Lair of The White Worm

If you’ve ever wondered about Allen Park, the area Paul Murray The West’s star blogger and columnist endlessly bangs on about, here it is in Google street view. Anyone care to troll the streets to see if there’s an overweight blowhard dragging around a dog, mumbling “at first blush”, “methinks” and “let me say at the outset”?

Not me, but I did take a quick look down at the beach and couldn’t spot him, unless this is him taking up bike riding. If anyone views the streets and sees the old bore, save the link, please.

We got ourselves a Chinee.

We got ourselves a Chinee.

And while we’re on the West, what dufus decided to use the tired old fake chinese font? The West is as Chinese as David Carradine. Awful. They might as well say, “Get The West’s slanty eyes edition!” Guys, every time you mention something asian, you don’t have to use this ultra crappy, tired old font. You may also remember it from Chopstix.

And on media here’s a link to the news on how successful the new Fairfax blog has been. Skink, Frank, I told youse to stop logging in to check whether anyone was reading. Now look what you’ve done!

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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48 Responses to Lair of The White Worm

  1. Nah can’t see him , he’ll have to be photoshopped in : Dada Nurries , the head of Nurries or binoculared Nurries looking at the beach.


  2. crankynick says:

    I find it hard to believe – the only decent content on the bloody site is the stuff that’s provided from the eastern states.

    How the fuck you run a business section where the bulk of the mining coverage is provided from Sydney, is completely beyond me, to name but one example.

    Mind you, it’s always worth an hour’s amusement down the pub, arguing about which of TWATs alleged journalists run the most inane blog.

    (It’s tough. Think about it. The sentimental favourite has to be Sattler, but have you read any of the rest?)


  3. crankynick says:

    Sorry, talking about the WA Today item there, should have made that clearer.


  4. Frank Calabrese says:

    [Skink, Frank, I told youse to stop logging in to check whether anyone was reading. Now look what you’ve done!]

    Erm, it may be successful, but it ain’t Quality, it’s more likely it’s listeners to 6PR who are giving them the hits when Beaumont, Sattler & Co promote the page, and interview people like the Taxi Driver and 6PR/96FM/6IX* news quote stories from there.

    (*6IX can b considered the Bastard child from a previous relationship, as it USED to be owned by Southern Cross who were forced to sell it when they bought 96FM, but still share studio space and facilities – it’s virtually a Fairfax station in all but name.)


  5. lauredhel says:

    “(It’s tough. Think about it. The sentimental favourite has to be Sattler, but have you read any of the rest?)”

    I’m finding it very hard to go past the double team of Daile “Pep Talk” Pepper and Chris “You’ve Got Male” Thomson.


  6. I have him as Chris “Is this thing working” Thomson.


  7. crankynick says:

    It’s difficult – while on an absolute scale of inanity Chris* and Daile are hard to beat, but Princess Fiona and Patti Chong are supposed to be intelligent people – on a relative scale compared to their alleged talents, I reckon they have it hands down.

    Unless, of course, Chris and Daile are writing their copy too – which is entirely possible. A mate of mine used to work at Fisheries, and he was the bloke who wrote all of Glen Jakovich’s fishing columns for the Worst, for quite a while there.

    *(and is it just me, or does Thomson have a livejournal somewhere, and gets his LJ mates to come and post comments on TWATs?)


  8. crankynick says:

    Can I have my brackets closed too, Aussie?


  9. Glenn Jakovich was a fraud? He couldn’t fish? You’ll be telling me next that paul Murray is getting Salman Rushdie to do his cutting and pasting for him. Say it aint so. Glen Jakovich? Are you looking me in the eye and telling me that glen Jakovich didn’t write –

    “With the line singing off the reel, and the rod scissoring my crotch, the Dolphin Fish knew it had run up against a foe to be reckoned with. Not since the snows of Kilimanjaro kissed my sunburnt forehead, and I took Mantaja beneath the stars. Now THAT was a woman who didn’t need a pillow under her arse… In any case, not since then, or perhaps when the fascists over ran our postion outside Seville, had my rod been bent so severely.”

    You better have evidence he didn’t write that. Glen? Really?


  10. crankynick says:

    I’m saying that Fisheries WA was writing Jako’s fishing column, ‘cos it was a mate of mine penning that deathless prose.

    I am saying that all of those people who thought those words were too erudite for Jako were right.

    I’m saying that that the mullet he knows the most about is the one he wore for all of those years.


  11. I’m not listening to you. I’ve got my fingers in my ears. Not listening. Not listening.


  12. crankynick says:

    Take it to the bank, brother, ‘cos it’s true.


  13. I’m sure Cookster will have Glen’s email. I think an expose is required. So I suppose that means Mantaja DID need a pillow under her arse as he took her?


  14. Frank Calabrese says:

    [I’m not listening to you. I’ve got my fingers in my ears. Not listening. Not listening.]

    You do realise that Kingsley wasn’t a real Koala, but a now deceased deaf man in a Koala Bear Suit.


  15. I’ve got to log off and get my head around this stuff.


  16. You can look up Teh Paul’s address in the white pages and view his house on this street, but unfortunately it’s not that exciting. There’s no cartons of empty cougars cans next to the bin.


  17. lauredhel says:

    It’s difficult – while on an absolute scale of inanity Chris* and Daile are hard to beat, but Princess Fiona and Patti Chong are supposed to be intelligent people – on a relative scale compared to their alleged talents, I reckon they have it hands down.

    This is a particularly good point, and one I concede as gracefully as possible.


  18. A reasonable deduction from the advertising stats of watoday is that there is buckets, nay shit , loads of wonga that you , LA , could be taking off them.


  19. skink says:

    don’t blame me for TWAT’s figures – as already pointed out, they get most of their content from the east and have yet to do any in-depth local stories beyond “I hear there’s an election coming” (that’s an actual quote)

    Getting as many hits as the West is hardly staggering: the equivalent of being “the fourth best folk parody duo in New Zealand” . it is not like people read one and not the other, most web users will flick between both sites to try and get some perspective, plus view the Eastern papers and overseas sites for some proper news and comment. They seem more interested in connecting their advertizers to their target demographic – notice no mention of journalism or news coverage in that article.

    I seriously doubt Fiona and Patti’s column are ghost written by any of the Banal Bloggers, since they are better written, and do not use any of TWAT’s trademark stylisms, such as starting paragraphs with conjunctions and placing trite little sentence fragments on their own line

    know what I mean?

    my vote for worst blogger goes to Shallow Spice, since she really does not seem to have a clue about ‘the single life’, and still imagines that people under 30 go on ‘dates’

    her counterpart in the Eastern states writes about the etiquette of having sex whilst menstrating, meanwhile Daile is indignantly insisting that a gentleman should pay for the meal.

    whenever I read her column I think of the line from Jane Austen: ” I did not realize how much I loved him until I saw Pemberley.”


  20. Can everyone see the Allen Park street views? it’s only showing up with firefox for me, not in IE.


  21. I’m still blaming you skink.


  22. skink says:

    the Google Street views come and go, sometimes they are there and you can scroll around them, sometimes they are blank.

    I still refuse to accept the blame for people reading WAToady.

    Strange how, with that much traffic, nobody posts on their blogs. I hypothesize that there is some kind of deal where people accessing smh or age sites from WA get credited as TWAT readers, and similarly stories posted from WA on other Fairfax sites are counted as TWAT hits. They must all be using a common server.


  23. Paracleet says:

    This would imply it is only you posting on their blogs then, under one of you many synonyms.


  24. skink says:



  25. Bill O'Slatter says:

    Skink perhaps you could get a few answers to your questions about Toadies web metrics from


  26. skink says:

    gee Bill, that looks like hard work, study, research and homework.

    I prefer to make outlandish claims based on gut feeling and whim. I have no need of facts or statistics.

    I have been reading Nurry and Rattler too long.


  27. Paracleet says:

    long tail? niche content? monetize?

    This has got Bullshit Bing written all over it…


  28. Cookster says:

    @ TLA: I don’t have Jako’s email, but I can ‘source’ it. Speaking of (urgh…) Eagles, I have Ben Cousin’s address, but his mailbox is always chockers to the apricots.


  29. guildford rd Mt Lawley used to have graffiti “Cousins you drug cheat”, but unfortunately not there for google street now. Likewise no 6pr graffiti on the east perth shop.


  30. Groucho says:

    …talk about connected. Can you dig up Lleyton Hewitt’s career..sorry….I meant address…..legends in their own lunchboxes….


  31. Cookster says:

    The correct term Groucho is stalker.


  32. skink says:

    if only you could use Google StreetView for stalking…


  33. Groucho says:

    How does someone who stalks absolute wankers(e.g. WCE players, Liberal politicians, the complete dickhead that does Channel seven sunrise show..Kochie is it?) compare to someone that stalks celebrities like…umm…..can’t think of an Australian celebrity at the moment….damn !!!


  34. crankynick says:

    I’m impressed that we’ve gone for more than 30 posts on the TWAT Blogs without any serious ranting about Shitler, though.


  35. And no-one has street viewed his mansion to see if he’s hosing dog turds off the front lawn.


  36. Bento says:

    Or Skink turds.


  37. Cookster says:

    Kochie, ey? Sure you’re not stalking me Groucho? I’m a bit of a wanker I guess.


  38. rhubarb says:

    Can everyone see the Allen Park street views? it’s only showing up with firefox for me, not in IE.

    Maybe, TWOP shd get its own shit together before criticising other websites.


  39. Rolly says:

    Now, Now, rhubarb.
    Mustn’t blame this esteemed blog for the failure of a multi-billion scam job by MS.


  40. skink says:

    are you implying I would defecate on the great man’s herbacious border?

    actually, I checked out his address on Google, and he doesn’t have a front law. It seems to be all concrete, with numerous small Japanese hatchbacks

    it’s no mansion, is it? rather humble compared to Rattler’s multi-million dollar character home. Although Rattler has been in continuous employment, whereas Nurry seems to find it difficult to cement a career. Clearly cut-and-pasting one or two columns together each week, and the occasional after dinner speech, does not provide much of an income.


  41. Yes it’s either google or microsoft’s shit.


  42. Shock jock macmansion
    My enemy is googled
    Microsoft failure


  43. D. says:

    To be fair, all of the official Olympics logos and such use the same generic Chinee font.

    Actually, on second look, it’s right there in The West’s masthead.


  44. rhubarb says:

    Talking of The Worst, I note they are still running TV programs for Access 31 which has been off the air for at least two weeks.


  45. rhubarb says:

    That is on their website’s TV guide


  46. The official logos use that fortune cookie font? I don’t think that can be right. They all use the logo, but that font is embarrassing. I haven’t seen it used in anything official. There’s no way they’d do that.


  47. I still don’t see that font in use D. I’m talking about the font that says WEST in the above.


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