Since the usual suspects are promoting the same old ideas in the 20 or 30 talkfests about the future of Perth, (Jeezus, some plonker even suggested a series of monorails,) The Worst of Perth Live show on September 3rd will be devoted to putting some real solutions out there. Let’s start with sinking the whole city, from the Esplanade back to Vincent street. How about an “honour guard” of massive iron penises as the entry statement on Great Eastern Highway? The show will be about visualising the REAL Perth future. Let’s get radical and physical. I’m happy to take either ideas or visualisations for the show.
The Worst of Perth 
An honour guard of penises? Perhaps a touch phallicentric TLA?
I propose something that shows visitors to WA that we are a state of equality and opportunity for all. Such as an honour guard of alternating iron peni and vagi (or should that read cunts?).
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Don’t worry In my vision there will be also be flange as far as the eye can see.
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I thought the petals surrounding Tiny’s spigot were representative of a lady’s flower.
it is a male emerging from a female, the perfect synthesis of… oh forget it.
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Looks more like a dirtbox than a flower, if you ask me.
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That explains a lot about it’s condition.
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Looking at the ribbon, should we be encouraging David Carradine style hotel shennanigans?
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If it will strap on some more vibrancy for Perth, then yes. Yes we should.
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Three words: Free public wine.
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We’ve gotta think big here to insert vibrancy in the dilapidated orifices of Perth . This of course means demolition. For starters
1. The biggest eyesore of all : everything on St Georges Terrace. St Georges Terrace is a monument to a deranged branch of architecture and the greedy , couldn’t give a shit aspect of the mining industry.
2. The Causeway so that Heirisson island can become a park.
3. Everything north of Duncraig replaced by national park
4. Everything south of Coogee especially Mandurah replaced by national park. People responsible for canal developments
get a suitable medieval themed punishment.
5. The Macmansion banned.
Vive la revolucion , Yee hah !
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bill, we need to think bigger
– everything north of morley drive to become national park
– there are a handful of lovely old buildings on the terrace, they can stay
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Bill I’m liking where you are going with this list, but if I may add another.
6. Fremantle to secede from Perth.
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Or even better Shazz Freo to take over Perth.
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What a sterling idea! A pair of hemp trousers in every wardrobe, and a set of bongos in every garage!
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cover the area between the bridges and turn it into a carpark – it only has some boring nonproductive water there at the moment that hardly any-one uses
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Would make more parking for the Skyshow. Bogans can punch on there after.
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there was a kid in the paper that suggested that we sink the airport, he wanted to design the world’s first underground airport.
it was the only thing I have read in The West that ever made me laugh out loud, especially since he was serious.
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skink! Where you been?
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in the red centre of this wide brown land
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More to the point DFOC, where you been?
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shazza
you do not respect thieves and vagabonds, so you can no longer be considered one of us. No amount of oneupmanship, or barracking for bent coppers and malpractising lawyers, can claw back our patronage.
I suggest you concentrate on creating the People’s Republic of Fremantle, and drawing up a list of those who will be first against the wall when the revolution comes.
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Can you believe that?
To the best of my conscious knowledge I have never suffered any form of penis envy – yet my apparant desperation to fit in with the TWOP boys drives my condemnation of her ill informed ramblings.
When I am crowned Queen of Fremantle Patti will be the first one in the stocks.
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perhaps you could do as Patti does, and strap one on.
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Don’t listen to him, shazz: he has 6160 envy.
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I absolutely do.
i would live there if it didn’t mean having to commute back to the city for work, and I don’t do bridges.
come the glorious day I shall retire to Freo and join a juggling co-operative.
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I’m a 6162 girl to be precise.
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near the purple house with the anchor?
why haven’t you sent that in? definite Worst
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I think the Dockers have already been mentioned.
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I been around, shazz. Cottesloe, Claremont, West Perth and Subi yesterday. Nedlands and Shenton Park today.
Alas I have nothing constructive to add about Inserting Vibrancy, apart from turning the Weld Club into a free creche for city workers, making public transport free and ordering everyone have three newspapers delivered to their homes every day.
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did anybody attend the Landcorp yawnfest?
Cookster – were you there?
did anybody part with $495 to listen to Sabrina Hahn’s vision of a compost friendly city?
according to Chong, the best idea of the day was to let aboriginal kids do graffiti murals on the underpasses and on derelict buildings. Worth five hundred bucks of anyone’s money.
Chong thougt a good idea would be to have a semi-autonomous government agency that could work with developers in the private sector. At that point someone directed her attention to the Landcorp logo over the entrance.
Plus Alan Dodge’s idea that Perth should be a cultural hub for the Indan Ocean rim. Dodgey has been pushing that idea for at least ten years, and every year the funding for the Art Gallery gets smaller. It nows shuts on Tuesday to save on candles.
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Astonishing news Skink, Dodgey’s multi function polis by a new name.
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No didn’t attend. Aboroginal murals are not a bad idea, but hardly inspirational as an original idea.
One idea I would like to see councils embrace is the naming of Aboriginal country on boader signs.
You know when you travel and enter the North West, South West etc, there are signs saying ‘Welcome to …’, I reckon they also should state ‘You are entering Yamaji country, or Wongi Country, or Noongar etc etc.
Just a thought.
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That would certainly liven up the long drives.
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I am trying to imagine how long those signs might last before the rednecks got to them.
crazy paving footpaths with aboriginal designs on them are a nice variation on Burle Marx’s idea’s, but there is always something odd about appropriating aboriginal culture to beautify the city and then racial profiling anyone that gets on a bus.
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Oh he was there, but it’s probably a subject best not mentioned.
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The West did an odd thing. They buried a news story on the event on page 12, but then ran a Weekend feature in the magazine about visions for the future of Perth, and interviewed a series of people, none of whom were speakers at the Landcorp thing.
looked like a big middle finger to me.
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The West stuff was ludicrous. Fucking monorails?
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The Worst didn’t crow about it and found the Landcorpse inedible.
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don’t forget the cable car
and a big glass pneumatic tube that allows you to jump in at Hay Street and get sucked all the way to the airport
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