Crouching Shopper, Hidden Melons

An anonymous contributor sent this artist impression of the Claremont Quarter Food Markets which will open soon. I like the floating people. Have the people behind the Kookai floater crapped themselves? What’s with the dude with the weirdly bulging forehead? Is this what old money’s all about? You can click the first shot for the full scene. There are other treasures you may wish to point out. Several others.

About AHC McDonald

Comedian, artist, photographer and critic. From 2007 to 2017 ran the culture and satire site The Worst of Perth
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55 Responses to Crouching Shopper, Hidden Melons

  1. G-banger says:

    How about the guy staring into the concrete pillar on the right, the floating sausages on the left, and they guy with his arm lodged in the small child on the far left? I also like the woman in the center of the shot who looks like she’s in a wind tunnel.


  2. Onanist says:

    Those cunts in Claremont must like fucking pineapples!


  3. cookster says:

    Jebus, I wish I’d taken some shots in the Claremont Quarter ‘snow dome’ but I was too severely hungover for even a soft focus result.

    Three minutes in a plastic bowl filled with cotton wool and inflated mini goon bags… yay.


  4. And the reverse soup? And is that Carmen Lawrence with her undies falling down on the far right?


  5. yobsnob says:

    Is it just me, or does Claremont Quarter’s new food market look suspiciously like the fruit and vegi section of Woolies? Are we meant to be impressed?


  6. rolly says:

    Apart from the clients being a bit above the general level of the rest of the population (which you might expect for an enclave of such elevated social status), there seem to be a number of the packaged products with reversed labeling.

    Are you sure that the project is actually going ahead?
    It all seems to be a bit up in the air. (Boom! Boom!)


  7. cookster says:

    I don’t know about Carmen, but I’m sure that’s Maradona sporting a sweaty arse crack on the far left.


  8. Onanist says:

    Is that She-Ra in the lavender T-shirt, or is the subject to svelte?


  9. Onanist says:

    What about the besuited chap on the right, having a quick tug by the oranges?


  10. David Cohen says:

    My favourites are the crouching cray and the floating fish.

    However TLA, Claremont is my patch: this is the second recent incursion (the first was I pashed my own brains out).

    Be away with you.


  11. Bento says:

    Am I the only one unkind enough to make fun of the little amputee at right? Probably.


  12. shazza says:

    I don’t know where they got the images from but none of those people live in Claremont. Look at them. Bunch of bogans, dags and slobs. It’s all Big W, Susans and Jeans West. No Prada in sight. I’m thinking Gossie pics, merged into Claremont ad. Outrage!


  13. orbea says:

    thrid picture, man with brown pants, he’s wet himself in all the excitement of fresh fruit

    I’ve been that excited before, but I made sure I wore my wetsuit before going to the veggie mart.


  14. orbea says:

    the chicken soup packets on the left in the second image have been printed back to front. Surely the veggie mart quality control should avoid purchasing bad packaging.

    What mugs we are.


  15. WAtching says:

    What a great job.
    Supemarket model.
    Where do I sign up?


  16. Cimbali says:

    Is the enormous guy loitering under the garlic james Packer?


  17. skib says:

    This is going to need a lot more (hovering) prams jamming up the place before I can relate to it being some anti-gravity grocery store.
    And is it so much to ask for a superfluous comma in the groceries sign?


  18. Bento says:

    Wait, there’s not a single shopping trolley or basket to be seen! Is every Claremont resident a juggler?


  19. WAtching says:

    It’s not a very accurate depiction of Claremont.
    Not one fish arse mouthed housewife in sight.
    No MLC girls fighting, slashing at one another with this seasons smiggle.


  20. stu says:

    “Claremont Quarter Food Markets, where by not employing any staff we can pass those savings onto you whilst we continue to scour the globe for gigantic fruit”


  21. Bill O'Slatter says:

    Obviously the work of one of Perth’s leading futurers. In this “work” he boldly evisions a future in which people from the planet Zarg91 live peacefully with Claremontians, tolerating them because of the Zarg91 floor gliding technology they have supplied. This “work” is radical since Claremontians can barely tolerate their own species’ lower orders , nor can they tolerate head genitalia since they have none.


  22. curious says:

    claremont quarter fresh markets, you can check out anytime you want, but you can never leave.


  23. NVL_II says:

    Spot the black person.


  24. skink says:

    ‘spot the black person’?

    in the picture, or in Claremont in general?

    there is a Eurasian woman pictured, with a Loius Vuitton bag, so that covers your basic Claremont aspirational ethnic demographic.

    if only they could have got her Volvo into the picture


    • shazza says:

      The extra pigment on the skin is particularly helpful in assisting police to identify Claremont ‘outsiders’, so they can exercise their new detain/search and harrass laws.


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