Free Gay Piano! (No tyre kickers)

Men, do you ever find yourself feeling just a little too heterosexual? Are you losing touch with your inner Elton John? In that case a perspex grand piano is for you. It is available for free if you’ll pick it up from North Perth. It used to be the piano for Mulberry Farm reception centre, and so you may shudder with revulsion at the thought of how much Billy Joel has been played on it. (I’m betting there are readers who have tied the knot to its sounds). It does need some work, but could be restored to (albeit effeminate) glory. In any case  it would also make a fantastic esky if filled with ice. I’m suggesting setting fire to it while playing The Piano Man and posting the event on youtube. I’m sure those planks of perspex would send a plume of toxic smoke a mile high. At the bottom is how it would look restored. It does have all the pieces and  disassembles to some extent. if you are interested, email me (perthworst@hotmail.com ) and I’ll pass your details on. Remember, no tyre kickers. Perhaps I should have offered it as some kind of prize?

Breaking worst news. It’s been taken!

pianodoggonepiano3

pianogrande

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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39 Responses to Free Gay Piano! (No tyre kickers)

  1. Ljuke says:

    For a second I thought this said “Free Gay Porno”.

    Like

  2. Grrr says:

    What makes it gay?

    To me it screams ’80s wedding reception centre, but that’s about all (and as we know teh gayz could not marry in the 1980s).

    But you know, you could jazz it up with a bit of pink perspex and gift it to The Court. I believe it’s been renovated, but perhaps this is the missing piece that will turn it from a haunt of “bangin’ choons” and “smooth R&B” to something classier… loungier….

    A place where the well-heeled gender-bending and queer-friendly Perthonalities can rather ’round singing bawdy ballads like ‘Nine Inch Will Please A Lady’ and thinking themselves oh-so witty while the city collapses under economic chaos around them…

    Sodom and Gomorrah on the Swan…. Or at least on Stirling Street.

    Like

  3. Ljuke says:

    I think it needs pink neon lights in it.

    I just realized, my last comment could play havoc with the search engines.

    Like

  4. Grrr says:

    Hmmm. Not one pianist joke yet?
    For shame, Perth.

    Does Hinch still have his Shame File?

    Like

  5. Jeez Grr, it’s not even 8 yet. Those who would make those jokes are still in bed with one hand one their pianists.

    Like

  6. Groucho says:

    Only if you throw in the sequined jacket would I consider removing a piano such as this from any foyer.

    Like

  7. David Cohen says:

    Grr, the regular crowd hasn’t shuffled in.

    Are you wearing a younger man’s clothes?

    I was going to make a pianist joke, but there’s some place I’d rather be.

    Why is my keyboard smelling like a beer?

    Why is there bread in my jar?

    Etc…

    Like

  8. Actually this is the baby version, not the full as shown in bottom pic. The baby is much more manly than the full grand.

    Like

  9. Bento says:

    My baby grand’s been good to me.

    Like

  10. Barry Manilow says:

    There’s nothing gay about that piano.

    Do you take Amex?

    Like

  11. Groucho says:

    …will settle for a Peter Allen Hawaiian shirt then….my (old)standards are dropping.

    Like

  12. Beno says:

    Note to self – change gravatar next time I try to impersonate Barry Manilow.

    Like

  13. Bento says:

    And spell nom-de-blog correctly.

    Sheesh. Not a good start to the morning. Should’ve stayed in bed with my pianist.

    Like

  14. Grrr says:

    Can anyone play that song on the piano?
    It fits in nicely with Ljuke’s attempt to woo the lucrative gay male porn demographic to TWOP.

    Like

  15. Orbea says:

    you could cover the perspex with wood-grain contact, like my school books. mmm random groove panelling, noice yes noice

    Like

  16. Rolly says:

    The Lazy Aussie sed:

    “OR you could scratch tafecuntz into the perspex.”

    Plenty of other options to copy; just travel by bus or train.

    Like

  17. Would go nice in Dumby RSL.

    Like

  18. js says:

    a nice string of fairy lights perhaps?

    Like

  19. And now there are two readers actually interested.

    Like

  20. David Cohen says:

    You are joking us. Name names! Name and shame!

    Like

  21. You want me to out them? Surely that’s their decision. I don’t think they’ve even told their parents yet.

    Like

  22. Snuff says:

    “To me it screams ’80s wedding reception centre, but that’s about all (and as we know teh gayz could not marry in the 1980s).”

    Hmmm, Grrr. I wish he’d let her answer that question.

    Like

  23. Groucho says:

    ….no TLA I am not accpepting the piano key motif tie…and matching carpet. But the offer of the Village People look-a-like piano removalists does sound tempting. Tell them to come in through the back door…they’ll understand.

    Like

  24. Frank Calabrese says:

    [“To me it screams ’80s wedding reception centre, but that’s about all (and as we know teh gayz could not marry in the 1980s).”]

    That would NEVER fit on the two stages of the Midland Reception Centre :-) They had a DJ Unit which contained amongst it’s gear a Car Cassette Player in the console and a Dick Smith electronics Musicolour Kit light controller.

    Like

  25. Too late metrosexuals. Tis gone.

    Like

  26. Bento says:

    Names, or it didn’t happen.

    Like

  27. Groucho says:

    ….but not forgotten

    Like

  28. Johnny Nonation says:

    I can see myself playing it nude perhaps at the Cottesloe Sculptures by the Sea in a few weeks time (watch your, umh, fingers) – a magnificent work of surrealist art that Salvadior Dali probably would have melted down shaping it into a giant grasshopper or something.

    Like

  29. Frank Calabrese says:

    I can see myself playing it nude perhaps at the Cottesloe Sculptures by the Sea in a few weeks time (watch your, umh, fingers) – a magnificent work of surrealist art that Salvadior Dali probably would have melted down shaping it into a giant grasshopper or something.

    You mean like Sniff & Stiff ?

    Like

  30. Bento says:

    If Sniff & Stiff used that piano, the ad would only have aired on SBS.

    Like

  31. Grrr says:

    The piano might be gone – but where were those photos taken? Those tiles look almost salmon pink, and those fake columns scream of the tasteless 1980s.

    Like

  32. I thought the dog might also be gay.

    Like

  33. improvise says:

    if you wanna see some piano vidoe from a recording session check this out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vJgOJ2Q0GY

    Like

  34. Donny Coutts says:

    Where have you been all my internet life?? Not you, you cunt; the PIANO!

    Like

  35. Donny Coutts says:

    I’ll stick to the sticks of Sidney and Melbourne if this is what the life in Peyyrth is like!

    Like

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