘Emergency Numbers’ calendar to your fridge for you with it. He has that kind of attention to detail, just look at his hair.
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I think that there was no reply from “The Hair.” I know MyNing has some good McGowan stories too. No doubt there’ll be 500 words on the topic soon.
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I don’t know MacG at all, I just said it to be controversial. I bow to the collective worstdom.
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No fridge magnets for us in Guildford. We did get a letter from Michelle Roberts, saying she knew how we were concerned over some issues, and she had been trying to organise a “round table” meeting, but the election got in the way. Now the election is over I’ve written to her, saying we’re looking forward to our invitations.
I wonder how Michelle knew about the issues, since she lives in East Perth? Maybe she got a fridge magnet about them?
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I didn’t get a bloody fridge magnet, from Stephen Smith or Lisa Baker or Ainslie “five in a bed” Gatt.
Ainslie could have come around at any time and I would gladly have introduced her to my smeg.
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Now that the election is over, and they are about to tear me a new one, I can confess that Mark McGowan is indeed a snivelling little worm.
I had to sack all the other pricks who could actually get things done. (Except for Alannah.)
Mark McGowan is the type to talk to himself in the mirror.
Mark McGowan has no opinion on anything until someone else endorses it.
Mark McGowan cries to himself in the toilet while timidly thinking about how to shaft someone with a personality.
Mark McGowan is a yes man.
Mark McGowan is an I don’t know man.
Mark McGowan has a weak smile.
Mark McGowan hates everything he stands for.
Mark McGowan stands for nothing.
Mark McGowan wonders if he is up to it.
Mark McGowanisn’t up to it.
Mark McGowan asks himself, “Rockingham?”
Mark McGowan takes the L out of lover.
Mark McGowan changes his tie to increase his charisma.
Mark McGowan isn’t fit to wipe reece Whitby’s arse.
Mark McGowan wipes Reece Whitby’s arse.
Everyone sighs and says “Snivelling turd,” when he leaves the room
Mark McGowan tries not to leave the room.
And I should know.
Yours in Christ
Carps
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Have you got a big one, skink?
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my smeg is indeed voluminous.
it fills the recess
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I’m DeLonghi myself.
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LA
No, never did hear from Smithy about the fridge magnet or my appraisal of his stab in the back style of politics.
As for McGowan – Carps is right; he’s all of the above….
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I knew you were an elitist bunch of metrocentric twats. We just have a fisher & paykel. One smeg one vote, rules out the humble folk of Dumbleyung.
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I don’t actually have a smeg, I just used it as a euphemism for semen
that double-entendre might not travel well outside England
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skink, explaining jokes on TWOP is verboten. It insults those of us who get them.
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Lisa I can see the unhappiness ; bit like when your footy team loses the grand final. The key question is : were they all that good ? As for democracy it could do with a bit of improvement but disenfranchisement is not the way to go.
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Oh I thought you were using it as a double entendre for smegma. I knew you were being smutty but I didn’t quite get why you’d want to show Ainslie the… well you know.
I even picked up that DeLonghi might have been a big double entendre. But I wanted to go on about metrocentric twats.
I bet rolly just has a really tiny old weatherbeaten westinghouse in his caravan.
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94 Well having had to explain to rolly that he was joking about Italy being a model for our parliamentary system, he probably thought he had to explain to me that smeg means something rude in england. Me, a viz reader!
They weren’t all that good no. But they were mine goddammit! Even MacGowan! And really it’s more like losing a grand final that you actually prepared for & played in, not watching one while you eat pies and drink beer.
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I blame Carps and the Riddance matriarch for the tone of today’s comments.
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I was trying to find some way of making ‘Indesit’ sound indecent.
I was getting close, but I feel I’ve missed my window of opportunity.
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@ 96 poor lisa
“I bet rolly just has a really tiny old weatherbeaten westinghouse in his caravan.”
Careful what you bet on kiddo. Mine’s a 3-way Electrolux.
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I’m still not getting through.
Kill, Kill, Kill the fucking spam filter.
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At least you are a caravan now though.
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sorry Lisa
forgot you were a Viz reader
I shall leave quietly on my monkey spunk moped
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@ 55 I like you, poor lisa. A lot.
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A fan from Japan!
Rolly that’ll teach me never to underestimate the quality of a man’s whitegoods….
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To hell with the mystical East (it’d be yeller goods).
No; made in Scandinavia, (like the young US ‘au pair’.)
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Can I just say that our fridge door has two handles and cleverly opens from both sides. Its a Sharp and I’ve never seen another like it!
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Apparently John “blubbering” Bowler has made a parliamentary crying room a precondition of supporting either side. Free tissues also.
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@ Skink – I think you’ll find that smeg is a euphamism for ‘dick cheese’ not semen. A touch of the old blue vein if you like.
I once saw a bus shelter on Wanneroo Rd daubed with the words ‘box cheese’ but alas it was before camera phones had been spawned.
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Cookster @ 109 – from the authoritative Roger’s Profanisaurus:
smeg n.
1. Jizz; joy gloy; jism. 2. Amusingly named Swedish manufacturer of white goods.
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Bento @ 110 – That surprises me, as I’m a big fan of the Man From the Telly, cunt that he is.
This from Wiki: Smegma, from the Greek smēchein (to clean)[1], is a combination of exfoliated (shed) epithelial cells, transudated skin oils, and moisture. In males, it serves to facilitate erections and ease penetration during sexual intercourse.[2] It is a natural lubricant and eliminates the need for artificial lubrication during sex and masturbation.[3]
Further…
Botkin’s Hospital in Moscow have asserted that smegma is produced from minute microscopic protrusions of the mucosal surface of the foreskin. According to these scientists, living cells constantly grow towards the surface, undergo fatty degeneration, separate off, and form smegma. Newly produced smegma has a smooth, moist texture and is rich in squalene.[5] It contains anti-bacterial enzymes such as lysozyme and hormones such as androsterone.[3]
Glandular gorgonzola…
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@ 110 Bento
Don’t believe everything you read.
I was around long before that crappy mag.
In the 50’s ‘smeg’ was definitely a reduction of the word smegma, usually used by toffee-nosed private schoolboys.
‘Foreskin cheese’ was a term more commonly used, but generally only by gentiles.
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There are photos on Wiki, but I don’t think TWOP is ready for a photo set displaying the aforementioned ‘cock cheddar’.
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I recall smeg’s (mildly annoying over)usage on Red Dwarf, as “a generic, four-letter, single-syllable swear-word that might be used in the future (and so could be used in the programme in place of swear words…)”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smeg_(vulgarism)
Whilst “The show’s creators (Grant Naylor) have stated it was not related to a medical term and was a made up swear word”, and, “…the show has consistently claimed to know nothing of the word “smegma”…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smegma
…and that “smeg” was entirely made up…”, it’s easy to see how it could be interpreted as a shortened form of the latter.
Indeed, “Lexicographer Tony Thorne, in his 1990 Dictionary of Contemporary Slang, reports instances of “smeg” (and derivatives) being used as a term of “mild contempt and even affection” among “schoolboys, students and punks” as early as the mid-1970s — a decade or so prior to the inception of the Red Dwarf phenomenon — and claims unequivocally that the etymology of the term traces back to “smegma”.”
Of course, this was all 20 and 30 years ago. Who knows what it means nowadays.
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Snuff – exactly. The beauty of the English language is that it evolves over time.
In Rolly’s day, ‘gay’ meant ‘happy’ (and probably still does, in Dumbleyung), and ‘internet’ meant nothing (and probably still does, in Dumbleyung).
My initial inclination was to agree with Cookster, Rolly et al, as that was my understanding of ‘smegma’, of which I assumed ‘smeg’ to be a derivative. However, I bow to the higher authority, in this case being the man on the telly.
Yep, we’re tackling the big issues here today.
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What happened to whingeing about Mark McGowan?
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“We ‘ad a lot of things in them days that you don’t ‘ave today……..’itler, diphtheria, rickets…..”
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And WTF is Dumbleyoung getting teh blame for my misdemeanors, eh? EH?
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I blame Dumbleyung for many things, Rolly.
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From the ever reliable West via Young william, it seems there may be a leadership challenge against Carps, and that despite all the grandstanding Brendan Grylls will capitulate and team up with Barney :-)
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On the morning of the election, The Worst’s editorial (which, surprisingly, suggested people vote for Labor) observed that Colin Barnett had been a good resources minister when he was in the Richard Court cabinet.
This may or may not have been true, but what we – and those who don’t read TWOP – must remember is that he was also the energy minister, and it was in this role he made a few colossal blunders.
Given it now looks like Barnett is going to be WA’s next premier, it’s about time people questioned the calibre of his decision making, particularly when it comes to significant (and expensive) development matters.
For the time being let’s not worry about the privatisation of the Dampier to Bunbury natural gas pipeline, a deal that Barnett helped engineer and one that, ultimately, upped this state’s sovereign risk level when it comes to attracting overseas investment.
And, for the moment anyway, let us not ponder his role in the establishment of the Windimurra gas pipeline spur or look at the reasons why he should have perhaps asked some relevant questions before exposing the state’s taxpayer to a hefty bill for what has so far been a white elephant piece of expensive infrastructure.
Rather, let’s look at the first of his big mistakes – the one that initially started to rub out his Mr Teflon image. The year was 1998, and the incident involved the proposed Kingstream steel mill near Geraldton.
As the energy minister, Barnett had helped set up a gas supply agreement between AlintaGas (the owner of the then government’s Dampier-Bunbury pipeline), the US-based Epic Energy (the company which was eventually shafted when it bought the pipeline) and Kingstream.
In June 1997 Kingstream announced that Epic was the preferred tenderer for the transportation of gas to the steel project, with the plan being that it would use the existing pipeline. All of the other tenders submitted involved the building of a second gas pipe.
The Australian Competition & Consumer Commission, a supporter of the second pipeline idea, then started sniffing around, asking all of the stakeholders a slew of questions regarding the matter and, in the process, taking advice from both “senior and junior counsel” as well as that of an “industry expert”.
In the end, the ACCC determined the government-endorsed agreement would breach serious parts of sections 45 and 46 of the Trade Practices Act (1974).
In the ACCC’s words:
Section 45 of the act prohibits agreements which have the purpose or effect of substantially lessening competition in the market.
Section 46 … prohibits a business that has a substantial degree of market power from taking advantage of that power for the purpose of eliminating or substantially damaging a competitor, preventing the entry of a person into any market, or deterring or preventing a person from engaging in competitive conduct in any market.
AlintaGas, the ACCC said, had a “substantial degree of power in the haulage of gas”, giving it the ability to engage in “substantial price discrimination in the haulage of gas for different customers”.
Then came the crunch, when it was shown how the minister involved (Barnett) did not really care what the impact of setting up an uncompetitive energy deal with a steel mill would be on the poor taxpayer:
“… the evidence available to the ACCC strongly indicates that AlintaGas entered into the proposed agreement, not because of any commercial gain from the haulage of additional gas by virtue of the successful bid for the project and the agreement, but because by doing so it would enable Epic to underbid proposals which were based on the construction of a second pipeline in competition with the (Dampier-Bunbury line).
“Based on expert advice, the ACCC believes THE AGREEMENT IS LIKELY TO SUBSTANTIALLY UNDERCOVER THE COSTS INCURRED BY ALINTAGAS.
“THESE COSTS INCLUDE THE RISK OF POTENTIAL LOSS TO ALINTAGAS IN CERTAIN CIRCUMSTANCES.
“ … the ACCC does not believe these benefits ARE SUFFICIENT TO OUTWEIGH THE COSTS CARRIED BY ALINTAGAS.
“THE ACCC BELIEVES THAT ALINTAGAS IS LIKELY TO INCUR A FINANCIAL LOSS AS A RESULT OF THE AGREEMENT OR FALL TO COVER THE COSTS OF PROVIDING THE SERVICE.”
In other words, Barnett was willing to let the state’s power utility go broke so it could subsidise the energy needs of a steel mill, which at the time was claiming it had a 20 year life. Wait a minute – how would that work? If implemented it may have had far more devastating implications for WA’s electricity sector than the recent explosion – and the subsequent “energy crisis” that resulted from it – on Varanus Island
Ultimately, the ACCC said, had a competing proposal won the tender for the Kingstream project, there would have been a “substantial expansion” in the capacity to haul gas from the North West Shelf and other gas producing regions”.
Barnett, who up until that point was bragging that he and the Coalition were steering the WA energy industry down a path of “successful deregulation” in an attempt to “open up competition in the market and promote resource development”, made absolutely no attempt to defend himself against the allegations after they were announced – a somewhat staggering decision given his usual level of smug self confidence and penchant for gasbagging about how fucking smart the Libs were under the Dickie Court regime.
In an evasive press statement, he said the government would accept the ACCC’s findings, despite the fact the commission had stated quite clearly that the deal was anti-competitive and would restrict further development.
“I am concerned … that one of Australia’s most important resource development projects …has been dealt a serious setback,” Barnett said.
Yes Colin, but who really was responsible for this setback? The government of the day, no doubt, had its own lawyers who were conversant with anti-trade practices – couldn’t have they seen that the whole thing was heading for disaster during the draft stage?
Well, it’s possible that they may have missed it, but this seems unlikely. Rather, it’s reasonable to suggest that Barnett had an agenda (which was getting the Oakajee port established) and he was going to push the rules a bit to see what he could get away with.
(At least this is the impression the Labor Party gave, when its then depressed leader Geoff Gallop said in his own press statement that Colin had “dismissed warnings by the opposition and media last year [1997] that the deal was anti-competition and likely to be rejected by the ACCC”.)
The fact Barnett eventually got caught out didn’t really seem to matter, especially since the political system is set up to excuse such behaviour. However, even though he didn’t even receive a slap on the wrist, this should not detract us from the fact that the whole affair more or less sums up his modus operandi when it comes to determining policy.
No doubt all of this is something the National Party might want to reflect upon before the weekend’s vote. After all, how much money will be left for rural WA if the treasury’s coffers are continually being drained by Colin to help prop up another of his water canal ideas?
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the worm is already truning
last night he ABC were reporting that the Nats cockie-bribe would put the state’s credit rating at risk, and the West was getting in a flap about losing the footy stadium or the Elllenbrook railway to pay off the Nats.
seems it would be political suicide for the metrocentric twats (TM) from either party to deal with the Nats.
If Grylls gets in bed with the ALP, he will be a one-term leader. If he gets in with the Libs, then Barnett cannot retire gracefully and risk a byelection when he only has a one seat majority, and there could be no smooth transition to a younger leader, since Porter won’t want to inherit a shitfight with the Nats
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Great, innit?
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I am starting to enjoy it
the backlash has started even before anyone has formed a government
I am now rather hoping the Libs and Nats govern in partnership, with a knife-edge majority, then the city will hate the country for putting our balls in a vice.
the government will fall at the first by-election, and then at the next election there will be a huge backlash and the Libs and the Nats will be swept into oblivion by a new one-vote-one-value metrocentric hegemony.
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Did you see today’s West with Adshead try to verbal Gryll’s Grandmother into badmouthing Brendan for daring to “sleep with the enemy”
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maybe someone should verbal Adshead’s mother on why she gave birth to such a slimy little turd
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“Ma Grylls” talk about patronising.
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Funny how niether Libs or Labor have publicly considered that we all thought they were BOTH complete rubbish and ultimately decided that neither actually deserved an outright win!
I’m so sick of Barnett bangin’ on about how the west australian public clearly blah,blah,blahed!
There is nothing unclear about a hung parliament, we just could’nt decide who was the better of two losers!
Too much to expect either leader to consider the bleedin’ obvious!
I mean what sort of a choice was it? – gimme a break!
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So you’re saying Christian Democratic Bedford?
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If only the CWA had a candidate! I would’ve voted for the WA Rabbit Council if they’d run! Big Show tomorrow (sun14th) in Basso, Plush Lops,Satins and Dwarf Lops apparently!!!Cyril Jackson Rec Hall. 11-3pm mmm….wabbit!!
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Son’t let any italians near em, or they’ll go straight into the cooking pot :-)
Speaking of Big Events, it’s that time of the year in Guildford which I posted a video of earlier this year :-) The Statue wil be cruising the streets from approx 3.30pm :-)
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I’m taking my pressure cooker Frank!!
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Underground mutton. Yummy, Yummy.
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“Yellowcake for Nyungars” now thats got a wierd ring to it!!
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Carps’ Psalm 23:
The Grylls is my Shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
He leadeth me beside the cash-starved regions.
He restoreth my career:
He leadeth me in the paths of savingeth the ALP for His name’ sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of spending more time with my family,
I will fear no new leader: For thou art with me;
Thy Parliamentary rod and thy staff, they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies;
Thou annointest my head with canola oil; My cup runneth over.
Surely the whiff of wheat shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the House on the Hill forever,
Until Brendon throweth me to Kokoda.
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“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of spending more time with my family,”
I wish I had said that.
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should be “Thou annointest my arse with canola oil;”
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I see the Australians for Constitutional Monarchy convention is at the Hotel Northbridge next weekend (19-21 Sept).
Guest speakers include Alexander Downer, and ALBERT JACOB (no mention of whether The Arse will be joining him).
In addition, the Voice News tells me, “young Australians will state the ‘Monarchy rocks!’ case on Saturday at 1:30pm”.
This sounds like it has ‘worst’ written all over it.
http://www.norepublic.com.au/index.php?option=com_content&task=blogcategory&id=0&Itemid=10
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Canals.
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Christ almighty – farm week every week…
http://theperthfiles.blogspot.com/2008/09/colin-buys-farm-libs-win-in-wa.html
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Fuck me sideways… farm week, every week. One big royal show…
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I read the news today, oh boy
About a lucky man who made the grade
And though the news was rather sad
Well, I just had to laugh
I saw the photograph
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While it’s kinda hard to believe that Ripper is now the leader of the opposition, its even harder to imagine that Mark McGowan takes himself seriously enough to think that maybe one day he’ll become premier.
Who remembers back around 2000 when the Worst ran a story on how fucking boring Rockingham was.
Being the town’s local member, McGowan felt compelled to reply. The missive that was eventually published was so bland that it not only lacked any balls, but there was a distinct absence of pubic hair as well.
It was kids’ stuff – it had no structure, no direction, no argument or counter arguments, no colourful rhetoric. Hell, I still get sleepy just thinking about it.
And speaking of sleepy, it reminds me of a story when McGowan was in Geraldton circa 1998 while he was the opposition spoksman for local government. To put this in context, it must be remembered that these were pretty exciting times for the town given it was facing amalgamation with Greenough (which was a hot topic amongst the farming rednecks, who seemed to think that such a merger would be akin to being rounded up and sent to concentration camps).
It was also exciting because; (1) the region – and its various local governments – were facing huge upheavels with the possible arrival of the Kingstream steel mill, and; (2) one of the biggest real estate housing development disasters ever seen in the area was unfolding and the City of Geraldton was being set up to take the blame.
Pretty big issues, right? Something that perhaps an opposition spokesman could sink his teeth into to get some exposure in the local rag, right?
Under normal circumstances the answer to these two questions would be a resounding yes.
And, for a brief moment, it seemed that this was McGowan’s game plan when he had a person from the Geraldton Labor office phone one of the local newspaper hacks and ask if he’d like an interview with the Rockingham MLA.
Naturally the journo said yes and went to visit the ambitious pollie. It was, howeevr, a big disappointment to say the least.
Firstly, McGowan went on and on and on about how fucking tired he was, continually making tired-like sighing sounds as if a 6am start was something to be reckoned with.
Then he got hit with all the questions pertaining to the above-mentioned hot topics which he sort of didn’t (or couldn’t) answer. In the end the journo had taped around 30 minutes of interview and could only find one half decent quote – a measley 20 words in almost half an hour of blathering on subjects that should have been made remotely interesting.
In short, McGowan is a pisspoor waste of time – pure and simple. He’s so fucking bland that he even makes Omodei look like a strong leader.
And let’s face it, Omodei couldn’t have won that election in the way Barnett did. That is perhaps something the Labor people should seriously consider the next time Mr Sleepyhead decides he wants to put his hand up to become WA’s leader.
Oh yeah – he also spoke to Burkie this year, and even that turned out to be a non event.
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Hard to think about where to whine on this one, but The Aftermath is kind of appropriate…
Eric Ripper saying the mining industry needs protection (The Worst, 23/2) – gee, when will this nonsense ever end?
Why doesn’t he ask these questions instead (?!):
(1) Why does the WA taxpayer throw cash at BHP when the miner stands up and bullshits endlessly for five or so years?
(2) Which clown in government – either in cabinet or in the upper echelons of the pubic service – actually believed that that fucking vanadium crap at Mt Magnet was going to work, especially after it had already proved itself to be a total dismal failure?
There’s another theoretical I wanna throw in here.
Let’s just say one of the greatest mining entrepeneurs (sic) on the planet told WA people that he/she was going to build a great big fucking big iron ore mine, with massive built in capacity to boot, in the Pilbara. Let’s just say he/she crapped on and on and on and on about how fucking sound the mineralisation was for years. Then, let’s say, it was found that there was an unforseen water table problem – something the hydrogeology didn’t discover in round one of due diligence because (and I’m guessing here) the poor old hydrogeologist wasn’t even consulted.
Let’s say the whole thing then fell in a heap as it awaited Chinese funding to come to the rescue.
Will Ripper, under these circumstances, still say we need to rescue the poor old mining industry? If the answer is yes, we should have rescued Bondy back in 89 and made sure he was still running Teh Worst!
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I thought you were talking about Twiggy for a moment,
although the same scenario fits Gindalbie, Mount Gibson, Midwest…
“build us a port and a railway so we can get our poor grade stuff to market at below spot prices so the Chinese can wedge the Big Two.”
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So under Barnett’s watch this has been a dud twice right? Maybe Col will tell them they’re not allowed to close it.
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Pingback: The Willagee Horror | The Worst of Perth
What the hell is that?
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As if you don’t know.
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Pingback: Whip up some country undies | The Worst of Perth
kWYw))'(.)))”(
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