Young Hot and Aussie

Been a lot of controversy about Bill Henson’s nude photographs of 13 year olds. Perhaps it would have been better if the kiddies had covered up with these t shirts – except that these shirts would probably be far too small for 13 year olds. And is that a Tom Selleck movie below? Surely it couldn’t be Quigley Down Under, where according to the Internet Movie database, “Sharpshooter Matt Quigley (Selleck) is hired from America by an Australian rancher so he can shoot aborigines at a distance.” Forget sexualised kiddies, Tom Selleck Down Under,? Now that’s perversity.

About AHC McDonald

Comedian, artist, photographer and critic. From 2007 to 2017 ran the culture and satire site The Worst of Perth
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15 Responses to Young Hot and Aussie

  1. David Cohen says:

    Where are the t-shirts for old, unhot Aussies? Where are the t-shirts that say: Kiss Me! I’m an octopus-smoking, snorkelling, fucking outraged Aussie?


  2. Would someone really put their young child in one of these?


  3. Mazarina says:

    have you been to the Australia Day sky show lately? nuff said.


  4. Rolly says:

    There’s a cathartic point in the immigrant’s consciousness when, on returning to the ‘homeland’, he/she realises that he/she no longer fit’s into the culture that he/she has abandoned for greener/browner pastures.
    At this point an application for Oz citizenship is often made.
    There follows, in due course, a bit of bureaucratic argy-bargy and ultimately, in the majority of cases, a ceremonial granting of the said citizenship.
    This is succeeded by a decent barby and booze-up, subsequent to which, on the following morning, the said immigrant phones into work to call off sick.
    Whereupon the said reffo suffers a terrible and traumatic awakening, viz. “Fuck me, I’m an Aussie.”
    Been there, done that! 8-D


  5. Many new aussies had the misfortune to be “bedded in” by the incredibly sinister Peter “The Ghoul” Natrass.

    I attended one ceremony, where Nattrass flew over the assembled wannabee aussies in a vermillion lined black cape, his yellow white face showing no reflection in the top floor windows of council house, alternatively howling like a wolf, then emitting guttural cries from the back of his throat like the demented cawings of a crow before he finally swooped down and sank his saffron fangs into the neck of a young vietnamese business woman.

    I’m not sure if Lisa Scaffidi adopts the same ceremony.


  6. Jordache says:

    That is possibly the best movie description ever.


  7. I remember a different mayor Peter Nattrass. Coming down to a visit a friend of mine in his electorate he remarked on the one metre square of grass at the front of her building . ” Oh dear me I’ m going to have to do something about that poor piece of grass”. Environmentally conscious ! She-Ra won’t show the same indifference to the city as Nattrass ; there’s too much money to be made from demolition and the erection of gaudy monuments.


  8. And Natrass kept on signing up those crap merchants the Smiths who infested the city with all those bronzes.


  9. poor lisa says:

    2 and 3, yes they would.

    I saw an 8-year-old girl in a t shirt that read ‘If you think I’m a bitch you should meet my mother.’

    I spent a while unsuccessfully trying to imagine who gave her that, why she wore it, and if it wasn’t one of her parents who gave her it to her, why either of them let her wear it.

    For skyshow and hillarys boat harbour-wear, how about ‘one-punch me! I’m aussie!’


    • munkipants says:

      The very tall 12 yr old stepdaughter arrived on holidays a few years ago with a recently sprouted rack, looking more like 18 and proceeded to wear a t-shirt with a big “69” and tassles on the front.

      Senor Monkeypants was mortified as men ogled and ladies gave him the “dirty old man” death stare :)

      It was her very thoughtful mother who had purchased her the t-shirt – so i can easily see how kids would be wearing these unfortunately :(


  10. Russell says:

    “Where are the t-shirts for old, unhot Aussies?”

    One of the best T-shirts I know of was one worn by a character in a novel (IIRC, Jacy, in Texasville?) which read:

    You can’t be first, but you can be next.


  11. Vic Demised says:

    Here’s a T-shirt slogan for your toddlers:

    Contains naked child


  12. Onanist says:

    Where are the tshirts that loudly proclaim:
    “Kiss Me Down Under”


  13. Onanist says:

    On a lighter note: One must wonder about a society that sexualises young children then sustains an excrutiating fear of paedophiles.


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