The Best of The Worst of Perth Twitter

Haven’t had one for a while.

@theworstofperth Current news alerts are in the sidebar, or subscribe to them all with The Worst of Perth rss news feed so you don’t miss any gold.

Bear Grylls trains his gag reflex by “Swallowing Jesus whole”. Styling bigotry and hatred as “Love” allows me to easily eat live cockroaches…

Claremont Quarter denies dried apricots to rise 500% during CHOGM. “I don’t know who your sources are but that’s total bullshit,” said spoke…

Dorsogna signs Rolf Harris for campaign. “We thought his Two Little Boys song was a perfect fit for our mini frankfurter promo.,” said Dors…

Menstrual pain simulated in male lab rats. “No particular reason,” said professor Fiona Brown, project leader…

FX3 hits production snags. Bryan Brown labels co stars “dumb cunts”. Dawn French and US Star Ice T threatened to walk as Brown ranted for se…

“Doogie Howser B.A.”? Child genius who did a Bachelor of Arts at age 7 now working for Centrelink at age 9. “Maybe I wasn’t so smart after…

Woman tries to claim cellulite on thighs as “Hail damage”. The Ombudsman has rejected a appeal by a Darch woman over an insurance claim ove…

“Yo-Yo Ma, Yo-Yo Ma, Yo-Yo Maaaa! YO-YO MA is not the solution to Labor’s problems!” Ripper berates effete shadow cabinet…

University admits “La Trobe” translates as “The Trobe”…

Travel time gained by working from home is usually lost through excessive masturbation- study. ECU researchers claim masturbation rises 800%…

Chinese Blue Heelers set to flood market…

Perth slutwalk delayed by paver shortage. A dedicated slutwalk along the Esplanade is on hold due to a limestone block and paver shortage…

Sex dolls that coach foreign languages while you sleep a big hit at Beijing trade fair. With a vibrating anus and a vocab of 500 000 words t…

Covered breasts leave police baffled…

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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7 Responses to The Best of The Worst of Perth Twitter

  1. The Legend 101 says:

    Jeez 9 and already working, Yay 1st Comment!

    Like

  2. Slanderer says:

    Just in case you missed Insiders this morning on the ABC, here’s an interview with our Defence Minister. Note his use of the terms “atrocities” and “hee for chasey”:

    BARRIE CASSIDY: Just finally, I know you’re a keen cricket fan and Simon Katich like you is a West Australian. Any comment on the Australian selectors?

    STEPHEN SMITH: Well historically of course there have been a series of atrocities committed by the Australian Cricket Board or Cricket Australia or the Australian selectors against Western Australian cricketers but this one is extraordinary. This one is very high at the top of the list.

    I mean this is a bloke who over the last 30 tests he’s played has got nearly 3,000 runs, an average of 50 and done better than Ponting and Mike Hussey.

    So it’s an extraordinary decision. And regrettably whilst it’s always easy to take a shot at selectors I think it says a lot more about the selectors than it does about Simon Katich and I think frankly it has sent very much a message which has undermined confidence in the selectors that they’re really up to the task in terms of managing a transition to the next generation of Australian cricketers.

    Simon Katich has the resolve and the determination that you want to have during hard times. So it’s an extraordinary decision. If he’s not in the top 25 Australian cricketers – and I can’t find one better opener than him on that list, let alone two – then I’ll go hee for chasey.

    BARRIE CASSIDY: Middle stump Minister, thanks for your time.

    Like

  3. Shazz says:

    Great stuff TLA. You are the master twitterer.

    Like

    • RubyRuby says:

      If TLA were all there were to Twitter, I might venture forth into the Twitterverse. However I hear that there is a lot of shit there. So can I be arsed?

      Naaah.

      Like

  4. Slanderer says:

    Update – Four Corners is doing an expose of the Defence Department and bastardisation tomorrow night. Malcolm Fraser was Defence Minister when the Australian Cricket Board committed their selection atrocity on Graham MacKenzie (and do I really need to remind anyone of that?)
    Coincidence? I think not.

    Like

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