Raunchy Skumpys ‘Ling Style

The other day, Rottobloggos David Cohen was arguing that The ‘Ling (Stirling Arms) on James street Guildford was far more worthy than the Rangeview for TWOP. I quote

“The bouncers stand outside and throw people in. The squat building is a cross between a D-Day German pillbox and a Romanian asylum. The eastern outside wall is for guests’ urinating pleasure – very Parisian. Between performances the skimpies will quickly whip up oleaginous fush and chups, washed down with a piping hot All Black…”

I decided to check it out, and it turns out we were both there taking pics at about the same time. I thought he was a little harsh on the building description, and I think the Rangeview (The Ranga?) looked worse, but it certainly wasn’t the most pleasant looking place. I used one of each of our pics.

Thursday and Friday are your days to finally catch a skimpy Tom, Raunchy Skimpys at that. (Although I still find it difficult to believe you haven’t encountered one of these poor creatures before.) There are a couple of lovely buildings just up from the Ling that I know you will love too. Don’t go on the 7th of Feb, though. Not only will you miss the skumpys, but you will encounter Dennis Marsh.

Dennis Marsh is a Kiwi country singer. In 1970, he was one of five to be selected, by a panel of judges, from singers all over NZ, to form part of a group called ‘Living Bread’ to represent the NZ Youth for Christ in Sydney, Phillipines and Singapore. He is also a country boy at heart unfortunately.

Dennis Marsh
stirling arms

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About AHC McDonald

Comedian, artist, photographer and critic. From 2007 to 2017 ran the culture and satire site The Worst of Perth
This entry was posted in worst of perth, worst pub/hotel/design, worst sign and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

42 Responses to Raunchy Skumpys ‘Ling Style

  1. David Cohen says:

    Still an opportunity for a performer on Sat nite, according to the blackboard…perhaps The Triffids (see today’s Australian, page 3) will grab the slot?
    I feel a bit guilty (guilt in Guildford) re the ‘Ling. Friends who used to live in Guildford were telling us about the time they went to The Guildford Hotel. When they returned home their dog Albery was missing: he’d done a runner. Back to the Guildford – not there. Albert was eventually tracked to the ‘Ling: he was having a ball by the karaoke stage. Everyone knew him: “Albert’s going!” they all shouted when my friends collected him. There was a similar salutation when they went through the beer garden.
    Another friend says there are always lots of cars at the back of the ‘Ling after a big night.


  2. Your backpedalling noted. The Ling not so bad. Got it.


  3. Anonymous Perthon says:

    I think the Dennis Marsh sign is actually a warning not an advert “Beware Dennis Marsh coming back!”

    LA, could this delightful place be considered for WoP official Headquarters?


  4. Anon. I know my fantasy TWOP headquarters. Have had it photographed for a while, but have had too much else to post.


  5. Juffy says:

    I love the text sizing on the left-hand sign –

    “RAUNCHY! SKIMPY! (girls)”

    …just in case you thought it was one of those pubs where the kiwi country singer gets up on stage wearing a g and gyrates around for a bit.


  6. CK says:

    What has everyone got planned for Waitangi Day? It should be huge!


  7. According to wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waitangi_Day) the model for the celebration of Waitangi day is thus. : A pub crawl to 27 pubs in a counter clockwise direction using the underground railway.
    At the end the survivors ( if there are any) attempt a haka. How this translates in Perth using the ingredients of Dennis Marsh , the Ling , scumpies and a railway system not laid out in a circular fashion I don’t know.


  8. CK says:

    Trust me. One way or another they’ll end up in Fremantle.


  9. CK says:

    Via Burswood, Northbridge, and Scabrous Beach.


  10. CK says:

    Hang on a mo. You have to buy TICKETS to Waitangi Day? WTF?


  11. Billie says:


    I am a Raunchy skimpy waitress and I will tell you now, I am CERTAINLY not a ‘poor creature’.. Or a ‘skumpy’ (whatever that means).
    I sincerely hope that you are open to changing this way of thinking and at least come and see me at work behind the bar, I am postive I can change your mind.

    Billie X


  12. Management may not allow photos B.


  13. CK says:

    Billie, what are you doing on Waitangi Day? There’s apparently some hot train action happening.


  14. Ford says:

    I have the distinct pleasure of currently residing in London (West Ealing, for those of you curious) so will most likely be celebrating Waitangi Day on the Circle Line pub crawl.

    I think a great idea would be to mention on a packed train full of All Blacks shirts that Dan Carter is a pussy and Sebastian Chabal is a hero.

    (Although they could counter that Giteau is a hack and Wilkinson rules but what do I give a fuck, I’m an AFL fan.)


  15. The Legend 101 says:

    Whats wrong with that it’s a house and a beer shop.


  16. Pingback: Bizarro World | The Worst of Perth

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