Coonskin Surprise

“I’ll beat him so bad he’ll need a shoehorn to put his hat on.”
Muhammad Ali

TWOP stalwart and notorious Rotto Bloggo heavy David “Fucking outrage” Cohen was having a break on Rottnest last week. In between rounds of mini-golf at the Brett Heady Family Fun Centre, he spent some time at the general store…

It was comforting to see the usual crap souvenirs: stubby holders, T-shirts in lurid primary colours, various unspeakable fridge magnets (the thong fridge magnets have been slashed to 50c each), wall plaques with built-in thermometers…but I gasped in horror when I saw this new abomination. The Rottnest Brown Quokka Hat looks nothing like a quokka. What’s with the huge red tongue, blue paws and striped tail? It’s as though a drunken Kiwi importer showed a blurry photo of a Tasmanian Tiger to a Chinese manufacturer…and the result was the Rottnest Brown Quokka Hat. $15.99 to be laughed out of the Quokka Arms

Thanks FODC. Needed some more fashion.

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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16 Responses to Coonskin Surprise

  1. Do you think it is another animal hat they couldn’t flog somewhere and it was customised as a faux quoka?

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  2. cimbali says:

    Yes – but what other animal?

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  3. skribe says:

    Ssssh. Don’t tell Troy.

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  4. Golden1 says:

    The only animal I can think of remotely hat shaped is the Armadillo – but I don’t think you get those at Rottnest.

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  5. squib says:

    I want one!!

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  6. Wrong nose. Looks more like a dog, but the striped tail…

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  7. Frank Calabrese says:

    It looks like GWN’s Mascot Doopa Dog.

    http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=239579515

    And a Worst of Perth Myspace page devoted to a TV mute Mascot in the bargain :-)

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  8. Cookster says:

    Speaking of souvenirs, we bought our young bloke a soft toy octopus from the aquarium when we were living in Melbourne and of course… just as he grew attached to the little sucker(s)… he lost it. Bye bye Occy-Boo.

    So I rush into the city to buy another one asap and uh-uh, they don’t make them anymore… had to settle for a crab – Crabby-Boo.

    Fast forward 12 months and we’re enjoying our honeymoon at Rottnest Island, browsing the cheap and nasty offerings at the General Store, and there he is – Occy-Boo. The last of his kind in the western world.

    The next day the young bloke joins us on the Island and there, sitting proudly on his bed is his old mate. ‘He’s been on a holiday and now he’s come back,’ I explain.

    That was five years ago and both Occy and Crabby still sit on my eight-year-old’s pillow every night.

    So, it might be an expensive purveyor of the world’s souvenir refuse, but that General Store dies have its merits!

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  9. David Cohen says:

    How did he get from Smelbourne to Dullsville, Cookster? It’s a long way to swim…

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  10. The distance from Guangzhou is perhaps an explanation.

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  11. Cookster says:

    The Leeuwin current David, you should know that!

    Have you ever smoked octopus?

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  12. Sunili says:

    It’s like the Platypus of animal hats. Woulda made more sense if it was a platypus, but whatevs.

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  13. David Cohen says:

    I dream of smoking octopus. After snorkelling.

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  14. You’ll end up with a blue ring.

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  15. Rolly says:

    Or as a sucker with suckers

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  16. Cookster says:

    Is that a red herring?

    Like

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