Squeal like a Pig

New guest submitter Nettie lives very close to Australia’s ugliest church, the Purple Jesus Monster in Eden Hill. I don’t know whether to be surprised that it’s almost next to The Rangeview Tavern. Nettie writes…

Behold The Rangeview Tavern, Eden Hill. You have to wonder how many wedding bookings they get there. It’s not exactly the most romantic location for the big day. It’s not even 200m from me but if I need a bottle shop I won’t go there for fear of being raped and pillaged.

Nettie, rape and pillage IS an Eden Hill wedding. The bride and groom retire to the Wedding Suite, (the back of that Gemini), while the guests stand round chanting “In, out, in, out!” Why is sporting crossed out?

rangeview tavern
rangeview tavern

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
This entry was posted in worst pub/hotel/design and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

45 Responses to Squeal like a Pig

  1. Greg Tangey says:

    I don’t think sporting is crossed out, more like someone tagged the sign a few times and they did a poor job of getting rid of it.

    Wow, have you noticed how the range view, minus it’s long metal signage along the side actually looks alot like a few of the uniting church congregations? Is there some kind of connection here perhaps? :P

    Like

  2. meccano101 says:

    I wouldn’t be surprised if it was blood over ‘sporting’.

    Like

  3. meccano101 says:

    Greg, Maybe you are on to something. It seems to have a crucifix for T.V antenna. If only it was a cocos palm.

    Like

  4. Anonymous Perthon says:

    I went to the Rangeview once, accidently, and the best part of the day was when I got attacked by a pitt bull as I left

    Like

  5. meccano101 says:

    Anon – I think that would come under SPORTING …. or possibly WEDDINGS

    Like

  6. Sporting weddings now that’s got a ring to it, but not of course with a pit bull , at the Function Junction.

    Like

  7. Anonymous Perthon says:

    Sporting definately Mec, because nothing amorous happened NOTHING I tell you *shifty eyes*

    Like

  8. Nettie says:

    I was actually a little nervous taking those pictures what with the shady characters in the area and all.
    I just love the burnouts in the carpark. They really sum up Eden Hill!

    Like

  9. meccano101 says:

    Was the pit bull wearing chiffon?

    Like

  10. Anonymous Perthon says:

    maybe, I’d rather not say

    Like

  11. Anonymous Perthon says:

    Nettie, whats it like at night around there, do you have to lock yourself in?

    Like

  12. Nettie says:

    It’s not too bad. We’re just kind of off Morley Drive so I don’t notice a lot of the antisocial behaviour that I assume goes on over there.
    More annoying is the guy who lives opposite me. Has the tendency to play the same song, on repeat for hours and hours on end. The next murder you read about in Lockridge won’t be the result of a racial gang war but me finally losing it and taking to him with a blunt instrument of some kind.
    Maybe a spork.

    Like

  13. Nettie says:

    Oh, but I do lock the doors at night.
    It is Lockridge after all…

    Like

  14. CK says:

    It has that timeless architectural significance of a Perth brothel.

    I’m a bit disappointed that they don’t have “skimpies” on the sign. A great marketing opportunity missed.

    Like

  15. CK there are not too many 70’s barns left, as the drink driving laws killed them. The only other exampe I can only think of is the Coffin Cheater’s pub the Coolbellup (Coobie). They should be heritage listed ( then watch the flames).

    Like

  16. Nettie says:

    LA, he has a wide variety of music he listens to. Some days it will be ‘How much is that doggie in the window’, other’s it’s some annoying country song that I think is called ‘All you ever do is bring me down’.
    He’s also rather fond of ‘The Chicken Dance Song’ but will play ACDC on occasion. Lately his song of choice has been another fecking annoying country song with the words ‘Pussycat went out in the yard, it started to rain and my pussy got wet. Pussy. Wet. Meow.’

    It’s just disturbing…

    And he plays them so loud that even with the whole house shut up and curtains closed you can still hear it.

    *sigh*

    Like

  17. David Cohen says:

    They’re amateurs in Eden Hill. In Guildford we have four pretty ordinary pubs: by far the most dire is the Stirling Arms on James Street. The bouncers stand outside and throw people in. The squat building is a cross between a D-Day German pillbox and a Romanian asylum. The eastern outside wall is for guests’ urinating pleasure – very Parisian. Between performances the skimpies will quickly whip up oleaginous fush and chups, washed down with a piping hot All Black. For decoration they have torn Swan Lager tent-like things out the front and back, which the bikies transform into a friendly drive-thru alfresco boxing ring on hot or cold days. I can’t understand why Catriona Rowntree hasn’t been there.

    Like

  18. tomthrett says:

    the stirling arms sounds dreamy! im gonna go. i really wanna see some skimpies. it would be exciting. i did happen to wander through some bar in the city, opposite shape on hay st. it was really dank. it smelt like piss and had tree trunks as ‘art’. with a hotel tacked on hte back, complete with discrete entrance. vom.

    Like

  19. Nettie says:

    Gosh, The Stirling Arms is a piece of work, isn’t it! It’s become the biggest Maori hangout in Perth it seems.
    When ownership changed hands the new owners, apart from turning it all Kiwi did attempt to make the drive thru bottlo into a drive thru cafe.
    I wonder how popular it was?

    Like

  20. Here’s a review by a “traveller”.

    “Great Place to stay.

    Stayed for a week. Fantastic people. Great food and atmosphere. Had a ball!

    Posted by a TotalTraveller from Adelaide, Australia”
    On the Totaltravel website.

    Like

  21. CK says:

    Yeah, well anybody coming from Adelaide and claiming to be a ‘TotalTraveller’ would say that. If you’ve spent more than five seconds in Adelaide you know that the only way out is via St Kilda, not Perth. It’s genetic.

    I suspect TotalTraveller is now working as a deckie/drugmule/serial killer out of Geraldton.

    Like

  22. They stayed for a week? Maybe they were “married” to a few customers for that time.

    Like

  23. CK says:

    Oh yes LA. I like you long time.

    Like

  24. CK says:

    “I don’t think sporting is crossed out, more like someone tagged the sign a few times and they did a poor job of getting rid of it.”

    No. All wrong. I think it was meant to be “Sortin’ “. Then they discovered the immense confusion of consonants.

    Like

  25. Del Quant says:

    In fairness to the Stirling, it features the drive-through of last resort for those Guildfordians – including myself – who occasionally find that they’re still a bit thirsty after 9.30pm on a weeknight.

    Like

  26. The Intellectual Bogan says:

    Bill O’S, what about the Kewdale? Or has that closed now?

    Like

  27. IB : Sadly , the truckdrivers rest ,The Kewdale is no longer extant. What a choice of fine drinking establishments you had around that area at one stage.
    The Cloverdale , the Belmont , the Winning Post ,the Ascot ( still there , just barely), together with the colourful characters and amateur pugilists.

    Like

  28. Tom, just reading the comments again. You’ve never seen a skimpy?! Jeez man, what are you doing wasting your life taking shots of bulky concrete buildings, when you could be drinking beer, totally embarrassed for some poor girl in a transparent piece of shower curtain while sleepy old buffers take no notice of her. You’ve never seen a skimpy? I’m spluttering with disbelief here.

    Like

  29. CK says:

    Oh yes LA: “Mind if I touch ya tits, luv?”

    Like

  30. Pingback: Raunchy Skumpys ‘Ling Style « The Worst of Perth

  31. BC Planning says:

    Sexy (c) Dwayne Wade

    Like

  32. Last Bogan Standing says:

    Ever since the good ol’ Baysie (Bayswater Hotel) was transformed from acca dacca pumpin, eight ball shootin, jay smokin paradise to the pathetic attempt of boring yuppy sh!thole it is now… I have occasionally found myself knockin’ back a few coldies with some relatively friendly Kiwi folk at the Range! A far cry from a real friday night at the pub but none the less provides a small fix for my inner Bogan. Nice selection of loud 60’s 70’s 80’s rock (including Johnny Cash) on the jukebox. Plenty of tables and sharks to win beer from. Blend in with DB’s, black jeans, and flanny. Skimpy’s for the desperate pervert, even has EB and VB on tap! And the cage out front for smokers is a perfect viewing platform for some car park circle work.

    These pubs are fast disappearing from the inner burbs where one could have a joke with a local Bikie, tell tall tales about young hoondom, and maybe get some deep and meaningful advice from the old drunken mate at the end of the bar, I forget his name…

    Anyway me and the old man sometimes like to haunt the backstreet pubs looking for forgettable characters, good music, cheap piss, and most importantly a good laugh. If we find anything worth going back to and your still reading this then maybe we’ll see you there one friday night…

    PS: Found one of the local characters online, next time you see him, buy him a beer:

    Pub bogan

    Like

  33. The Baysie didn’t really go yuppie, it was a half arsed pathetic attempt at it. Nothin for the cashed up OR the flannelled. Should have stayed the same or gone all out for a redevelopment. Doesn’t make anyone happy the way it is. There’s a really expensive restaurant serving pub food. There’s screens showing the cricket and footy, but the areas are not sympathetic to that activity.

    Like the photo. I assume you saw that the Norwood is gone this week?

    Like

  34. Grrr says:

    This is now a disappeared Worst:
    http://www.edenhill.com.au/about.php

    It has been replaced by somewhere with Autons.

    (The old Rangeview website is still active, complete with possible photoshopping and the World’s Best Font That Isn’t Comic Sans: http://rangeviewhotel.com.au/index.php)

    Like

  35. Willow bel says:

    I used to work here, my employment actually dragged on with this place for a little over 12 months it was quite the comical place to be and it’s local residents were quite the characters. Besides that the place was mega creepy with xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. I hated having to close up at night as strange things would happen. I used to run the bottom shop mostly at night and that was a circus show in its self. I remember xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx and I’m not referring to the indigenous here either, houso’s and druggies included in this catageory. But my employment came to a reliving bitter end with my boss accusing me of stealing money even tho the place was set up with security cams ( it was impossible to even wipe your ass without them seeing) I was so hurt that he accused me of even attending such a low act after being there for that amount of time I demanded what they owed me in my wages and told them to shove it!! I certainly did not miss that place!

    Like

  36. Marty Owens says:

    Took some photos inside what’s left of this place today. Anyone out there have any shots taken of the place while it was still running? Would be interesting to try and compare before and after shots. Dunno if this link will work for the photos I took, but here goes anyway:
    https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.553647401370154.1073741854.502782859789942&type=1&l=eac23f01f6

    Like

We can handle the worst

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s